Poly

Poly Sci 101
A voyage in poly
Christom (ctchem@umich.edu)

Who am I
Non-traditional graduate student (Masters in Chemistry from UC Berkeley)
3rd-year in the Program in Chemical Biology
Rackham Student Government Representative (3rd year)
Chair, Academic Affairs Committee (3rd year chairing)
Rackham Academic Integrity Board
Rackham Conflict Resolution Officer
Openly poly individual

What there is to know
and experience about
poly
What I know
people have
experienced with
poly
What I have personally
experienced with poly
POLY

Alternative lifestyles and identities often face additional
challenges regarding widespread acceptance
“Default”
Straight
Monogamous
Cis-gendered
‘Vanilla’
Office worker
“Alternative”
Queer
Polyamorous
Trans-gendered
Kinky
Sex worker

Amy’s Story
...a question
of why

“Monogamy” In the Animal Kingdom?

Sexual Monogamy
according to biologists:
Having a single sexual partner for one’s entire
lifespan.
DNA testing confirmed that 90% of previously presumed sexually
monogamous species of birds, including swans, produce
offspring with mates other than their primary partners

Chris’s Story - a question of how
Poly
done poorly
Banged it for
the first time
Present
-9 0-18
Rachel

Poly
in principle
Present
Poly
in practice
-9
Mono
-3 0-6
Rachel

Poly
in principle
Present
Poly
in practice
-9
Mono
-3 0-6
Rachel Married

Triad
RachelChris
A.
Poly
in principle
Present
Poly
in practice
-9
Mono
-3 0-6
Rachel Triad

“You can’t help who you
fall in love with. It would
be disrespecting the
Buddha to not pursue
love when found.”
-Rachel, paraphrased

“Jealousy is all the fun
you thought they had ”
- Erica Jong

When it gets hard
(...and it will)

American Scientist,85(4), 364-373
Sex with 100 people
of known status (+/- HIV)
with a condom
Sex with one person
of unknown status
without a condom>
Get tested. Use protection.
Safer

And what are the social
implications??

Gay marriage: only ten years ago!
Source: http://www.freedomtomarry.org/states/

Source: Mother Jones
Grey
no statutes, not illegal
Orange
illegal in some form
Anti-adultery laws are widespread

Michigan Penal Code
Definition - Adultery is the sexual intercourse of 2 persons, either of whom is
married to a third person.
Punishment - Any person who shall commit adultery shall be guilty of a felony;
and when the crime is committed between a married woman and a man who is
unmarried, the man shall be guilty of adultery, and liable to the same
punishment.
...any sexual penetration "under circumstances involving the commission of any
other felony" is 1st-degree criminal sexual conduct, which carries a maximum
sentence of life in prison.
Source: Michigan Penal Code 750.29-32

The 2008 Survey of Violence & Discrimination Against Sexual Minorities found
significant discrimination and persecution against BDSM practitioners.
With over three thousand respondents, 37.5 percent indicated that they had either
been discriminated against or experienced some form of harassment or violence.

Examples from NCSF 2008 survey
https://www.ncsfreedom.org/
Discrimination by Professionals
Medical Doctor 48.8%
Mental Health practitioner 39.3%
Police or govt. employee 25.4%
Other Professional service provider 8.4%
Lawyer 7.8%
Other Personal service provider
6.1%
Dentist 1.7%
Building contractor 1.7%
Accountant 1.2%
Other 6.9%
Violence and Harassment
Total 22%
Verbal harassment 74.6
Blackmail 29.1
Stalked 24.3
Sexual harassment 18.4
Physical assault 15.7
Rape/attempted rape 13.4
Physical harassment 13.4
Domestic violence 11.5
V andalism 9.7
Sexual assault 9
Other 6.5
Over 30% of respondents had
experienced discrimination,
harassment, or violence

"Mental Health Professional that I
was psychologically unsound. That
no one in their right mind would
consent to 'those types' of
activities."
"Psychiatrist dropped me upon
learning I was active in the BDSM
community."
"My doctor gave me a dirty look
and then went on about how being
poly is very dangerous."
"I have had one doctor ask me to
find a new doctor once my sexual
lifestyle was discussed."
"My daughter was molested, and
because of my lifestyle, the courts
refused to prosecute the man who
did it."
"I was fired from my job."
"I was investigated by
state board of nursing."
"Evicted from a flat
share by force."
"Banned from work's
social events."
"Loss of insurance benefits
because of my preferences."
"Internet harassment by kinky and
non-kinky individuals and groups"
Photos of me from a BDSM-party got
out in the internet. People from the
university found it and send it to
organizations at the university. It end
up with people stopped talking to me
and talking shit behind my back. It got
so bad I quit my studying at the
school

BR 12-W-01: Relationship Status
“Marital status” does not protect a diverse range of emotional, romantic, and/or
sexual relationships that can occur outside of, and coexistent with, the institution of
marriage

BR 14-W-01: Sexual Expression
“Sexual expression” would thus refer to the physical actions an individual does (or
does not) take in order to manifest the emotional, romantic, and/or sexual attractions that
are themselves manifestations of their sexual orientation

Closing/Thanks
My (incredibly supportive) partners:
Rachel/Lonnie, Amy, Sophie
Rackham Student Government:
President Phil Saccone
President Emeritus Michael Benson
Allies:
Holly Rider-Milkovich (SAPAC)
Prof. Terri Conley

“Love is not a finite resource. Time is.”

Bonobos- our closest (living) relatives
● Highly intelligent
● Promiscuous
● Often bisexual
● Engage in sex for….
○ recreation and pleasure
○ strengthening social and
community bonds
○ easing tension and stress
○ calming disputes

Sound familiar?
● stare deeply into one
another’s eyes
● embrace with long
french-kissing
● incorporate
various different
mating positions
● Kiss one another’s
hands and feet

Student Government / RSG
BR 12-W-01: Relationship Status
“Marital status” does not protect a diverse range of emotional, romantic,
and/or sexual relationships that can occur outside of, and coexistent with, the
institution of marriage
BR 14-W-01: Sexual Expression
“Sexual expression” would thus refer to the physical actions an individual
does (or does not) take in order to manifest the emotional, romantic, and/or
sexual attractions that are themselves manifestations of their sexual orientation

Evolutionary adaption of partnership(s)
Partnership has evolved as an evolutionary
mechanism.
Monogamy/marriage has evolved as a system
of inheritance of territory and materials.
Other places (Tibet) poly(andry) has evolved

Present
Poly
in practice
-3 0
Triad Amy

Scratchpad slides:
Poly
done poorly
Banged it for
the first time Present
-9 0-18
Rachel
Poly
in principle
Poly
in practice
Mono
-3-6

Somewhat like the
opposite of
jealousy…
A feeling of joy when
a partner takes
pleasure from
another romantic or
sexual relationship

Sample negotiationSample
Negotiation

Life Scientist
Queer
Genderqueer
Pretty-darn-straight
Male-bodied
Female
Student
Interracial
Whitish
Interpreter
Cyclist Activist
Polyamorous
Psychonaut
Liberal
American
First-world
Burner
Dancer
Addict
bottom
Top
submissive
Dominant
Geek
Arbiter
Artist
Omnivore
Chemist
Educator
Pyro
Linguist
Sword-fighter
Maker
Humanist
Agnostic
Ninja
Rockclimber
Wordsmith
Peer-reviewed
Love warrior
Feminist
Kinkster
Fluorescent
Safety officer
So-Resolved
Separated
Sterile
Woodsman
Survivalist
Representative
Representative
Chairperson
Graduate student
Sadist
masochist
Wizard
Explorer
Objective

Personality and Social Psychology Review, 17,
124- 141.

The varieties of human connection

Poly

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