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Conflict Management

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Conflict Management

  1. 1. Conflict Management<br />Presented by:<br />Bill Taylor<br />University of Wyoming Cooperative Extension Service<br />Northeast Area Community Development Educator<br />
  2. 2. What are your attitudes towards conflict?<br /><ul><li>Worksheet: What Are Your Attitudes on Conflict?; 8 minutes</li></ul>Do worksheet, then read suggested answers<br />
  3. 3. Conflict is natural, inevitable and necessary !<br /> Conflict creates tensionand pressurefor changeand<br />all change creates<br />some conflict.<br />
  4. 4. What happens during a conflict?<br />Emotions rise.<br />Communication decreases and becomes more indirect (triangulation)<br />Opponents are demonized<br />Sides are taken; camps are formed in the organization<br />Issues become blurred and new issues added<br />
  5. 5. What happens during a conflict? (cont.)<br />Differences are magnified; similarities minimized<br />Competitive processes (including rigid commitments and dirty tricks) are increasingly employed<br />Stop helping, attempt to avoid the situation<br />
  6. 6. Benefits to Conflict <br />Identify problems that need to be solved<br />Bring about change<br />Change the way we think about things<br />Help clarify our purpose, what’s important to us or the organization.<br />
  7. 7. Benefits to Conflict (cont.)<br />Personal and group leadership development<br />Organizational/interpersonal growth and commitment<br />Creative decision making<br />Others? <br />
  8. 8. What percentage of conflict, in your experience, has resulted in a positive outcome?<br />75-100%<br />50-75%<br />25-50%<br />0-25%<br />
  9. 9. Continuum of Approaches to Conflict<br />Nonviolent Action<br />Administrative<br />Arbitration<br />Inaction<br />Facilitation<br />Judicial<br />Negotiation<br />Mediation<br />Legislative<br />Violence<br />Increasing Formality & 3rd Party Influence<br />
  10. 10. Potential responses to conflict<br />Do nothing: <br />Yield (and change their beliefs)<br />Yield (and retain their beliefs)<br />Stonewall/Avoidance<br />Exit (flight)<br />
  11. 11. Potential responses to conflict (cont.)<br />Fight (exercise power):<br />Guerrilla warfare: Looks like doing nothing, but isn't<br />Open warfare<br />
  12. 12. Potential responses to conflict (cont.)<br />Negotiate: <br />Contend. Try to win; defeat the other side<br />Compromise. Split the difference; find the middle<br />Problem Solve. Look for new solutions which address the concerns of all parties<br />
  13. 13. Potential responses to conflict (cont.)<br />Seek Assisted Negotiation: Use a third party to aid in finding a mutually agreeable solution to a shared problem <br />Mediation<br />Fact finder<br />Ombudsman<br />
  14. 14. Potential responses to conflict (cont.)<br />Rely on a third party decision maker <br />Supervisor<br />Arbitrator <br />Court<br />
  15. 15. Social Transformation of Conflict<br />Personal Antagonism<br />Shift from non-personal, external disagreement to the other person being seen as the problem<br />
  16. 16. Social Transformation of Conflict<br />Issue Proliferation<br />“I don’t like your horse either !”<br />“You slighted me back in 1975?”<br />Antagonism moves from specific to general<br />
  17. 17. Social Transformation of Conflict<br />Triangulation<br />Problem<br />Talk about, not with<br />
  18. 18. Did you say what I heard?<br />
  19. 19. Barriers to Communicationand Agreement<br /><ul><li>Personal discomfort
  20. 20. Overly protective or defensive emotional responses by self or others
  21. 21. Emotionalor hostile environment</li></li></ul><li>Tools to reduce environmental issues <br />Move meeting to neutral & comfortable location<br />Turn off cell phones<br />Modify seating arrangements<br />Provide alternative ways to participate<br />Others?<br />
  22. 22. Tools to reduce structural factors<br />Simplify the message<br />Combine messages and show linkages<br />Active listening<br />Ask speaker to restate message in different words<br />Ask open-ended questions<br />Put unrelated messages “in the bin”<br />Others? <br />
  23. 23. Emotions in Conflict Situations<br />When emotions are understood…<br /><ul><li>Differences may be negotiated without becoming too personal
  24. 24. Participants may not get upset as quickly</li></li></ul><li>Emotional or Hostile Environments<br />People are most comfortable in the “emotional zone” they are accustomed to.<br /><ul><li>Those who grew up in hostile settings tend to explode or implode.
  25. 25. Those who grew up in nurturing environments may interpret explosiveness as hostility and recoil from a hostile person
  26. 26. They may speak past each other</li></li></ul><li>Tools to reduce emotional factors <br />Separate the people from the problem<br />Use active listening<br />Paraphrasing<br />Mirroring<br />Reframing<br />Others? <br />
  27. 27. Tools to reduce social factors<br />Awareness<br />Encourage collaborative behavior<br />Address stereotypes <br />Draw silent parties out<br />Speak directly with decision-maker<br />Provide neutral data source<br />Make base line explicit <br />Others?<br />
  28. 28. Open Questions<br />Examples:<br />Probing questions: Ask for more info<br />Clarifying: Sharpen your understanding of what has been said<br />Justifying: ask for evidence for the view they’ve expressed<br />Consequential: reality testing, ask about potential solutions or look at potential consequences<br />
  29. 29. Reframing <br />Definition: responding to the speaker in a way that validates what they are feeling but also helps them move forward.<br />“Her desk is a mess!” <br />Reframed: “One issue is how neat the office should be.”<br />“I don’t want anyone trespassing on my property.”<br />Reframed: “Property boundaries are an issue.” <br />
  30. 30. Other Listening Tools<br />Paraphrase<br />Take notes <br />Demonstrate that you hear what they are saying <br />
  31. 31. Hostile/abusive behavior<br />“[H]ostile/abusive behavior [differs] from angry behavior [in that] hostile/abusive behavior is intended, consciously or unconsciously to have some or all of the following effects:<br />Put you off balance.<br />Manipulate and control you.<br />Demean you in some way.<br />Cause you to feel guilty.<br />Intimidate you.<br />
  32. 32. Twelve Steps for dealing with hostility <br />Deal with feelings first.<br />Avoid coming across as bureaucratic.<br />Recognize that each situation is different.<br />Strive to control the interaction.<br />Begin defusing early.<br />Be assertive, not aggressive or passive.<br />If you lose control of yourself, you lose, period.<br />What you focus on, you get more of.<br />
  33. 33. Twelve Steps for dealing with hostility (Cont.)<br />Don’t supply ammunition.<br />Don’t ask questions you don’t want to hear answers to.<br />Avoid inadvertent errors.<br />Avoid high risk, high gain behavior.<br />
  34. 34. Conflict resolution styles worksheet<br />* Worksheet: Conflict Resolution Styles; 5 minutes<br />
  35. 35. Which method do you tend to use with followers?<br />Avoidance<br />Accommodating<br />Win/Lose<br />Compromising<br />Problem Solving<br />
  36. 36. Which method do you tend to use with peers?<br />Avoidance<br />Accommodating<br />Win/Lose<br />Compromising<br />Problem Solving<br />
  37. 37. Which method do you tend to use with supervisors?<br />Avoidance<br />Accommodating<br />Win/Lose<br />Compromising<br />Problem Solving<br />
  38. 38. CARP<br />C: Control<br />A: Acknowledge<br />R: Refocus<br />P: Problem Solve<br />
  39. 39. Step 1: Initiating and Taking Control<br />First impressions:<br />Eye contact<br />Pay attention<br />Posture<br />Positive and friendly tone of voice<br />Greeting (if other party does the initiating)<br />Keep it short<br />Develop rapport<br />Get and use their name<br />
  40. 40. Step 2: Acknowledge<br />Ask what happened.<br />Address their apparent emotions: <br />Acknowledgement.<br />Empathy.<br />Collect information (use active listening).<br />Give an apology if the facts warrant (but don’t give ammunition).<br />
  41. 41. Step 3: Refocus the conversation<br />Think about the language you use initially<br />Use cooperative rather than competitive language (but don’t make unintended promises).<br />Use “we” (except where it makes no sense).<br />Use appropriate tone and word stress<br />Avoid repeating hot words and phrases.<br />Replace some statements (“We can’t…”) with questions (“How do you see us doing this under our existing rules?”).<br />
  42. 42. Step 3: Refocus the Conversation (CONT.)<br />Use verbal self-defense to re-establish control:<br />Use surprise (in tone and content).<br />Ask a “when” question (move speaker from the general to the specific).<br />Use a neutral (mechanical) tone (generalize and paraphrase without comment or agreement).<br />Engage in a topic-grab, taking something neutral the speaker says (e.g. number of children) and comment on it or ask a question.<br />
  43. 43. Step 3: Refocus the Conversation (CONT.)<br />Physically move to their side (dance of conflict)<br />Now you are facing the problem together<br />Act like a broken record (repeating one or two short sentences until the angry person starts to hear you).<br />Be silent.<br />Say “you’re right”—find something in the tirade you can agree to (but again, do not give ammunition).<br />
  44. 44. Step 4: Problem Solve<br />Give options.<br />This allows subjects to feel they are in charge of their question.<br />In “teaching you, they may teach themselves”—by letting them generate options subject to both sides’ interests and requirements, subjects gain a better perspective on why they have received a “no” so far. <br />The subject and you may create an option that satisfies both sides.<br />
  45. 45. Dealing with the public<br /> * Handout: Diffusing Public Anger; review; 5 minutes<br />
  46. 46. Kinds of Power<br />Exploitive<br />Manipulative<br />Competitive<br />Nutritive<br />Collaborative<br />
  47. 47. Which power do you use most often?<br />Exploitive<br />Manipulative<br />Competitive<br />Nutritive<br />Collaborative<br />Exploitive<br />
  48. 48. Which power is most often used over you?<br />Exploitive<br />Manipulative<br />Competitive<br />Nutritive<br />Collaborative<br />Competitive<br />
  49. 49. Will collaborative conflict resolution work?<br />Yes<br />No<br />
  50. 50. Collaborative Processes may work if…<br /><ul><li>Issues can be easily defined
  51. 51. The dispute is not over constitutional rights or societal values
  52. 52. There are enough diverse issues to provide opportunities for trade-offs
  53. 53. The parties are readily identifiable</li></li></ul><li>Collaborative Processes may work if… (cont.)<br /><ul><li>All parties have a legitimate spokesperson
  54. 54. There is relative power balance between the parties (i.e. nobody can dictate the outcome)
  55. 55. A continuing relationship is likely
  56. 56. There is a realistic time deadline
  57. 57. Parties are motivated to negotiate issues on their merits</li></li></ul><li>Collaborative Process –Who should attend?<br />All stakeholders – be inclusive<br />Blockers<br />Approvers<br />Experts<br />Interested public<br />
  58. 58. Collaborative process Do’s and Don’ts<br /><ul><li>Don’t react to outbursts
  59. 59. Do use only “I” statements, not “you” statements
  60. 60. Do use symbolic gestures to show your sincerity – hand shake, call, card, etc.
  61. 61. Do put yourself in their shoes – (What are they feeling? Why? What are their needs?)
  62. 62. Don’t deduce their intention from your fears
  63. 63. Don’t blame them for your problem
  64. 64. Do discuss each other’s perceptions</li></li></ul><li>Collaborative process Do’s and Don’ts (cont.)<br /><ul><li>Do look for chances to act inconsistently with their perception of you
  65. 65. Don’t reveal statements made in confidence to the facilitator – the neutral party
  66. 66. Don’t use names or derogatory personal statements
  67. 67. Do have everyone participate actively
  68. 68. Do allow each person to speak
  69. 69. Do give spokesmen authority to speak for their groups
  70. 70. Don’t put out media releases without consensus</li></li></ul><li>Principles of Effective Dispute Management<br />How to Get to “Yes”<br /><ul><li>Separate the people from the problem
  71. 71. Focus on interests, not positions
  72. 72. Invent options for mutual gain
  73. 73. Insist on using objective criteria</li></li></ul><li>Step 1: Separating the People from the Problem<br />All conflicts involve two interests:<br />Substance<br />Relationship<br />Relationships are based on: <br />Accurate perceptions<br />Clear communication<br />Appropriate emotions<br />Forward-looking, purposive outlook <br />
  74. 74. Step 2: Focus on Interests, Not Positions <br />Interests = party’s goals<br />Positions = means to accomplish interests<br />
  75. 75. Positions<br />“There will be no pets in this house”<br />“He wants $100,000 for the house but I won’t pay a penny more than $95,000.”<br />“We won’t negotiate until the protests stop.” <br />
  76. 76. Identifying Interests<br />Ask “Why?”<br />Ask “Why not?”<br />Each side has multiple interests.<br />Talk about interests.<br />Acknowledge their interests are part of the issue.<br />
  77. 77. Discuss Issues, Interests<br />Address the problem before the answer.<br />Look forward, not back.<br />Be concrete on facts, interests, issues<br />Be flexible on position.<br />Be hard on the problem – soft on people<br />
  78. 78. Handling problem people<br />* Handout: Handling Problem People; review; 5 minutes<br />References: Coping With Difficult People by Bramson<br /> Difficult Conversations by Stone, Patton, Heen<br />
  79. 79. Step 3: Generate a variety of options<br />More options, more likely to find a win-win solution <br />
  80. 80. Inventing Options<br />4 obstacles<br />Premature judgment<br />Searching for the single answer<br />Assumption of a fixed pie<br />“Solving their problem is their problem.”<br />
  81. 81. Inventing Options (cont.)<br />Separate inventing from deciding<br />Use brainstorming to produce many ideas<br />Before brainstorming<br />Define your purpose<br />Choose a few participants or break into small groups<br />Change the environment<br />Design informal atmosphere<br />Choose facilitator<br />
  82. 82. Inventing Options (cont.)<br />During brainstorming<br />Seat side-by-side – facing the problem<br />Clarify ground rules, including no criticism<br />Brainstorm<br />Record ideas in full view<br />After brainstorming<br />Discuss pluses & minuses of each idea<br />Star most promising ideas<br />Invent improvements of promising ideas<br />Set time to evaluate ideas and decide which to pursue<br />
  83. 83. Inventing Options (cont.)<br />Broaden your options<br />Look through eyes of different experts<br />Invent agreements of different strengths<br />Change scope of proposed agreement<br />
  84. 84. Inventing Options (cont.)<br />Look for mutual gain<br />Identify shared interests<br />Dovetail differing interests<br />Ask for their preferences<br />
  85. 85. Inventing Options (cont.)<br />Make their decision easy<br />Put yourself in their shoes<br />Give them answer that makes it easy for them to make a decision favorable to you<br />Don’t make threats<br />Do what you can to improve the consequences for them<br />
  86. 86. Inventing Options (cont.)<br />Make their decision easy (cont.)<br />Help them see consequences of “yes” and “no”<br />BATNA – Best Alternative To A Negotiated Agreement<br />Parties need to be aware of what will be their best outcome if no agreement can be reached<br />How prepared are you to settle for your BATNA? How much impetus does this give you to find an agreement?<br />What will be the BATNA of the other parties?<br />
  87. 87. Step 4: Use Objective Criteria <br />Insist on using objective criteria<br />Materials/ideas presented as fact must be substantiated<br />Find sources of unbiased information<br />Technical experts<br />Technical review teams<br />
  88. 88. Fair Processes <br />Majority rule<br />Take turns<br />Share<br />Binding arbitration <br />Consensus<br />
  89. 89. Final Bargaining and Agreement <br />Caution: During final negotiation – parties will often revert to traditional styles<br />Slow the process down <br />Remind each other of fair standards and criteria <br />Take turns playing “devil’s advocate”<br />Ask “What if…?”<br />
  90. 90. Workable agreements<br />* Handout: Workable Agreements; review; 2 minutes<br />
  91. 91. Turning Adversaries into Partners<br />“Your goal is not to win over them, to win them over.” – Getting Past No<br />Five Steps<br />Go to the balcony<br />Step back<br />Don’t try to control them, control yourself<br />Reflect on the alternatives<br />Don’t react<br />
  92. 92. Turning Adversaries into Partners (cont.)<br />Five steps (cont.)<br />Step to their side<br />Conflict dance – literally step to their side, avoid facing off<br />Defuse their anger, fear, hostility, suspicion<br />Don’t attack, listen<br />Try to take their side in as many ways as possible<br />
  93. 93. Turning Adversaries into Partners (cont.)<br />Five steps (cont.)<br />Reframe<br />Don’t reject – take them back to meeting each other’s challenges<br />Take what they say and say it back to see if you have the same perspective<br />Ask problem solving questions<br /><ul><li>What would you do if…?
  94. 94. What if we were to…?</li></ul>Don’t reject, reframe<br />
  95. 95. Turning Adversaries into Partners (cont.)<br />Five steps (cont.)<br />Build them a Golden Bridge<br /><ul><li>Try to identify and satisfy their unmet interests, particularly human needs.
  96. 96. Help them save face and have some victory</li></ul>Don’t push, make it easy for them to move your direction<br />
  97. 97. Turning Adversaries into Partners (cont.)<br />Five steps (cont.)<br />Use power to educate<br /><ul><li>Educate them to costs of not agreeing (without threats)
  98. 98. Ask reality testing questions, warn but don’t threaten
  99. 99. Explain your BATNA</li></li></ul><li>Putting the lesson to work<br />* Role Play: Oak Tree Role Play; see instructions; 25 minutes<br />
  100. 100. THIS WORKSHOP…<br />Provided new information<br />Reinforced what I already knew<br />Provided no new information<br />
  101. 101. HOW MUCH KNOWLEDGE DID YOU GAIN?<br />A lot<br />A moderate amount<br />Some<br />Not much<br />None<br />
  102. 102. MY ATTENDANCE TODAY MOTIVATED ME TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.<br />A lot<br />A moderate amount<br />Some<br />Not much<br />None<br />
  103. 103. * Please complete printed evaluation form<br />Leave at seat or at front.<br />Any questions/comments?<br />