1. Leħen Familji Nsara Frar 2015 ● Ħarġa Nru 24
Kummissjoni Familja Naxxar
żuru l-webpage tal-Kummissjoni Familja Naxxar Għafas hawn biex tmur fil-paġna ● e-mail: familjiflimkien@gmail.com
Merħba Ħbieb!
Nixtiequ nistednukom għal-laqgħa oħra ta’ formazzjoni
għall-koppji fil-31 ta’ Jannar 2015 fis-7:15pm. Din ser tkun
immexxija minn Fr. Paul Chetcuti SJ bis-suġġett “Kif nista'
nħobbok jekk ma nafekx? Kif nista' nsir nafek jekk ma
nħobbokx?"
Fit-28 ta’ Frar 2015 fis-7:15pm ser ikollna t-tieni laqgħa
għal din is-sena. Dr. Joseph Cassar, psikjatra, se jmmexxi
din il-laqgħa bit-titlu “How to identify and shed
baggage of our life prior to marriage."
Dawn il-laqgħat ser issiru fl-annex tal-Knisja Parrokkjali
tan-Naxxar.
Nitolbu maħfra; għax kulħadd jiżbalja
Meta l-aħħar li għamilt apoloġija lir-raġel jew lill-mara
tiegħek? Irċevejt il-maħfra li tlabt? Ir-relazzjoni ta’
bejnietkom tjiebet? Meta r-raġel jew il-mara talbu
maħfra lilek, ħassejt li kienet talba sinċiera?
Normalment nagħmlu l-apoloġija tagħna bil-mod li
għallmuna l-ġenituri, pero’ dan jaf ma jkunx biżżejjed.
Jista’ jkun li l-mara jew ir-raġel tagħkom għandhom
ideja differenti dwar kif għandek titlob maħfra.
Apoloġija sinċiera
Ikkunsidra li titlob maħfra bili tgħid: "Ir-relazzjoni ta’ bejnietna hija importanti ħafna. X’hemm
bżonn li nagħmel sabiex taħfirli?"
Għalik kif għandha tkun apoloġija sinċiera? Li r-raġel jew il-mara ...
 Jesprimu dispjaċir: "Jien jiddispjaċini għal dak li għamilt."
 Jaċċettaw responsabbiltà: "Jien kont żbaljat/a."
 Ipattu għall-iżball: "X'nista' nagħmel biex nirranġaw ir-relazzjoni tagħna?"
 Iħossu l-indiema: "Jien ma rrid qatt li nerġa’ nagħmel hekk."
 Jitolbu maħfra: "Jekk jogħġbok aħfirli?"
Liema minn dawn huwa l-aktar importanti għalik? Tkellem mal-mara jew mar-raġel tiegħek
dwar dan.
Apoloġija awtentika
Jekk inti tinsab f’relazzjoni mxellfa, itlob maħfra u aħfer int ukoll. Tħallix is-suppervja li żżommok
milli tammetti li kont fl-iżball. Jekk inti mweġġgħa, għandek tiffaċċja lir-raġel jew lill-mara, u
tfittex ir-rikonċiljazzjoni. Tħallix il-biża’ iżżommok lura. Ħadd m’għandu jsofri fis-skiet bit-tama li l-
affarijiet jirranġaw waħedhom. Żwieġ b'saħħtu jinbena fuq l-apologija u l-maħfra.
Addattat minn artiklu bit-titlu “Apologies: Because People Aren't Perfect” li jinsab fuq www.5lovelanguages.com
“L-għotja tagħkom infuskom
lil xulxin ma tikkanċellax il-
personalità tagħkom iżda
twassal lil kull wieħed u
waħda minnkom għall-qofol
tal-maturità personali fl-
imħabba.” Isqof Charles J.
Scicluna waqt Quddiesa
għall-koppji li żżewġu fl-2014

2. Newlyweds' 5 Pitfalls
Many newlyweds enter marriage without a
shared road map. Each partner with their own
set of directions: assumptions about roles,
expectations about how to spend time and
money, and beliefs about children. Get off to a
good start by avoiding these five pitfalls:
1. My Family Does It This Way
His family sits down together around the dining
room table for dinner every night. Her family
scatters and grabs dinner on the run.
Couples underestimate the influence of their
families and enter marriage with subconsciously
engrained expectations. They think, I'll get
married, and I'll do it like my family. You can't
build a house with two sets of blueprints; the
idea is to come up with your own set of plans.
The families of origin provide the frame-of-
reference regarding money, gender roles, and
other important issues. Know each other well
enough to find out even what the
subconscious expectations are.
2. Marriage Will Make Me Happy
He's lonely and has no friends. She feels inferior
to her prettier, smarter, and wealthier sister.
Both believe marriage will make them happy.
In the early stages of a relationship, everything
is beautiful. But love itself is not enough, and
marriage doesn't make you happy.
According to a 15-year survey reported in the
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,
an individual's level of happiness before
marriage is the best predictor of happiness
after marriage.
3. My Partner Will Change
She assumes he'll stop having lunch with his ex-
fiancée. He assumes she'll give up expensive
spa weekends with her friends.
Marriage inevitably means compromise. When
the romance diminishes, the relationship moves
to a power struggle, and for a while, each
person tries to change the other. It's a
developmental stage, and if couples resolve it
in a healthy way, they move into stability and
long-term commitment. Marriages that blow up
early have a romantic view, and once that's
dissipated they think the marriage is broken and
can't be fixed.
Couples should be friends and learn to work
together. Love starts a relationship, and
communication makes it grow into a good
working relationship in which partners respect
one another's differences.
4. Talking About Hard Issues Will Take the
Bloom off Romance
She doesn't tell him that once they have
children she wants to quit working. He doesn't
tell her his company might relocate him to
Singapore.
Many get into trouble as early as the eighth
month of marriage, saying, “I wish I'd known
such-and-such.” People present their best
selves before marriage, and overlook serious
issues.
Far from ruining romance, talking openly and
honestly fosters acceptance and deeper
understanding which is essential to feel safe
with one another. When you feel safe with
someone you love, you won't find anybody
prettier, richer or more desirable.
5. We Should Avoid Conflict at All Costs
Couples who claim "we never fight" are missing
an opportunity to build their relationship. It's
how couples handle the conflict that matters.
When people give up on each other, it's usually
because they've stopped trying to resolve
conflicts.
Even good marriages will have criticism and
defensiveness, but there's danger when people
stonewall or feel contempt. Contempt replaces
hope. It takes desire, honest communication,
and hard work to move a relationship from the
romantic stage through the power struggles to
a loving marriage based on shared meaning.
Adapted from an article By Leanna Skarnulis at
clergyoncallministries.com
żuru l-webpage tal-Kummissjoni Familja Naxxar Għafas hawn biex tmur fil-paġna ● e-mail: familjiflimkien@gmail.com