A light-hearted look at how to achieve undergraduate success by learning how to fail. I update this almost every year because every year students find more ways of flunking their courses. I give this presentation to our first-year students during their first-year orientation. It always generates plenty of laughs. This is an update of my earlier presentation on ways to fail your courses.

2. #22 Be hung over for 8am exams.

3. #21 Let stress make your life a living hell.

4. If you encounter something difficult, give up ! #20

5. #19 Sleep in to 10 or 11am most days.

6. #18 Always arrive at classes fashionably late. Like at a party, nothing interesting happens in the first 30 minutes.

7. #17 Have a demanding and time-consuming girlfriend and/or boyfriend.

8. #16 Respond to every single text message you receive in a lecture

9. #15 Spend hundreds of dollars purchasing your textbooks, but don’t bother reading them Don’t worry, you’ll make your money back reselling them after you withdraw.

10. #14 In fact, don’t bother reading anything . A quick scan of Wikipedia will answer any possible question.

11. #13 Expect college to be easy Aren’t computers all about surfing, gaming, and Facebook?

12. #12 Be ignorant of the due dates in all of your courses. If you don’t know the due dates, you can always blame the professor.

13. #11 If something isn’t going to be on the exam, it’s not worth knowing. Have no curiosity.

14. #10 Never seek help … from the instructional assistants or the professor with your assignments.

15. #9 Attend lectures with a smug yet bored “this is so stupid/easy/boring” attitude.

16. #8 Never ask the professor to re-explain something that you don’t understand. If you don’t draw attention to yourself, he/she might forget to test you.

17. #7 Never talk to your fellow students about problems you are having in your courses. Everyone except you understands the material with perfect clarity.

18. #6 Raising your warrior priest dwarf to Level 60 so it can defeat Razelikh the Defiler

19. #5 Always use the full power of your laptop in class.

20. #4 Work 40+ hours a week at your “part-time” job while taking a full course load.

21. #3 Get your classmates to do your assignment work for you. Your professor might let them share your seat during the final exam.

22. #2 Wait until the night before the due date to start an assignment or study for an exam.

23. … and the #1 way to fail is …

24. #1 Never or rarely attend class. You have much better things to be doing with your time…