1. A SPEECH ON
“PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP”
GIVEN ON THURSDAY 13TH AUGUST, 2015 AT THE HEALTH AND
HYGINE SERMINAR GIVEN
FOR THE STAFF OF
THE MINISTRY OF EDUCATION,
ILORIN,
KWARA STATE.
BY: CORPER OREAGBA ABIOLA,
(KW/14C/0542)
BSc Psychology (OAU)

2. PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP
Parent-Child relationship can be defined as the various interactions that occur between
parents and their children, either biological or adopted. These interactions includes; nurturing,
listening, talking, gisting, advising, teaching, helping with assignments, praying together, etc.
These interactions begin in some cases, from the knowledge of conception of the child while in other
cases, from the birth of the child and ends at the death of the parent. Therefore, parenting never ends,
not even when the child is now a parent. This relationship evolves over time, as the child grows and
matures. The relationship a parent has at the birth of the child differs from when the child is a
teenager and when the child is a young adult and when the child becomes a parent. The relationship
also differs from child to child because of the difference in personality of each child even if the child
is a twin. Therefore, no two children should be treated the same and expectations of each child
should be based on the abilities of each child.
Importance of Parent-Child Relationship
1. Development of good decision making skills: A good relationship builds trust between
parent and child and in the same vein, makes the child free to discuss his/her issues, resulting
in the child making the right decisions. Also, the child learns how to make the right decisions
from studying his/her parent’s decisions and life styles.
2. High self-esteem and self worth: A good and strong relationship fosters a high degree of
self worth in children which increases their sense of self because they know that they are well
loved and will be protected from all forms of harm.
3. Friendship: A good and strong relationship leads to the child and parent(s) becoming friends
which benefits all parties. Friendship between parent(s) and child/children goes a long way in
satisfying and strengthening the bond that began from the birth of the child.
Types of Parent-Child Relationship
As earlier stated, parent-child relationship begins at birth and the way the parent responds to
the child determines the type of relationship they would have.
1. Secure relationships: This is the strongest type of attachment. A child in this category feels
he can depend on his parent or provider. He/she knows that person will be there when he
needs support. He/she knows what to expect from his/her parent(s) per time and in all
situations. This type of relationship fosters trust, understanding and mutual respect between
all parties involved. This type of relationship is based on consistent care, attention, support
and discipline by the parent as the child grows.
2. Avoidant relationships: This is one category of attachment that is not secure. Avoidant
children have learned that depending on parents won’t get them that secure feeling they want,
so they learn to take care of themselves. Children in this category may seem too independent,
do not relate well with other children their age, easily gets frustrated, tends to be very
aggressive. Their attitudes and personality is due to the fact that their parents don’t meet their
needs when appropriate. Children in this category learn to be self sufficient from a very
young age and end up with trust issues.

3. 3. Ambivalent relationships: Ambivalence (not being completely sure of something) is another
way a child may be insecurely attached to his parents. Children who are ambivalent have
learned that sometimes their needs are met, and sometimes they are not. They notice what
behaviour got their parents’ attention in the past and use it over and over. They are always
looking for that feeling of security that they sometimes get. Children in this category tend to
be clingy, over emotional, dependent and attention seeking.
4. Disorganised relationships: Disorganised children don’t know what to expect from their
parents. Children with relationships in the other categories have organised attachments. This
means that they have all learned ways to get what they need, even if it is not the best way.
This happens because a child learns to predict how his parent will react, whether it is positive
or negative. They also learn that doing certain things will make their parents do certain
things. Children in this category never seem to get themselves. Some are extremely bossy
while others are extremely nurturing. They also tend to have low self-esteem and sense of self
worth. They also tend to be under achievers because they believe that their parents will never
be interested in whatever they do, create or achieve.
Parent-Child Relationship Problems
1. Poor Communication: Research conducted by scholars at the Virginia Cooperative
Extension shows that effective communication is essential in building a strong parent-child
relationship. Effective communication involves both speaking and listening to what others
have to say. Parents of young children can effectively communicate with their children by
inquiring about events in their lives and using play activities to strengthen communication.
Adolescents can benefit from instructional, yet empathetic, discussions with parents, and they
may resist parental communication that is overly authoritarian.
2. Lack of Attention: A lack of attention can cause problems, including displays of acting-out
behaviours, in the parent-child relationship, says child development assistant specialist
Deborah Richardson at Oklahoma State University's Cooperative Extension. Acting out
includes the demonstration of disruptive behaviors, such as violence toward others and
defiance toward authority. Improved communication and quality time spent between you and
your child can decrease these behaviors and enhance your relationship.
3. Disciplinary Issues: Parents may experience significant challenges when using discipline to
redirect teenage misbehaviour. The American Psychological Association agrees that
adolescence can be a frustrating time for both parents and teens, as parents realize that old
disciplinary strategies no longer work, and teens struggle to balance their need for
independence alongside parental rules. Parents can use disciplinary strategies that teach their
teens how to make wise choices as they become more independent, as opposed to simply
utilizing strategies designed to keep teens compliant. The purpose of child discipline should
always be to increase a good and positive behaviour and reduce a negative one.
4. Lack of Mutual Respect: John Peterson, Ph.D. (Psychology), a family psychologist,
believes that many parent-child relationships break down because of the power struggles that
revolve around respect. Peterson believes that while many parents are fixated on the idea that
their child automatically show respect to authority figures, some parents have not learned to
treat their children with the same desired respect. A focus on cooperation, not compliance, is

4. what Peterson suggests is a viable approach to establishing a mutually respectful relationship
between parent and child.
Ways of Repairing Parent-Child Relationship
1. Spending time with your children, through playing, conversing, explaining things to them,
answering questions, outdoor activities (taking them along to the market, zoos, museums, and
cinemas), extra-curricular activities such as sports, drama, singing, etc.
2. Verbal recognition, this involves giving praise, nick names and pet names to your children.
3. Patience: This is a virtue all parents must have in abundance.
THE GENDER AND SEX OF A CHILD MUST NEVER MATTER; CHILDREN ARE A
BLESSING FROM GOD AND SHOULD BE TREATED AS SUCH!!!!!!