Tales from the Writer's Room by Adam Baer in Rolling Stone. A brief oral history of notes from the Hollywood's brass.

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Other [-ow Points in Comedv l{otes
n the world of comedy, few items are more dreaded than the "studio note" - a sugges.
tion or criticism, sometimes handwritten, often at the last minute, from an executive
or a "standards and practices" representative. Usually the execs have a problem with
language. Other times it's the plot. And sometimes. . . . Here, in their ownwords, some of
Hollywood's funniest talents recall the craziest notes theyVe received. ByAdam Baer
I]ILL LAWF,ENCE
Creator, SPIN CITY, SCRUBS
SATUIiDAY NIGHT LIVE
Whenwe were makin$ the
f.rst "MacGruber" sketch,
it ended with us asking
clererrly Piven io "band
me that bucket fllled with
bum jizz," And there was
this litUe dance we had
to do to fl$ure oui an
appropriate waY to say it.
ApparentlY, You can saY
"bum sperm," butYou can't
say "bum semen." "Bum
spunk" was OK. But "bum
jizz" was not OK. So we dld
40 different takes - "bum
jizzum," "bum zygote." So
often the things theY'll
have you say as alternates
are so much dirtier. TbeY"
must have a manual
t-
somewnere.
r"-"mqi'!!11ff*'-'- -"--Y
Wayback in the Spin City
days, one note we received
was about the number of times
You were allowed to say,,ass"
in an episode. The memo from
standards and practices said.
"You say lhe word .ass'on pages
7, I3,P.4, Rg. please pick your
'ass.' " They didn't know they
wrote the funniest thing in the
world to me. I kept it in my office
for years.
PAUI, SCHEE}I,
ACIOr-WrltCr, IIUMA N CIIANT
In one }luman Giant scene, I
was raped by a dinosaur, and
the MTV people said, "You
can't say you were raped by
dinosaurs, but you can say
you were diddjed." Doesn't
that sound more creepy?
-.1J+
*lTlItrJ,I Hr crrIzENS BB'I. A DF
We wrote a scene t*'iua'uohn Dends Nutsack'"
rhe J oke wa' t'h.t ;;;1" to*na :n"-o::C't"*t
lvric s
to Dernrer'B **e* """it"*'":::"^L?
ffill?""tt
,ioiJl"*t*ck" aII the time' Comeoy-t't
sald we aouldn t''a,u it' u* tn"" *:I::" negotiat-
insvraraxh"*;?;;;tt v"l t-13 sav the word
*
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ffi;;;; ;;;.red if v;u: 1f&nt I " ROLLING STONE. SEPTEMBER T8,2OOA 5T

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