A general introduction into non violent communication and with a lead in on how it relates to Agile.
This pack goes through the basics of NVC - the intent, the framework (observation, feeling, need, request), strategies, example questions and general ethos of NVC.
Content is taken from my foundation training course and Dr Rosenberg's book.
Content presented at the open space session at Agile Tour 2013 with the assistance of Shari Elle.
3. “
What I want in
my
life
is
compassion, a
flow between
myself
and
others based
on a mutual
giving
from
the heart.
“
Dr Marshall
Rosenberg,
Founder of
NVC
We focus everyday on flow of work, but how much time do we spend on the flow of communication?
How can I make your (my) life more wonderful?
Fred works too much? (Evaluation)Pam was the first into work every day this week (observation)Joe doesn’t value my opinion (evaluation)Joe didn’t ask for my opinion during the meeting (observation)
I feel you don’t respect me (expressing what someone thinks not feels – you, that they, like, she/he, etc)I feel scared when you say that (feeling)I’m happy that you can come (feeling)I feel good about what you did for me (okay, but ‘good’ is subjective)
I feel disappointed because you said you would do it and you didn’t. (No, “When you said you’d do it and then didn’t I felt disappointed because I want to be able to rely upon your words.”)I’m sad that you won’t be coming to my meeting because I was hoping we could collaborate together. (Yes)I feel scared when you raise your voice. (No, “When you raise your voice, I feel scared because I’m telling myself someone might get hurt here, and I need to know that we are all safe.”)
It is not a demand
A need can be met by multiple strategies. Understanding the need can help to ensure that we are not focussing on the wrong strategy.I want you to understand me. (No, understand does not clearly express a request for a specific action)I would like you to tell me one strategy about my suggestion in yesterday’s meeting that you believe we could go forward with (yes)I would like you to be honest with me about yesterday’s meeting (no specific action)
A need can be met by multiple strategies. Understanding the need can help to ensure that we are not focussing on the wrong strategy.
* hear/remember/imagine
A need can be met by multiple strategies. Understanding the need can help to ensure that we are not focussing on the wrong strategy.