The Coexistence Equation

THE BIG BANG THEORY
"The Coexistence Equation"
Written by
Brian Lansangan
16329 Chase St.
North Hills, CA 91343
661 607-2465

COLD OPEN
FADE IN:
INT. SHELDON AND LEONARD’S APARTMENT- DAY 1
LEONARD and PENNY are sitting on the couch watching TV.
Leonard is watching Penny’s reaction as she watches the
movie. The movie finishes and Penny leans back.
LEONARD
So what did you think?
PENNY
Um, it was good I guess. The teddy
bears in the forest were cool. Who
was the emo ghost at the end?
LEONARD
Oh, I should probably explain that.
George Lucas made some changes for
the re-release. The emo ghost is a
young Darth Vader. We see him in
the prequel trilogy.
PENNY
Oh. Shouldn’t we have watched the
prequel trilogy first?
LEONARD
We don’t have those. They aren’t
really that good. Imagine a tall
annoying creature distracting
everyone from the rest of the
movie.
SHELDON runs in the apartment excitedly and slams the door
behind him.
PENNY
Oh, it’s not that hard to imagine.
SHELDON
I’m glad you’re both here. I have
some exciting news.
PENNY
You and Amy are getting married?
Sheldon looks at her sarcastically as she smiles back at him.
SHELDON
I said exciting, not unbelievable.

LEONARD
Well, what is your exciting news
then?
SHELDON
They’re finally fixing the
elevator. No longer will we have
to suffer through those long
insufferable walks up those stairs.
And I can finally get to spend time
with the neighbors again.
LEONARD
Why would you want to spend time
with them? You hate crowds of
strangers?
SHELDON
Strangers? Hardly. These are our
neighbors. I don’t know what
things were like where you grew up,
but if there’s one thing my mother
taught me it was to be close to
your neighbors.
PENNY
What about me?
SHELDON
Oh, Penny. I must admit I’ve
enjoyed your company, but I would
like to have some variety from time
to time. Did you know that Mr.
Lehman on the second floor is a
concert pianist? Or that Mrs.
Harris upstairs grows her own
vegetables? Frankly you don’t
bring that much to the table.
LEONARD
Well, if you are so close to them,
why don’t you ever spend time with
any of them?
SHELDON
I did until you ruined everything
by blowing up the elevator.
Haven’t you noticed how rarely we
see anyone else in the building?
LEONARD
Come on. That can’t really be my
fault. I’m sure we just keep
different hours.
THE BIG BANG THEORY "The Coexistence Equation" 2.
(MORE)

My blowing up the elevator couldn’t
have changed thing that much.
Could it?
SHELDON
I’ll have you know that before you
moved in I was a regular fixture at
the tenant’s meeting. In fact I
was the president.
PENNY
Wow, how did you get elected
president?
LEONARD
It was a self appointed title. It
was an informal gathering.
SHELDON
Which is why I appointed myself
president. Someone needed to bring
some order around here. You
wouldn’t believe the madhouse it
was before I moved in. Did you
know people would leave their
personal property in the hallways?
If I wanted to see that I would
have stayed in Texas.
Leonard and Penny go back to watching TV. Sheldon goes into
the other room and returns with some folding chairs.
LEONARD
Sheldon, what are you doing? We’re
trying to watch a movie.
SHELDON
A movie? How can you watch a movie
at a time like this? We have to
get ready for the tenant’s meeting.
LEONARD
What tenant’s meeting?
SHELDON
As president, I am responsible for
hosting the tenant’s meeting. It’s
all in the President’s Handbook.
Watch out Pasadena. President
Cooper is back.
Sheldon stands back and a smile comes over his face. Leonard
and Penny try to hold back laughter as they watch him.
LEONARD (CONT'D)

SHELDON (CONT’D)
Oh I just gave myself chills. It
feels good to say that again.
FADE OUT.
END OF COLD OPEN

ACT I
FADE IN:
INT. CAFETERIA- DAY 2
Leonard, RAJ, and HOWARD are sitting at the table eating
lunch.
HOWARD
So I had a pretty interesting
evening with Bernadette last night.
RAJ
Oh, really? What happened?
HOWARD
It was amazing. We did some role
play. I was me and she was
Starbuck.
RAJ
I didn’t know Bernadette was into
that kind of stuff.
HOWARD
Neither did I, but she’s been
showing an unusual amount of
interest in sci-fi and comic books
lately. The other night we were up
all night watching the entire first
season of Star Trek.
RAJ
You know, I tried to get Lucy to
dress up in a costume once, but my
Wonder Woman costume was too big
for her.
Howard glances at Leonard. Leonard is sitting silently
moving his food around with his fork.
HOWARD
Is something wrong, Leonard? You
haven’t said a thing all lunch.
LEONARD
I don’t know. Have you noticed how
odd Sheldon has been acting lately?
HOWARD
What do you mean? Sheldon is
always acting odd.

LEONARD
I mean odd for Sheldon. Ever since
the elevator was fixed, he hasn’t
been acting like himself.
HOWARD
You know, now that you mention it,
Sheldon’s been really nice. Today
he came to visit me in the lab and
told me I was doing amazing work
and he was glad to have me as a
friend.
RAJ
You’re right. This morning I
mentioned that Cinnamon was acting
funny and he volunteered to take
Cinnamon to the vet this weekend.
HOWARD
Well, whatever it is, I kind of
like the new Sheldon. It’s nice
not to be talked down to for once.
If only my mother could change too.
Sheldon enters the cafeteria with BARRY KRIPKE. Sheldon and
Kripke are laughing as though they are in mid-conversation.
Sheldon sits down and Kripke is about to walk away.
SHELDON
Wait. Don’t you want to join us
for lunch?
Kripke looks confused. The rest of the group looks at
Sheldon oddly. Kripke sits down cautiously.
KRIPKE
You want me to have lunch with you?
Are we competing for a research
grant?
SHELDON
Of course not. I’m done with petty
rivalries and competitions. That
was the old Sheldon. If there’s
anything I’ve learned it’s to enjoy
the company of others. In fact,
I’m having a party tonight and I
would like it very much if you
would be there. I don’t want to
give away too much, but I will be
doing karaoke.

KRIPKE
Sure, I guess I can stop by.
SHELDON
Oh, good. You’re just going to
love meeting Mrs. Fernandez’s
granddaughter. She plays the
accordion. Don’t worry Raj, she
has a granddaughter for you too.
INT. PENNY’S APARTMENT- DAY 2
Penny comes from the kitchen area with a bottle of wine. AMY
and BERNADETTE are sitting on the couch.
PENNY
So how has our plan been working?
Yesterday, Leonard spent the entire
night rehearsing lines with me for
a play I’m auditioning for.
BERNADETTE
Really good. I’ve been getting
Howie to do all kinds of things
lately. Who knew all it took for
him to spend the weekend with my
parents was watching some TV and
wearing some costumes.
AMY
I’m not really sure if it’s been
working on Sheldon. It could just
be the elevator being fixed, but he
held my hand through an entire
episode of Game of Thrones last
night. I know that doesn’t seem
like much, but for Sheldon that’s
like getting to second base.
BERNADETTE
Do you think they’re gonna catch
on? Eventually they’re gonna
figure out what we’re up to.
PENNY
Nah. They might be geniuses, but
when it comes to relationships
they’re just as clueless as every
guy out there. Besides, I think
they kind of like it.

AMY
Oh, before I forget. Sheldon
wanted me to invite you all to his
party tonight. He made these
invitations.
Amy hands each of them an invitation. The girls look them
over and are amazed at how nice they are.
BERNADETTE
Wow, these are really good.
PENNY
Of course I’ll be there. I can’t
wait to see how much Sheldon has
changed. I haven’t seen him much
the past few days. He’s hardly
ever at home. Who would have
thought Sheldon would have a more
active social life than I do?
AMY
Sometimes I imagine Sheldon as a
secret agent out on the town and
getting into danger. Then he tells
me to blow on his soup because it
is too hot and I snap back to
reality.
INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY- DAY 2
Howard and Bernadette exit the elevator and hear music coming
from Sheldon and Leonard’s apartment. They look at each
other and shrug. They knock on the door. Sheldon opens the
door wearing a suit.
SHELDON
Oh, good. You’re just in time.
Welcome to my humble abode. We’re
just about to start karaoke.
Howard and Bernadette enter the apartment. The room is full
of people talking, eating, and drinking. They watch in
surprise as Sheldon leads an older woman to his spot on the
couch.
HOWARD
Wow, I’ve never seen Sheldon
willingly let anyone sit in his
spot before.

BERNADETTE
I tried to once and I got a lecture
on why it’s his spot.
HOWARD
We all have, Bernie. We all have.
Leonard and Penny walk over to them and they watch as Sheldon
has a conversation with a group of people.
PENNY
So these are our neighbors?
LEONARD
I guess so. I can’t really tell, I
think I saw that man quickly
ducking into his apartment as I
came up the stair with Sheldon
once. You’d never think an eighty
year old man could move so fast.
PENNY
I need a drink.
HOWARD
I think we all do.
They move toward the kitchen. STUART is standing in the
kitchen dressed as a bartender.
LEONARD
Stuart, I didn’t know you bartend.
STUART
Yeah, my parents wanted me to make
sure I had another career route if
my comic book store didn’t work.
Apparently they think bartending is
more respectable than owning my own
store. What can I get you?
PENNY
I don’t care. I just need
something hard.
STUART
I’ll make you all the special.
Stuart mixes a drink and places it on the counter. Raj comes
over behind them and quickly drinks the drink Stuart fixed.
RAJ
Sorry guys, that girl Sheldon fixed
me up with is so annoying.
(MORE)

She won’t stop talking about her
cat. I know I’m desperate, but
even I have to draw a line
somewhere.
Sheldon joins the group with Amy. He is smiling, but Amy
looks bored.
SHELDON
What are you all doing by the bar.
You’re missing some fascinating
conversation.
LEONARD
We’ll be there in a second. I
notice you let that woman sit in
your spot.
SHELDON
That woman? Her name is Mrs.
Brown.
PENNY
How come you’ve never let any of us
sit in your spot?
SHELDON
When you’re eighty-six, had six
children, and worked in a factory
for forty years then by all means
go ahead.
Sheldon picks up a fruity drink and drinks some. The others
watch in surprise.
HOWARD
Wow, you just drank alcohol.
SHELDON
I know. I don’t know why I’ve been
afraid to for so long. That was
delicious. Now, if you’ll excuse
me it’s time to start the karaoke.
The group watches as Sheldon goes to the stage and starts
singing Rocket Man. As he sings, several people sneak out of
the apartment.
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT I
RAJ (CONT'D)

ACT II
FADE IN:
INT. HALLWAY- DAY 3
Leonard is sleeping outside the door of his apartment. Penny
opens her door and see Leonard. She walks over and wakes him
up.
PENNY
Why are you sleeping out here?
LEONARD
Oh, I had to come out here last
night. Sheldon was up all night
doing karaoke. I don’t know what I
will do if I have to hear She
Blinded Me With Science one more
time.
The elevator opens and Mr. Lehman steps out. He walks over
to them cautiously.
MR. LEHMAN
Is Sheldon here?
LEONARD
Sorry, I think he finally fell
asleep. He doesn’t do very well
with alcohol. I’ll let him know
you stopped by though.
MR. LEHMAN
No, no. I’m actually here to see
you.
LEONARD
Sorry, it’s nothing personal, I’m
just not in the mood for company
right now. I barely got any sleep
last night.
MR. LEHMAN
That’s just it. Sheldon’s a nice
kid, so I never wanted to say
anything to him directly, but all
of these visits have got to stop.
I haven’t gotten any time to
practice.
(MORE)

You know I have a show coming up
and all he does is requests me to
play the same songs over and over.
PENNY
Really? I thought you guys used to
spend time together all the time
before the elevator broke?
MR. LEHMAN
We did. No one cares to admit it,
but you blowing up the elevator was
the best thing to happen to this
building.
LEONARD
Well, I’m sorry you feel this way.
I’ll just tell Sheldon you’re busy.
MR. LEHMAN
Oh, it’s not just me. It’s the
entire building. After the party
last night we got together and
signed this.
He takes out a piece of paper and hands it to Leonard.
Leonard and Penny look it over.
LEONARD
You signed a petition to get me to
break the elevator again?
MR. LEHMAN
Sure, having to walk the stairs is
a little inconvenient, but it’s
nothing compared to having to spend
so much time with Sheldon.
LEONARD
I can’t just blow up the elevator.
MR. LEHMAN
Sure you can. You guys are
scientists. I’m sure you will
think of something.
The door opens and Sheldon steps into the hallway. He smiles
when he sees Mr. Lehman.
SHELDON
Oh, Mr. Lehman. Did you learn the
theme from Hulk yet? Let’s go to
your apartment and you can play it
for me.
MR. LEHMAN (CONT'D)

Mr. Lehman gives Leonard a glare as he and Sheldon get into
the elevator.
INT. HOWARD AND BERNADETTE’S BEDROOM- DAY 3
Howard sits on the bed with his eyes closed. Bernadette
calls to him from the bathroom.
BERNADETTE
(V.O. OFF SCREEN)
Howie, are your eyes closed?
HOWARD
Yes, my eyes are closed.
Bernadette enters the room wearing a Princess Leia slave girl
costume. She does a pose in front of Howard.
BERNADETTE
OK, open your eyes.
Howard opens his eyes and looks her over. His look is one of
fake pleasure.
HOWARD
Wow, you look great.
Bernadette kisses him, but he seems uncomfortable.
BERNADETTE
What’s wrong, Howie? It doesn’t
look good does it? I knew I should
have gotten the Supergirl costume.
HOWARD
No, no. You look fine. It’s just
hard not to think of Raj when I see
you in that.
BERNADETTE
Raj?
HOWARD
Yeah, it’s weird, but he wore that
same costume when we went to see
the re-release in 3D. You
definitely look much better than he
did though.
They kiss again, but they are interrupted by Howard’s cell
phone ringing.

HOWARD (CONT’D)
Sorry, I need to get this. Hello?
Leonard, I’m kind of in the middle
of something. Fine, let’s go to my
lab.
BERNADETTE
Is something wrong?
HOWARD
I don’t know. Leonard needs to get
something from the lab. He says
it’s a Sheldon emergency.
BERNADETTE
Well, don’t be too long. This
bikini is not comfortable.
HOWARD
I know. Raj said the same thing.
INT. HOWARD’S LAB- DAY 3
Leonard, Howard, and Raj enter the lab and Leonard begins
looking around.
HOWARD
So what are we looking for exactly?
LEONARD
I don’t know. Something that will
break the elevator, but won’t send
us to jail.
RAJ
Why don’t you just blow it up like
you did last time?
LEONARD
I thought of that, but I don’t
remember the measurements I used.
If I get it wrong I could end up
blowing up more than just the
elevator.
HOWARD
I still can’t believe your
neighbors would rather walk up the
stairs than spend the day with
Sheldon. Some of those people were
like a hundred years old. Are you
sure it wasn’t just Mr. Lehman?

LEONARD
Yeah, I checked with the other
tenants to make sure. Trust me,
Mr. Lehman was the nicest of the
group.
RAJ
Does this mean I don’t have to go
out with Agnes anymore? She’s a
nice girl, but she’s literally
shedding cat hair.
HOWARD
So, you have a dog?
RAJ
I beg your pardon. Cinnamon is
very clean. I even taught her to
use the toilet.
HOWARD
How did you teach her to do that?
LEONARD
Can we get back to what we’re
doing? I’d rather not find out how
Raj potty trained his dog.
HOWARD
Fine. I think I have just the
thing.
He walks over to a cabinet and takes out a device.
HOWARD (CONT’D)
It’s still being tested, but it
should do just enough damage to
keep the elevator broken for a long
time without doing any obvious
damage. To anyone else it will
look like a technical issue.
LEONARD
How does it work?
HOWARD
Well, can I see your watch?
LEONARD
Why can’t you use Raj’s watch?
RAJ
Hey, this isn’t my problem. This
is all on you, dude.

LEONARD
Fine.
Leonard takes off his watch and hands it to Howard. Howard
connects a wire to the watch.
HOWARD
You might want to stand back for
this. I’m not really sure what is
going to happen.
The group moves back and Howard pushes a button. The watch
begins to short circuit and emit smoke. It catches on fire
and Howard quickly turns off the machine. Leonard puts out
the fire and they stand back coughing.
HOWARD (CONT’D)
Hmm. It looks like it still has a
few bugs. Maybe we should try
something else.
INT. LAUNDRY ROOM- DAY 3
Sheldon is folding laundry as Penny enters the room carrying
her laundry basket. Penny begins putting her clothes into
the washer.
PENNY
Hey, how are you feeling today?
You had a few drinks last night.
SHELDON
Surprisingly, I feel fine. I took
this mixture my dad used to make
after a night out. It tastes
horrible, but it does wonders.
PENNY
What’s in it? Maybe I’ll try it.
SHELDON
Well, let’s see. Eggs, pancake
syrup, ground beef, almonds, and a
pound of butter. I actually have
several bottles of it upstairs. I
can get you one.
PENNY
No thanks. I think I’ll just deal
with hangovers the old fashioned
way.

SHELDON
Well, what is that?
PENNY
Just a lot of regret.
SHELDON
Nonsense. If there’s anything I’ve
learned this week it’s to have no
regrets. You should come with us
today.
PENNY
Us?
SHELDON
Yes. I’m going with Mr. Lehman and
his grandson to the science museum.
They have a new Star Wars exhibit.
I hear it’s quite fascinating.
They even have the original Jabba
the Hutt from Return of the Jedi.
PENNY
Oh, I watched that with Leonard the
other day. Is that the creepy
giant slug?
SHELDON
I suppose you could call him a
giant slug.
PENNY
Sounds fun, but I think I’m gonna
have to pass. I’m still having
weird dreams about that thing.
SHELDON
Well, you’re missing out. You know
it’s weird. Mr. Lehman was very
insistent that we go today. I
never knew he was a Star Wars fan.
I can’t wait to hear him play the
Star Wars theme for me. Oh, this
just opens a whole world of new
song possibilities.
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT II

ACT III
FADE IN:
INT. LOBBY HALLWAY- DAY 3
Leonard, Howard, and Raj enter carrying a large device.
LEONARD
Are you sure this is going to work?
HOWARD
Trust me, they used this all the
time on the space station. One of
us just has to climb up and get it
close enough to the cables. Does
everyone know not to use the
elevator now?
LEONARD
Don’t worry. It’s all been taken
care of.
HOWARD
What about Sheldon?
LEONARD
Mr. Lehman took him to the Star
Wars exhibit. He’ll be gone all
day.
RAJ
Star Wars exhibit? Why couldn’t I
have gone to that. You don’t
really need me here for this.
HOWARD
Sorry, you know how bad you are at
keeping secrets.
RAJ
That’s not true. I never told
anyone about the three way we had
in Vegas.
HOWARD
You told everyone about that. My
mom still brings it up every time I
say I’m going to your place.
RAJ
Sorry, but you know how I get when
I drink.

LEONARD
Guys, can we argue about this
later? Sheldon is going to be home
in half an hour.
They open the elevator door and use part of the machine to
hold the doors open.
HOWARD
Can you give me a boost?
Leonard and Raj help him up and he climbs on top of the
elevator.
HOWARD (CONT’D)
OK, now hand me that case over
there.
They hand him the case and sparks and sound come from above
the elevator. The elevator drops a couple feet knocking
Leonard and Raj to the ground. They get up and Howard hands
them the case, then they help him down.
HOWARD (CONT’D)
Well, that should do it. That
elevator won’t be going anywhere.
As they exit, Sheldon and Mr. Lehman enter the lobby.
Sheldon looks at the broken elevator in shock.
SHELDON
No, no. What did you do this time?
LEONARD
I don’t know we were just riding it
and it broke. I’m not really sure
what happened.
Mr. Lehman walks over and looks at the elevator to make sure
it’s broken.
MR. LEHMAN
I’m sorry, Sheldon. I think it’s
best we cancel those concert plans.
You know how the other tenants will
be when they find out your friends
broke the elevator again.
SHELDON
Please, no. I can get a new
roommate?

MR. LEHMAN
Sorry, but I don’t think that’s
going to work. Goodbye Sheldon.
Sheldon and the group watch in silence as Mr. Lehman makes
his way up the stairs. When Sheldon is turned around, Mr.
Lehman winks at Leonard.
SHELDON
Well I suppose this teaches me a
valuable lesson.
LEONARD
Oh, what is that?
SHELDON
You can never rely on neighbors.
They’ll drop you as soon as you do
something as silly as break an
elevator.
HOWARD
So does this mean the new Sheldon
is gone?
SHELDON
You’re darn right he’s gone. That
Sheldon was a darn fool. Can you
believe I drank butter. I have to
go cleanse my mouth out. Oh and
that karaoke machine has to go.
The group follows him as he continues to talk as he walks
upstairs. Once they are gone, Amy opens the door to the
lobby. She walks happily to the elevator wearing a trench
coat that is tied up at the waist. She pushes the button and
when the door opens she sees the elevator is broken.
AMY
Oh darn! There goes my chance to
role play with Sheldon.
She opens her coat to reveal a Wonder Woman costume.
AMY (CONT’D)
I can’t believe I wasted all that
time getting my legs waxed.
Sheldon comes back down stairs and sees her standing there in
the costume. She smiles at him as he stares at her for a
moment.
AMY (CONT’D)
What do you think?

SHELDON
Did you borrow that from Raj?
AMY
Yes.
SHELDON
Hmm. It looks better on you.
Sheldon goes back upstairs as Amy stands in silence in the
lobby.
AMY
Well, it’s not what I was hoping
for, but it’s more than I was
expecting.
Howard and Raj come down stairs and look at Amy for a moment.
HOWARD
Sheldon was right. It does look
better on you.
RAJ
Hey, no fair. She waxed. You know
I haven’t shaved my legs since
Halloween.
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT III

ACT IV
FADE IN:
Sheldon sits in silence in his spot on the couch. Howard,
Bernadette, Leonard, Penny, and Amy sit uncomfortably around
him eating Chinese food.
PENNY
Don’t worry Sheldon. You still
have us.
LEONARD
Yeah, maybe you can spend the day
with us tomorrow. We’re going to
see the Star Wars exhibit.
SHELDON
I wouldn’t waste your time. The
Jabba the Hutt is only a replica
and there’s an entire section
devoted to the prequels.
LEONARD
So, I’m sure it’s still fun.
SHELDON
Fun? If your idea of fun is
spending thirty dollars on an
exhibit that is only half devoted
to the original trilogy then by all
means go right ahead.
HOWARD
Well, I guess the old Sheldon
really is back.
SHELDON
And another thing, I have my
suspicions as to how good a pianist
Mr. Lehman really is. Did you know
he didn’t know the theme music to
Lord of the Rings. I would think
that’s the first thing you would
learn. And that grandson of his
has no appreciation of the original
trilogy. He spent his money on a
Jar Jar Binks puppet when there was
a perfectly good Yoda puppet
sitting right next to it.

The group is interrupted by the door opening. Raj enters
sneezing and covered in cat hair. They stare at him for a
moment in silence.
RAJ
I don’t want to talk about it.
FADE TO BLACK.
END OF ACT IV

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