The theory of being.

The theory of being: By David Waterman.
The
Theory
of
Being.
By
David Waterman
1

Chapter 1.
I think I know everything, however I know nothing. I think.
Does the television and radio actually communicate with me?
Have I become totally paranoid and insane?
Things keep spinning in my mind: names, places, memories.
Whatever is going on with me? Or to me.
Can't talk to anybody about it, I don't know if anyone else is hearing this. Last time
this happened to me I ended up getting sectioned and spent 28 days in a mental
institution. That completely changed my life and I really do not want that to happen
to me again. Besides if I told people what is going on in head they would think I have
gone completely MAD!!!
Microphones in lifts, surely there must a simple answer to all my paranoia?
Hi,
My name is David |Waterman I am a £12 per hour agency painter and decorator.
About 6-7 weeks ago I started a job on a office block in Southampton about 30 miles
away from where I live in North end, Portsmouth, Hampshire in England.
The office block is a 12 storey building with an adjoining 3 storey building called
“Latimer house”.
The other one used to be called “Queenskeep” however now it is having a name
change to “White Building”.
Usually I go to work earn some money and go home, no worries.
Today is Sunday 13th
December 2015 it's 6:59 am. I am sitting watching B.b.c. news
playing the game in my own head. Russia space travel.
Work, life, Nicola, money.
The future is the hardest thing to predict.
Luck, please god give me some luck. Is money luck or is there something else,
something else I have no clue about. Is there more to this life than I know. What is it?
Focus Dave. I tell myself . Stop your head racing. “is there anybody out there?”
I can turn the game off easy, turn the Television off, sit in silence. Am I in control?
2

Nichola laying in bed asleep. I have gone back to bed.
Shelia Penrose from Birmingham owns the building after doing some internet
research on my phone laying in bed, I think she owns everything.
The game am I winning or losing?
Have we not learnt anything from history? I just don't get it. Greed and famine. Have
we too much or not enough?
PROMETHEUS CONSTRUCTION. (P.l.c.)
meet your maker. Builders.
What can we build?
How much will it cost?
What do people want us to build for them and how much will it cost them?
Where do we go when we die? Is there anything after this life? Do you want to live
forever? Scared of death? not me. Fear of death I suffer from, probably the same for
most people.
I have one life what am I going to do with it, whatever I want to. I hope am I in
control of my own fate and destiny or is everything preplanned for me?
Leave your mark on this world, do your best, work hard, pay bills, go on holiday?
Try if you fail, you tried. Nothing ventured nothing gained. Experience is key.
Walk don't run. Are we spirits in a material world?
Time is money. How much is my time worth?
Reincarnation, do we come back as somebody else or something else maybe an
animal? Which animal would I come back as?
Is our next life judged on how we behave in this life?
The better you are in this life the better and luckier you are in the next life. I hope it
is. My dad died 2 years ago he was an unbelievably great man.
I am 44 he was 67 not really a long time.
Could a film be made of your life? Who would play you? I'm thinking of Shelia
Penrose now.
Anne Robinson. Datacard group, on a Fareham which is about 10 miles from
Portsmouth.
E-passports, governments, security. No security in security = insecurity. Secrets.
3

What are secrets, it's just a word. What do people not want us to know? Why?
Surely secrets are knowledge, knowing something someone else doesn't know.
Surely we should share knowledge and move on to the next project.
I don't know how it works. Do you know reader or are you a player in the game of
life?
Is my life a preset programme or is it a lot of random coincidences that brought me to
where I am now, which makes up my life thus far. Is what is happening to me
impossible it can't be happening.
The future.
If I built a spaceship for 1 trillion pounds to start the job off. Who would pay for this
technological breakthrough of a vehicle?
Is this possible, am I being ridiculous?
Where would we travel to?
Time = money.
The future, absolutely no one can predict this. Will I win the lottery or will I die this
week. The future is the unknown. I don't even know what is going to happen
tomorrow.
Money and gambling.
Entertainment, greed, buzz. Feelings.
Most gambling is predicting a set of numbers. If you gamble you are testing or
risking your luck. How long does luck stay with us? Why are some people lucky
whilst others are unlucky?
What do people want and how do they get it?
Is it luck, skill or all done by hard work, I doubt it.
What if aliens existed? They have been here for years watching us. 105 years ago
they arrived. The craft they arrived in, how much would it be worth. With with all
there knowledge and technology. Is this beyond the imagination of any human being?
Good versus bad.
Good needs bad as bad needs good. If one or the other wins then they left alone.
Loneliness.
Are secrets bad, what do people not want us not to know. Ulterior motives, what gain
is there in it for me or them, what are they keeping from us and who are they?
4

Money is the root of all evil they say, or is it there for us to do good with?
Is it a game, ask yourself, which game are you playing? I think we are all playing the
game of life.
Focus. What do we care about? Is it the game of life, how well are playing, winning
or losing?
What do we want and how do we get it, what is it?
All or nothing, what are the rules of the game? where are the referees?
How do I play it, maybe I already am, life doesn't come with an instructions manual.
Does life come with a rule book? Foul play I worry about. Watch out for cheaters and
liars.
rules = law.
Justice and judgement for all? I don't think everybody is playing by the same rules
and most people are bending or breaking them, I really do not it is a fair playing field.
5

The first thing we had to do was to communicate with the aliens. I don't know how
they controlled the media and my mind, am I the only one this is happening to am I
alone on this planet, why do I feel different to everybody else, no this is impossible. I
must tell this to myself, it is the only way I can keep any awareness of reality.
What's going on. Will I be mentally ill forever or am I only one who can hear this?
God help me.
Think I'll play football manager. Concentrate Dave. Early night, bed, work 7:00
Monday morning. Up at 5:40 in the car 6:20. arrive at work, game starts again.
Maybe I should start my own construction business, what should I call it?
N.O.B.S. (Nice One Building Services).Ltd.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
How I wonder what you are.
Bring as many of the right people with you as you can. It's all about numbers. Is it all
just a numbers game?
Knowledge and information is key to success and talking and getting on with people
is the most very important thing we must all learn to achieve.
Knowledge = Power.
Building things is basically a load of processes. We get the first process right then all
the next processes can be applied correctly and the whole job will be done correctly
and smoothly, everybody does their job and everybody is happy including the client.
Today is Wednesday. Got sacked today by the most useless site manager in Britain.
Relief isn't the word. I felt like I was doing the job all by myself and I was the only
one there not for the money. Although we need money to live, how much do I need,
how happy will it make me?
6

Chapter 2.
I awoke on the morning of the 17th
December 2015, at 7:15 am in a police custody
suite. I had no idea how I might have arrived there. The first thought that came into
my bedraggled mind was had I been drinking heavy or taking drugs maybe both the
night before. There was a haze in my brain, my cerebral lobes at the sides of my head
were throbbing a bit. I had been suffering from black-outs for years and could not
drink the pubs draught beer as the chemicals in it do not agree with my brain and
turned me into an idiot, I was hoping it wasn't one of those.
The night before: I must try to remember what had happened. All of a sudden the
telephone text messages, my mind was recollecting things slowly.
Jumping out the window to get away from her.
Suddenly the whole disastrous events came flooding back to me.
I started to cry. I put a blanket over my head to muffle the sounds of my sobbing, and
make sure no one saw me. Well I didn't want the arresting officers to know. For gods
sake man-up Dave, I said to myself in my mind. You are in a prison cell, all alone and
no means of escape. What had I done to deserve this?
After about 15 minutes whilst I contemplated my situation. Then I got up slowly and
walked over to push button bell by the door. A custody officer arrived at the metal
shutter and pulled it down. They enquired in what I desired.
I asked them the time, they told me it was 7:30.
I then asked them for a cup of tea and if there was a place where I could have a wash
and brush my teeth. I had that horrible gunky mouth taste that you get in the
mornings, especially when you haven't brushed your teeth the night before, beer and
don't help this at all, and I felt a bit grubby.
They opened the cell door, then they led through the corridor past all the other cells.
Some of the cell doors were closed, just shoes outside the cell doors of the prisoners
being held behind them. Usually there were trainers left outside.
Who were the other prisoners locked away on other side of the walls. I couldn't see
through walls yet, not until my visions started.
The empty cells had there doors open and I could see into them, they had a single
bed about 6” by 4” with a plastic mattress on top. In the corner was a metal toilet
about 2” high. To be honest with you I was more concerned about my own worries
rather than other peoples problems.
The day before I had gone to work as usual. Got up at the same time except I left a
little earlier that day. Tony the worst site manager I have ever worked with, he was
7

lazy, stupid and useless, keeping a good man out of work, was the only one there.
I looked at the clock in my car, it was 6:45 am.
I thought to myself if I sign in quickly I could go home at 3:15 pm after doing my 8
hour shift at work.
The night before I hadn't got home till 6 o'clock because a lady had committed
suicide by jumping off a bridge on the M27 motorway which was the one I used to
drive to and from work.
I wondered why somebody would throw themselves off of a bridge, they must have
been deeply unhappy, the only answer to their deep sorrow they had been suffering
from. I thought you only had one life and should make the most of it, existence is a
honour and we all should do our best and make the most of it.
Reincarnation does it happen. I don't know, no one does because it impossible to
prove weather it happens or not.
Later at about 10 o'clock a nurse called Lorraine entered my cell. Another female
custody officer stood guard at the door, watching everything that was happening.
Nurse Lorraine sat on the end of the mattress of my bed. At this time I thought I was
a single man. I was pleased to see a pretty face, she smelt of a nice aroma, her
perfume made the cell smell better. I noticed a ring on her finger and she was
obviously married or engaged. I flirted with her for about 10 minutes. She spoke
about my mental health issues. Being bi-polar, I now realise that I was in the middle
of a manic episode. In my head I thought I was being my normal self.
Nichola had been sexually abused by her uncle as a child, this had badly affected her
whole life, because of this she didn't function properly as an adult and was on
disability allowance and had to take 10 tablets per night. I found it very strange that
her family had done nothing about this perverted paedophile.
Seemed as they condoned it. Nichola wondered why I didn't really care much for her
parents. I still wonder why she and the other children he had affected never got the
justice they deserved.
Officers kept coming and going, by this time it must have been midday. I had been
awake for 5 hours. And my stress levels had increased, I know now that stress it the
thing that brings on my bi-polar mania. This was not beaus of the game it was
because I had no access to any sort of media mind control. The only media I had was
a copy of an old “guardian” newspaper dated 10th
December 2015, which I used to
rest the pieces of A4 paper I used to take notes of my unfolding day.
My stress levels were also being increased by not being able to have a cigarette, as I
8

have a nicotine addiction. Smoking I found out had been banned from anywhere in
the police station, it had been banned for about 15 years, apparently by a non-smoker.
whoever came up with this idea must have been a very stupid individual.
The memories of the night before started to flood back into my mind.
I had arrived back home at about 5 o'clock, I was planning to leave at 3;15 pm.
However because on the building site I was working on, where managers can't
manage they also had labourers who didn't want to labour.
I had to scrub two newly tiled bathroom floors and tidy all the mess everyone had left
behind, put it all in a black dustbin and empty myself into the skip.
It felt like I was doing the work of 5 men, it felt like I was the only one there who
cared about the job and wasn't worried about the money.
After I had arrived home I did my usual routine. Open the door, walk up the stairs
enter the kitchen give Nichola a kiss, grab a can of lager. Then go to the front room
sit on the sofa and turn the television on.
Nichola was always sitting on the kitchen side, because of her affected mind that had
been caused by a sick pervert.
Sometimes she would go out to the pub or round other peoples houses for some
social stimulus. She just seemed a little strange lately.
I had sold my flat and I was waiting for the money to go into my bank account.
It seemed all she wanted me for was my money as it seemed I was constantly paying
for everything. I had offered to pay the balance of her mortgage off. She didn't seem
to have any patience and was constantly harassing me for money. She seemed
obsessed about it. I was thinking all she wanted to do was for me to spend all my
money on her and then leave me for somebody else, that she had already met.
In my head I had totally lost my trust for her, my paranoia levels and stress levels had
been greatly enhanced. Paranoia is not being totally sure about something and
questioning things in your mind.
In my head I was believing she was being completely unfaithful. Texting other men
and using internet dating sites for sex with other men. I later found out the truth, they
were friends, old bosses and ex-boyfriends. Imagine what a total raving headcase,
total idiot and absolutely how much my actions were embarrassing, over the top and
how out of order I was. How sorry I feel still makes me cry when I think about it. I so
sorry for her and can't imagine how she feels. I'm so sorry, I love her so much. I do
not in way blame her for not wanting to know me ever again and find someone who
treats her as she should be tret. I really should have gone to prison for what I have
done to her.
9

The phone, the phone the text messages I had to see them at any cost so I could
release my paranoia and find the trust I had totally lost for her.
As I sat on the sofa I heard her talking on the phone to my mum how bad I was
getting drinking and smoking and how I acted with these chemicals in my system.
At that time I felt in control of myself and don't like being slandered.
I got up, thought, right i'm not having this and stormed into the kitchen and grabbed
the phone off her. Then I ran into the frontroom with her phone.
By this time the phone had self-locked itself. By this time she had arrived in the
frontroom with me. We fought over the phone and managed to get the unlock code
off her by force. I then gave her my phone and gave her my unlock code as I had
nothing to hide from her. She then ran out of the frontroom, down the stairs and
deadlocked the front door. By this time I had started to read the texts, then she
entered the frontroom carrying a big silver knife. With this I thought i'm going. The
window was open so I climbed down from the first floor and jogged off down the
road. When I turned the corner at the bottom of the road I started to read the texts
again, however the phone battery had gone dead. By this time I had myself into a
state of rage. I had drank a bit and had a couple of smokes. I decided I walk to my
mothers house about 3 miles away as I didn't want to risk my driving license.
When I arrived at mothers I couldn't get in as she lives in a gated community with no
intercom, Nichola still had my phone and her phones battery had died. Now I
decided to walk to a friends house near by. When I arrived there at about 1 o'clock in
the morning. He answered the door hiding behind it naked. He told me to go away
has he had to get up early for work and was fair enough I thought. And decided to go
back yo Nichola's with my rage inside.
When I arrived back at Nichola's I started trying to kick the front door down and
started screaming and shouting waking the whole street up. Someone must have rang
police and they arrived shortly afterwards and arrested me.
I had been stuck in the holding cell for what felt like an eternity by now.
Another custody officer arrived at the hatch, by this I had drank about 6 cups of
coffee and with no cigarettes and the situation I was in was raising my anxiety and
stress levels to new high my condition was indescribable.
I asked for the umpteenth time when was I going to get out must have been about 2
o'clock in the afternoon. I had no idea what time it was because they had taken my
10

watch and other processions off me when I was booked in at the police station.
They told me they couldn't get statements off of someone till 2:30 pm.
Later I found out Nichola had had an epileptic fit and was now in hospital. I couldn't
be interviewed on my domestic violence charge until they could collect statements.
My girlfriend of 5 years in my head had been cheating on me, I was absolutely
fuming, everything was getting to me. The amount I thought she had sex with seems
ridiculous now.
I wasn't feeling tired but I lay down on the plastic mattress. I must have drifted off to
sleep. Suddenly, I flinched like someone had tapped the back of my leg. I closed my
eyes and that's when it happened. Don't know if I was asleep or awake but then it
seemed like I was in a wormhole in space. I wasn't scared and felt tranquil and was
floating gently towards a planet similar to earth but with more water. Drifting gently
towards this planet I noticed an angel carrying a human being flying above the planet.
I couldn't tell weather it was ascending or descending. I was still floating gently
towards the planet when the image began to change into man with white hair and
little goatee beard about 50-60 years old with a gentle calming smile. I then seemed
to come round and thought to myself have I just come face to face with god. I was an
atheist before and believed all religion was having morals we should all have in us
anyway. Being a good person should be in our conscience. However in that minute I
became a believer.
I lay back on the mattress with my head against the wall, had I just seen heaven,
angels with wings ferrying people about. The light reflections on the rough plaster
walls then started transforming into faces all different I noticed they all looked young
no old people. Some went from skulls all looking content with what was it dead
people. Then an image of someone with hands tied to a rack with a cloaked figure
appeared this one disturbed me. Had I had a glimpse of hell.
I then moved to the other end of the bed. The light reflection on the that wall started
to morph into an old couple an old woman sitting in a chair with a man behind her the
only old people I saw but they seemed happy. Then a figure appeared playing a guitar
which reminded of dad who had died 2 years ago but look younger. This cheered me
up and I thought to myself my dad has learned to play the guitar in heaven. This went
for about 15 minutes and I saw my dad again painting a fireplace, it was unbelievably
and not scary at all more calming and serene. I felt happy inside. Next I sat in the
corner on the prison cell and noticed a pencil on the mattress as I stared at it seemed
to move slightly and seemed to levitate a little bit but I couldn't really tell. I started
looking at the paper cups which seemed to be rolling about a bit sort of shaking a bit.
Then when I got up from the floor this is when I saw a figure in the next cell sitting
11

on the mattress with their back to the wall.
I then lay back on the mattress and am still trying to work out, what had happened
for about 45mins to an hour.
At about 9:30 pm I was released after which seemed like an a eternity.
My head was still racing. I had to get a charger for the phone, which had be the cause
of my increasing bad situation. My anxiety levels had risen to a level where my legs
were twitching.
I had been given my processions back. Three keys had been taken from my key-ring,
two were the keys to get into Nichola's flat and the other was for my flat. I thought
my little pin-badge had been stolen, which I used to wear on the lapel of my coat.
I later found it in my coat pocket, still I do not know how it got there.
It was now 2:50 am.
That evening I had spent buying a charger and driving around aimlessly, I was putting
some charge into the phone. Eventually I arrived on top of the hill which overlooked
Portsmouth.
I analysed the text messages on the phone, what I read on the phone disgusted me.
Why had she been texting other men? I couldn't understand, why? There must be an
explanation to all this. The conversations on the phone. My head was still racing.
I had by this time to drive back to Nichola's flat and confront her with the evidence I
thought I had. I was to give her a chance to defend herself against my allegations.
In my head, I had convinced myself she had been having sex with other men and was
also using the internet for dating sites to meet them.
Looking back now, had my actions been justified? Definitely over the top. I had
really hurt Nichola so much. Physically and mentally.
Earlier that evening I had driven back to Nichola's flat but she wasn't in, I thought she
gone round one of those men who she had been having sex with house.
I decided to sit in my car and wait for her to return home.
I just sat in my car for around 30 minutes. She did arrive back home in a taxi.
She was in a terrible state and I found out then that she had been to the hospital, due
to the injuries I had inflicted upon on. She was severely battered and bruised and I
had cracked 5 of her ribs. I still do not remember any of this as she had had an
epileptic fit and hit the edge of the table on her down and she was lying again as
usual, exaggeration she called it. She let me in so we could talk things through.
12

We ended up back in her kitchen. I gave her, her phone and then quizzed her about
the text conversations she was having with other men.
Her explanation was they were an ex-boyfriend, a former employer and just random
men friends of hers. Keeping in touch with some people I can understand.
However, some of the text conversations I had seen I could not understand.
Why was keeping in touch with an ex-boyfriend and exchanging texts which made
me sick when I read them. Why couldn't she put these ghosts from the past to rest?
We spoke for a while, we didn't seem to be getting any closer to reconciliation.
She had already packed some of my clothes and a few other things of mine into a
bag. I left her flat and went to mum and stepdad Malcolm's house. I was going to stay
there whilst I prepared to sort my future out, without Nichola as she was starting to
become a ghost from my past.
I arrived there on that Friday Night and spent the night on their sofa. They didn't
really want me to be there, they had enough problems with my brother John who kept
turning up to take advantage of them and my mum had enough of us and bringing all
our problems to her door.
On that Saturday morning when I woke. I decided I would go and get some keys cut
for my mums house and entry gate as there was no intercom and did not want to be
locked out again. The key cutters was near to a cafe where I liked to go know and
again for a breakfast. I dropped the keys into the shop and said to man in the shop I
would return to pick them up after I had, had something to eat as I couldn't remember
the last time I eaten properly and over the past couple of months I had lost a lot of
weight and had become skeletal.
Whist I driving around I for some reason thought I would drop a Christmas card for
my son Reggie who I hadn't seen for years, since the last time my bi-polar had flared
up. Even though he only lived a couple of miles away from me, with his mother
Cheryl. I knocked the door and I was face to face with one of my ghosts. I told her to
to tell my son Reggie to give me a ring as I had written my phone number into the
card.
After this I went back to my mums to watch the football results and have a bet, as I
always did on a Saturday. I just hung about round there all day and ordered up a
takeaway for myself, my mum and Malcolm. I was listening to and texting the radio,
when by about 8:30 pm I fell asleep.
When I awoke around 2:30 am Sunday morning I had 4 missed calls from a number I
did not recognise. It must be Nichola using the landline phone in the house, I was
13

hoping.
I rang the number and she answered it. I felt real happiness, love and joy in my heart.
She invited to come back round so we could try and work things out between us. We
spoke, I offered to pay the balance of her mortgage off for her as a means of
compensation for the horrific injuries I had inflicted on her.
£9000 an expensive lesson I suppose.
We are together at the moment and still trying to work out our differences between
us. I just want us to have a happy life together.
.
14

chapter 3.
Psychological Warfare.
I can hear you.
Can you hear me?
I said, I said, I can hear you.
I'm asking can you hear me?
Chorus
is there Sycological warfare going on?
I'm asking you, can you hear me?
I can hear you.
Can't stand this psychological warfare.
Is it going on? Is it going on?
What's going on?
Cant stand this psychological warfare.
Is it going on?
My head, my head.
Can't get your words out of my head.
Your words, your words.
I can hear you, can you hear me?
It's there, it's there.
it's psychological warfare going on.
My mind, my mind.
Can't get your words, your words. Out of my mind.
Can you hear me, my mind, my mind.
You've broken my mind, my mind.
Sycological warfare, psychological warfare.
You've made me a psycho?.
I can hear you, can you hear me?
15

The God Complex.
The condition I had was the god complex. Being bi-polar the stress I was under, had
been the trigger to manifest this horrible illness in me.
I had become totally irrational. I had began to think everything going on in the world
was about me and it seemed everyone in the world knew about me.
My life had become full of coincides too many to mention and I had become worried
about my situation, I spoke about things and the television and radio would answer
my questions by using word association.
Lately the wheather had became very mild and these December days had become the
mildest ever in history. I felt this was all down to me.
Had I seen life after death, had to seen paradise(heaven), angels, dead people and
looked god in the face? Were my visions really real. I do not think I'll ever be 100%
sure. I had be become fearless to everything including death. I now had one worry
and that is humiliation that I was wrong about all I thought about.
I had been arguing with nearly everyone I was meeting trying to get my point across
to them. Afterwards I would realize that I was hurting peoples emotions and was
spending more and more time apologizing for my actions and words I had said.
This book I am writing, I thought it was to try and save mankind. My life was
becoming a panic and a rush and I had idea why, or what is was all about.
16

Chapter 4.
Relationships.
It was now 22nd
December 2015. Nichola had now taken me back. However we still
weren't seeing eye to eye about things. This was our third day back together.
On the first night, we slept in the same bed, on the second night we had sex for the
first time, it seemed ages since she'd had my sweet loving, as I used to call it.
On the third night our arguing and bickering had begun again and I ended up sleeping
on the sofa. Why can't she see my point of view?
Nichola was all sorts of medication due to what had happened to her as a child.
Now she spent her days just sitting on the kitchen side thinking about what? I had no
idea. She smoked lots of tobacco and sat around drinking can after can. The
housework had become neglected and the flat we shared together had become very
untidy and cluttered with rubbish. She had become extremely lazy.
I would come home from work and she couldn't even be bothered to tidy up any of
her mess, she begrudged doing anything for me and wouldn't even lift a lift a finger
for me. Most nights I was lucky even if cooked any food for me.
If food was ready it was so late I was usually so tired and ready to go to bed.
On the days food was ready on a reasonably time, we would sit and eat together.
I would try and talk to her. She would never want to talk me, thus at these times we
would always end up arguing, with her telling me to shut up all the time.
This resulted in me losing my appetite and me throwing most of my food away.
The arguments escalated after this with her blaming me for my actions.
Mostly I would be at work and didn't have time to worry about the trivial matters that
concerned her and she ended up laying in bed on her own most of the time.
I could not understand her concerns.
My concerns and worries were going to work, earning money and keeping her happy.
Our relationship had become to me, I felt I was trying to do everything at work and
when I came home I was expected to do everything as well.
Yesterday I went to the doctors, I was signed off work with “acute stress”.
They put me on anti-depressants and I am hoping to get well soon.
17

Why do people stay together? Even if they do not want to be with the other person.
Do they stay together because of their financial situation or for the sake of the
children?
Why are some people unfaithful to each other?
If someone is being unfaithful or disloyal to the other person, why do they stay with
one another. Is this to holding back achieving their goals and dreams?
Surely they are holding back the things they are striving to find as well.
Are some people damaging each other?
People talk, when there are a group of human beings they chat together.
When a group of people talk some of their words can be overheard by people who are
not involved in their conversation. Big mouths are the worst for this. Certain words
enter the mind and influence a persons thinking. This is not earwigging, it cannot be
helped, even if you are not interested in what these people are talking about. It's
called being in earshot.
However some people do this on purpose, this is called being nosey and not minding
your own business.
The reason these things effect us, we all have a sub-conscience, this is where be store
all our memories of everything we have ever heard or seen. This also holds all our
dreams and aspirations. The future what will it hold for me and you?
Trust, mistrust and keeping secrets.
Keeping secrets from each other, is this a good thing or a bad thing?
Are secrets, things we don't know about,but someone does. Some secrets should be
kept, like gifts we are going to give people in the future, parties we are going to throw
for them. These secrets are called surprises and are good for us.
Most secrets are kept to stop our feelings getting hurt or one-up-man-ship. Having
one up on someone else.
Holding each other back, striving to help your fellow man or woman, staying together
or getting stuck in a rut?
Are we scared of being alone? Do we have trust or mistrust for our fellow human
beings, do we help each other enough, are we honest or dishonest with one another?
Our there too many lazy people in this world?
Do we grow together or do we grow apart?
18

Do some people stay together because of money or love?
How much do we care about each other? Do the carers care?
Why do people stay together?
Friends can influence your mind and thinking. Listening to the wrong people can be
decremental to your life, depending who you chose to take advice from.
Negative people, haters can ruin your life, or can we learn anything from them?
Positive people, carers? Can they enhance our lives?
The choices we make and who we listen to is up to us.
We are all free to choose. Nobody knows what the future has in store for us, as life is
precocious in so many ways. I just hope I make the right choices that can make my
life as satisfying and happy as I can make it. Contentedness will do for me, how
about you?
There are good souls and bad souls in this world. I would rather listen to the good
souls as they make life worth living for.
Jealousy and envy are two different things.
Jealousy means being resentful of somebody else's possessions, talent, success, etc.
Envy means means having bitter feelings of desire for somebody else's better fortune,
success and position in life.
The best way to avoid these emotions is to take control of your own life and only care
about the people who you care about and care about you.
Do not worry about things and people and things that do not affect your own life.
Look after your own world that affect you personally.
Lust and desire.
We can look at things and want them, we can have lust and desire for people and we
can look if their owner lets us. People allow us to look at them as own themselves, it
would be a stupid world if weren't allowed to see how each other looks. Seeing or
touching other possessions is up to the owner as things belong to them.
19

Parenting.
Nichola cannot have children, which is her biggest concern life, which I pity her for.
I have 3 children by other women. They are grown-up now and I haven't had a lot to
do any of them for years, since they were very young and the relationships with their
mother's ended, as did my contact with my children.
Children should be brought up with morals, fun, understanding what is expected of
them, this way they can choose their own direction in life. We should groom them,
however not in a sick perverted paedophile way. This will help them become good
citizens.
Education.
All children should go to school to be educated. If they want they should be able to
go to college, university or any other form of higher education they choose. This will
help them find work or a job they want to do. This will help them reach their
potential and ambition. Let them be free to choose their own destiny. They will
become an asset to society not a burden on society. Learning to work together,
teamwork is very important, no one can do it on their own.
Divorce and unfaithfulness.
If people have irreconcilable differences or been cheated on by their partners, they
should not be together, unless they can work the problems between them out. If they
cannot do this then they should be free to meet someone else, with whom they can
live a happy and content life.
Work, unemployment and money.
I have now been signed off work by the doctor till 18th
January 2016.
I am on tablets called Mirtazapine and Valium till the Mirtazapine starts working in
my system. The stress of going to work has now made unable to work. Am I going to
suffer more stress by not working?
I now have no money and need to sort my sickness benefit out.
Nichola and myself have had a good Christmas, and are still together and trying to
sort our differences out, god only knows how long this will take. We'll probably be
bickering till the end of time. It's all fun and games. I suppose.
Awareness.
20

It was 9:50 am Sunday 20th
December. Something clicked in my head and it felt like
the left side of my brain awakened. The right side of my brain felt like there were
ants crawling about inside my head. Two and a half minutes after I thought am I in
control?
An advertisement came on the television. Aulumen, medicine. I am in control of
myself, I think. Have you got control of your own life. You are you're own god and
you're own devil. Sometimes we are good sometimes we are bad, everyone is the
same I hope.
If in life I can't happiness all the time, contentedness will do.
Free way.
Baby,baby,baby.
Do you want to come with me, come with me.
Keep up baby, cause i'm on the freeway.
Foot on the pedal, speeding down the freeway.
Chorus.
Foot down on the freeway.
Baby,baby,baby.
Come with me on the freeway.
Foot down on the freeway.
I'm at the wheel, driving on the freeway.
Baby,baby,baby.
Where shall we go now we are on the freeway.
Going to put my foot down on the freeway.
It's the freeway baby.
Baby,baby,baby.
Are you coming with me? On the freeway.
Baby, come with me on the freeway.
Because I don't know where to go.
Are you coming with me?
21

Chapter 5.
The Glasgow Chronicles.
Christmas had been and gone, the situation between Nichola and myself had calmed
down and I thought the differences between us seemed to have been sorted out and
we had got back to our normal existence that we shared.
Christmas had been the same as the previous Christmases we had shared together.
Very boring drinking too much, not just me she was a bad as I was for drinking, in
fact she had always drunk more than me. She would spend her days sitting on the
kitchen side necking cans of Carling lager and smoking menthol cigarettes, which are
the worst sort of cigarettes you can smoke, this is to do with the minty taste of them,
meaning you take more into your lungs which is really bad for you. The only thing
that should go into your lungs is fresh air. These cigarettes will probably be the end of
her, only time will prove if I am right, but I would be willing to have a bet with
anyone about this.
So that was Christmas, always pretty boring for her and me, due to us not having any
children as she is unable to conceive. Christmas is all about spoiling your kids as if
they don't get enough throughout the year. So the Christmases we spent together were
just me and her spending even more time together as if we needed it. To be honest I
cannot really remember any decent Christmases that we had spent together, so that is
enough about that and let's get on with the story, eh.
It must have been the second Saturday after the new year. New years that Nichola and
I spent together were just as bad as Christmas, usually she go out to pubs to see the
new year in with friends, if you could call them that. Or with her family which I
could not abide for reasons I explained earlier. Sometimes we would see the new year
in with both. I would rather see the new year in with the television watching “Jools
Hollands' Hootnanny”. I really could not really see the reason for celebrating the old
year, as I don't think my years were getting any better. I felt like each year was
getting worse and worse and the dreams of the things I wished to achieve and be had
escaped me and I had forgotten what they were, and it felt as though I was just
trudging through life getting older waiting on an extreme bit of luck. Something like
winning the national lottery or similar to change the direction of my life. Before I
would die and fall from existence without anyone really knowing who I was or am,
maybe just another name on a gravestone in the cemetery. All my dreams and
ambitions had deserted me and the dreams I did have as a child were long forgotten
and life was passing me by at an ever increasing rate of knots. Was I happy, I do not
think I was, maybe content, this was something I was content with. Maybe being
content made me happy?
22

I had a phone call on the second Saturday of the new year which would have been
January 9th
2016. This phone call was from Martin Atkins an owner of a company
called M.D.A. Painting limited. I did work from him from time to time. He was
alright and I did not mind him too much. He was a bit of mug and suffered from
what a lot of companies suffered from which is nepotism, this is where a firm or
business puts family and friends in front of the real workers who are the backbone to
any business. The problem with nepotism is family and friends take advantage of the
opportunities given to them and you usually end up with with a lazy workforce with
the friends and family thinking they are unsackable and real workers who carry the
business become resentful of the bone idle gits they are forced to work with. Usually
this has a departmental effect to the business and the amount of work it can pull in
suffers and the first people shown the door are the real workers. Some businesses can
carry on like this, however you find that after a specific amount the business becomes
unviable and they fold fold or go under within a couple of years due to the lack of
new contracts the business can generate. They rely on the current contracts they but
these always come ti end. They are called jobs and all jobs come to an end that is way
jobs work. Things to be done, we get them done and then move on to the next one.
Another job jobbed. Martin seemed to have this kind of business model as ninety
percent of the time this business model is destined to fail, unless you are very lucky
or extremely clever. To be straight he was a chancer and fair play to him. Work is
therapy and in my opinion I think everyone should thrive to work and do the best to
their ability. If you try your best at least you have tried and no one can ask or expect
anymore from you and you should be proud of your efforts whatever the outcome at
the end of the day. Capre diem which is Latin for cease the day. Just do the best you
can try every single day and one day the rewards will be all yours, maybe. If you do
not get the rewards whichever things you are after at least you have tried. The most
important thing you can do is enjoy yourself at least at the end whatever the outcome
is you can say you have had fun meet interesting people and enhanced your life
experiences. The worst situation you can get stuck in is just doing something you hate
with people you cannot stand just for the money, doing this will have a profound
effect on your mind, mental health and your outlook to the world and the other people
you have to share this planet or world with. The best thing to remember is something
will always turn up and in the end everything will be alright. Money really is the root
of all evil and the devil will make work for idle hands. Money should be there for us
to do good and if possible enjoy ourselves as much as possible as long as no one gets
really hurt or dies of something rather than natural causes, act of god or old age.
23

24

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