SAL_E01_FULL

SUCCEEDING AT LIFE
"COLD FEET (#1")
Written by
Connor Fitzgerald
Derek Dabkoski
Ian McClellan
Danny Ramirez
Miranda Granger
Chaitanye Karve
Thomas Marshall
Sami Schechter
Shelby White
EPISODE 1
Blue Production Draft -- 01.05.15
White Production Draft -- 12.09.15

Teaser
EXT. FUNERAL TENT - DAY
A bright, cheerful day. JEFF (30’s) dressed in a suit, scrubs
at a stain on his shirt. NANCY EVERLONG (27), poised yet
compassionate, enters behind him.
NANCY
Jeff, it’s time.
JEFF
Just a second.
He scrubs harder at the stain. Nancy checks her watch.
NANCY
You look great. It’s time.
JEFF
I know, it’s just...
(gives up on the stain)
It’s happening, you know?
NANCY
It’s wonderful.
JEFF
Oh it’s incredible! Really, it’s...
He trails off, unconvincing. Nancy moves forward. Adjusts
Jeff’s tie clip slightly so that his tie covers the stain.
NANCY
You know you’re doing just fine.
JEFF
I am?
NANCY
One of my best. And you know who’s
int there waiting for you?
JEFF
Someone who deserves a great day.
NANCY
Not just someone. Multiple people.
Practically a crowd.
JEFF
I’m a lucky guy.

NANCY
Yes. You are. And this is the best
day of your life.
As Jeff looks away, she checks her watch. He sighs, nods.
INT. FUNERAL TENT - CONTINUOUS
A beautiful ceremony, Jeff’s family and friends sitting in
rows. Jeff walks down the aisle, touching hands as he goes.
It’s joyous, celebratory, like a wedding. Nancy follows, then
slides into the front row next to JEFF’S FAMILY.
Jeff approaches the alter. There waits, not a lovely bride,
but... a COFFIN. A TIMER sits ticking on top. Jeff eyes the
timer, then turns to the audience.
JEFF
Thank you all. I’ve done just about
everything I wanted to do.
Laughs. Jeff’s family smiles back at him. His MOTHER takes
Nancy’s hand. Jeff climbs into the coffin. Lies down, crosses
his hands over his chest and closes his eyes.
The timer ticks rapidly to its end. All wait in anticipation.
Jeff fidgets, takes a deep breath, then relaxes. He smiles.
DING! The timer goes off. Jeff shudders, then lies still.
Nancy stands and checks Jeff’s pulse. She closes the coffin.
NANCY
In the two weeks since I have met
him, Jeff has finished his novel,
founded a scholarship at his high
school, and championed family game
night three times running. He’s an
inspiration to us all, and by the
jurisdiction of the Bureau of
Humane Succeeding, I, Nancy
Everlong, am proud to say:
Congratulations. Jeff Stewart has
Succeeded.
The crowd bursts into applause. Nancy beams out at them.
CUT TO BLACK.
TITLE: SUCCEEDING AT LIFE
END OF TEASER
ACT ONE *
Blue (mm/dd/yyyy) 2.

INT. BUREAU OF HUMANE SUCCEEDING (BHS) - BRIEFING ROOM - DAY
Nancy stands at the head of a table, preparing --
NANCY
Transitional Therapy is about one
question. So What?
INT. BHS - BRIEFING ROOM - SEVEN YEARS AGO
A half dozen eager RECRUITS sit around the table. We move
down to: YOUNG NANCY (20), bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. She
sits next to KATE VOGUL (30’s), a BHS superior.
SUPER: SEVEN YEARS EARLIER
In front, GLORIA BOWER (mid-40s) speaks to the recruits.
She’s graceful, at ease, in control but not intimidating.
GLORIA
Ninety-nine percent of cases will
be paint by numbers: complete a
long-lost dream, reconnect the
family, Congratulations, you’ve
Succeeded. But every so often, that
one patient will wonder, possibly
out loud, why they have to die now.
Gloria looks directly at Nancy. Nancy smiles back.
GLORIA (CONT’D)
And no matter what you say, their
response will be the same: so what?
Because you get to tell everyone
you love them: so what? Because
you’ve never had to fear death: so
what? Because, and please never
actually say this, the planet just
can’t take everyone living their
natural lifespan and this is how we
avoid extinction. Don’t care, screw
you, so what? I don’t wanna go!
INT. BHS - BRIEFING ROOM - PRESENT
Nancy paces the stage, picking up where Gloria left off.
NANCY
And even though the reasoning may
seem obvious to you, or to everyone
else, those outlier patients still
deserve success. They need work.
(MORE)
3.

They need care. They need an
answer. Transitional Therapy isn’t
about the ninety-nine percent; it’s
about that one “So what?” Because
we give death meaning. It’s your
job to convey that.
Nancy smiles to her audience: Kate, alone at the table. An
ALARM BEEPS on Nancy’s watch.
NANCY (CONT’D)
And under three minutes.
Kate slowly applauds, amused.
INT. BHS - HALLWAYS - DAY
Nancy and Kate walk down the hallway.
KATE
I never get tired of that speech.
NANCY
It’s ready for the recruits?
KATE
Thirty-three Succeedings in a year?
You’re ready.
NANCY
I like what I do.
KATE
Good. I’m about to test that.
Kate hands Nancy a FOLDER. Nancy glances through the it.
KATE (CONT’D)
Gerard Bower. 27 hours to
Succeeding. First Therapist
requested removal.
NANCY
Where are we?
KATE
Entering the Estate Sale. So we’re
clear, this is top priority.
NANCY
Public Figure?
NANCY (CONT'D)
4.

KATE
In a way. He almost jumped off the
Hamilton Bridge. We’ve been getting
phone calls.
(beat)
Nancy. You can say no.
Nancy frowns, quizzical. Kate nods to the folder. Nancy turns
a page. Tenses.
NANCY
Kate --
KATE
I know this is hard for you - it’s
hard for all of us - but for
obvious reasons this has attention
upstairs.
NANCY
I’d take anyone else. You know
that. Anyone --
KATE
We’ve done a lot of cleanup since
Gloria, and I can’t and won’t give
this to someone who will mishandle
this. They want you, Nancy. So keep
it clean. Keep it bright. Keep on
schedule. Tomorrow, everyone should
know that Gerard Bower Succeeded
and the world is still turning.
Slowly, Nancy nods.
KATE (CONT’D)
Good.
Kate puts a hand on Nancy’s shoulder.
KATE (CONT’D)
We all still miss her, Nancy.
(beat)
The speech sounds great.
Kate exits. Nancy keeps her composure, then slumps against
the wall. Her watch BEEPS. She gathers herself and exits.
INT. BOWER GREENHOUSE - DAY
A small, intimate space teeming with flora. GERARD BOWER (mid
60s) tends to a BAG filled with VIALS OF DIRT. Each has a
label signifying a life event (Honeymoon, first house, etc.)
5.

A picture of GERARD AND GLORIA is taped to the inside of the
bag. Gerard tilts some dirt from the HONEYMOON JAR onto his
hand, rubbing it over his fingers.
ALANNA BOWER (mid-30’s) enters. Gerard closes the Bag.
ALANNA
Breakfast.
Gerard grunts and tends to his plants, perfunctory watering
and weeding. Alanna follows.
ALANNA (CONT’D)
Mort made bacon.
(off Gerard’s glare)
He’s doing his best.
GERARD
Fruit Loop’s worst is about as
useful as his best, just less
pathetic.
Alanna leans against the workbench, in front of the bag.
ALANNA
I was thinking we could talk.
GERARD
Talk?
ALANNA
Talk. Over bacon.
GERARD
What if I don’t want to?
ALANNA
Well, I don’t want to. That’s kind
of the point.
GERARD
I’m not gonna stop from killing
myself for a few strips of pig-fat,
Alanna.
He yanks the bag away from her.
GERARD (CONT’D)
Now get out of my greenhouse.
ALANNA
Fine. Breakfast’s ready whenever.
Gerard watches her heave. He slings the bag on his shoulders.
6.

INT. BOWER HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
Alanna enters the kitchen. MORT (mid-30’s), her willfully
cheery husband, stacks silverware in a box. He’s organizing
the kitchen for the ESTATE SALE.
MORT
So, how did it go?
She grabs a plate. Mort offers a stack of dish-towels
instead.
MORT (CONT’D)
Why don’t you handle non-
breakables?
ALANNA
He’s gonna do it again.
MORT
No, he’s not. Because we’re gonna
love and support the absolute crap
out of him, and you know what? He’s
going to have to Succeed.
ALANNA
That’s a waste of love and support.
MORT
Alright. But think how good it will
feel to clear this place out, clean
the slate! The MacArthurs said the
Estate Sale was the breakthrough
with their daughter last year.
ALANNA
When’s the Therapist coming?
MORT
Soon. They said she’s the best.
ALANNA
Mom was the best. Look what he did
to her.
SEBASTIAN (22), Alanna’s hungover, nihilistic cousin, lopes
in. He loads up on food, pops it into the microwave, cracks a
beer and lights a cigarette in the same unbroken stumble.
SEBASTIAN
Or Succeeding’s a load of crock and
anyone who doesn’t think we die
alone is kidding themselves.
7.

MORT
Good morning, Sebastian. We’re
actually embracing the process for
Gerard and Alanna’s sake.
SEBASTIAN
Remind me. How is forcing Uncle G
to pretend he likes us for twenty-
four more hours not cruel and
unusual?
Alanna pauses. The MICROWAVE COUNTS DOWN, growing louder.
MORT
Maybe Alanna shouldn’t have to go
through two unscheduled deaths.
SEBASTIAN
Maybe he wants to die! Maybe you,
the BHS, and Alanna don’t get a
say.
MORT
Well I disagree.
SEBASTIAN
So did the last Therapist, up until
the point she didn’t.
MORT
Jesus, Seb --
SEBASTIAN
(re: microwave)
What is this? Cottage cheese?
MORT
Greek yogurt.
SEBASTIAN
Yogurt on bacon? Are you on drugs?
DING. The microwave finishes. Alanna drops the towels.
ALANNA
We’re going to follow the
Therapist. We’re going to get
through this. He’s not going to
kill himself. Eat your breakfast.
A KNOCK at the door. Sebastian grins.
SEBASTIAN
I’ll get it.
8.

EXT. BOWER HOUSE - FRONT PORCH - DAY
Nancy stands on the front stoop, hand gripped tightly around
a BHS BRIEFCASE. She breathes, calming herself.
NANCY
Hi Gerard, I’m your Transitional
Therapist, Nancy. Hi Gerard, I’m
your Transitional Therapist --
She stops. Sees SOMETHING down the road. Drops her briefcase.
Runs off the porch. Sebastian opens the door.
SEBASTIAN
Welcome, harbinger of... hello?
EXT. STREET - MOMENTS LATER
A slow-moving Gerard carries the bag of dirt, making a run
for it. Nancy catches up to him. He doesn’t look at her.
NANCY
Hi, Gerard. I’m your Transitional
Therapist, Nancy. Why are you
running?
GERARD
It’s good for my health.
NANCY
Yes, but I’d like to avoid you
killing yourself in a parking lot
somewhere.
GERARD
No, I was thinking a playground. Or
the freeway. Or BHS offices.
NANCY
I don’t think your family would --
GERARD
Or maybe I’ll blow my brains out on
the neighbor’s driveway.
Nancy considers this. Chooses a different strategy.
NANCY
You don’t see Succeeding as
particularly useful.
GERARD
Very perceptive.
9.

NANCY
That’s fine. Part of my job is to
show you the value of --
GERARD
I don’t view you as particularly
useful either. You won the war. I’m
gonna die. I won’t pretend to be
happy about it.
NANCY
I appreciate the challenge.
GERARD
I haven’t been happy in seven
years.
NANCY
I know. Since Gloria died.
Gerard stops. Turns.
GERARD
You don’t know my wife.
NANCY
Well. She trained me. She’s the
reason I do this. And I think she’d
agree you should come back inside.
GERARD
So what?
NANCY
That’s a very good question.
Gerard stares. Unsure how to respond.
INT. BOWER HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Nancy opens the briefcase. Inside is the BHS Kit: tissues,
chocolate, a BHS instruction manual, the Timer, the Bower
file, and a CHEESE PLATTER. Nancy sets the platter on the
table and opens her file.
NANCY
Could we start by reminding each
other of our Succeeding dates?
Gerard, Alanna, Mort, and Sebastian look between themselves
silently. Mort raises his hand.
10.

MORT
Fifteen more years. October 14th at
4:52. It’s a Friday, and I like
that.
SEBASTIAN
December 25th, just after midnight.
Seventy-six days and counting.
ALANNA
June 3rd, four years. Six o’clock.
GERARD
Tomorrow.
NANCY
See? It isn’t scary. Succeeding
gives us the chance to look back
with pride and forward with grace.
(digging in)
It’s a wonderful thing. And you
deserve that, Gerard. It’s the best
--
GERARD
Day of my life? My wife wrote the
script, girl scout. I’m not buying.
SEBASTIAN
First point, 1-0.
GERARD
Can I ask you something, Tracy?
ALANNA
Dad --
GERARD
What if I don’t want to accomplish
anything else with my life? I mean,
do you still hang around?
NANCY
Maybe your family wants something
from you.
GERARD
What if I don’t care about them?
MORT
I care about you, Gerard.
11.

GERARD
Fruit Loop cares. I don’t. I wanna
die on my own time.
Nancy notices Alanna staring at The PICTURE OF GLORIA in the
BHS folder.
NANCY
Alanna. Tell me about your mother.
Alanna shifts, painfully aware of Gerard’s eyes on her.
ALANNA
Um. She was loving. Compassionate.
Busy. She liked seafood.
GERARD
Trout and calamari.
ALANNA
And she killed herself.
NANCY
Do you know why?
ALANNA
What kind of question is that?
SEBASTIAN
Second point, 2-0.
GERARD
The BHS told her convincing people
they’re dying for a reason isn’t
bullshit. Then she realized it is.
ALANNA
That’s not what happened.
GERARD
Thank you, “She liked seafood.”
NANCY
See, this is something I can help
with. Gloria chose not to Succeed.
It seems you as a family are having
trouble reconciling with that.
ALANNA
Well how did you?
Nancy halts, a little off guard. Alanna alternates between
sardonic and hopeful.
12.

NANCY
I thought Succeeding was random,
meaningless, and cruel. Gloria
taught me death can be cruel.
Succeeding gives it meaning.
SEBASTIAN
Then she killed herself. What’s up
with that?
NANCY
Well, Sebastian, it might be more
important to focus on --
SEBASTIAN
And Third point. Great game
everyone.
Gerard stands to leave, taking his bag with him.
NANCY
Gerard. May I ask what’s in your
bag?
Gerard halts. Looks down at the bag.
INT. BOWER GREENHOUSE - DAY
Gerard unlocks his bag. Nancy and Alanna look on.
ALANNA
And there’s the dirt.
Gerard holds up each jar, a hint of pride showing.
GERARD
Honeymoon. First house. Punaluu
black sand where we met. I’m
missing Bryce Canyon, but other
than that: she’s all here.
ALANNA
It was with him on the bridge.
Gerard wants to be buried with the
dirt.
NANCY
It’s lovely, Gerard. Really, it’s --
An alarm RINGS on Nancy’s watch. The spell is broken.
NANCY (CONT’D)
Estate Sale. Can we move inside to -
13.

ALANNA
You get rid of everything, Dad.
That’s how it’s done.
GERARD
You can do whatever. I’m keeping my
dirt.
ALANNA
Right, I’m doing this for myself.
GERARD
Sure as shit isn’t for me!
NANCY
Good! This is --
ALANNA
Everything’s always for you, you
asshole!
Nancy’s watch BEEPS again. Nancy tries to take Gerard’s hand.
NANCY
Alright. I’d like us inside now.
GERARD
To be explicitly clear, I don’t
want to feel good. I want to be
with my wife. And if killing myself
gets me there, it’ll be on the
front lawn.
ALANNA
He’s doing this just to prove he
misses her more.
GERARD
Tell me, sweetheart, what gives you
the right to leave for seven years,
come home and tell me I need proof?
Alanna strides back to the house. Nancy follows her.
GERARD (CONT’D)
Seven years, Alanna!
ALANNA
I hate him. I hate him.
NANCY
Good. Let’s work on that.
Gerard slams the door to his Greenhouse.
14.

ACT TWO
EXT. BOWER HOUSE - ESTABLISHING *
A BHS sign in the front yard reads: BHS APPROVED ESTATE SALE *
INT. BOWER HOUSE - DAY *
A PILE OF PAMPHLETS sit near the front door:
ESTATE SALE FOR GERARD BOWER -- CELEBRATING HIS MEMORIES *
Below is a picture of Gerard, scowling at the camera.
Strangers, each carrying A DISH OF COMFORT FOOD, meander *
around the house. Looking through boxes. Opening drawers.
Basically invading.
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY *
A HOUSEWIFE searches through a box of JEWELRY on the table.
SEBASTIAN (O.S.)
You like them? They were hers, you
know.
Sebastian sits next to her, a little too close for comfort.
HOUSEWIFE
Hers?
SEBASTIAN
The Transitional Therapist. Killed
herself a while back. You remember. *
The Housewife glances around. Tries on the Jewelry.
HOUSEWIFE
I was in line for the ATM when I *
heard. Just terrible. It’s a good *
thing you are selling everything. I
mean, for -- his transition.
SEBASTIAN
And now Uncle G. The bridge. He was *
this close to ending it all.
(she nods, enraptured. He
takes an emotive beat)
I’m sorry to burden you, but I don’t *
know if I can take another. *
(MORE)

All of her things around the house -- *
Each with its special meaning... If *
only she had left a note.
Sebastian holds his breath, his face reddens, a tear almost *
forming on his eyelid. The Housewife puts the jewelry down... *
SEBASTIAN (CONT’D)
Not to mention the resale value.
... and picks it back up.
HOUSEWIFE
Sorry, what do you mean by resale? *
SEBASTIAN
Two suicides in one family, one a *
former BHS figurehead? If Uncle G *
follows through, this stuff becomes *
artifacts. Resale value spikes. There *
are some sick people out there.
The Housewife takes another piece of Jewelry and stands.
HOUSEWIFE
Congratulations.
SEBASTIAN *
Thank you very much. *
She bustles away. Nancy, her game face back on, sits next to
Sebastian.
NANCY
Behaving yourself?
SEBASTIAN
Like a lamb.
Nancy judiciously places her hand on Sebastian’s back.
NANCY
You’re being very brave Sebastian,
I’m proud of you.
(beat)
It’s a hard transition for
everyone. But in the end, Gerard
isn’t the only one that succeeds.
( Looking to the Dining
Room)
Excuse me.
She heads toward the Dining Room. Another customer sits next
to Sebastian.
SEBASTIAN (CONT'D)

SEBASTIAN
You like them? They were hers, you know.
INT. DINING ROOM - DAY
A line leads to the Dining Table, patrons exchanging Comfort *
Food for BOXES OF GERARD’S THINGS. Mort moves Comfort Food *
from the table to Kitchen. *
Nancy, Alanna and Gerard examine each item on the table *
before exchanging them. They’ve been there for a while. The *
current SHOPPER has a pair of BALLET SHOES. *
ALANNA *
(to Gerard) *
How was my fourth grade ballet recital *
an attack on your personal happiness?
GERARD
Ok. These shoes remind me of the
recital, which wasn’t very good, *
that you made me go to. *
SHOPPER *
I really don’t need the shoes -- *
NANCY *
Alanna, we’re accepting the memories, *
good and bad, of your father’s *
affects before letting them go. *
ALANNA
Have you noticed he doesn’t have *
any good memories of me? *
NANCY *
That’s because for the past four *
hours, your father’s been having a *
little fun with us. *
Gerard smirks at Nancy. She smiles back politely. *
NANCY (CONT’D) *
I think he’s enjoyed making this *
process difficult, but at a certain *
point he’s going to get bored. *
OTHER SHOPPER *
Is that point coming soon? *
NANCY *
And when he’s ready, he will *
realize we can find happiness... *

GERARD *
(mocking) *
... in the saddest memories. *
NANCY *
Exactly. So, Gerard. What do these *
shoes remind you of? *
Gerard stares her down. He turns to Alanna. *
GERARD *
Alanna. These shoes remind me of *
your ballet recital, which wasn’t *
awful and I most certainly didn’t *
walk out of halfway through. Our *
relationship brings me much joy. My *
nephew isn’t a drug addict. My son- *
in-law isn’t a pansy -- *
MORT *
Right here, Gerard. *
GERARD *
-- and my wife didn’t kill herself *
because we don’t live in a world of *
hair-brushed, hunky-dory, state- *
sponsored execution. *
(to Nancy) *
There. How’d I do? *
Alanna takes the shoes, tosses them in the box, and hands the *
box to the Shopper. *
ALANNA *
There you go. Thank you very much. *
SHOPPER *
Congratulations. *
The shopper hustles away. Nancy touches Alanna’s shoulder. *
NANCY *
We can take a break. *
ALANNA *
Let’s just keep going. *
GERARD *
(to Alanna) *
Didn’t you used to have a sense of *
humor? *
ALANNA *
You’re hysterical, Dad. As always. *

NANCY
Alright, we’re taking a break.
(the crowd GROANS) *
Alanna, could you help me in the *
kitchen?
Nancy and Alanna head to the kitchen counter. The Shopper
sets his Casserole on the table in front of Gerard.
BALLET SHOES SHOPPER
Look, man, I’ll pay extra if I can *
just leave now.
Gerard notices a KITCHEN KNIFE and spatula in the casserole.
He eyes the knife, then the Shopper.
INT. KITCHEN/DINING ROOM - DAY
Alanna and Nancy carry dishes to the counter. Mort unloads *
them from the other side.
MORT
Sounds like it’s going well.
NANCY
Mort, tell incoming shoppers we’re
good on food, cash will do. Alanna -- *
ALANNA
I know, I know. He just.. you can’t *
blame Mom for giving up, can you? *
NANCY *
Well, I think we can work together *
on being a little more receptive. *
ALANNA *
Receptive? I’m being receptive. *
NANCY *
I agree, but next time he mentions a *
bad memory, instead of arguing, maybe *
you could counter with a good one. *
ALANNA *
So when he acts like an ass hole, I *
act like he’s dad of the year? *
NANCY *
No, but part of Succeeding means -- *

ALANNA *
I don’t care about Succeeding, I *
just want a parent to die normally. *
Isn’t that your job? *
NANCY *
I’m trying to help you, Alanna. *
(beat) *
Gloria didn’t “give up” on Succeeding. *
ALANNA *
Then you tell me why she hung *
herself. It was right there in the *
Greenhouse, did you know that? *
Mort reaches across the table to take Alanna’s hand. *
MORT *
Alanna. She’s the expert. *
Alanna takes her hand away and exits deeper into the house. *
Nancy turns back to the Dining Room table -- *
-- GERARD ISN’T THERE. *
NANCY *
Where’d he go? *
The bewildered Shopper points behind him. Nancy looks to the *
front door. She pushes past shoppers, running toward it -- *
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
Nancy gets to the front door. Halts, turns. Gerard and *
Sebastian sit on the couch looking at her. *
SEBASTIAN *
Nancy, were you aware that your *
patient was just soliciting me for *
overdose quantities of painkillers? *
GERARD *
The bastard won’t share his Percocet. *
SEBASTIAN *
I consider assisted suicide to be *
condescending. *
Nancy tries to smile reassuringly to onlooking shoppers. She *
examines Gerard, trying to gauge the threat of his suicide. *
He rolls his eyes. *

GERARD *
No one can take a joke around here. *
Nancy continues judging, then -- *
NANCY *
Alanna is taking a moment, but *
we’ll be ready to start up again. *
SEBASTIAN
So looting a guy’s possessions does *
heal family grudges. Boy, was I on the
wrong side of the fence on that one. *
Nancy turns. Her eyes fall on the Greenhouse door. She wavers *
between the Dining Room and the Greenhouse. Checks her watch. *
NANCY *
I’m going to make sure no one’s *
disturbed the Greenhouse. *
Sebastian, don’t let him -- *
SEBASTIAN *
I’m on the watch, captain. *
GERARD *
(to Nancy) *
Don’t touch anything. *
Nancy nods and turns away. *
INT. GREENHOUSE - DAY
Nancy slips through the door and closes it. Looks around like *
a real estate appraiser. She leans in to examine the plants. *
GLORIA (O.S.)
I always hated the Estate Sale.
Nancy looks over. Gloria, in her Transitional Therapist
outfit, also leans against the workbench.
GLORIA (CONT’D)
You never fail to attract a
sampling of humanity’s finest.
NANCY
I know. I always wanted to be like
you... You always had the answer
for every problem, for helping even
the most helpless cases succeed.
(MORE)

And all this time I’ve told myself
I learned everything you tried to
teach me, down to the T.
(beat)But I’ve learned otherwise.
I’ve learned just how hard dealing
with Gerard can be. And Alanna. And *
Sebastian. I’ve learned that I can
never be you - No one can. And you
let everyone down.
Nancy’s look pleads for Gloria to refute this.
Gloria merely smiles.
GLORIA
My family is very special.
NANCY
They’re delusional! Succeedings *
don’t just happen. At some point, *
every other family just...
(Gloria smiles, knowing)
I’ve never felt like I’m making
things worse. Now I just want to
break protocol. It would make
things a lot simpler for everyone.
GLORIA
(challenging)
That’s it. Give up. You don’t need *
the BHS. You can do whatever you
want and they’ll just have to find
somebody to replace you.
This irks Nancy and she straightens, ready to face the *
challenge. *
NANCY
I can’t scrap the Estate Sale. Kate
needs the public attention.
GLORIA
Catch and release method. Pressure *
my Gerard on fatherhood, he’ll hate
it but that’s only because it
works. Then release through work
and travel. Easy as pie, right?
Nancy nods, that soothing familiarity returning.
NANCY
Alanna gets defensive with memories age
nine and up. I heard Bryce Canyon -- *
NANCY (CONT'D)

GLORIA
That’s a doosie. Ages six to eight,
there’s some bonding material
there.
NANCY
Intersperse that with the
abandonment issues --
GLORIA
End with mutual grief --
NANCY
And Success. That could work.
Nancy smiles to Gloria.
GLORIA *
Just another case study. You got
this Nance.
NANCY
Except they don’t know why you did
it.
GLORIA
Do you? *
Nancy takes a deep breath. Closes her eyes. When she opens
them, Gloria is gone.
INT. DINING ROOM - DAY *
The HOUSEWIFE picks items off a shelf haphazardly. A MALE *
SHOPPER examines her box behind her. *
MALE SHOPPER *
Not concerned with saving some for *
the rest of us, are you? *
HOUSEWIFE *
Sentimental value. I’m a close *
friend of -- *
(checks flyer) *
Gerard. Who are you? *
The Male Shopper glares and moves on. The Housewife sees *
Gerard and Sebastian staring at her from the couch. *
HOUSEWIFE (CONT’D) *
Congratulations. *
She moves on. Gerard looks around. *

GERARD *
I have a lot more close friends *
than I thought I did. *
SEBASTIAN *
Maybe they appreciated you from afar. *
GERARD *
Huh. *
SEBASTIAN *
Or maybe I convinced them your stuff *
will be priceless if you kill yourself. *
(looks over) *
Pretty funny, right? *
Gerard looks at Sebastian for a long beat. *
GERARD *
Yeah, that’s pretty funny. *
SEBASTIAN *
Too bad it’s only really funny if *
you actually kill yourself. Which *
we both know you’re not gonna do. *
(off his look) *
Come on. You had a whole bridge *
last time, didn’t you? *
GERARD *
That was different, you little shit. *
SEBASTIAN *
Hey, I’m a hypocrite too, right? All *
our talk, but we aren’t like Auntie *
G. We’re like Mort’s yogurt. *
GERARD *
Mort’s yogurt? *
Sebastian grins. *
SEBASTIAN *
We expire. *
Mort plops down on the other side of Gerard. *
MORT *
How’s everyone doing? *
(silence) *
You know, Gerard, I was just *
thinking about what my Estate sale *
will feel like. *
(MORE)

I imagine a huge weight off my
chest, using that lightness to *
connect with the people around me. *
Gerard spots Alanna returning to the Dining Room table. *
MORT (CONT’D) *
Does it feel like that at all? *
GERARD
No.
Gerard stands, gives an “Up Yours” sign to Sebastian, and *
crosses to the Dining Room. Mort turns to Sebastian. *
MORT *
Why do I bother? Why? *
INT. DINING ROOM - CONTINUOUS *
Gerard pushes past the people in line. The SHOPPER IN FRONT *
grabs his arm. *
SHOPPER IN FRONT *
Hey man, our clocks aren’t ticking *
in any slower. *
Gerard yanks free. He sets the bag of dirt on the table and *
leans in to Alanna. *
GERARD *
I don’t care if you think I’m a *
joke or a nuisance or a bad father. *
I don’t. But I loved your mother -- *
ALANNA *
I get it, Dad. *
GERARD *
-- and I’m going to honour her. I *
promise you that. *
Alanna looks down. He holds the CASSEROLE KNIFE in his pocket. *
ALANNA *
Wow. You really believe she did it *
for honour? *
GERARD *
Why else? *
MORT (CONT'D)

ALANNA *
Because she was unhappy. That’s why *
people used to do it, right? Before? *
GERARD *
She was happy. I know she was *
happy. *
ALANNA *
You’re pathetic. And a joke. And a *
nuisance. And a bad father. *
Gerard puts the knife to his wrist. Turns to address the room. *
GERARD *
Excuse me, everyone. *
All turn. GASPS, CRIES OF SHOCK. *
GERARD (CONT’D) *
I’ve got something to say. *
HOUSEWIFE (O.C.) *
Wait! *
The Housewife bustles past the line, her comfort food and box *
jiggling between her hands. She sets them on the table. *
HOUSEWIFE (CONT’D) *
Is it possible we do these first? *
INT. GREENHOUSE - DAY *
Nancy is startled by the SOUNDS OF ARGUING outside. She *
pushes out to -- *
INT. LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS *
The line has deteriorated to a mob. Nancy turns to Mort and *
Sebastian, standing. *
NANCY *
What happened? *
MORT *
I don’t know! *
(to Sebastian) *
What did you do? *
SEBASTIAN *
See, if you assume I’m guilty, I *
have no incentive to improve. *

Nancy pushes through the crowd to -- *
INT. DINING ROOM - CONTINUOUS *
SHOPPERS jostle for position at the front, forcing Gerard *
back against the table. *
He, in turn, retaliates by posing with the knife, distracting
them from their Black Friday fervor.
One SHOPPER #3 even takes out his cell phone to record it.
Nancy squeezes through and sees Gerard, sees the onlookers *
growing ever engaged, ready for the inevitable gush of blood.
NANCY *
Gerard. Put the knife down. *
GERARD *
Look at this! This is sick! We *
aren’t made to die on schedule. *
NANCY *
You know we can revive you before *
you bleed out. Let’s be rational. *
GERARD *
You be rational. I’m gonna go now. *
Alanna looks from Gerard to the JAR OF DIRT on the table. She *
slowly stands, moving toward it. *
The Housewife elbows her way forward and turns to Nancy *
HOUSEWIFE *
There you are! You need to start *
ringing people up before this gets *
out of control! *
NANCY *
What is wrong with all of you? *
Don’t you have any respect? *
SHOPPER 2 *
(re: Gerard) *
He doesn’t seem to mind. *
GERARD *
I don’t. *
NANCY *
That’s not the point. *
(to Gerard) *
(MORE)

You have to believe that you have *
more to live for. You have to. *
GERARD *
I think you’re over-selling *
yourself, girl scout. You can’t *
change my life. *
NANCY *
I don’t have to. Alanna? *
Alanna is inches from the Bag. She looks up. *
NANCY (CONT’D) *
That beautiful memory you shared *
with me earlier. I think your *
father would like to hear it. *
Alanna frowns. Nancy looks at her, pleading. Alanna turns to *
her father. Stares at him for a moment. *
NANCY (CONT’D) *
Alanna, how old were you? *
ALANNA *
I was five. *
Nancy nods encouragingly, but Alanna speaks only to Gerard. *
ALANNA (CONT’D) *
It was our last day in Bryce *
Canyon. I remember the sun off the *
red rocks, like an ancient Martian *
palace. It was magical. *
Gerard wants to speak, but Alanna can’t be interrupted.
ALANNA (CONT’D) *
You and Mom were fighting, but I *
knew if I kept climbing eventually *
I wouldn’t hear you. *
NANCY *
Alanna, I’m not sure if this is the *
story you were telling me -- *
ALANNA
-I decided I wouldn’t come out unless *
you found me. Then it got dark. And *
it got cold. And I couldn’t see *
enough to climb down and I sat there *
screaming and I thought you were *
never going to find me. *
NANCY (CONT'D)
(MORE)

I thought this is the time I really *
run away, and I didn’t even mean t--. *
Gerard awkwardly puts his hand on her shoulder.
GERARD *
-Do you remember why we were
fighting? I told her that she was
working too much, she was missing
you grow up. She said the BHS
needed her.
By this time Alanna is in a tizzy.
ALANNA
Mom found me! She scooped me up and *
tucked me into bed, and you didn’t *
say a word until the next day. Do *
remember what you said? *
GERARD *
No. *
ALANNA *
Yes you do. You said we forgot the *
dirt. *
Gerard’s eyes well.
GERARD
That was the last family trip we
took together.
ALANNA *
I’ve always hated you for that. But *
Mom’s dead, and you’re about to die, *
so I sort of have to forgive you now. *
So. For being a jerk. For convincing *
Mom her job was worthless. For *
teaching me the whole world is messed *
up. I forgive you- *
GERARD
-I’m sorry.
A tender beat, broken by what happens next. *
Alanna tips the Jar of Dirt off the table. It tumbles to the *
ground. Gerard drops the knife, dives for it... *
It CRASHES, GLASS SHATTERS inside. Nancy looks from the jar *
to Gerard, then quickly pushes the crowd back. *
ALANNA (CONT'D)

NANCY *
Everyone outside! *
HOUSEWIFE *
But my -- *
NANCY
The BHS has closed this Estate
Sale, everyone outside!
Gerard crouches next to the bag. Lifts the flap. Sticks his *
hand in; WINCES. Mort bends to help him. *
ALANNA *
Don’t help him. *
MORT *
Alanna -- *
GERARD
Don’t.
Gerard pushes him away. Removes his hand, coated in dirt and *
blood from the shattered glass. He holds the HONEYMOON label.
Nancy ushers the crowd back, then turns around.
NANCY
I can fix this.
The Bower family looks back at her. Shattered.
NANCY (CONT’D)
I can fix this.
END OF ACT TWO

ACT THREE
EXT. BOWER HOUSE - PORCH - DUSK
Nancy and Kate watch BHS workman carry the last ESTATE SALE
BOXES from the house. They look at each other.
NANCY
How does it look?
KATE
We’re working on containment until
we can spin this properly.
NANCY
You mean blacklist them.
KATE
Succeedings don’t go wrong by
themselves. This is either your
fault, my fault, or the Bowers.
NANCY
Then it’s mine.
KATE
You tell that to the review board,
and I guarantee you’ll be replaced
by Monday.
Nancy pales, then gathers herself.
NANCY
I’ve got a few more hours.
KATE
Bad idea.
NANCY
All I need is one picture of them
smiling and holding hands. No
blacklisting needed.
KATE
Gerard isn’t going to Succeed. He’s
a time bomb you need to pass on.
NANCY
It’s the least we can do for
Gloria.
32.

KATE
From the moment you started at BHS,
Gloria chose you over her family
every chance she got. I intend to
do the same.
A small THUMP comes from inside. Kate moves to close the
door.
INT. BOWER HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MEANWHILE
The house is STRIPPED BARE. Alanna, Mort, and Sebastian sit
in three fold-out chairs. Kate closes the door. The three
look at each other. Mort stands.
EXT. BOWER HOUSE - PORCH - DAY
Kate leans in closer to Nancy.
KATE
You can’t imagine what’s happening
at the top, Nancy. Don’t get caught
up in this. Request removal from
the Bowers and keep your eyes
forward. That’s the least you can
do for Gloria.
Nancy shifts, uncertain.
INT. BOWER HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DUSK
Nancy enters. Mort is standing by the door, Alanna further
back. Sebastian remains seated.
MORT
What is blacklisting?
SEBASTIAN
Kinda ominous sounding.
NANCY
I know this has been a rough
afternoon, but I need all of you to
--
ALANNA
What happens when we’re
blacklisted?
Nancy’s optimistic facade weakens. She faces Alanna.
33.

NANCY
We publicly discredit your family
and revoke your right to
Succeeding.
Shocked silence.
NANCY (CONT’D)
But that isn’t going to happen.
MORT
Revoke our right to Succeeding?
What does that mean?
NANCY
Mort, I’m not going to let them
blacklist you.
MORT
I’m just confused, revoke our
right? So instead of Succeeding we,
what? We --
SEBASTIAN
Die, it seems like.
MORT
Shut up! No one just dies!
SEBASTIAN
Yes, everyone does. That’s what
I’ve been saying this whole time!
MORT
You asshole! You dying early
doesn’t mean you get to ruin my
life!
Sebastian looks down, a little guilty. Alanna puts a hand on
Mort’s shoulder and looks to Nancy.
ALANNA
What do we have to do?
NANCY
We can start by readdressing some
of the tension in your childhood --
ALANNA
In the most simple, achievable
terms, what do we have to do?
34.

NANCY
(beat)
Take a picture. Smile for the
camera. Look like a happy family.
MORT
How do we know he’s even alive in
there?
All look to the Greenhouse door. Mort tries the handle.
Locked.
MORT (CONT’D)
Gerard! Are you still with us?
A beat, then a NOTE slides under the door. Mort picks it up.
MORT (CONT’D)
(reading)
Bite me, Fruit Loop.
Nancy turns back to Alanna. Alanna considers, then nods.
ALANNA
Fine. We’ll do a picture.
NANCY
Alanna, thank you. Once we get your
father out of the Greenhouse --
ALANNA
No. I’ll do the picture. You get
him out. That’s your job, isn’t it?
Alanna turns and walks further into the house. Nancy turns to
the Greenhouse door.
INT. BOWER HOUSE - GREENHOUSE DOOR - NIGHT
Nancy repeatedly tries the handle and knocks on the door.
NANCY
Gerard, I’m just asking you to open
the door.
(beat)
Aren’t you hungry? We’ve got so
much food out here.
(beat)
If you don’t help out, I’m going to
break the door down.
A NOTE slides under the door. Nancy picks it up, reads.
35.

NANCY (CONT’D)
Oh really? Why don’t you come out
and say that to my face!
Nancy’s watch beeps. She HITS the door in frustration.
NANCY (CONT’D)
I’m trying to help!
Nancy turns to see Sebastian and Mort watching from the
Living Room. Sebastian nurses a beer; Mort eats casserole.
SEBASTIAN
I think you’re wearing him down.
MORT
We don’t stand a chance, do we?
NANCY
My God, how did Gloria stand any of
you?
Mort and Sebastian seem a little taken aback.
MORT
Ouch.
NANCY
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.
SEBASTIAN
I liked it. Made you seem like a
real person.
Nancy crosses to them and sits. She takes off her scarf,
examining it.
NANCY
Transitional Therapy isn’t about
the ninety-nine percent; it’s about
the one “So What?”
(Looking at them)
Gloria told us that on my first day
of training.
MORT
What does it mean?
NANCY
That you define yourself as a
Therapist by the patients who don’t
want to die.
(beat)
(MORE)
36.

You know, I actually used to think
I was good at this.
Sebastian and Mort share a look. For once, in agreement.
SEBASTIAN
Gloria forgot my birthday.
Nancy looks up. Surprised.
SEBASTIAN (CONT’D)
Not just once. All the time. Like
ages six to twelve.
MORT
And she was a bit of a flake.
Alanna said they’d make plans
months in advance, and Gloria would
bail last second for work.
SEBASTIAN
Same with Gerard. All those jars of
dirt? Guess how many were pre-BHS?
Nancy looks down at the BHS scarf.
NANCY
But she was the best.
MORT
No one’s denying that, of course,
just --
SEBASTIAN
-- Gerard never really wanted a
Therapist.
Nancy nods. Tucks the scarf into her pocket. Considers, then -
NANCY
Do we still have a broom?
INT. BOWER HOUSE -- GREENHOUSE -- NIGHT
Gerard sits in the Greenhouse. A NOOSE hangs from the
rafters. He flicks it, watching it swing back and forth.
GERARD
I don’t know how you did it.
Gloria sits on the others side of the noose. She’s dressed in
gardening attire, more casual than we’ve seen her thus far.
NANCY (CONT'D)
37.

GLORIA
A noose wasn’t easy. And I see
you’ve tied it wrong.
GERARD
Did not. That’s a great noose.
GLORIA
Oh is it? Then get up there and
prove it, big guy.
Gerard smiles sadly. Shakes his head.
GERARD
I can do it, I swear.
GLORIA
You act like I never made mistakes.
A KNOCK at the door.
NANCY (O.S.)
This is the last time I’m gonna
knock, I promise.
Gloria steps aside so Gerard is facing the door.
GLORIA
Trust me, Gerard. You don’t want to
die alone.
Gerard slowly stands, crosses, and opens the door. Nancy
stands there, holding a small bowl.
GERARD
What?
Nancy holds out the bowl. It holds A small pile of DIRT.
NANCY
A few more dust bunnies than
before, but ... your honeymoon.
Gerard takes the bowl and starts to close the door. Nancy
stops it.
GERARD
Jesus, learn when to quit.
NANCY
You’re scared. You’re angry. But
it’s time to come outside.
38.

GERARD
I’m not talking to those leeches.
And I’m not scared.
Nancy raises an eyebrows. Gerard turns back into the room and
pours the dirt into a new jar. Nancy spots the rope.
NANCY
Waiting for inspiration?
GERARD
Something like that.
NANCY
You know my Dad almost tried once.
GERARD
I really don’t care.
NANCY
After Mom Succeeded, I remember him
mentioning it. He only had a few
weeks after her; it was one of the
reasons they got married. Gloria
was our Therapist. She convinced
him not to.
GERARD
So that once he Succeeded, you
could... what? Sell all his shit?
Buy a new car?
NANCY
No, I couldn’t drive. I was seven.
Gerard pauses. Nancy taps the noose, watching it swing.
NANCY (CONT’D)
You’re a child, Gerard. But selling
you on Succeeding isn’t half as hard
as explaining it to a seven year
old. Somehow, your wife did it.
GERARD
Yep, she was good at her job. Makes
you look like a retarded duck.
NANCY
You’re right. And I don’t even have
a family to worry about.
GERARD
(suspicious)
That’s right.
39.

NANCY
Can’t imagine you and Alanna got to
see much of her.
GERARD
No. We didn’t.
NANCY
Would have been nice if she
Succeeded. One last time together.
GERARD
Yes. It might have been. So what?
NANCY
I don’t know.
Gerard finally looks at her. Nancy shrugs.
NANCY (CONT’D)
I don’t know why Gloria killed
herself. I don’t know why my Dad
didn’t. Sometimes I can’t remember
why we Succeed. But I’m glad I got
those last weeks with him.
Gerard puts the jar in his bag. Closes the flap.
GERARD
I can’t believe it. I’m scared to die.
NANCY
No shit.
Gerard looks at her. Nancy smiles.
NANCY (CONT’D)
Wanna let me help you out?
INT. BOWER HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT
Alanna clears dishes from the over-stuffed fridge, dumping
the comfort food in a trash bag. She hears a door open.
Nancy and Gerard come out of the Greenhouse. Gerard holds the
Bag of Dirt.
NANCY
Good night, Alanna.
ALANNA
You’re leaving?
40.

NANCY
I’ll be back tomorrow morning.
Nancy squeezes Gerard’s shoulder and exits. Gerard hesitates,
then makes his way to the Dining Room. Alanna ignores him.
ALANNA
I don’t want to talk.
GERARD
Ok.
He holds out the Dirt for her to take. She glares at him.
ALANNA
No.
GERARD
Come on --
ALANNA
I don’t want your stupid dirt.
GERARD
Wait. Just hold on.
He pulls a jar from the bag. Hands it to her.
ALANNA
(reading)
Bryce Canyon?
GERARD
The worst family vacation ever.
Alanna glares at him, suspicious
GERARD (CONT’D)
Mom was busy, so she told me to go
with you. You ran away the second
night. Got stuck in that cave, I
had to get the park ranger...
ALANNA
Phil. He told me you were the worst
Dad ever.
GERARD
I’m number one at something.
Alanna’s face twitches, not quite a smile.
ALANNA
You said you didn’t get any dirt.
41.

GERARD
I didn’t. Until later that night, I
was packing your clothes. And all
this came pouring from your shoes.
(indicating dirt)
Just enough for a jar.
Alanna puts the jar down.
ALANNA
You’ll do the picture?
Gerard nods.
ALANNA (CONT’D)
Fine. Good night.
GERARD
Ok.
(turns away, then)
Some advice? Don’t be like me.
He walks out. Alanna looks at the Bag of Dirt, still on the
table.
EXT. BOWER HOUSE - DAWN
Gerard watches the sun rise. It’s clear he hasn’t slept.
Nancy, followed by a PHOTOGRAPHER, approach from the street.
GERARD
I gave the dirt to Alanna.
NANCY
I’m sure she appreciated it.
GERARD
What am I supposed to do now?
NANCY
Say goodbye.
INT. BOWER HOUSE -- LIVING ROOM -- DAY
The family is gathered in the living room. Alanna hold
Gerard’s dirt. Nancy sets the clock on top of the COFFIN.
At Nancy’s encouragement, Gerard approaches Sebastian.
GERARD
Look kid. Don’t let this --
(gesturing to Mort)
(MORE)
42.

twiggy fanny-pack make you feel
like a loser. Get it together.
SEBASTIAN
Working on it, Uncle G.
Gerard nods and moves on to Mort.
GERARD
What I said two seconds ago about
you being a fanny-pack --
MORT
Apology accepted.
GERARD
-- I meant it. You’re an inanimate
object, and I don’t respect you.
Mort nods. Gerard moves on to Alanna.
GERARD (CONT’D)
Well.
ALANNA
Well.
Nancy checks her watch. Hates to break the moment, but --
NANCY
Picture time.
Gerard nods. The four get in a line. The Photographer sets up
his camera.
PHOTOGRAPHER
Alright, a little closer on the
left.
Gerard moves slightly closer to Alanna.
PHOTOGRAPHER (CONT’D)
A little more...
Gerard and Alanna look at each other. He puts his arm around
her. She reciprocates.
PHOTOGRAPHER (CONT’D)
Perfect! Smiles everyone. One, two -
The camera FLASHES. Nancy moves forward.
NANCY
Alright. It’s time.
GERARD (CONT'D)
43.

Gerard nods. Approaches his coffin. He looks inside. Looks
over at the clock. Gets in.
The family takes each other’s hands. Sebastian reaches for
Nancy’s. She accepts.
The Timer ticks. Gerard breathes, in, out, in out...
DING. Nancy opens her eyes. The family looks a little
stunned.
MORT
We did it.
NANCY
Well done, everyone.
MORT
We did it! He Succeeded!
Mort kisses Alanna on the cheek. She still looks stunned.
SEBASTIAN
Nancy, isn’t there some mandated
rhetoric you have to lay on us?
Nancy steps in front of the coffin.
NANCY
To the most... interesting family
I’ve had the pleasure of working
with. Congratulations. Gerard Bower
has --
Nancy starts to close the coffin when --
-- A HAND pops up and stops the door of the coffin lid. Nancy
stumbles backward, shocked as --
Gerard sits up. Takes a gulp of air. Gazes around the room,
noticing the sunlight in the windows, the cool breeze of the
air conditioning. His family, staring at him in utter shock.
NANCY (CONT’D)
Gerard?
Gerard swings his feet over the rim. Kicks off his shoes.
Stands, feeling the carpet with his toes. Alanna finally
finds her voice.
ALANNA
Dad?
44.

Gerard smiles at her. He lifts the dirt out of her arms. And
he runs out the door.
EXT. BOWER HOME - DAY
SLOW MOTION: Gerard runs down the street. Dirt clutched to
his chest. Unbridled glee on his face. The sun rises before
him, dazzling, brilliant.
Behind him, the Nancy and the remaining Bowers gather at the
curb. All are too stunned to move. Then:
SEBASTIAN
RUUUUUUUN! KEEP RUNNING YOU UNDEAD
MIRACLE YOU! RUUUUUUUN!
Sebastian HOOTS and CHEERS as Mort paces back and forth.
MORT
His Timer went off. He should be
dead, that’s what happens. His
timer went off!
Nancy slowly turns to Alanna. Alanna reaches into her pocket,
pulls out the BRYCE CANYON JAR OF DIRT. Nancy takes it,
studies it with wonder. They make eye contact.
NANCY
This is bad.
And Nancy takes off running after Gerard. Alanna follows,
Mort closely behind.
Sebastian continues to cheer as Gerard leads them into the
sunrise of a new day.
END OF SHOW
45.

SAL_E01_FULL

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