It haunts me a lot after seeing my clients being nervous to enter my chamber; the role of a counsellor is nothing but to increase the life skill of living that they lack.

1. Developing Life Skill
Dr Rupa Talukdar

2.  The term ‘Life Skills’ refers to the skills you need to make the most out of
life.
 Life skills are usually associated with managing and living a better quality
of life. They help us to accomplish our ambitions and live to our full
potential.
 Any skill that is useful in your life can be considered a life skill.

3.  Life skills are not always taught directly but often learned indirectly
through experience and practice.
 By learning new skills we increase our understanding of the world around
us and equip ourselves with the tools we need to live a more productive
and fulfilling life, finding ways to cope with the challenges that life,
inevitably, throws at us.
 Perhaps the most important life skill is the ability and willingness to learn.

4. There is no definitive list of life skills. Certain
skills may be more or less relevant to you
depending on your life circumstances, your
culture, beliefs, age, geographic location, etc.

5. Different life skills will be more or less
relevant at different times your life.

6.  When at school or university, you'll need study skills
 When buying a house, negotiation skills may be needed
 You'll need to work on your employability skills to get a job
 When you have a job, leadership and presentation skills may be useful,
along with a whole host of other skills.

7.  When you start a family, time management and organizing
skills are likely to become important.
 There will be times throughout your life when you'll
need conflict resolution, stress management and problem
solving skills too.

8. Personal Skills are the essential
life skills we need to help
maintain a healthy body and
mind coordination.

9.  How we recognize, manage and cope with emotions
 To know our Emotional Intelligence
 Good idea of personality type
 How to keep mind healthy
Anger and Stress can both be detrimental to our personal
relationships and our health. Learning about anger and stress,
recognizing what may trigger them (in ourselves and others),
what the symptoms are and how to control or manage such
emotions can greatly enhance the quality of our lives.

10. Managing Stress and others are keys to modern life skill.
 What is stress?
 Avoiding Stress, Stress in the Workplace
 Tips dealing with the stress
 Time Management and Minimizing Distraction
 What is anger ? and Anger Management
 Improving Self Esteem and Building Confidence

11. Avoid Caffeine, Alcohol, and Nicotine.
 Avoid, or at least reduce, your consumption of nicotine and any
drinks containing caffeine and alcohol. Caffeine and nicotine are
stimulants and so will increase your level of stress rather than
reduce it.
 Alcohol is a depressant when taken in large quantities, but acts as
a stimulant in smaller quantities. Therefore using alcohol as a
way to alleviate stress is not ultimately helpful
 Reduce the intake of refined sugar, even in savory foods (such as
salad dressings and bread) and can cause energy crashes which
may lead you to feel tired and irritable

12. Indulge in Physical Activity:
Stressful situations increase the level of stress hormones
such as adrenaline and cortisol.

13.  These are the “fight or flight” hormones that evolution has hard-wired
into our brains and which are designed to protect us from immediate
bodily harm when we are under threat. However, stress in the modern
age is rarely remedied by a fight or flight response, and so physical
exercise can be used as a surrogate to metabolize the excessive stress
hormones and restore body and mind to a calmer, more relaxed state.
 When you feel stressed and tense, go for a brisk walk in fresh air. Try to
incorporate some physical activity into your daily routine on a regular
basis, either before or after work, or at lunch time. Regular physical
activity will also improve the quality of your sleep.

14. Get More Sleep
A lack of sleep is a significant cause of stress.
Unfortunately though, stress also interrupts our
sleep as thoughts keep whirling through our
heads, stopping us from relaxing enough to fall
asleep.

15.  Rather than relying on medication, your aim should be to maximise your
relaxation before going to sleep. Make sure that your bedroom is a tranquil oasis
with no reminders of the things that cause you stress. Avoid caffeine during the
evening, as well as excessive alcohol if you know that this leads to disturbed
sleep. Stop doing any mentally demanding work several hours before going to bed
so that you give your brain time to calm down. Try taking a warm bath or reading
a calming, undemanding book for a few minutes to relax your body, tire your eyes
and help you forget about the things that worry you.
 You should also aim to go to bed at roughly the same time each day so that your
mind and body get used to a predictable bedtime routine.

16. Try Relaxation Techniques:
Each day, try to relax with a stress reduction technique. There
are many tried and tested ways to reduce stress so try a few
and see what works best for you

17.  For example, try self-hypnosis which is very easy and can be done anywhere, even
at your desk or in the car. One very simple technique is to focus on a word or
phrase that has a positive meaning to you. Words such as "calm" "love" and "peace"
work well, or you could think of a self-affirming mantra such as “I deserve calm in
my life” or “Grant me serenity”. Focus on your chosen word or phrase; if you find
your mind has wandered or you become aware of intrusive thoughts entering your
mind, simply disregard them and return your focus to the chosen word or phrase.
If you find yourself becoming tense again later, simply silently repeat your word
or phrase.
 Don't worry if you find it difficult to relax at first. Relaxation is a skill that needs
to be learned and will improve with practice.

18. Talk to Someone
 Just talking to someone about how you feel can
be helpful.
 Talking can work by either distracting you from
your stressful thoughts or releasing some of the
built-up tension by discussing it.

19. Stress can cloud your judgment and prevent you
from seeing things clearly. Talking things
through with a friend, work colleague, or even a
trained professional, can help you find solutions
to your stress and put your problems into
perspective.

20. Keep a Stress Diary
Keeping a stress diary for a few weeks is an effective stress management tool as it
will help you become more aware of the situations which cause you to become
stressed
Note down the date, time and place of each stressful episode, and note what you
were doing, who you were with, and how you felt both physically and
emotionally. Give each stressful episode a stress rating (on, say, a 1-10 scale) and
use the diary to understand what triggers your stress and how effective you are in
stressful situations. This will enable you to avoid stressful situations and develop
better coping mechanisms.

21. Take Control
 Stress can be triggered by a problem that may on the surface seem
impossible to solve. Learning how to find solutions to your problems
will help you feel more in control thereby lowering your level of stress.
 One problem-solving technique involves writing down the problem and
coming up with as many possible solutions as you can. Decide on the
good and bad points of each one and select the best solution. Write down
each step that you need to take as part of the solution: what will be done,
how will it be done, when will it be done, who is involved and where
will it take place.


22. Manage Your Time
 At times, we all feel overburdened by our 'To Do' list and this is a common cause of
stress. Accept that you can not do everything at once and start to prioritise and
diaries your tasks.
 Make a list of all the things that you need to do and list them in order of genuine
priority. Note what tasks you need to do personally and what can be delegated to
others to do. Record which tasks need to be done immediately, in the next week, in
the next month, or when time allows.

23.  By editing what might have started out as an overwhelming and
unmanageable task list, you can break it down into a series of
smaller, more manageable tasks spread out over a longer time
frame, with some tasks removed from the list entirely through
delegation.
 Remember as well to create buffer times to deal with unexpected
and emergency tasks, and to include time for your own relaxation
and well-being.

24. Learn to Say ‘No’
 A common cause of stress is having too much to do and too little time in which to do
it. And yet in this situation, many people will still agree to take on additional
responsibility. Learning to say “No” to additional or unimportant requests will help to
reduce your level of stress, and may also help you develop more self-confidence.
 To learn to say “No”, you need to understand why you find it difficult. Many people find
it hard to say “No” because they want to help and are trying to be nice and to be liked. For
others, it is a fear of conflict, rejection or missed opportunities. Remember that these
barriers to saying “No” are all self-created.

25.  You might feel reluctant to respond to a request with a straight
“No”, at least at first. Instead think of some pre-prepared
phrases to let other people down more gently. Practice saying
phrases such as:
 “I am sorry but I can’t commit to this as I have other priorities at the
moment.”
“Now is not a good time as I’m in the middle of something. Why don’t
you ask me again at….?”
“I’d love to do this, but …

26. Rest If You Are
 If you are feeling unwell, do not feel that you
have to carry on regardless. A short spell of rest
will enable the body to recover faster.

27. The Key to Good Time Management
Understanding The Difference Between Urgent and Important
 ‘Urgent’ tasks demand your immediate attention, but whether you actually give them
that attention may or may not matter.
 'Important' tasks matter, and not doing them may have serious consequences for you
or others.

28.  Answering the phone is urgent. If you don’t do it, the caller will ring off, and you won’t know
why they called. It may, however, be an automated voice telling you that you may be eligible for
compensation for having been mis-sold insurance. That’s not important.
 Going to the dentist regularly is important (or so we’re told). If you don’t, you may get gum
disease, or other problems. But it’s not urgent. If you leave it too long, however, it may become
urgent, because you may get toothache.
 Picking your children up from school is both urgent and important. If you are not there at the
right time, they will be waiting in the playground or the classroom, worrying about where you
are.
 Reading funny emails or checking Facebook is neither urgent nor important. So why is it the
first thing that you do each day? See our page minimising distractions to help you recognize and
avoid other things that may distract you from getting your urgent and important tasks done.


30. You may think of it as your inner voice – the voice that
tells you whether you are good enough to do or achieve
something.
Self-esteem is about how we value ourselves, our
perceptions and beliefs in who we are and what we are
capable of.
Our self-esteem can be mis-aligned with other people's
perception of who we are.

31. Interestingly enough, self-esteem has little to do
with actual talent or ability. It’s quite possible for
someone who is good at something to have poor
self-esteem, while someone who struggles at a
particular topic might have good self-esteem.

32.  In the first case, the person might think “I have to give a speech
tomorrow and I’m dreading it. I know I’m no good,” even though
they are experienced and successful. The other person may be
determined to give a good speech and focuses on feeling more
confident about the result, even though they display less talent
than the first person.
 It is easy to see how a lack of self-esteem can influence how a
person behaves, not to mention what they achieve in their lives.

33.  Everybody is different. Some people are naturally
positive and optimistic, maintaining equilibrium when
faced with constant difficulties, while others are less so.
 Some people are good at appearing to be positive and
optimistic on the outside while they struggle with low
self-esteem and feelings of self-doubt on the inside.

34.  Gain Control of Yourself: Do not be critical of yourself to others. Whilst it can be useful to
confide your concerns to someone you trust, telling the world is something else. Be kind to
yourself. Make a list of your good qualities and believe them, believe in yourself.
 Don't Be A Complainer: Everyone has problems, so why should yours be greater than
others? By being negative you can isolate yourself from others and cut yourself off from
solutions to problems.
 Learn to Relax: Allow time for yourself each day. This may only be a few minutes, but it is
important to be quiet and to unwind.
 Boost Your Own Morale: Allow yourself a treat from time to time, especially if you have
overcome a hurdle in personal presentation, particularly after your first formal talk or after
a successful meeting. It does not have to be expensive - a cup of coffee at a pleasant place,
or some other treat..

35.  Congratulate Yourself on a job/task well done and perhaps tell a friend. Do
not always be the one to give out praise, you need some too. Justified praise
is a good boost to morale.
 Learn to Channel Nerves and Tension Positively: when you are nervous,
adrenalin is pumped through the body and you feel more keyed up and
alert. This extra energy can be used to good effect; enabling you to
communicate with greater enthusiasm and intensity, for example.
 .Learn to be Assertive: Stand up for what you believe in and do not be
pressured by others.

36. Broadly, the model sets out that you learn in four stages:
 ‘Unconscious incompetence’, where you don’t know what you don’t know.
This equates to the ‘Absolute Beginner’ stage here;
 ‘Conscious incompetence’, where you know what you can’t do, but you
don’t know how to do it, which equates to the ‘Learner’ stage here;
 ‘Conscious competence’, where you know what to do, but you still find it
difficult. This is the ‘Nearly there’ stage; and
 ‘Unconscious competence’, where you have ‘internalized’ the learning and
you do the right thing without thinking about it

37. The end of the SESSION