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Families are complex structures. They are a group of interdependent individuals that have
a shared sense of history, emotional ties to one another, and have specific strategies that meet the
needs of each member and the unit as a whole. These distinct strategies set families apart from
one another and make them unique. In the film, Gifted, Mary is a seven year old genius that
develops and through patterns of nurturance and support, specific values, and legacies.
Part A
Families have four predictable and identifiable talks. First, they must manage the
emotional demands of the family and adapt to all forms of stress. Next, the family must develop
clear boundaries between individual members within the family and the outside world. They
have to allocate chores and manage the household. Lastly, the family establishes an identity as a
whole and as each individual member (Anderson & Sabatelli, 2011, p. 1).
Emotional Climate
Frank, Mary, Roberta, and Fred make up a unique family system tied together by
closeness, involvement, acceptance, and nurturance. As a family, they tend to the emotional and
psychological needs of each member. They have methods for dealing with conflict and
distributing power (Anderson & Sabatelli, 2011, p. 14). For example, Frank treats Mary like
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she’s an adult and doesn’t speak with her like a child. Frank refers to his parenting as “hanging
out” with Mary. They have a friendship as well as parent-child relationship. He says at one point,
he’s “passively aggressively ignoring” her. She apologizes to him and takes responsibility for her
actions without punishment. Mary speaks back to him like an adult as well. For Mary and Frank
to remain close, have trust, and feel safe, they have open and honest communication. Frank was
upfront with her about her father not ever wanting to meet her, even though he knew it would
upset her. He was able to console her and completely reverse her mood by showing her how
happy people are about birth. Mary’s able to experience true joys when she’s with her people.
Evelyn doesn’t fit in with the emotional climate of the family. She brings distress. There
is major tension between Evelyn and Frank. Evelyn is not close and nurturing like a mother.
Evelyn thinks her responsibilities for Diane were more important than a mother-daughter
relationship. She is harsh and says that her husband and daughter were weak. She condemns her
son and doesn’t think he’s fit to raise a child. They cannot even make regular small talk with one
another. While she says she has no intention of hurting Frank, they are always at odds.
When families have dissimilar expectations and assumptions, there is conflict and tension.
As a result, the family has to build cohesion to distribute power and have each member feeling
positively about their own involvement in the unit (Anderson & Sabatelli, 2011, p. 31). Frank’s
promise that Mary could live with him was important to her. When he broke it and sent her to a
foster family, she felt like she couldn’t trust him anymore and resented him. Frank had a hard
time leaving Mary because he’s emotionally attached to her as well. Also, he gets very upset with
Mary when she breaks all the rules of the house. Mary starts to cry because Frank complained
about not being able to have five minutes of his own life. She felt unwanted and unloved. Frank
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felt guilty for lashing out, so he apologized and said it was all his fault. He had to console her
again and reassure her that she’s wanted and part of a family.
Frank protects Mary from the same mental health illness her mom went through. Frank
fears losing Mary, but also fears doing the wrong thing by her. He doesn’t want her to live with
her grandmother or be in foster care. He believes he can provide for her the best. She needs to be
able to be happy, play, and have friends. That’s what he wants for her. If she lived under Evelyn’s
care, she wouldn’t be the happy girl she is with Frank.
Boundaries
Families have boundaries to mark the limit of the system and separate itself from other
systems. In the beginning, Frank keeps the boundaries of his family closed. He wants to protect
Mary at all costs from being different than other first graders. He slightly opens up a bit to send
her to regular school, as opposed to being homeschooled. He wants her to gain some social skills.
At this point, Frank has set rigid internal boundaries in the family. Internal boundaries are
responsible for regulating the flow of information within the family. In addition, internal
boundaries can influence the level of individuality and autonomy that individual members have
(Anderson & Sabtelli, 2011, p. 14). Families are enmeshed when there is a low tolerance for
individuality. Frank wants to suppress Mary’s gifts and treat her like a normal kid. Frank tries to
keep the teacher from finding out that she has a gift. He doesn’t want to send her to a special
school. However, Frank does want her to be an individual who is independent. Frank says he has
an opinion on faith and religion, but he says it’s his. He doesn’t want his opinion and belief to
“screw up” hers. He wants her to form her own beliefs, but not to be afraid to believe in things.
External boundaries serve to determine membership of family by who is in and who is
out. (Anderson & Sabtelli, 2011, p. 14). External factors try to pull the internal boundaries apart.
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In this case, Evelyn comes in and tries to influence Mary to live more autonomously and to her
potential. She wants Mary to go to a prestigious school and grow into her mathematical potential.
Frank tries to keep Evelyn out, as well as Mary’s first grade teacher. However, when a system
fails to make changes, it’s more closed and rigid. Families need to adapt to change. If they refuse
to, they risk the physical, emotional, or psychological health of the family (Anderson &
Sabatelli, 2011, p. 16). The family has to go through morphogenesis to foster Mary’s growth and
development as a student. There is tension between the need to maintain constancy in the family
and the need to make changes. The tension comes in the form of a full fight over custody.
Frank and Mary have external boundaries that let some people in, not just out. The
neighbor, Roberta, has keys to their house. Roberta wishes she could have Mary every night and
take care of her too. She’s emotionally part of the family. The teacher, Bonnie, comes to the bar.
Frank lets her in and talks about Mary and her mom. Bonnie becomes something more when she
goes home with Frank after the bar. She feels uncomfortable and can’t do it because she’s the
teacher, and that defies appropriate boundaries. Mary sees her teacher the next morning naked
wrapped in a blanket. Mary smiles and makes a joke. Mary’s rule with her uncle is overt, that she
isn’t allowed in the apartment that early on Saturday morning. She’s not allowed to use Roberta’s
keys either to prevent her from seeing her dad’s intimate life.
Maintenance
The health and wellbeing of Mary’s family is largely determined by how well they
perform their maintenance tasks. Families, in general, must work together to make decisions
about how to use their resources to provide their basic necessities, such as food, water, shelter,
and education (Anderson & Sabatelli, 2011, p. 14). The uncle works on a dock fixing boats and
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makes his daughter cereal for breakfast in their little house. Frank provides for all of Mary’s
basic needs, even though she isn’t living a life of luxury. He sends his niece to school for the first
time after being homeschooled, even though she doesn’t want to be. They have an organized
routine for meeting their daily tasks. The principal says she can get Mary a full scholarship to
school for gifted students, even though it’s $30,000 in tuition, and Frank can’t afford that. He
refuses it and wants her to be in normal school and be a normal kid. He makes all the decisions
for her.
Evelyn can provide better with the home and resources and health care and education for
Mary. She thinks Frank is neglecting her because he denies her potential. Evelyn tells Frank that
every bit of the environment he has created for Mary is substandard. She thinks she has Mary’s
best interest at heart. She shows up and gets Mary a MacBook. She’s rich and appears very
polished and put together. Evelyn doesn’t approve of the way Frank is raising Mary in the little
house with a cat. When in court fighting for custody, Evelyn’s lawyer says that Mary currently
lives in unclean and unwholesome conditions. That isn’t entirely true. Evelyn wants full custody.
Frank’s lawyer says that he has been her constant caregiver and conditions are fine.
Mary experiences a lot of changes in her daily tasks and resources she has from moving
in with a foster family to changing her situation with Frank. With a foster family, Mary can still
go to a challenging school, but also watch TV and have a normal life. Mary ends up going to
school with adults to foster her intellectual abilities. Then she goes back to her other school for
recess and lunch with children her own age and makes friends. Frank provides for her the best
out of all her options.
Identity
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A family can be identified through themes, legacies, stories, or even health. Family
themes are organizing principles for the family that give members meaning of how to interact
with others and expect others to interact with them. Themes can be values, attitudes, or beliefs,
and can even be emotional or related to ethnicity or cultural heritage. For example, they can be
long standing traditions or religions. They influence the orientation and behavior of family
members (Anderson & Sabatelli, 2011, p. 12). Themes can be determined by the way a family
chooses to spend their time, money, and energy.
Legacies in the family show that patterns of interaction repeat from generation to the next
(Anderson & Sabatelli, 2011, p. 21). A major theme and legacy for Evelyn’s family system is
high education. She desperately wants to pass on these standards to Mary because she has great
potential. As a result, Evelyn wants to treat Mary the exact same way she raised Diane, as no
more than a brilliant student. Evelyn says Diane preferred mathematics to all other things. She
didn’t spend her time doing any other things growing up. Math was her identity. Evelyn didn’t
even approve of her daughter being in love and going skiing. She said he kidnapped her. Diane
was upset and “lost focus.” Then, she attempted to take her own life. If Evelyn raised Mary the
same way, Mary would be at risk of mental health illness as well. Mary’s mom worked on a
problem her entire life and never solved it. Evelyn introduces Mary to it. Mary says that maybe
she would have her picture on the wall someday, and Evelyn says she can help her make it
happen. If she succeeds, Evelyn said, her name would live forever. Evelyn wants Mary to live on
just like her mother and finish solving her work. Mary and Evelyn’s family would inhibit Mary
from being her full self. When families are poorly differentiated, the forces of fusion are so
strong that one’s individuality threatens the family. Mary would feel all of Evelyn’s anxieties and
emotions about math.
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Frank values Mary’s mom as well, and he thinks he raises Mary the way Diane would
want her to. Frank builds his family identity of themes such as love, friendship, and happiness.
Frank says that the family has a history with the gifted schools, and that’s the last thing Mary
needs. He doesn’t think she needs reinforcement that she is different from others. He thinks she
needs to be in normal school. Diane wanted Mary to be a kid and have her own life, to have
friends, to play, and to be happy. Frank establishes a well differentiated family that has cohesion,
respect, intimacy, and empathy (Anderson & Sabatelli, 2011, p. 58). He wants Mary to form her
own opinions about religion and life, not be “screwed up” by his. Frank wants Mary to be free to
make her own decisions about where she wants to live and who she wants to be.
Part B
Family Life Cycle
Life stages are fluid and constantly in flux. The period between adolescence and
adulthood is a difficult time to establish boundaries. This is the life stage of identity exploration,
indecision, and insecurity, and it shapes the course of their life, in addition to social
circumstances. Becoming an adult includes finding your identity, supporting yourself financially,
and moving out of your parent’s household. However, maturity can also be defined as having
more adult responsibilities and even engaging in sexual behavior (Morimoto, Shauna A., 2019, p.
15). In Mary’s case, her specific life stages are blurry. One one hand, she is a seven year-old. On
the other, she is intellectually advanced and mature beyond her years. Ambiguity lies in which
stage Mary belongs in.
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The Life Course Theory is made up of multiple events that shape roles and expectations
of the family. Mary’s first important life stage is the first day she goes to school as a normal first
grader. Evelyn and Frank’s fight for Mary’s custody was her experience of linked lives, when a
decision made by one or two people in a family impacts the rest of the members (Allen, K. R., &
Henderson, A. C., 2016, p. 170). Mary’s trip to Boston and learning about her family history
influenced the way she thought about math and her home. Here, she learns that she wants to live
with Frank, not Evelyn. She even solves a complex problem for the first time at the University. A
crucial moment for Mary is when she finds out her dad never wanted to meet her and experiences
heartbreak. This moment reinforces her fear of being unwanted. Frank taking her to hospital was
an important step for her happiness and sense of self worth, to see how excited people get about
birth and new life. Mary experiences a rough turning point that changed the trajectory of her life.
She has to move into a foster family and leave Frank. For the first time, Frank breaks her heart
and his promise of her living with him. Her family identity and circumstances change again with
another turning point. Frank comes back and she gets to live with him, go to school with adults,
but also with children.
Social Influences
Homeschooling influences the way Mary and Frank have functioned for years. Frank
wanted to protect Mary from her intellectual differences. Many parents homeschool to keep their
child safe from psychological abuse. Similar to Mary’s case, parents think their children can
accomplish more academically than in schools. Parent-child relationships can also be enhanced
(Ray, Brian D., 2015, p. 2). It’s a social norm to send Mary to school and even be at the same
level as the rest of her classmates. However, she’s different from the rest and doesn’t know how
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to behave. For example, she speaks up in class without raising her hand and yells at the principal.
In fact, she’s annoyed by how slow the school system takes her learning. She doesn’t like being
treated like an idiot or slow learner like everyone else. She doesn’t know if she wants friends at
school because they aren’t as smart. Her inner circle is her, Frank, and Fred. Frank encourages
her to make friends. She shares Fred in show and tell. Mary talks very maturely about him, and
she says people do not understand him, that he’s very smart. That’s how she sees herself.
The emotional connections people form at school impact the way they learn and grow.
Students can achieve more academically when there is a positive emotional climate (Reyes, M.
R., Brackett, M. A., Rivers, S. E., White, M., & Salovey, P., 2012, p. 700). Frank teaches Mary to
be herself and embrace being different from others. Mary stands up for a little kid who got
bullied on the bus. She didn’t laugh like the other kids. She hits the bully on the head with a
book. Although violence isn’t right, Mary behaves like a leader. At school, the teacher makes her
speak up to the class and say something she doesn’t want to say, that hitting is bad. When she
says what she wants to say, she compliments Justin’s project and mentions that it was the best.
She makes everyone clap for him.
Society has a way to define how Mary should function in her family, as well as at school.
Frank couldn’t ever take her to child services when Mary was growing up, even though that is
what society would want. He fell in love with her personality, even though he knew he may not
be the best parent for her. He’s so upset that he can’t be that person for her. Little does he realize,
he is. Frank and Mary talk about her mom and value what she would have thought. Frank says
she would have wanted Mary to have friends and compassion for others, even though they’re not
smart.
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Celebrations and Rituals
Family rituals, through repetition and their special meaning, help families establish a
collective identity (Wolin & Bennett, 2004, p. 400). Frank and Mary often spend time with each
other outside where they bond. They talk about deeper things, like God and her mother then. It
helps keep them emotionally close. When they talk about personal, honest topics, they develop
trust and a strong emotional climate. Also, Frank and Mary watch the UFC fighting on Saturday
nights and make grunting voices. They serve as each other’s best friend. Through their rituals,
Mary and Frank develop a relationship based on common love and respect for each other, rather
than superficial values like smarts and abilities.
Rituals also serve to clarify roles, boundaries, and rules (Wolin & Bennett, 2004, p. 400).
Mary and Roberta watch Spongebob and hang out when Frank goes to the bar every weekend.
When she stays at Roberta’s, Frank is able to have some personal time to be a single man instead
of a father. He’s able to have some personal boundaries and have part of his life separate from his
family. As a result, Mary’s able to develop a strong friendship with Roberta and have another
person to lean on. Especially since Mary doesn’t have a mother, Roberta is an important female
figure for her. Frank is also able to establish rules that Mary is not allowed to come back home
until a certain time on Saturday or use Roberta’s keys.
Playing with Fred and his ping pong balls is a daily ritual. Fred is part of their family.
He’s a friend to Mary. Even though he has one eye, he’s full of love and companionship. He
serves as a reminder to Mary that it’s alright to be different from others and even misunderstood.
Mary is still valued and worthy of love, just as Fred is.
Philosophy of Life
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There are many ways that a family can form their own meaning of the world. For
example, families have shared ideologies, collectivity, optimism, relativism, and control. Families
learn to let go and trust others, and sometimes become more aware of a higher power (Patterson
& Garwick, 1994, p. 287-304). Mary asks if there’s a God. Frank says he doesn’t know. Mary
mentions that Roberta does, but Frank says that she has faith, which is about what you think and
feel, not what you know. Frank doesn’t want Mary to worry or be scared about faith and religion.
He thinks everyone ends up back together somehow. Similarly, Mary trusts in Frank and his
promises about living together.
Frank values Mary for who she is, not just her intellectual abilities. They value family.
Their purpose in the world isn’t solely math, like it was for her mother and grandmother. Mary,
Frank, Roberta, and Fred live for each other, for family and fun. Their love for each other gives
their life meaning. Mary recognizes that Frank loves her more than her smarts, and she
appreciates that. The school wants to “raise her to a level of scholarship she deserves,” while
Frank wants to “dumb her down into a decent human being,” meaning he cares more about her
character.
In the end, Diane actually solved the problem, and Frank gave it to Evelyn. Diane didn’t
know what else to do with her life or her baby because what she lived for was finished. Diane
instructed Frank to publish it after her mother’s death. Diane truly wanted Frank to raise Mary.
Evelyn now has a job of getting the proof published. It’s her duty to her daughter. It’s what she
spent her life focused on. This is how Evelyn makes meaning of her life.
A family is functional when their structure and strategies support the physical, social,
emotional, and psychological well-being of each member (Anderson & Sabatelli, 2011, p. 17).
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My own definition of what is functional may not be the same for a family from a different
culture. The strategies that are approved within a society determine functionality of a family.
Frank, Mary, Roberta, and Fred make up a functional, well differentiated family, although it may
look different than other families. When Mary asks why he left her at the foster home, he says he
thought he was bad for her. Then, he realized that she is amazing, smart, and sweet, and he must
be doing something right. He raised her to be a strong individual, capable of standing up for
herself and others.
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References
Anderson, S. A., & Sabatelli, R. M. (2011). Family interaction: A multigenerational
developmental perspective. Boston ;: Pearson/Allyn and Bacon.
Morimoto, Shauna A. (2019). Emerging Adulthood: An Intersectional Examination of the
Changing Life Course. Lodz, 15(4), 14-33. OI: http://dx.doi.org/10.18778/1733-8069.15.4.
Allen, M., Basner, G., Browning, B., Cohen, A., Knowles, T.K., Lunder, K., & Ryant, C. (2017).
Gifted [Motion picture]. United States of America: Searchlight Pictures.
Allen, K. R., & Henderson, A. C. (2016). Family theories: Foundations and applications. Wiley.
Ray, Brian D. (2015, January 6). Research Facts on Homeschooling.
https://eric.ed.gov/?id=ED556234
Reyes, M. R., Brackett, M. A., Rivers, S. E., White, M., & Salovey, P. (2012). Classroom
emotional climate, student engagement, and academic achievement. Journal of Educational
Psychology, 104(3), 700–712. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0027268
Wolin, Steven J., & Bennett, Linda A. (2004). Family Rituals. Family Process, 23(3), 400-420.
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/j.1545-5300.1984.00401.x?saml_referrer
Patterson, Joan M., & Garwick, Ann W. (1994, September). Levels of Meaning in Family Stress
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