#hawaiianopen #kennethfredrikson

1. Some say that his genitals are on up side down and that
he could solve the Da Vinci code in 43 seconds. All we
know is, he's called Kenneth.

2. Some say he should be switched
off at the mains overnight and that
David Hasslehoff calls him 'son'. All
we know is, he's called Kenneth.

3. Some say he's bored of being introduced
like this, and that if anyone's going to flog
a dead horse it should be him. All we
know is, he's called Kenneth.

4. Some say he's banned from Oslo. And
that in a recent late night deal, he bought
a slightly damaged white Fiat Uno from the
Duke of Tönsberg. All we know is, he's
called Kenneth.

5. Some say he can swim seven
lengths under water and he has
webbed buttocks. All we know is,
he's called Kenneth.

6. Some say that his skin is the
texture of a dolphin's and that he
has his own satellites. All we know
is, he's called Kenneth.

7. Some say that every week he sheds
his entire skin, like a snake and that for
some reason he's allergic to the Dutch.
All we know is, he's called Kenneth.

8. Some say that he's Mac
compatible, and that he once
punched a horse to the floor. All
we know is, he's called Kenneth.

9. Some say it's almost impossible for
him to wear socks. And that he can
open a bottle of beer with his testes.
All we know is, he's called Kenneth.

10. Some say that the outside of his nipples
are shaped like the Titleist logo and that
when there's a really important job to do,
he skives off to play croquet. All we know
is, he's called Kenneth.

11. Some say he thought Star Wars was a
documentary. And that he backed out of I'm
A Celebrity at the last minute because he's
scared of Australia. And trees. And Koo
Stark. All we know is, he's called Kenneth.

12. Some say he never blinks and that
he roams local woodland foraging
for mouse meat. All we know is,
he's called Kenneth.

13. Some say he invented November. And
that for some reason he's been in Brazil all
weekend and he came back looking very
pleased. All we know is, he's called
Kenneth.

14. Some say that after he makes love, he
eats his partner's head. And that he's
recently cut down on his binge drinking,
because it's gone up to 83:- a litre. All we
know is, he's called Kenneth.

15. Some say he's got a digital face,
and that if he felt like it he could
fire Petter Stordalen. All we know
is, he's called Kenneth.

16. Some say his scrotum actually
generates a small gravity field. All
we know is, he's called Kenneth.

17. Some say he once wrestled an elephant
to the ground using the power of his
mind and an alarming hairstyle. All we
know is, he's called Kenneth.

18. Some say he has a life size tattoo of his
face, on his face. And that his droppings
have been found as far north as Svalbard.
All we know is, he's called Kenneth

19. Some say he has a pink stripey jumper
exactly like ours and that Some say he
doesn't understand queuing. All we
know is, he's called Kenneth.

20. Some say that he invented the hostess
trolley. And that he goes to the same
dance class as Fredrik Skavland. All
we know is, he's called Kenneth.

21. Some say he invented Mesost and
that if you insult his mother, he will
headbutt you in the chest. All we
know is, he's called Kenneth.

22. Some say he doesn't appear on
Hotel Caesar and that he'd be the
worst Big Brother contestant ever.
All we know is, he's called Kenneth.

23. Some say his watch goes up to 14,
and that he thinks the credit crunch
is a new type of breakfast cereal.
All we know is, he's called Kenneth.

24. Some say he drinks by sucking the
moisture out of ducks, and that his crash
golfballs is modelled of Britney Spears'
nippels. All we know is, he's called The
Stig.

25. Some say he tastes exactly the same as
watercress, and that he was once
arrested for flicking grapes at Fleksnes.
All we know is, he's called Kenneth.

26. Some say he doesn't understand
clouds and that his ear wax tastes
like Turkish delight. All we know is,
he's called Kenneth.

27. Some say that his tears are
adhesive, and that if he caught fire
he would burn for 1,000 days. All
we know is, he's called Kenneth.

28. Some say that by law he's not allowed within 100
yards of Terese Johaug and that he's never seen
Viasat Golf because he's a huge fan of Midsomer
Murders. And ... it's almost impossible for him to
wear socks. All we know is, he's called Kenneth.

29. Some say he's a CIA experiment
gone wrong, and that his blood
smells of Root Beer. All we know
is, he's called Kenneth.

30. Some say that one of his eyes is a teste.
And that he was turned down for I'm A
Celebrity... because people have heard of
him. All we know is, he's called Kenneth.

31. Some say he's tired of being introduced
like this, and if anyone's going to flog a
dead horse it should be him. All we
know is, he's called Kenneth.

32. Some say that he have a brother. All
we know is, he's called The Stig.