1. “A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden fall upon us; when
adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends desert us; when trouble thickens
around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to
dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.”
― Washington Irving
MOTHER STORY
A mother has not slept for three days and nights watching over her sick child. When she
closes her eyes for just a moment, Death comes and takes her child. The mother
rushes into the street and asks a woman, who is Night, which way Death went.
"Death walks faster than the wind and never returns what he has taken."
"Tell me which way he went and I will find him!"
Night tells her to go into the forest, but first the mother must sing
every lullaby that she has ever sung for her child. In the forest, a thorn bush tells
her which way to continue, but only after she has warmed the bush by pressing it
to her chest, causing her to bleed. The mother then reaches a lake that carries
her across in exchange for her eyes, which she cries out.
The now blind mother reaches the greenhouse where Death cares for the
flowers and trees, each one a human life. Here the mother finds the little sick
plant that is her child, recognizing it by the sound of its heartbeat. The old
woman who helps care for the greenhouse tells her, in exchange for her hair,
that when Death comes, she must threaten to rip up the other flowers. Death will
then be afraid for he must answer to God; only God decides when the plants are
pulled up and planted in the garden of Paradise, where we do not know what
happens.
Death comes carrying the child and when he asks the mother how she could
have gotten there before him, she answers, "I am a mother." She threatens to rip
out two of the flowers, but when Death asks her if she would make two other
mothers as unhappy as she is, she immediately lets go.
Death gives her back her eyes and asks her to look into a well. Here she sees
the futures of two children, one full of happiness and love, the other full of misery
and despair. He says that one of these futures would be the future of her child,
were it to live.
Then the mother screams in fear, "Which is my child! Rather carry my child
into God's kingdom than allow it to suffer such a life."
Death says, "I do not understand. Do you want your child back or should I carry
it away into the unknown?"
And the mother wrings her hands, gets down on her knees, and prays to God:
"Do not listen to me when I ask against your will! Do not listen to me, do not
listen to me, do not listen to me!"

2. And Death leaves, carrying her child into the unknown land.
hild Sent to Bed
A small boy is sent to bed by his mother...
[Five minutes later]
"Mom..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a glass of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
[Five minutes later]
"Mom..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a glass of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
[Five minutes later]
"Mommm..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a glass of water?"
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Mother’s Day Thoughts and Quotes
The advice your son rejected is now being given by him to your grandson.
Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not
necessary to human life.
Parents often talk about the younger generations as if they didn't have anything to do
with it.
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Things Mom Would Never Say
"How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"
"Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too"
"Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery"
"Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week"
"Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day"
"Well, if Rahul's mamma says it's OK, that's good enough for me."
"The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around
here."
"I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve"
"Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve"

3. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Grandma on the Plane
For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him
about her grandchildren. She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album
of all nine of the children.
She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation on her
grandchildren.
"Oh, I've done all the talking, and I'm so sorry. I know you certainly have
something to say. Please, tell me... what do you think of my grandchildren?"
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We have new Babies
For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby
brother or sister that was expected at his house.
One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child.
The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore,
he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.
The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has
become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"
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Best Place for Sibling
When Ayush had a new sister, he became envious of the attention she was
getting. One day while his mother was nursing the baby, Ayush was getting
unyielding about being on mom's lap. Mom wasn't able to deal with both children
at that time and told Ayush to go wait for her. He then asked his mom: "Mommy,
can you please put Shreya back in your tummy now?"
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My Teacher is Thankful
Son: “Mom, teacher was asking me today, if I have any brothers or sisters who
will be coming to school.”
Mom: “That’s nice of her to take such an interest in you. So what did she say
when you told her that you’re the only child, my dear?”
Son: “She just said…“Thank goodness!”
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It's Time to go to School
One early morning, a lady went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to

4. go to school!"
Son: "But why Mom? I don't want to go."
Mom: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
Son: "Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
Mom: "Oh, that's no reason to not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
Son: "Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
Mom: "Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"
The Church Lady
There was a little old lady who was very spiritual who would step out on her
porch every day, raise her arms to the sky and yell, "Praise the Lord"
One day, an atheist bought the house next door to her, and he
became very irritated with the spiritual lady. So after a month
or so of her yelling, "Praise the Lord" from her porch, he would go
outside on his porch and yelled back, "There is no Lord."
Yet, the little old lady continued. One cold, wintry day,
when the little old lady couldn't get to the store, she went
out on her porch, raised her hands up to the sky and said,
"Help me Lord, I have no more money, it's cold, and I have no
more food."
The next morning, she went outside, and there were bags of food on the porch,
enough to last her a week. "Praise the Lord," she yelled.
The Atheist stepped out from the bushes and said, "There is
no Lord, ha ha ha, I bought those groceries!"
:) (Hold on . . the ending is VERY good!).
The little old lady raised her arms to the sky and said,
"Praise the Lord, You sent me groceries and you made the Devil
pay for them!"

5. 5 NUNS IN TOWN
Sisters Mary Catherine, Maria Theresa, Katherine Marie, Rose Frances, & Mary
Kathleen left the Convent on a trip to St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York City and were
sight-seeing on a Tuesday in July. It was hot and humid in town and their traditional
garb was making them so uncomfortable, they decided to stop in at Patty McGuire's
Pub for a cold soft drink.
Patty had recently added special legs to his barstools, which were the talk of the
fashionable eastside neighborhood. All 5 Nuns sat up at the bar and were enjoying their
Cokes when Monsignor Riley and Father McGinty entered the bar through the front
door.
They, too, came for a cold drink when they were shocked and almost fainted at what
they saw.
AND THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS...
Billy's homework assignment was to think of a true
story with a moral so he goes home and thinks about it
all night. He finally has one!
The following day, Suzy raises her hand first and says, "My Dad
owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs into a
basket and onto the truck. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and
all of the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road".

6. Church Gossip
Irene, the church gossip, and self appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept
sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her
extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an
alcoholic after she saw his old blue pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one
afternoon. She emphatically told George, and several others, that everyone seeing it
there would know exactly what he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a few moments and just turned and
walked away. He didn't explain, defend or deny! He said nothing!
Later that evening, George quietly parked his blue pickup in front of Irene's house ....
walked home .... and left it there....all night!
The teacher asks for the moral of the story and
Suzy replies, "Don't put all of your eggs in one
basket".
THOSE WHO WAIT UPON THE LORD

7. After starting a new diet I altered my drive to work to avoid passing my favorite bakery.
I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and as I approached, there in the
window were a host of goodies.
I felt this was no accident, so I prayed ... "Lord, it's up to you, if you want me to have
any of those delicious goodies, create a parking place for me directly in front of the
bakery."
And sure enough, on the eighth time around the block, there it was! God is so Good!"
Next is Lucy. "Well, my Dad owns
a farm, too, and every weekend
we take the chicken eggs and put
them in the incubator. Last
weekend, only 8 of the 12 eggs
hatched. The moral of my story is,
"Don't count your chickens before
they hatch".

8. Billy is the last to speak. He says, "My Uncle Ted fought in the Viet
Nam War. His plane got shot down over enemy territory. He jumped
out, before it crashed, with only a parachute, a machine gun, a
machete and a bottle of bourbon. As he floated down, he drank the
bourbon. Unfortunately, he landed smack
dab in the middle of of 100 North
Vietnamese Soldiers. He shot 70 of them
with his machine gun, but then he ran out of
bullets. So he pulled out his machete and
killed 20 more. But the blade broke. So he
killed the last 10 with his bare hands.
The teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks
if there could possibly be a moral to his
story.
Billy replies - - - "Don't mess with my Uncle
Ted when he's been drinking".
WILL IT BE HEAVEN OR HELL?
While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and
dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem.
We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do
with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the man.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one

9. day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose
where to spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator
and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors
open and he finds himself in the middle of a green
golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and
standing in front of it are all his friends and other
politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They
run to greet him, Shake his hand, and reminisce
about the good times they had while getting Rich at
the expense of the people.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing
and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time
to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is
waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit heaven."
So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from
cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a
good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your
eternity."
The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would Never have said it
before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

10. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered
with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags
as more trash falls from above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. "I don't
understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course
and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had
a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look
miserable. What happened?"
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you
voted."