4. • Characteristics of healthy relationships:
• You communicate openly
• You trust each other
• Respect for one another
• Honesty
• Shared decisions and responsibilities
• You compromise when there is disagreement
• You each take responsibility for your own actions
• You feel physically safe
• You are comfortable with one another
• You accept who the person is and don’t try to change them
• You can spend time apart from one another
5. Brainstorm
• What are some common relationship problems?
• Distance
• Family issues
• Age
• Values/Beliefs
• Culture
• Religion
• Too Busy
• Infidelity
• Communication
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6. Tips for a healthy relationship
• Share your feelings - speak up if something is bothering
you
• Respect your partner’s wishes and feelings
• Learn to compromise
• Be willing to give your partner support and ask for
support when you need it
• Respect each other’s privacy and space
• Be thoughtful
• Listen to what your partner says
7. Healthy Relationship Quiz
• Do you feel safe and comfortable in you relationship?
• Do you spend time with friends and family outside of your relationship?
• Is your privacy respected and can you spend time alone?
• Can you express your feelings without fearing your partner’s reactions?
• Do you laugh, play, and have fun with your partner?
• Do you each take responsibility for your own actions and happiness?
• Do you feel comfortable refusing affection, a date, or other activities?
• Is your partner jealous of your friends or family?
• Do you like yourself less than usual when you’ve been with your partner?
• Do you find yourself ever afraid of your partner?
• Can you say what you like or admire about your partner?
• Does your partner ask for and respect your opinions?
• If you answered no to any of these questions you should discuss your relationship
with someone you trust such as a parent, friend, or counselor
8. Dating Violence
• Occurs when one partner wants power and control over
the other through sexual, physical, verbal, or emotional
abuse
• What would be examples of sexual abuse? Physical?
Verbal? Emotional?
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9. True/False
• One in every three teen relationships is violent.
• 36% of teens report violence in their relationship.
• One in every three adult relationships is violent.
• 85% of reported cases of dating domestic violence are committed by men against
women.
• 15% of reported cases of dating domestic violence are committed by women
against men, women against women in lesbian relationships or men against men in
gay relationships.
• 60% of children growing up in abusive homes will repeat the behavior in the
future.
• One out of every three women murdered is killed by a current or ex boyfriend or
husband.
• Women ages 16 to 24 experience the highest rates of intimate violence.
• 68% of young women who experience rape know their rapist either as a boyfriend,
friend or casual acquaintance.
• 40% of teenage girls ages 14 to 17 say they know someone their age who has been
hit or beaten by a boyfriend.
10. THEY ARE ALL TRUE!!!
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuFZDsUQFRA
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12. • Honeymoon:
Abusive and non-abusive relationships start the same, like a honeymoon: pleasant and fun.
The honeymoon phase allows a couple to bond and develop strong feelings for each other.
To illustrate the importance of this bond in the cycle of violence, ask the group, "If on the
first or second date someone called you names, asked you constantly about your
whereabouts, or hit you would you continue to date them?" Almost all participants will
answer, "Of course I wouldn't date them!" Explain that if someone is abusive before there is
an emotional bond, often times the victim will quickly end the relationship. However, once
there are strong feelings like love involved, it becomes much harder to walk away.
•
Tension:
At some point in the relationship, tension arises. This is a stressful period for both the abuser
and the victim, but there is no violence present. Tension can also occur in non-abusive
relationships but it never leads to abuse. However, in an abusive relationship during this
stressful period, the victim feels like they are "walking on eggshells," meaning if they slip up
at anytime they could "set the abuser off."
•
Explosion:
After the period of tension the couple experiences an explosion, meaning, one member of the
couple uses, or explodes with, verbal, physical or emotional abuse toward their partner.
•
Return to Honeymoon:
Once the explosion resolves, the abuser often tries to repair the relationship and most often
the relationship cycle starts back at the honeymoon phase. To illustrate this, ask the group
the following questions:
13. Common characteristics of unhealthy
relationships:
• Control
• Dishonesty
• Physical abuse
• Disrespect
• Intimidation
• Sexual abuse
• Dependence
• Hostility
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14. Warning SignsYour partner may become abusive if he/she displays the following…
• Are extremely jealousy and always question if you are faithful
• They make all of the decisions about where you go and what you do.
• They isolate you and don’t let you hang out with your friends
• They constantly put people down, including you and your family
• Telling you what to wear or how to act
• Texting and checking up on you all of the time
• Blaming you for anything bad that happens
• Hitting or hurting you during an argument
• Threatening you if you try to leave
• Demands sex or affection
• Abuse alcohol or other drugs
• Take advantage of you
• Cheat on you or have lots of partners
15. Cont’d…
• Don’t listen to you or show interest in your opinions or
feelings.
• Ignore you, give you the silent treatment, or hang up on you.
• Lie to you, don’t show up for dates, maybe even disappear for
days.
• Make vulgar comments about others in your presence
• Threaten to kill themselves if you break up with them, or tell
you that they cannot live without you.
• Experience extreme mood swings. . .tell you you’re the
greatest one minute and rip you apart the next minute.
• Tell you to shut up or tell you you’re dumb, stupid, fat, or call
you some other name (directly or indirectly).
• Compare you to former partners.
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16. Are you abusive?
• Do you constantly check up on your partner and accuse her or him of
cheating or lying?
• Are you extremely jealous or possessive?
• Do you have an explosive temper?
• Have you hit, kicked, shoved, or thrown things at your partner?
• Do you constantly criticize or insult your partner?
• Do you become violent when you use drugs or alcohol?
• Do you use threats or intimidation to get your way?
• Have you ever forced your partner to have sex with you through
threats?
• Have you ever threatened your partner with physical harm?
• Have you threatened to hurt yourself or someone else if your partner
breaks up with you?
17. Teens in unhealthy
relationships may…
• Let their grades drop
• Drop out of school activities
• Be afraid to make decisions
• Cry more than usual or experience depression
• Obsess about pleasing their partner
• Have problems sleeping, headaches, stomachaches
• Have weight changes
• Turn to drugs or alcohol
• Have physical markings of abuse (like bruises)
• Cut or harm themselves
• Feel suicidal
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18. What are your rights?
• To express your opinions and have them be respected
• To have your needs be as important as your partner’s
needs
• To grow as an individual in your own way
• To change your mind
• To not take responsibility for your partner’s behavior
• To not be physically, emotionally, verbally or sexually
abused
• To break up with or fall out of love with someone and not
be threatened
19. Getting out of an
unhealthy relationship
• Tell a friend or relative
• Inform people at school
• Break up in a public place where it is safer
• Avoid being alone – walk with friends everywhere you go
• Change cell phone number
• Keep a journal of what happened
• Let a friend or family member know where you are going
to be
20. How to be a helping friend
• Listen without judging
• Tell him/her you believe them, it’s not their fault, they
don’t deserve this
• Aid your friend in getting help
• Be patient and supportive
• Don’t confront the abuser
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21. Activity
• Find a partner
• Come up with one example of a healthy relationship and one
example of an unhealthy relationship
• Example of healthy: Amy and Brett take set aside time each week
to see their friends.
• Example of unhealthy: Bobby refuses to let Sara wear leggings or
yoga pants because he is thinks other guys will look at her.
• Turn your examples in to me
• Each of you will randomly select one example, read it to the
class, and tell us if it is healthy or unhealthy relationship and
why
23. What consent is
• Consent is when someone agrees to engage in sexual
activity with someone else.
• The right to control your own body
• The person initiating the sexual activity is responsible for
obtaining permission from the person he/she wants to
engage in sexual activity with.
• Every person involved in a sexual situation must feel that
they are able to say “yes” or “no” at any point during
sexual activity.
• Absence of clear permission means you can’t touch
someone, not that you can.
24. What consent is not
• Body language
• Friendly or flirtatious body language does not mean a person is
providing consent
• Power differentials
• Teacher/Student and Boss/Employee relationships do not imply
consent just because one person has more power
• Dating relationships or previous sexual activity
• You cannot assume your partner consents when you are dating, even
if you have had sex before
• Marriage
• Consent cannot even be assumed in marriage
• Being drunk
• If a person drinks too much, they are not capable of giving consent
25. Coercion
• Coercion is a tactic that perpetrators use to exert power
and control over another person.
• Coercion occurs when a person intimidates, tricks, forces,
or manipulates someone into engaging in sexual activity
without the use of physical force. Perpetrators may also
use threats of violence, blackmail, drugs, and/or alcohol
to coerce someone into sexual activity.
26. Examples of Coercion
• “If you really loved me, you would have sex with me.”
• “If you won’t have sex with me, I’ll find someone who
will.”
• “But you’ve been flirting with me all night.”
• “I didn’t realize you were such a prude.”
• Can you think of any others?? Click here to
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27. Rape
• rape – any act of sexual contact that is forced upon a person
without the person’s consent
• Rape, whether by a stranger or an acquaintance, is an act of
aggression that uses sex to show the victim that the rapist has
power.
• Date Rape: the attacker is someone that the victim know
• Most common type of rape
• NOTHING a woman does—using drugs or alcohol, going to
risky places, wearing certain clothing, kissing and sexually
touching or even having previously had sex with a man—gives
a man the right to force her to have intercourse against her
will.
28. Some Statistics
• 1 out of 6 American women have experienced rape in
their lifetime
• Typical age of a rape victim is 16-24
• 50-88% of rape victims know their perpetrators
• 15-30% of women will experience date rape at some
point in their life
• 10-14% of married women are raped by their husbands
• 80-90% of rapes are not reported to the police
29. Effect of Rape
• Physical
• Injuries may result from rape (pelvic pain, back pain, future
pregnancy complications…)
• Risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections or HIV
• Psychological
• Suicidal thoughts
• Feelings of self-blame and betrayal
• Flashbacks, panic attacks, sleep problems
• PTSD
• Financial
• Medical care costs average of $500
• Missed work
• Psychologist or psychiatrist appointments
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31. Myth vs Reality
• Myth: A woman who gets raped usually deserves it, especially if she has
agreed to go to a man's house or park with him.
• Reality: No one deserves to be raped. Being in a man's house or car does
not mean that a woman has agreed to have sex with him.
• Myth: If a woman agrees to allow a man to pay for dinner, drinks, etc.,
then it means she owes him sex.
• Reality: Sex is not an implied payback for dinner or other expense no
matter how much money has been spent.
• Myth: Acquaintance rape is committed by men who are easy to identify as
rapists.
• Reality: Women are often raped by "normal" acquaintances who resemble
"regular guys.
• Myth: Women who don't fight back haven't been raped.
• Reality: Rape occurs when one is forced to have sex against their will,
whether they have decided to fight back or not.
32. • Myth: Once a man reaches a certain point of arousal, sex is
inevitable and they can't help forcing themselves upon a woman.
• Reality: Men are capable of exercising restraint in acting upon
sexual urges.
• Myth: Most women lie about acquaintance rape because they have
regrets after consensual sex.
• Reality: Acquaintance rape really happens - to people you know, by
people you know.
• Myth: Women who say "No" really mean "Yes."
• Reality: This notion is based on rigid and outdated sexual
stereotypes.
• Myth: Certain behaviors such as drinking or dressing in a sexually
appealing way make rape a woman's responsibility.
• Reality: Drinking or dressing in a sexually appealing way are not
invitations for sex.
