1. cover story
Mother
Michelle
Michelle Duggar, 42, is truly an extraordinary woman. She is the wife of
Jim Bob Duggar of Springdale, and she is the mother of 18 children
— yes, 18! — the youngest of whom, Jordyn-Grace, is now nearly five
months old, and the oldest, Joshua, is 21, married last September and just
recently announced his wife, Anna, is expecting their first child. So Michelle,
surely one of the most famous mothers in the United States if not the world
— the family’s television show, “18 Kids and Counting,” has aired on TLC
and Discovery network television channels all over the world — is about to
be a grandmother. But she might not be through having kids of her own.
Michelle, the baby of seven children herself, is originally from Ohio but
moved to Northwest Arkansas when she was just four. She attended
Springdale public schools, was a tomboy and a cheerleader, and graduated
from Springdale High School in 1984. She met Jim Bob while in high
school, not long after accepting Jesus Christ as her savior at the tender age of
15. He and a friend from church were on church visitation, and he says now
that when he knocked on Michelle’s door, “the most beautiful girl I’d every
met came to the door. I was really shy, so Fred did all the talking and I just
sat there,” he recalls. “That night I prayed that she could be mine and that I
could become her spiritual leader. She was a beautiful sweet girl...”
Michelle, as Jim Bob is telling this story, lovingly gazes up at his eyes and
mouth, watching him talk, smiling from ear to ear at a story she’s heard him
tell dozens of times. It’s clear they are still very much in love.
Springdale’s Michelle Duggar talks
about raising 18 kids, the lessons she’s
learned, and the possibility of having more
by Kristal Kuykendall
photos by Jason Hudson of Hudson Photography,
the Duggar Family and TLC
62 ce!ebrate arkansas MAY 2009

2. MAY 2009 ce!ebrate arkansas 63

3. 64 ce!ebrate arkansas MAY 2009
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“We found in His word that children are a
gift and a blessing and a reward, and we want
to receive all that He has to give us. We’re so
thankful for each one of them!”

4. MAY 2009 ce!ebrate arkansas 65
That in itself begs the question: How do they do it? How do they raise 18
children? How do they keep their relationship in tact and healthy, even, with
so many other people in their lives? And, if you’ve ever watched their TV
show, you probably want to know what we wanted to know: Why do they
live the way they live — so protective of their children and lifestyle, almost
as if they are a society in and of themselves?
So, as Mother’s Day approaches, Celebrate Arkansas Magazine decided to sit
down with Michelle at her home outside of Springdale and get to know this
truly remarkable and infamous mother, and learn all we can from the lessons
she’s learned along the way. This is what Michelle had to say...
Celebrate Arkansas Magazine: What are some of the values
your parents instilled in you that are important for you to instill in your
family now?
Michelle: “My Dad and Mom, Garrett and Ethel Ruark, had such a love
for family, and seven kids was a large family back then. My Mom and Dad
had a hard childhood; Daddy was in an orphanage, and Mom’s mom died
when she was young. Both realized the importance of family because they
didn’t get to enjoy that as children due to the tragedies that hit. They did a
good job of making it a happy home for us. Birthdays were a special time for
us; Momma would make a birthday cake, and there would be a theme, and
we’d invite all our friends. As a family we’d go camping or fishing and take
vacations. It wasn’t like we were rich, but they would just budget that in.
“Looking back now, I realize how much work Momma did. She probably had
it down to a science by the time I came along. Just packing and unpacking
to go on trips, was a lot of work! I realize how much work it is now, being
a mom. Like going camping — talk about packing your whole home and
moving out there! Wow!”
Celebrate: What are some memories of childhood that you have?
Michelle: “Memories I have from my childhood are very good memories,
and I know that’s because my parents purposed for it to be that way; they
worked hard. Birthdays, Christmas, camping, swimming out at the lake.
My Mom always liked to fish and I liked to swim. So she’d be fishing from
the bank, and a little ways down I’d be swimming. We always went out to
Horseshoe Bend on Beaver Lake.”
Celebrate: Was having sit-down dinners together important in your
family when you were growing up?
Michelle: “Oh yes. Mother was an expert at sit-down dinners together.
Probably because of having such a large family she fixed large portions, large
quantities. She always fixed breakfast, and I can always remember coming
home and smelling supper cooking and it was such a good feeling —
especially when you’re starving right after school. ... We’d always be around
the table. I laugh now because I feel like I eat out of cooking pots all the
time, but my mother was so good about setting the table and having separate
dishes you serve in versus dishes you cook in. She did a lot of dishes! She set a
good example for me — not that I follow it as good as she did!”
Celebrate: When you were a young girl, did you play house and pretend
you had a lot of children?
Michelle Duggar in her cheerleading
outfit from her days at Springdale
High School.
Michelle as a young girl
with the family dog.
“It wasn’t until I was 15 or a little later that I
started thinking about being a wife and mother.”

5. 66 ce!ebrate arkansas MAY 2009
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Left: Jim Bob & Michelle on their wedding day,
July 21, 1984. Above: Their wedding invitation
Michelle with her family
on her wedding day.
“My Mom started managing a frozen yogurt
placeandMichellecameinandappliedforajob
there. I told Mom ‘You need to hire her!’ We
were married a year later right after I graduated
high school, July 21, 1984.”
- Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar

6. MAY 2009 ce!ebrate arkansas 67
Michelle: “I had some dolls, and I would name them, but not really. I
was more of a tomboy. I tended to be climbing trees and riding my bike
and I always wanted to go catch crawdads in the pond at the park. I was
very busy. I had a lot of energy. I was always doing something, skating,
bicycle riding, I just liked to be busy. I also was a speed skater at the
Springdale roller rink, and in junior high and high school I was a gymnast
and cheerleader.
“It wasn’t until I was 15 or a little later that I started thinking about being
a wife and mother. My life really changed drastically at that age when I
began to focus on what was most important in life, when I got saved. I can
remember there was a whole new perspective in life; I was so excited about
the things of God and wanting to learn more about the Lord. At that point
I began to focus in on wanting to be a wife and mother.”
Jim Bob:“I met Michelle a month after she committed her life to God.
About a year later, my Mom started managing a frozen yogurt place and
Michelle came in and applied for a job there. I told Mom ‘You need to
hire her!’ A few weeks after she was hired, I was about to graduate from
high school, and I asked her to go to my junior/senior banquet with me.
She probably said yes because I was her manager’s son. Afterwards, we sat
in her parents’ living room and talked about the things of the Lord. And it
was that night that the Lord really knit our hearts together.”
Michelle: “We had a four-hour conversation, and I was like, ‘Is this The
One?’ We were married a year later right after I graduated high school,
July 21, 1984.
Celebrate: What were your first years of marriage like?
Michelle: “We really wanted a business so that we could work together,
so we started a used car lot, and Jim Bob worked a full-time job during
the day at first while the car business was getting off the ground. That was
funny because I knew nothing about cars. So I was the car salesman during
the day. I would call him and say ‘There’s someone who wants to buy a car,
what do I say, what do I do?’ And they would come back after he got off
work from the grocery store and test drive the car.
“In our off time, we’d go shopping for cars we could fix up and turn
around and sell. We didn’t do a lot of camping, hiking, or biking when we
were newly married. It was more we were building a business and having
fun working together. So we’d take trips to Tulsa or Little Rock to look
at a vehicle and then we’d drive a car back that we’d purchased. I drove
everything from small sports cars to stick-shift trucks to be able to get the
vehicles where they needed to be. I remember many times we’d be bringing
vehicles back and I’d be following Jim Bob on the way home, and he’d
be driving probably the car we’d just bought and I’d be behind him and
it’d be getting late, coming back from Little Rock, going over the Boston
Mountains, hoping and praying the car he was driving would make it all
the way home, so we could fix it up. Many times I remember we’d have to
stop and get something and the car wouldn’t start, and I’d get the jumper
The Duggars
restaurant style
kitchen.
“Sometimesit’sdateafternoon
(laughing). Sometimes we
meetforlunchandhaveadate
or go out for dinner together
and sit and talk. We’ve always
tried to have a date time.”

7. 68 ce!ebrate arkansas MAY 2009
cover story
cables out and I’d be trying to help him jumpstart the car. Always the
word around our house was ‘Have Jumper Cables and Will Use Them!’
We were always ready to use them. Those were fond memories. We were
doing something that was beneficial for our family.”
Jim Bob: “We had a doctor friend who counseled us not to have a
TV or a pet our first year of marriage, so we didn’t. After the first year,
we got a pet, a rabbit. Then we got a TV set up. We immediately were
shocked at how horrible television had become — our show wasn’t on
yet!! — and we noticed after three weeks that all we did was watch TV
and our communication had drastically dropped off. So we got rid of it
and have not had broadcast television in our home since. That was some
of the best advice that anyone ever gave us.”
Celebrate: How long were you married before you had your first child?
How many children did you set out to have, in the beginning?
Michelle: “We were married four years, and I was 21 when we had
our first child. At first, we didn’t really have a ‘set number.’ I was on the
pill at first, and after our first child I went back on the pill. Then I got
pregnant again while I was on the pill, and I had a miscarriage. It was
heartbreaking. So we searched the scriptures and found that the Bible says
‘children are a gift from the Lord’. We prayed, ‘Father, give us a love for
children like You love children. If You want to bless us with more gifts,
we want to receive them.’ We stopped taking the pill, and right after that
God blessed us with twins, and then another one and another one...”
Celebrate: Do you blame yourself for being on the pill for the
miscarriage? Do you have guilt still from that?
Michelle: “I realized at that point I had not read the fine print on my
contraception pills that I was taking so I was not aware, when I realized I
had lost the baby and later I read the fine print and realized you might not
be able to carry a baby to term (if you’re on the pill when you conceive),
and that the complications from having been on the pill probably caused
the miscarriage. We walked through that, it was a very tough time — we
really had to reevaluate what we were thinking, our whole perspective on
children. The guilt and grief we were walking through at that time was
very heavy. We were holding one baby in our arms and were just elated
about that baby but were realizing we had just lost one.
“We found the verse ‘My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.’
We realized it was our lack of knowledge and understanding — the birth
control pill and different aspects of that — that saw our baby destroyed.
It was painful. But God says He will give us mercy. He loves us so much
He will extend mercy to us, and we can know we are forgiven. We have
turned away from that and don’t want to go down that path again. God
is faithful. I don’t carry the guilt anymore; I know that I am forgiven.
The joy of that is that He has chosen to bless us with more children. We
found in His word that children are a gift and a blessing and a reward,
and we want to receive all that He has to give us. We’re so thankful for
each one of them!”
Celebrate: Do you teach your children that birth control is wrong or
right in the eyes of God? Or do you believe it is an individual choice?
The Duggar family growing through the years.
“I tell them often, ‘You’re each other’s
best friends, treat each other that way.’”

8. MAY 2009 ce!ebrate arkansas 69
Michelle: “We have shared our testimony. Our children have heard us
share from a broken heart the testimony we walked through personally,
and they’ve heard our response from what we went through. God brought
us to that place in our heart where we believe it is not right for us. Now
as far as our children are concerned, they are going to have develop their
own personal relationship with God and ... so when they marry, between
them and their spouse, they’ll have to know how the Lord wants them to
walk. When they meet their life partner they’re going to have to talk those
things through and decide what to do for themselves.”
Celebrate: How have you had your children, naturally, or with
epidurals, or Caesareans?
Michelle: “All of the above. I had an epidural with the first one, then
a C-section, then the next 11 children were V-backs (vaginal births after
C-section), then another C-section with the 15th child because he was
transverse, then two more V-backs, and then the most recent one was a
C-section, another transverse baby.”
Celebrate: What is the most difficult thing about having so many
children?
Michelle: “Keeping up with their hearts, because each is so different and
so special. It takes time to invest in their lives and hearts. I’m with them
all the time, but it’s making time and purposing to ask them how they’re
doing, what’s going on in their life and allowing them to share their heart.
That is the most challenging, most rewarding, most important thing is to
reach into their hearts and express to them that they are loved and special.
“If you have won a child’s heart they’re not going to struggle as much
with the peer pressure thing. Whoever praises them is going to be the
one who has their heart. I’ve heard it said to praise your child ten times
as much as you correct them. So that’s what we purpose to do. We try
to build strong, positive relationships with each of them. We’ve learned
that when you purpose to ask them how they’re doing and listen and give
them the opportunity to share, knowing they have a safe place to share,
and that we’ll pray together and we’ll help and encourage them, it really
helps build that relationship. You’re going to have conflicts, but we try to
deal with it in the right manner. We always tell them to treat each other
the way you want to be treated, and we never allow them to mock each
other, say hurtful or cutting words.
“I tell them often, ‘You’re each other’s best friends, treat each other that
way.’ And I stress learning how to quickly humble themselves and ask
forgiveness. When they are young, at first, we would help them with
the wording, for example, ‘I was wrong for being selfish and taking your
toy away, will you forgive me?’ and then we allow the other child who’s
been offended to have the time to forgive them and make things right.
Purposing to do this before the sun goes down. It may not be totally
resolved (before the sun goes down) but at least we’ve started. Those are
some pretty powerful lessons we’ve learned about keeping their hearts
protected.”
Celebrate: How do you deal with the inevitable misbehavior and/or
bickering that children get into?
Top: Michelle and Jim Bob with nine of their
children. Above: Michelle welcomes their 18th child,
Jordyn-Grace Makiya. Below: Johannah Faith
bonds with mom and dad.

9. 70 ce!ebrate arkansas MAY 2009
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Michelle: “First, we feel it’s important to have the right response
ourselves. Anger was another big thing we’ve learned was detrimental.
We are trying to teach our children to have self-control and to exhibit
good character, but we can undermine everything we are trying to teach
them if we don’t lead by example. We’ve heard young people share how
devastating it was when their parents would explode or get angry or
would never praise them, and how it caused them to feel they could
never measure up.”
Jim Bob: “I jokingly remark, I didn’t have an anger problem till we
started having children! At one point, I remember my boys spray-painted
the garage floor, and I raised my voice at them as I got onto them. They
had marked up the garage floor, but I scarred their hearts. I had to ask
forgiveness myself for my wrong response and eventually gave my family
permission to come up and whisper in my ear if they ever sensed Daddy
crossing the line of talking with sharp words or getting angry.
Michelle: “It’s like pouring ice-cold water on a hot head; that
accountability really helps. Another thing is a soft answer turns away
wrath. Choosing to lower my voice instead of get louder. Apart from
God’s help I don’t think I’d have been able to do that.
“As far as bickering among themselves, I realized early on that I would be
constantly playing the referee if I didn’t find an answer. Matthew 18 in
the Bible had the answer to my problem. I taught them that if they were
arguing that they were to do what Matthew 18 said and talk nicely to one
another and try to work things out. If that didn’t work then they would
come to Dad or I for help. If we had to get involved usually someone or
both were going to be corrected for not doing what was right, and often
if both were having wrong attitudes, they would lose whatever privilege
or toy that they were arguing over and both would be corrected! They
learn very quickly to get along nicely and treat each other the way they
would like to be treated, and there is not all the constant bickering or
tattling going on anymore!
Celebrate: What are some of the most important lessons you can
teach your children when they’re young that will make a difference later
on in the way they are brought up?
Michelle: “When I talk to young moms with little children, I stress
teaching little ones two important character qualities, attentiveness and
obedience. My children must be able to pay attention to Mommy’s
voice and look me in the eye and answer me (so I know they have heard
me and there are no excuses) with a cheerful, “Yes ma’am,” as I teach
them to obey. And there are four points of obedience: instant, cheerful,
thorough, and unconditional. We make it fun to learn to obey by playing
the obedience game. It also helps them learn attentiveness and teaches
them to follow instructions. We might say ‘Go out and jump on the
trampoline ten times and come back and sit down next to me.’ These are
training moments so that when we are out and about and maybe there
is a car coming and I say ‘James, come here right this instant,’ he will
come right to me.
“In older children, I would say over and over you will be a success in
life if you do these two things, Number One if you love God with your
The Duggars at Disneyland.
The newest member of the Duggar
family, Jordyn-Grace Makiya
children is keeping up with their hearts, because
each is so different and so special. It takes time
to invest in their lives and hearts.“

10. The Duggars at Cadillac Ranch
in Amarillo, Texas.
The Duggars in front of their home in Springdale, Arkansas.
APRIL 2009 celebrate arkansas
heart, soul, mind, and strength, and Number Two, if you love others and
look for ways to serve others.”
Celebrate:What are your top concerns when it comes to your children
and what they learn from you?
Michelle: “I can in answer that in one statement, which is actually a
scripture, III John 1:4 that says ‘I have no greater joy than to hear that
my children walk in truth.’ The whole meaning behind it is that after
they’re grown and they’re not here with Mom and Dad, the whole test of
their raising starts at that point. The joy that comes from knowing that
our children have blessed others as they are following God and walking
in His truth, that would be the greatest joy of my life — it doesn’t matter
their vocation, whether they are a dump truck driver or a doctor, if they
are serving others and loving God, they are going to be a success and will
make a difference for good.
“As we walk through life with our children, we’ll be the first to admit we
make mistakes, every day. The good thing about God’s love is if God can
love us we surely can love each other and encourage one other to become
more like Jesus every day. It’s not about being perfect. That would be
impossible. But it’s really about learning to work through our mistakes,
learning to love each other right where we are, and encourage each other
that with God’s help we can do better tomorrow.
Celebrate:What is the best Mother’s Day gift you’ve ever received?
Michelle: “I’ve gotten a lot of really special things through the years.
One year all the children went in together and got me the Bible on
CD narrated by Alexander Scourby, and that was really wonderful. But
probably the best things are the handmade little love notes from my
children. I keep them in a box and every once in a while I look through it
and I probably treasure those more than anything — with the backwards
letters or upside-down letters saying ‘I love you Mommy,’ ‘Thank you for
taking good care of me, or whatever.”
Celebrate:How would you describe your family’s religion?
Michelle: “We come from a Baptist background. I was saved in a
Baptist church. We were married at First Baptist Church in Springdale.
We’re evangelical Bible-believing Christians learning and growing in our
walk with God each day.”
Celebrate:What do your teenagers do for fun?
Michelle: They enjoy playing broomball at the Jones Center ice rink.
It’s like a poor man’s hockey. Camping and bike riding are some other
favorites! They also enjoy shopping; thankfully they are good shoppers
and budget their hard-earned cash wisely by shopping at thrift stores
and pawn shops.
“We have a projector and watch old TV shows on video that are more
family friendly as a treat when we’re finished with all our school, maybe
once a week, shows like ‘Gomer Pyle’ and ‘Andy Griffith.’”
Celebrate: What do you say to people who think you are too strict
“I don’t think our kids think we’re too
strict...they help us set guidelines, and
we purpose to incrementally release
them as they grow in responsibility.”

11. 72 ce!ebrate arkansas MAY 2009
cover story
on your teenagers? For example, requiring a chaperone when they just go
out to dinner? What is the reasoning behind that?
Michelle: “I don’t think our kids think we’re too strict. We’ve talked
with them from the time they were little. They agree with us when we
discuss things with them; they help us set guidelines, and we purpose to
incrementally release them as they grow in responsibility, so I have teen
drivers that are 16 and 14-year-old drivers in training, and I’m thrilled to
allow them the privilege to drive when they are ready.
“I don’t view protecting their heart and keeping them from getting into
a situation that would not be healthy for them as being too strict. I view
that as being wise. The reasoning behind it is to protect their heart, to
put a safety net of protection there to guard their heart till they are able
to stand alone for what is right in any given situation.
“There are three parts to a relationship: spiritual, mental, and physical. In
getting to know someone as a potential life partner, you want to get to
know them on the mental and spiritual levels first, figuring out their likes
and dislikes, praying together and talking about life goals. Then when
you know it’s the one God has for you as your life partner — and after
you make your vows before God and everyone — on your wedding day
then you enter into the physical part of the relationship.
Celebrate:Do you and Jim Bob still make time for date nights? If so,
what do you like to do together?
Michelle: “Definitely. Sometimes it’s date afternoon (laughing).
Sometimes we meet for lunch and have a date or go out for dinner
together and sit and talk or get an ice cream and just visit. We try to do
it weekly. We’ve always tried to have a date time. I love to talk, talk, talk,
talk, and he’s become a very good listener! So just getting to be alone
with him and not having interruptions — even though we have our cell
phones and the children may call us a number of times while we’re out
— it’s still an important time.”
Celebrate: What’s something funny people say about your family?
Michelle: “We have been compared to ‘The Sound of Music!’ We actually
once sang one of the tunes with different words, ‘Edelweiss,’ but we
definitely do not sound like the VonTrapp family! We got to meet some of
them though, the grandchildren, and wow, can they sing! We also have had
people mention the original ‘Cheaper By The Dozen’ movie, so we bought
the old version of the movie and we really enjoyed it.
Celebrate:You have been on television now in one manner or another
(documentaries first, and now the series) for about five years. How much
longer will you be on TV?
Michelle: “We’re not real sure how long this will go. We will go through
this season. We’re just kind of praying about it and taking it one day at
a time. Right now we’re all at home, but I would be surprised if it went
for a long duration just because I would think people would lose interest
after the children start to move out and start their own families and it
won’t be that interesting when there aren’t as many children under one
roof.”
The Duggar family,
(minus Josh) welcome Jordyn-Grace.
Anna and Josh Duggar
on their wedding day.
The family orchestra
“It doesn’t matter their (her kids) vocation, whether they are a dump truck
driver or a doctor, if they are serving others and loving God, they are
going to be a success and will make a difference for good.”

12. MAY 2009 ce!ebrate arkansas 73
Celebrate: Are you looking forward to being a grandmother? In what way?
Michelle:“I have heard it’s really wonderful! You get to enjoy them but
don’t have all the responsibility, like you don’t have to get up in middle of
night to feed them. My experience will be somewhat like my mother’s. In
my family, I was the youngest of seven children; my Mom was still raising
her family when my older siblings were having their families. I spent a lot
of time with my nieces and nephews when I was young. It was a blast. It
was a lot of fun for my Mom and my sisters too. My older children really
are some of my closest friends. So it’ll be fun having grandbabies around
my little guys growing up together. My grandmothering will be a little
different because of it.”
Celebrate: Any plans to have more children of your own?
Michelle: “I would love to, but I’m 42, and I may not be able to have
any more. I definitely would love more. We’ll just wait and see what the
Lord has in store.”
Celebrate: Anything else you would like to share with our readers?
Michelle: There is so much more that can’t be shared in a brief article, so I
encourage readers to go to our family Web site at www.duggarfamily.com,
where we have some great links that have encouraged our family along
life’s way. For more curious readers, you might read our book which shares
in more detail our family’s story, ‘The Duggar Family: 20 & Counting,
Raising One of America’s Largest Families, How They Do It!’ •••
“Myolderchildrenreallyaresome
of my closest friends.”