Write Tight(er): Learn Concise Writing Techniques

Teach Your Text to Strip:
Take It Off—Take It (Almost) All Off
Marcia Riefer Johnston
@MarciaRJohnston
#InfoDevWorld

A few things
about conciseness
your English teacher
never taught you.

#InfoDevWorld @MarciaRJohnston Teach Your Text to Strip HowToWriteEverything.com

What does concise mean (and not mean)?

Why do I care?

Why do I care?
How can I write more concisely?

Why do I care?
How can I write more concisely?
Strip
lessons

#InfoDevWorld

No
headline?
#InfoDevWorld

No
headline?
No
bullets?
#InfoDevWorld

No
headline?
No
bullets? No
verbiage?
#InfoDevWorld

No
headline?
No
bullets? No
verbiage?
#InfoDevWorld
How
concise!

What does concise not mean?

Short

Short
Why?

Make text, like a skirt,
as long as needed.

What does concise mean?

What does concise mean?
Minimal

Minimal

Enough to meet your
audiences’ needs
Minimal

Enough to meet your
audiences’ needs
Enough to accomplish
your purpose
Minimal

Enough to meet your
audiences’ needs
your purpose
No more
Minimal

Enough to meet your
audiences’ needs
your purpose
Minimal
No more No less

Write Tight(er):
A Time-Saving, Pain-Free
Technique for Selling Yourself,
Your Company, or
Your Products through
Your Words

Audience needs:
“What’s in it for me?”
Write Tight(er):
Your Company, or
Your Words

Audience needs:
My purpose:
Lure people
Write Tight(er):
Your Company, or
Your Words

Audience needs:
Write Tight(er):
No more
My purpose:
Lure people
Your Company, or
Your Words

Audience needs:
My purpose:
Lure people
Write Tight(er):
Your Company, or
Your Words
No more No less

Why do I care?

Why do I care?
“Usability was dramatically
higher for the concise
version [of the website]—
58% better.”
Nielsen Norman Group
www.nngroup.com/articles/how-users-read-on-the-web

Write
Tight
(er)

This is your
toothbrush
when it’s
new. The
blue bristles
are blue all
the way to
their tips.
This is your
toothbrush
when it’s
ready to
replace. The
blue bristles
have turned
half white.

How much $ can you save?

You may be needing a loan.

6 words

You may need a loan.
6 words

6 words
5 words

6 words
5 words
1 word

6 words
5 words
1 word
Translation savings:

6 words
5 words
1 word
1 sentence, 1 language

6 words
5 words
1 word
$ 0.25

6 words
5 words
1 word
$ 0.25
10,000 sentences, 1 language

6 words
5 words
1 word
$ 0.25
$ 2,500.00

6 words
5 words
1 word
$ 0.25
$ 2,500.00
10,000 sentences, 25 languages

6 words
5 words
1 word
$ 0.25
$ 2,500.00
$ 62,500.00
10,000 sentences, 25 languages

What concise means

What concise means
Why I care

How can I write
more concisely?

How can I write
more concisely?
How can I teach my text to strip?

Take it
(almost) all off,
dahling.

Strip off these words!*

*unless you need them

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)

-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)

very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)

not, no (& other negative words)

the fact that

the fact that
just

the fact that
just
begin to, try to, tend to, in order to

the fact that
just
period of time

the fact that
just
period of time
in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)

the fact that
just
period of time
proverbial

the fact that
just
period of time
proverbial
different (as in many different, 36 different)

the fact that
just
period of time
proverbial
particular

the fact that
just
period of time
proverbial
particular
verbiage

the fact that
just
period of time
proverbial
particular
verbiage
any other verbiage or unneeded words that you can pitch

the fact that
just
period of time
proverbial
particular
verbiage
any other verbiage or unneeded words that you can pitch
We take
the rest
off in my
workshop.

be-verbs

be
be-verbs

is
be
be-verbs

is
be
are be-verbs

is
be
are be-verbs
am

is
be
are be-verbs
was
am

is
be
are be-verbs
was has been
am

is
be
will
be
are be-verbs
was has been
am

is
be will have
been being
will
be
are be-verbs
was has been
am

be-verb. Any form of the verb to be—
namely, am, are, be, been, being, is, was,
and were—whether used as an auxiliary
verb or as a main verb.
—Bryan Garner
Garner’s Modern American Usage

See be-verbs.

Start seeing be-verbs!

Examples

Gypsy Rose Lee was a
burlesque entertainer
famous for her classy,
witty striptease act. She
was also a playwright.

The fix might not
be self-evident.

The fix might not
be self-evident.
You have to think.

The fix might not
be self-evident.
You have to think.
(Not too painful.)

“A scheme of which every part promises
delight can never be successful.”
—Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

Audit logs are proof
that no data breach
has occurred.

Our team wants
to be predictive.

Our team wants
to be predictive.
What does
the team
want to do?

Skydiving was fun.

Skydiving was fun.
What
happened?

“Write when there is
something that you know;
and not before; and not
too damned much after.”
—Ernest Hemingway,
Death in the Afternoon

www.hemingwayapp.com

What it is is…

“What was found was that access
points on maps were not reflective
or accurate for where they are.”

“ There are known knowns. These are things
we know that we know. There are known
unknowns. That is to say, there are things
that we know we don’t know. But there are
also unknown unknowns. There are things
we don’t know we don’t know.”
(attributed to a one-time US secretary of defense)

We don’t know diddly—

We don’t know diddly—
except to avoid (most) be-verbs.

was also a playwright.
Gypsy Rose Lee, a
witty striptease act, also
wrote plays.

Words
was also a playwright. 19
Gypsy Rose Lee, a
wrote plays. 16

Words
Cost to
translate into
1 language
was also a playwright. 19 $4.75
Gypsy Rose Lee, a
wrote plays. 16 $4.00

Words
Cost to
translate into
1 language 25 lang.
was also a playwright. 19 $4.75 $118.75
Gypsy Rose Lee, a
wrote plays. 16 $4.00 $100.00

Words
Cost to
translate into
1 language 25 lang.
10,000
sentences
was also a playwright. 19 $4.75 $118.75 $1,187,500.00
Gypsy Rose Lee, a
wrote plays. 16 $4.00 $100.00 $1,000,000.00

Words
Cost to
translate into
1 language 25 lang.
10,000
sentences
was also a playwright. 19 $4.75 $118.75 $1,187,500.00
Gypsy Rose Lee, a
wrote plays. 16 $4.00 $100.00 $1,000,000.00
Savings 16% $0.75 $18.75 $187,500.00

Use be-verbs when
they serve a purpose.

what?

is

“Content is something you
can run an ad alongside of.”
—Nora Ephron, I Remember Nothing

content

content ads

Now available
Start seeing be-verbs.
HowToWriteEverything.com

Be-verbs are everywhere. See?

Is that a be-verb
in your pocket?

Adjectives
• absolutely certain, absolutely essential, absolutely
guaranteed, completely necessary, totally sure
• bald-headed
• best ever, first ever
• blue in color, few in number, long in duration, nubbly in
texture, round in shape, slovenly in appearance, short in
height, slow in speed, small in size, tall in stature
• booked solid
• exact same, same exact, same identical
• filled to capacity
• incredible to believe, visible to the eye, warm to the touch

Nouns
• actual experience, actual fact
• added bonus
• advance notice, advance planning, advance preview,
advance reservations, advance warning
• all-time favorite, all-time record
• alternative choice
• anonymous stranger
• annual anniversary
• armed gunman
• artificial prosthesis
• autobiography of her own life, biography of his life

Nouns
• actual experience, actual fact
• added bonus
• advance notice, advance planning, advance preview,
advance reservations, advance warning
• all-time favorite, all-time record
• alternative choice
• anonymous stranger
• annual anniversary
• armed gunman
• artificial prosthesis
• autobiography of her own life, biography of his life
And that’s just
the a’s.

Verbs
• add an additional
• aid and abet, cease and desist, pick and choose
• allow you to be able to
• always include
• ask the question
• assemble together, attach together, blend together,
collaborate together, combine together, confer together,
connect together, cooperate together, fuse together, gather
together, join together, integrate together, meet together,
merge together, mingle together, mix together, pool
together, share together, splice together

Odds and Ends
• 6 a.m. in the morning, 10 p.m. in the evening,
twelve noon, twelve midnight
• and etc.
• ATM machine, GOP party, GRE exam, HIV virus,
ISBN number, LCD display, PIN number, RAM memory,
UPC code—and my favorite: Please RSVP

More on redundancy …
www.HowToWriteEverything.com/
Annals-of-Redundancy-Annals/

Oo-la-la!

Story time
Buttons
Water dispenser

Story time
Quick reference
Buttons
Water dispenser

Ready for a video?
#LavaCon @MarciaRJohnston Write Tight(er) HowToWriteEverything.com

Ready for a video?
(You’ll have to pretend.)

Hey, Rick, would you bring me a glass of room-temperature water?

Rick
(Smart guy!)

Rick Glass
(Smart guy!)

Rick Glass
(Smart guy!)
Instructions

Rick Glass
(Smart guy!)
Instructions Button

Rick Glass
(Smart guy!)
Instructions Button Water

Rick Glass Dump
(Smart guy!)

Rick Glass Dump
(Smart guy!)
Read again

Rick Glass Dump
(Smart guy!)
Read again Exasperation

Rick Glass Dump
(Smart guy!)
Read again Exasperation Try again

Rick Glass Dump
(Smart guy!)
Read again Exasperation Try again Try again

Rick Glass Instructions Button Water
Dump
Dump again
(Smart guy!)
Read again Exasperation Try again Try again

Rick Glass Instructions Button Water
Dump
Read again Exasperation Try again Try again Dump again
Try again
(Smart guy!)

If conciseness doesn’t fix it,
change what you’re saying.

Stripping your text
doesn’t solve every
problem.
If conciseness doesn’t fix it,
change what you’re saying.

Now that’s sexy.

For more on concise writing
and much, much more

powerful
and much, much more

powerful
and much, much more
“I’ve longed for a book on writing
to recommend to clients and
colleagues … and this is it!”
—Kristina Halvorson

I will haunt you.

Think
this is
small?

Write Tight(er): Learn Concise Writing Techniques

Write Tight(er): Learn Concise Writing Techniques

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