1. SOLUTION-BASED, BRIEF PASTORAL COUNSELING FINAL PROJECT
BY
MICHAEL V. GRIGSBY
A PAPER SUBMITTED TO DWIGHT C. RICE
IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR
THE COURSE PACO 500
LIBERTY THEOLOGICAL SEMINARY
Lynchburg, VA
Sunday, October 09, 2011
2. 1
Abstract
I am a retired RN, with over twenty-two years of experience helping people who have
physical and/or mental illness. My experiences with the secular community have impressed
upon me the fact that secular-counseling is not effective in healing the souls of those who are
either in crisis or facing certain trials and tribulations in their lives – their approaches are only for
short-term relief at best. Secular counseling maintains its own hierarchical structure and its own
tenets of faith, which lack God’s direction (Kollar, 1997, 20, emphasis-mine).
I became a Christian in 2008; and since that time God has shown me that when mankind
gives up on their selfish pride and turns to Him for direction, allowing Him to control their lives,
then healing begins to occur and healing becomes a long-term effect, not a short-term remedy.
As such, my overarching goal for life is to become Christ-like; to walk in love, promote joy and
peace, be patient-waiting upon God, show kindness, love God in faithfulness, relate to people
with gentleness, goodness and self-control (Gal.5:22-24, emphasis mine). To become Christ-like
people must give up control of their lives to God, allowing Him to control them; which can only
be accomplished through diligent study of scripture, having a faithful prayer life, having support
from your Church family and by listening to The Holy Spirit.
As pastoral counselors, we can promote Christ-likeness through the use of solution-based
brief pastoral counseling which is based upon the Hawkins’ Pastoral Counseling Scenario and
Assessment Model as well as Charles Kollar’s’ Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling.
After reviewing the case study, I have chosen Brody as the care-seeker who is in the
attending position. Brody has been feeling neglected by his father, especially since the
3. 2
accidental death of his mother and sister; and uncharacteristically, his behavior has become more
aggressive towards others.
Table of Contents
Abstract ........................................................................................................................................... 1
Table of Contents............................................................................................................................ 2
Part I: The Counseling Setting........................................................................................................ 4
Solution-Based Brief Pastoral Counseling Rationale ................................................................ 4
Overview of Solution-Based Brief Pastoral Counseling strategy (SBBPC)............................... 5
Basic Assumptions...................................................................................................................... 6
Part II: The Counselor’s Style........................................................................................................ 6
Part III: The Counseling Structure/Strategy .................................................................................. 9
Phase I......................................................................................................................................... 9
Phase II...................................................................................................................................... 13
Phase III .................................................................................................................................... 16
Phase IV .................................................................................................................................... 19
Part IV: The Counseling Summation........................................................................................... 21
References..................................................................................................................................... 23
Appendix A........................................................................................................................... 24
Appendix B ........................................................................................................................... 25
Appendix C ........................................................................................................................... 25
Appendix D........................................................................................................................... 27
Appendix E ........................................................................................................................... 29
Credentials ............................................................................................................................ 29
Appendix F............................................................................................................................ 31
SOLUTION-BASED, BRIEF PASTORAL COUNSELING....................................................... 36
PROJECT GRADING GUIDELINES ......................................................................................... 36
5. 4
Part I: The Counseling Setting
Solution-Based Brief Pastoral Counseling Rationale
Our Mission as Christians is to glorify God, through our mission of love for man-kind.
As a Pastoral Counselor, we have been called by God, placed in His service to assist His children
who are suffering a malady of their souls and spirit. Since we are called by God into the service
of counseling, we are compelled by God to seek His wisdom and knowledge to care for His
children.
Solution-Based Brief Pastoral Counseling (SBBPC) allows the careseeker, with the
assistance of God and the counselor to develop goals which provide solutions to the trial and
tribulations they are currently facing in their lives. Counseling must be done a certain way or it
just is not counseling. The two parties, albeit the counselor and the counselee have to understand
God’s intentions within His providence, for progress to occur (Kollar, 1997, 16). Thus,
becoming an expert in the secular field of psychology is meaningless, rendering the study of
positive psychology as meritless, when compared to God’s wisdom. The utilization of a system
that maintains its own hierarchical absurdities and dark tenets of faith provides no inspiration to
the counselor and abysmal hope for the counseled: it is simply coercion (Ibid, 20). Keeping this
in mind, Pastors must abandon their grandiose goals – such as changing a person’s personality or
resolving all of their problems. Our goals to assist those in need of counseling in developing
goals which are created within their own minds – we just assist them in carrying out tasks to
accomplish their goals (Ibid, 44).
As the Creator, our Heavenly Father is the first source pastoral counselors need to turn to
for the wisdom and knowledge needed to counsel His children. The apostle Paul wrote that God
(life) is at work in you who believe (2 Cor.4:12; 1 Thess.2:13 NIV) (Ibid, 21). When God
unveils the eyes of His children, they are enabled to see, “And we know that in all things God
6. 5
works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose,”
(Romans 8:28 NIV) (Ibid, 27). Once the counselee understands that God works for the good of
those who love him, they know their control over their lives is in God’s hands and subsequently
despair and anxiety which lead to other maladies begin to evaporate.
Overview of Solution-Based Brief Pastoral Counseling strategy (SBBPC)
SBBPC is a brief interaction between the care-seeker, and the counselor which grows into
an enduring relationship with God. There are no more than five sessions between the care-seeker
and the Pastoral Counselor (PC), lasting anywhere between sixty to ninety-minutes each (See
appendix A). This ‘short-term’ counseling is often equally effective as ‘long-term’ counseling
(Benner, 2003, 42).
Within the scope of the initial visit the PC is to become acclimated with the care-seekers
life, focusing upon building a helping, caring, safe and trusting environment which will promote
acceptance, albeit, the building of a partnership between the PC and the care-seeker. The
partnership begins in the first moments of the first session as the pastor approaches the
parishioner, not as an expert, but as a partner willing to join him/her in developing a new
understanding with new resources for coping with trials and tribulations (Ibid, 50-51).
All counseling sessions will take place at Michael V Grigsby Ministries (MGM), at the
agreed upon time (See appendix A). There are four phases in the counseling process and the
ultimate goal is to work in partnership (i.e. PC, Counselee, and The Holy Spirit) to develop self-
made goals by the counselee and PC assisted tasks which will promote a new life with God.
The four phases are:
Phase I: What is the present problem?
Phase II: What is the preferred solution?
7. 6
Phase III: How do we proceed/partner towards a solution?
Phase IV: Who are the people that can best support and assist you during the process of
change?
Basic Assumptions
The following assumptions will guide a SFPC process (Kollar, 91-93):
1. God is already active in the counselee.
2. Complex problems do not demand complex solutions.
3. Finding exceptions helps create solutions.
4. The counselee is always changing.
5. The counselee is the expert and defines goals.
6. Solutions are co-created.
7. The counselee is not the problem, the problem is.
8. The counseling relationship is positional.
9. The counselor’s focus is on solutions.
For a full description on these basic assumptions see (Appendix B). For list of Annotated
References which the counselee may use during the SBBPC see (Appendix C).
Part II: The Counselor’s Style
The personality assessment test at Uniquely You Inc.; reveals that I am an “S” type
personality in a guarded environment (Graph 1: This is expected of me; Uniquely You.net) such
as work or out in public and an “S/I” personality type while at home or among friends (Graph 2:
This is me, Ibid). This means I feel people expect me to be both inspiring and submissive, as I
tend to be more people-oriented than task-oriented. People expect me to be more relational than
functional or project-oriented. Others see me as the perfect people-person. I often have the
8. 7
motivation of helping others by encouraging them publicly or supporting them privately. Either
way, my passion is to make people feel better about themselves and their situations (Ibid).
While at home or among friends I tend to be more passive then active, yet I can be
outgoing and reserved. People tend to like my friendliness, enthusiasm, and cordiality. I may
rub people the wrong way with my critical and faultfinding attitude. I am not pushy or
controlling unless people try to get me to do things that go against my plans or beliefs. I don’t
have to be in charge. I prefer peace and harmony, as well as organized environments. People
like my multifaceted flexibility, but sometimes would like me to be more decisive and direct
(Ibid).
These personality traits have also been revealed by the 360 interview which was
completed by my wife and oldest son. My wife shared, “I see Michael as being responsive,
talkative, enthusiastic and compassionate such as the strengths of the Otter. He is self-
disciplined, and organized as the Beaver;” while my son shared, “ I would compare him to an
otter. This is just by looking at the characteristics of the animals. If I were to just look at these
animals and not have any description, I would compare him to a Lion. The otter’s description on
the website mostly fits him. I do not agree with the negative aspects of the otter though. He is
very sociable, outgoing, funny, and very easy to get along with.”
My primary spiritual gift is teaching, followed by encouraging/exhorting and serving.
My greatest blessing concerning my giftedness is that I am controlled by the quest for truth but at
the same time I can be too hard on people (Ibid24). As an INFJ type (see below), I am also gifted
at exhorting others, but also tend to judge while doing so (humanmetrics.com). I must be careful
while exhorting others, not to judge them; letting the exhortation provide the judgment
subconsciously if the Holy Spirit decides to do so. I must be careful in the counseling process
9. 8
not talk too much and/or give my advice since the counselee is the expert and defines their own
goals. Based upon the aforementioned knowledge of my personality type, I will demonstrate FIT
in the following ways when encountering the following personality types:
1. I will check/control my relational style, in order to demonstrate fit with a ‘D’
relational style, through the following strategy. As an S/C type, I must pray hard asking the Holy
Spirit to keep my mouth shut while this person rambles on like they usually do. After he/she has
burned themselves out, I will share something like, “let us ask the Holy Spirit to direct us in
determining how we can as a team decide what is the best way to approach this issue” (Ibid 2,
30).
2. I will demonstrate fit with an “I” personality by suppressing my judgment of them.
Exhorting is one of my greatest spiritual gifts, yet, I will need to keep myself from wanting to
give advice early in the counseling process, in order to promote an atmosphere of teamwork and
spiritual growth by the counselee (Ibid).
3. I will check/control my relational style, in order to demonstrate fit with a ‘C’
relational style, through the following strategy. As a “C” type myself, I will have to be careful
not to be too cautious when the counselee is contemplating what their goal(s) are, being careful
once again not to give any advice to help them along. I want to ensure the counselee is enabled
by their own God-given abilities to develop any goals the Holy Spirit places upon their mind
(Ibid).
4. I will check/control my relational style, in order to demonstrate fit with an S relational
style, through the following strategy. As an “S” type myself, I will have to pay particular
attention to the counselee who is not willing to admit their instability in a given situation or with
10. 9
a certain issue, and look for any overt or covert signs which will aid me in reflecting upon the
subjective data they share which will assist them in formulating specific goals and tasks (Ibid).
I will demonstrate FIT with all four relational types by remembering my overall goal,
which is walking in Christ-likeness. I will remember that giving advice is much easier than
listening all the way through someone’s dilemma (Peterson 2007, 105). The objective of
listening is to encourage the counselee through positive feedback after he/she has finished
talking; this will promote the counselee’s ability to form their own goals to assist in solving the
trial and tribulations which they are currently attempting to endure.
Part III: The Counseling Structure/Strategy
Phase I
Pastor Ross called me several days after the Murakami family tragedy and asked me if I
would be willing to work with the youngest boy, Brody, who was a member of our church.
Ross provided a brief history about Brody, sharing that he is a talented musician who played the
keyboard, is active in his High School’s music department, and yet has had some issues with his
Dad over the past few months before the tragedy. A friend of the family, Melissa, had called
Ross to ask for his help since the relationship between the father and son has seemed to have
worsened since the death of his mother and sister. I agreed to meet with Brody the following
day, as he was going to be mowing the church lawn that afternoon after school.
The night before the meeting with Brody was to occur; I did not sleep well to say the
least. Brody would be the first person I would counsel, ironically while completing a class at
Liberty Baptist Theological Seminary in pastoral counseling. I reflected upon “The Hawkins’
Pastoral Counseling Scenario and what I had learned. I wanted to place the four phases of the
counseling scenario properly in my head; I did not want to forget anything as I knew that God
11. 10
would lead me to help His child, Brody, through this horrible time he was currently
experiencing.
The next day, while watching Brody mow the church lawn from my office window, I was
reflecting upon the purpose, goal, aim, my responsibility and the guiding assumption of phase
one – what is the present problem; the counselee’s description of the problem; that I must listen
attentively; listening more than talking and that God is already active in Brody’s life (Kollar, 91-
92). After praying for God to touch my mouth and to fill my mind with His wisdom, I walked
out into the back yard behind the Annex where Brody was busy mowing the yard. I sat passively
by wondering what could be going through this young boy’s mind and God told me to get up and
go help him with his chores.
As I approached Brody, having to empty the mower-bag, he stopped the lawn-mower and
noticed me. I introduced myself to him, and matter of factly stated, that I would help him finish
his chores. He nodded in agreement not saying a word, and we proceeded to continue with our
work. Over the next half-hour, we began to interact as any two people would who were mowing
a lawn; I would help him empty the mower-bag, and then go about raking the leaves while he
continued to mow. Noticing that we were almost done, I went into the kitchen, got a pitcher of
iced-tea, and came back out-side to meet with Brody. He was just coming back from the tool-
shed, and we met at the picnic table under the oak tree, where I invited him to sit down, to enjoy
some tea and perhaps chat for a while. He nodded his head once again and without saying a
word we sat down.
I gave Brody my condolences and he thanked me. I knew that we had joined as I sensed
his acceptance of me (Benner 2003, 76). I informed Brody that I had set aside an hour for him
should he want to talk about anything. Brody said, “That would be cool.” I shared that I wanted
12. 11
to help him if I could and my hope was for God to give me an understanding of what he was
feeling in his life right then and at the end of our time together, we would decide whether we
would meet again.
He immediately began to open up to me by sharing how lonely he felt. He stated, “Why
them and not me? I feel invisible as my Dad does not even notice me. He just comes into the
room and either walks right by me or begins to talk to Melissa or Josh, but not me. I was talking
to Melissa about all that has happened and when my Dad comes in the room, I am just tuned-out
and turned-off; so I just leave and go up to my room. I think about how he always ignores me – I
asked my Dad to come and listen to my composition and he just starts to do something else and
forgets about me.” He just looked down at the floor, remaining quite for about five minutes.
Brody looks up at me and I sensed that he was not finished so I asked him to continue.
He shares, “the other night at dinner, my Dad yelled at me - telling me to stop twisting my fork
on my plate. I asked him about the investigation and he just yells at me for twisting my fork?
He did not even acknowledge my question; so I just got up from the table and went to my room.”
After a moment or two of silence, He shared, “I came home from school today and Dad was
taking the trampoline down, I just said, ‘Just like that,’ and turned and walked away. My Dad
called out to me, but I just kept walking all the way over here to do my chores.
Sensing Brody had finished sharing, I told him that I would like to take a ten minute
break to reflect upon what he had just shared. I wanted him to do the same, so I shared with
Brody that the break was going to prepare for a transition into Phase two. I asked Brody to meet
me in my office in ten minutes.
After ten minutes had passed, Brody was not waiting for me in my office. I went to look
for him and I found him sitting under the oak tree where I had left him. Even though he had
13. 12
shared with me before the break, I sensed his hesitancy to continue in the counseling process. I
asked him if he was alright and if I could share with him what I had been thinking about during
that ten minute break, He nodded in agreement. Knowing that the first task at hand was to
discover ways that encourage the counselee to become a willing participant in the counseling
process (Kollar 1997, 69), I shared with Brody that he had impressed upon me his feelings of
isolation from his father before and after the death of his mother and sister and that he was
hurting as a result of this. I also told him it was not right for him to just walk away from his Dad
when he felt he treated him unfairly or ignored him. He nodded his head in agreement. I shared;
God’s children know that He is working in every life of those He has called according to His
purpose. I asked Brody, do you believe God is active in your life (Ibid, 69) and that He can help
you with your hurt feelings and give you the courage to appropriately challenge your Dad, if you
turn in faith to Him and believe in and follow His direction? He said, Yes I do believe God is
working in my life, as I have felt His presence, especially since my mother and sister were killed.
I knew then that Brody was willing to continue with our counseling sessions.
I sat next to Brody and gently lifted his chin and had him look me in the eyes. I told him
that he did not make his father act the way he does any more than he was the cause of the
accident that took the life of his mother and sister. I shared that sometimes fathers just get busy
and assume their children, especially the strong ones, were capable of caring for their own
mental and physical needs. However, we know this is not the case as you have shared your hurt
regarding the treatment, albeit, the isolation your Dad has made you feel.
Brody is SC type. Instead of flourishing in the life God had blessed him with, Brody was
languishing in the past. “Without being overly descriptive, flourishing pictures one moving
toward being the healthy person God intended him/her to be; languishing is moving away from
14. 13
being the person intended one to be. In this case, due to Brody's interpretation of lived
experience, his SC was moving away from its intended design” (Rice 2011, 1). As a “SC” type
myself, I want to ensure the counselee is enabled by their own God-given abilities to develop any
goals the Holy Spirit places upon their mind and not provide the goals for him myself (Uniquely
You.net). When I asked him what he would do differently over the next week, Brody simply
shrugged his shoulders and said, “I do not know.” So instead of giving goals, I suggested that he
could appropriately voice his feelings to his Dad when he felt he was being isolated or made to
feel ‘invisible’ and in love share with his Dad his need to have him in his life. Brody said he
would try this approach throughout the next week, in every situation that he found himself in his
Dads’ presence. He shared that he would pray for Gods’ wisdom to appropriately challenge his
Dad when he made him feel invisible and would ask for Gods’ strength not to run away from the
situation if things did not work out the way he wanted them to.
I shared with Brody that he had the right attitude. I was also wondering how he felt,
albeit, related to his internal perceptions concerning this issue; So I asked Brody, as of today in
this current situation on a scale of 1 to 10; where one means the worst that things have been and
10 means how you want things to be, where are you right now (Kollar, 154). Brody shared that
he definitely was a one. I told him that I would assist him over the next few weeks in visualizing
how he could create a solution by envisioning a desired outcome and that we would meet at the
same time next week, to which he agreed.
Phase II
I prepared for today’s meeting with Brody by reflecting upon the purpose, goal, aim, my
responsibility and the guiding assumption for phase two: the counselee is seeking a solution;
and through the formation of a goal(s), he desires to change his relationship with his Dad, who
15. 14
Brody perceives makes him feel invisible, thus making him feel unwanted; I am to discover how
Brody moves towards a solution through a collaborative effort and by asking focused-based
questions; and the guiding assumption which will be used is - complex problems do not demand
complex solutions and solutions are co-created (Kollar, 91, 92).
Brody returns the next week with his older brother Josh in tow. Brody shares that Josh
wants to shed some light on the current situation. I invite both of them into my office. Josh
shares that Brody came to visit him and the two of them were engaged in a conversation in the
cafeteria at the university he attends. Josh tells me that Brody opens up when people engage and
listen to him, just like I did the prior week. Josh proceeds to tell me that his father, Bruce, shows
up looking for Brody. When he begins to engage Brody in a conversation, my Dad’s phone rings
(he turns away from Brody) and Brody immediately states, “He does not get me – he never will –
the only ones who do are dead; and then he bolts from the cafeteria. Josh then shares that Brody
was with his Dad at the arraignment for the driver, Justin, who is being accused of causing the
accident which resulted in the death of his Mother and sister. After the arraignment, Brody
approaches Justin in the parking lot of the court and sucker punches Justin from behind. My Dad
scolds Brody instead of comforting him when it was obvious to me that Brody was hurting and
as a result wanted to extract revenge on Justin. Finally, to make matters worse, Brody is caught
fighting at school, yet this time when his Dad comes to the principles’ office, Brody reports that
his Dad told him, “I am on your side Brody,” to which Brody shares this ‘blew my mind,’ as he
seemed to really care about me for the first time in a long time. I sat there in stunned silence!
Gathering my thoughts, I knew I had to stand by Brody’s side and face the concerns and
issues that he and his brother had brought to this session (Benner, 88). I then shared with Brody
that he and I needed to work through this together and thanking Josh for his input, I asked
16. 15
politely for him to leave Brody and me at that time. Wanting to share these burdens with Brody,
I begin to redistribute the load by encouraging him to express his feelings (Benner, 91). Without
judging Brody for the behaviors which were just reported to me, I simply asked him, “how did
all this make you feel?” Brody shared, he knew that running away from his Dad in the cafeteria
was not what he should have done and attacking Justin was not what he intended to do, his
emotions got the best of him. Yet while all that was not so good, having my Dad tell me he was
on my side, lifted my heart and made me feel close to him unlike I had for quite some time.
Realizing that Brody was an S type, I had to pay particular attention to Brody who was
usually not willing to admit his instability in a given situation or with a certain issue (as he
usually ‘cuts and runs’), and I looked for any overt or covert signs in which to aid me in
reflecting upon the subjective data shared with me in order to assist him in formulating specific
goals and tasks. I then asked Brody to imagine what his life would be like if his Dad paid more
attention to him; what miracle would have to occur? After sitting silently for a couple of
minutes, Brody said that he hated the quiet and his behavior, and would love to have his Dad
recognize and interact with him more, just as he did in the principal’s office. Having my Dad as
my friend and mentor would be priceless! I said, Awesome! You have uncovered your goal.
Now you are a 10 on the scale we previously discussed, as you have realized how you want
things to be in your life. Now we will both work on ways in which you can remain a 10. I
decided at this time to break for ten minutes.
When Brody and I returned to conclude this session, I asked him, “How could I help him
move in the right direction in his life?” Brody shared that he wanted to forgive his Dad and
Justin, yet he did not know how or even if he should; yet he knew if he did not forgive his Dad,
their relationship would remain strained at best and his hatred for Justin would only grow. I
17. 16
knew that correcting wrong thoughts and behaviors was not as important as developing new
ways to understand situations (Benner, 92). Brody needed to be given a sense of expectation and
hope for success (Kollar, 63). I shared that Christ says, if you do not forgive men their sins, your
Father will not forgive your sins (Mat.6:15 NIV) and if you are led by the Spirit, you will exhibit
in your life the fruits of the Spirit which are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Gal.5:18-23, emphasis mine). I asked Brody to think
about these verses and to continue practicing love by telling his Dad how he feels if he is
isolating him and to ask God to help him forgive his Dad and Justin. With that the session ended
and we planned to meet the next week.
Phase III
As I had done before the previous session, I prepared for today’s meeting with Brody by
reflecting upon the purpose, goal, aim, my responsibility and the guiding assumption for phase
three: Brody and I need to continue to proceed by partnering towards a solution towards his
stated problems; we are to work on his vision and what the future should look like with his Dad
and him communicating more effectively; by executing well the tasks associated with Brody’s
goals, Brody can and will accomplish them; and the guiding assumptions are, the counselee is
not the problem, the problem is … and the counselee is always changing (Kollar, 91-92).
Brody arrives today with an unhappy demeanor. When I asked him how his week went
in regards to forgiving his Dad and Justin, and practicing love by telling his Dad how he feels if
he is isolating him, Brody does not answer these questions and shares with me the following.
While I was at my High School assembly, I was shocked when the principal introduced my Dad
as the speaker. I listened to what he was saying, yet not hearing him really, and then he
introduced Justin to the audience. I got mad and ran out of the auditorium. When my Dad got
18. 17
home later that day, He asked why I left the assembly. I approached him and told him, “Dad you
do not care what I think, or feel,or about anything I say, and I have got to go to practice.” I
asked what happened next and Brody told me he just left his Dad standing there, as his Dad had
done to him many times before and left the house. Brody shared with me that his Dad makes
him feel like a complete idiot.
I asked him what happened to our agreement as far as approaching his Dad with love and
confessing to him what was really bothering him. Brody just shrugged. Why did you cut and
run again instead of sitting patiently to listen to your Dad and Justin at the assembly? Brody
raised his voice and said, “My Dad has been showing Justin, who killed my mother and sister,
more attention than he does to me. He just yells at me and never has time for me!”
I then asked Brody if he thought that he could accept someone else who always got mad
and ran away from him when things did not go as they had planned. He shared that he did not
think so and the relationship would probably end. I then asked him, know this Brody, how do
you think your Father feels when you do the same thing to him? Brody sat quietly for a moment
and then shared; I miss my mother and sister and my Dad – I miss my life as it used to be and he
began to cry. I shared with Him how my Dad used to do the same things to me when I was his
age. I did not lose my mother and sister, but I lost my best friend, my God-Father and at the
same time the love of my life, my girlfriend Debbie. I felt my world crumbling around me. Yet
as I look back on those days and reflect upon whom I was and who you are, I see two very
different young men. I did not know God and you do. That is a huge difference. Do you want
to know why? Brody looked at me and said yes, please tell me why.
I gave Brody a tissue and sat down next to him and reached out to hold his hand and he
grabbed mine. I can do everything through him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13 NIV).
19. 18
What does that verse mean to you Brody? He shared; God gives me the strength to perform for
His will, for His Glory and Honor, not mine. I told him, that was a perfect account. I then asked
Brody, do you think God gives you the strength to fight or hurt others, or to run away when your
feelings get hurt or you do not get your way? Brody shared that he knew God did not give him
strength for purposes such as these. I then asked him, why then do you do what God does not
want you to do? He shared, that he really had never thought about that. I shared, there are none
righteous, not even one; there is not one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have
turned away; they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one
(Romans 3:10-12 NIV). Brody, I am just like that verse when I choose not to allow God to
control me. Sometimes I am even like that when I think I am letting Him control me. The point
I am making is simply this, fighting the desires of our flesh is a great battle, which takes
perseverance, and we can only win most of the time when we rely upon God and His strength.
Knowing that Brody is a type C, I wanted to ensure that he was being enabled by his own
God-given abilities to develop his goals, so I asked him; do you understand? Brody shared, I
must always place God in every situation in my life if I do not want my flesh to win? I said yes,
but even then your flesh may win sometimes and you must ask God for His forgiveness and to
give you the strength to overcome your flesh. This process is long and hard, but you can do it, I
am sure. Learn to look ahead into the future Brody, envision what life will be like as you go
through this process. We agreed to take a ten minute break.
Upon our return, I practiced support feedback (Kollar, 159) by encouraging and praising
Brody for his ability to ‘see’ how his actions impacted others and how God is working in his life.
I asked Brody if he thought about anything new in the last ten minutes. Brody shared that he was
still upset about how his Dad had seemed to befriend Justin, and that he was struggling with how
20. 19
he would give up controlling his life and allowing God to be in control. He also shared that he
felt more like a 5 today and that bothered him too. I told him this is perfectly normal, and the
good news is you and me are moving forward here to a wonderful solution. We closed in prayer
and agreed to meet the next week.
Phase IV
As I prepared for the next session with Brody, I knew that he had been hit by a car,
breaking his arm in the accident. Reflecting upon the purpose, goal, aim, my responsibility and
the guiding assumption for phase four: who are the people that can best support and/or secure
Brody during his process of change; who can promote and support this change; I needed to
connect Brody to the church community/resources; I need to reinforce my commitment to
change through supportive feedback and by arranging accountability though pastoral care and
our small group ministries; and finally, the guiding assumption is the counseling relationship is
positional (Kollar, 93).
I began the session by asking Brody about his accident. He shared that he got mad at his
brother Josh for seemingly taking his Dad’s side, and ran out of the house into the street and was
struck by a passing car. I then asked if he would like to share anything about this accident and
any other events from the past week. He just looked at me and stated, “It was my fault.” “I also
forgave Justin,” and asked him to forgive me.” I stood up and embraced Brody with a big bear
hug, telling him how proud I was of his taking ownership for his actions. At that point there was
a knock on my office door and when I opened the door, Brody’s Dad was standing there. Bruce
asked if he could come in. I turned to Brody and he stood up and went to embrace his Dad.
Bruce sat down at Brody’s side, taking his son’s hand he looked him in his face and said,
“I am sorry for my absenteeism. I am sorry for having ever offended you. I need you in my life.
21. 20
Will you forgive me? Brody stood up, as did Bruce and they embraced. This scene made me
cry; as I was overwhelmed by the love God had obviously placed in the hearts of these two men.
Brody now had hope! As hope was built into his interpretive process...he began to flourish as an
Accepting and Warm SC (Rice 2011, 2). God had given both of these men hope.
When we sat down, I shared with the two of them: Your wife and daughter, mother and
sister, were tragically killed in a horrible accident, yet in their deaths God has established a bond
between the two of you unlike you have ever experienced in the past. God has also used this
accident to save the lives of many young men who race their cars, because after you and Justin
shared the story of the accident, these young men have stopped their racing.
Bruce turned to Brody and shared, God’s Son, Jesus Christ, died for mankind, so the sins
of our flesh would be forgiven. In His sacrifice mankind began to understand the Love God has
for His children. Pastor Michael, my Dad and I will honor and glorify God through our love and
forgiveness of others. I know it will be a daily challenge but with God’s direction, your help and
my church family, I know that we can make it; that I can make it!
God led me to pray for His two children. I thanked God for giving the life of His Son,
and for the miracle He had done in the lives of Brody and Bruce, in such a turbulent time as this.
After praying, I continued to offer supportive feedback through my praise of their love for Christ
and their commitment to Him and to one another. My encouragement was for them to continue
to work towards their goals in life, by giving God the leadership in their lives as Brody has done
over the past few weeks (Kollar, 89).
In closing, I gave both of these men a list of contacts of people from the church which
includes leaders of small group studies for families and individuals; “Stephen Ministers” who
22. 21
could walk beside them when they are hurting, will listens, cares, prays, supports and encourages
– someone who will just be there; and my personal commitment to assist them both in the future.
Part IV: The Counseling Summation
While counseling Brody, the versatility of supportive feedback was incorporated
throughout the four phases. Through encouragement, not focusing on the anger or hurt issues
that Brody brought to sessions – moving him forward instead of languishing in his sorrow or
aberrant behavior, and by reinforcing what was working in the process of improving his goals. I
felt it was important to revisit his thought processes when he acted out in an inappropriate
manner (i.e. punching Justin, or cutting and running away), because I felt he needed to slow his
mind down to see his actions for what they were – not effective in producing positive outcomes.
These interventions I believe, enables the person to see themselves as if he/she were the by-
stander watching their own behavior unfold. Supportive feedback was extremely important to
utilize when Brody regressed into either a blaming or attending position.
In development of reflective praxis concerning my performance in the four phases of the
counseling process using the GRACE acronym, I would admit that perhaps I struggle with
sharing too much of my history with the counselee, thus perhaps I assisted with goal formulation
and vision clarification a little too much. My SC personality reflects my desire to protect people
from unwanted outcomes due to their behaviors; and when I can see where their behavior is
leading them; my desire is to “short-circuit” their walk in darkness. My mentor, Pastor Ross,
with whom I will always debrief with after my counseling sessions, reminded me after reading
this paper, that God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according
to his purpose and even though my attempts to protect those I counsel may be heart-felt, I am in
essence circumventing God as he molds His children into being the person He wants them to be,
for His Honor and Glory. Pastor Ross reminded me that my role in the process of pastoral
23. 22
counseling is to mainly listen; to encourage the counselee when he/she is on track to finding
solutions to their problems, to pray and to pray some more and wait on the Holy Spirit to lead the
counselee, since we know that God is working in their lives.
My prayers will be forthright, asking God to touch my mouth so His words, not mine will
be heard by those in my presence. As I shared with Brody, the process of fighting our flesh is a
long and tedious, yet we can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and this includes
the pastoral counseling as well. I have a positive mindset and my motivation is to improve on
the techniques that Dr. Rice, Hawkins, Benner, Peterson, and Kollar shared this semester. My
prayers are for God to give me His wisdom, knowledge, and patience to assist those He sends my
way in vision clarification which will led them to want they want to accomplish in any given trial
and tribulation.
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are
just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if
there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. The things
which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be
with you (Philippians 4:8). What a wrap to a great project!
24. 23
References
Benner, David G. 2003. Strategic pastoral counseling: A short-term structured model, 2nd ed.
Grand Rapids, MI.
Cloud, Henry. 2004. Nine things you simply must do to succeed in love and life. Nashville,
Tennessee: Thomas Nelson.
Kollar, Charles A. 1997. Solution-focused pastoral counseling: An effective short-term approach
for getting people back on track. Grand Rapids, MI.
Hawkins. Study Guide for Hawkins's Pastoral Assessment model and Hawkins's Pastoral
Counseling Scenario.
Petersen, James C. 2007. Why don’t we listen better? Communicating and connecting in
relationships. Tigard, OR: Petersen Publications
Rice, D.C. 2011. PACO500 Discussion Board thread between Dr. Rice and Michael Grigsby,
Blurb#6:DB5aDiscussingtheFirstStep.
http://bb7.liberty.edu/webapps/portal/frameset.jsp?tab_tab_group_id=_2_1&url=%
2Fwebapps%2Fblackboard%2Fexecute%2Flauncher%3Ftype%3DCourse%26id%3D_
1599973_1%26url%3D
The Power of Connections, DISC COMPARE/CONTRAST ENGAGEMENTS, PACO500, LU,
2011
Weird Guy. Personality types: Lion, otter, golden retriever, beaver.
http://weirdblog.wordpress.com/2007/02/22/personality-types-lion-beaver-otter-and-
golden-retriever/ (accessed September, 15, 2011)
25. 24
Appendix A
Intake Form for Solution-Based Brief Pastoral Counseling (SBBPC)
Name: ____________________________ Date: ______________________
Address: _________________________________
Phone: ________________________ Emergency Contact Phone: _______________________
Brief reason for your visit: (If more space is needed, please use the back of this form).
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
Informed Consent and Confidentiality Agreement
Counselee is the person named in the above portion of this intake form. The Pastoral Counselor
(PC) is: Michael V. Grigsby
All matters discussed between the counselee and the PC will be held in strict confidence, with
the exception of matters that concern child-abuse, harm to self and or others. Charts of notes
will be kept in a locked filing cabinet.
Overview of the Counseling Process
The counseling process will be limited to no more than five sessions, with each session lasting
between sixty to ninety-minutes. Each session will occur one either a weekly or bi-weekly basis.
In the advent that homework is assigned, its focus will be on promoting the goals that you have
created to aid you in assisting to solving the issue(s) you are currently enduring. Each session
will begin and end with prayer. Before the sessions concludes, a ten minute break will occur in
which the counselee and the PC will reflect upon what just occurred in the session and briefly
meet again for supportive feedback and future instructions.
Referral Process
In the advent that more counseling sessions are needed or should the counselee feel that they are
not receiving the help they need; they are free to seek help elsewhere, or the PC will determine if
a referral to an outside counseling agency is warranted; or the beginning of a discipleship
relationship may be forthcoming. A Discipleship Relationship is unlike SBBPC and will be
discussed should that event occur in the future.
Please contact MGM twenty-four hours prior to missing any appointment @ 303-953-1466. If
proper notice is not given and the counselee misses two concurrent sessions, MGM will
terminate the counseling process.
By signing this form you are stating you are in agreement with the content herein:
Signature of Counselee: __________________________________Date: _______________
26. 25
Appendix B
Basic Assumptions Guiding SBBPC
The following assumptions will guide a SFPC process (Kollar, 91-93):
1. “God is already active in the counselee.” The Holy Spirit is the wonderful counselor, and
He is already working. Our job as counselors is to help the counselee see where God has
been already leading him or her.
2. “Complex problems do not demand complex solutions.” All a counselor is looking for is
an insight to help the counselee form goals concerning his/ her current problem and
partnership in developing tasks to accomplish these goals.
3. “Finding exceptions helps create solutions.” When the counselee can see the exception to
the current problem, he/she can develop a strategy to overcome their problem.
4. “The counselee is always changing.” It is important to focus on the positive changes a
counselee makes, and the counselor wants the counselee to seize the opportunity and
move towards a solution.
5. “The counselee is the expert and defines goals” (Kollar, 78). The counselor is not the
expert, only the guide. It is the counselee who must do the hard work, and therefore he or
she decides exactly what the goals need to be.
6. “Solutions are co-created.” This means that the counselor and the counselee must work in
a partnership with one another and the Holy Spirit to develop a workable solution to the
problem.
7. “The counselee is not the problem, the problem is. Traditional psychology labels the
counselee, making them the problem. SFPC labels the problem and helps the counselee
find a solution to it.
8. “The counseling relationship is positional.” The care-seeker enters into a session with a
unique outlook toward that session or the problem itself. The counselor guides by
helping a person make wise choices and grow into spiritual maturity.
9. “The counselor’s focus is on solutions.” Guiding the counselee towards finding his/her
own solution to their problem and developing goals which help them grow into spiritual
maturity are the basic guidelines for staying in solution-focused.
Appendix C
GRIEF
Worden, J.W. 2008. Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental
Health Practitioner, Fourth Edition. Springer Publishing Co. ISBN:
9780826101204
This book assists those who are grieving the loss of a loved one to find an
enduring connection with the deceased in the midst of embarking on a new life.
Walton, C. 1999. When there Are No Words: Finding Your Way to Cope with
Loss and Grief. Pathfinder Publishing of California. IBSN:
0934793573
This book is a conversation between a sensitive, articulate victim of sudden, tragic
loss, and any person struggling to endure the numbing first hours and weeks of a
life catastrophe, assisting with retrieving their lives and purpose.
27. 26
ANGER
Hanh, T.N. 2002. Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames. Riverhead Trade. ISBN:
1573229377.
This book is about love in every possible meaning of the word. Discussion
revolves around issues that make people angry. We find out that what usually
make us feel unloved and then angry are issues which promote dishonor,
disrespect, and exclusion. and ignored. This book illustrates how people can get
into the heart of these feelings and into the heart and soul of those who treat them
in these ways.
Carter, L, and Minirth, F. 2004. The Anger Trap: Free Yourself from the Frustrations that
Sabotage Your Life. Jossey-Bass Publishers. ISBN: 0787968803
As different as it may seem, outside observers believe that chronically angry
people have a strong commitment to keeping toxic emotions alive. Carter
encourages people to deal with these underlying causes if they are to have any
kind of meaningful victory over their destructive anger.
FORGIVENESS
Kendal, R.T. 2007. Total Forgiveness. Charisma House; Revised edition ISBN: 1599791765
Kendall goes beyond the concept of forgiveness. He illustrates how God not only
wants us to forgive, but also wants us to take it to the next level - to bless those
we have forgiven. He provides insights to why we may be holding grudges and
why some people have difficulty in forgiving.
Enright, R.D. 2001. Forgiveness Is a Choice: A Step-By-Step Process for Resolving Anger and
Restoring Hope. American Psychologist Association. 1 Ed. ISBN: 1557987572
Enright leads you through the process of forgiveness all the way through to
redemption. His writing style provokes you to think about your ability and
attempts to forgive others for your future success in all relationships, while
providing freedom from hurt.
DISCOVERING YOURSELF
The Power of Connections, DISC COMPARE/CONTRAST ENGAGEMENTS, PACO500, LU,
2011.
A great way to have the counselee see themselves, without someone else telling
them who they think they are.
Weird Guy. Personality types: Lion, otter, golden retriever, beaver.
http://weirdblog.wordpress.com/2007/02/22/personality-types-lion-beaver-otter-and-
golden-retriever.
29. 28
Graph 2: This is me -“C;” (C/I/S). This means I tend to be more passive then active. I have
strong people skills. I can be outgoing and reserved. People tend to like my friendliness,
enthusiasm, and cordiality. I my rub people the wrong way with my critical and faultfinding
attitude. I am not pushy or controlling unless people try to get me to do things that go against
my plans or beliefs. I don’t have to be in charge. I prefer peace and harmony, as well as
organized environments. People like my multifaceted flexibility, but sometimes would like me
to be more decisive and direct (Ibid).
5. The overuse of this type sometimes makes me sometimes over use my people skills and
neglect being firm against those who may trouble me. I can overuse my analytical skills. I
sometimes think too much or long about solving a problem. I may need to make my final
decision sooner and more deliberately. I should not overuse my ability to convince and persuade
others through verbal and relational skills. I should not abuse those I love the most with caustic
and critical words. I should not let my emotions control me. What I say and how I say it can be
very hurtful. I should let my sweet and sensitive demeanor override my concerns. I need to be
more positive, supportive and forgiving (Ibid).
6. My most obvious combination personality and spiritual gift type (relational style) is “C”
(Ibid, 24).
7. To communicate and relate with others more effectively I should be more sensitive to the
needs of others, excited about what they share and patient will listening to others (Ibid, a-14).
8. My greatest blessing concerning my giftedness is that I am controlled by the quest for truth
but at the same time I can be too hard on people (Ibid24). As an INFJ type, I am also gifted at
exhorting others, but also tend to judge while doing so (humanmetrics.com). I must be careful
while exhorting others, not to judge them; letting the exhortation provide the judgment
subconsciously if the Holy Spirit so decides to do so.
9. I should guard or improve my following spiritual gift tendencies: teaching – not to dig too
deeply in my research which could come across as boring to certain groups; exhorting – I love to
give advice, but in doing so I may talk too much and serving – I love to help others, yet I need to
be sure to not take on too much (Ibid).
10. I should guard or improve my following personality tendencies against my desire to be liked
by all and being everyone’s friend. I need to be more demanding and decisive. I need to be
more confrontational by checking into facts for accuracy (Ibid, 5).
11. I will check/control my relational style, in order to demonstrate fit with a D relational style,
through the following strategy. “D” types – have dominating, directing, demanding, determined,
and decisive and doing personality traits. As an S/C type, I must pray hard asking the Holy
Spirit to keep my mouth shut while this person rambles on like they usually do. After he/she has
burned themselves out, I will sharing something like, “let ask the Holy Spirit to directs us in
determining how we as a team can decide what is the best way to approach this issue” (Ibid 2,
30).
12. I will check/control my relational style, in order to demonstrate fit with an I relational style,
through the following strategy. “I” types – have an inspiring, inducing, impressing, interactive,
and an interest in people, personality traits. I will demonstrate fit with an “I” personality by
suppressing my judgment of them. Exhorting is one of my greatest spiritual gifts, yet, I will need
to keep myself from wanting to give advice early in the counseling process, in order to promote
an atmosphere of teamwork (Ibid).
30. 29
13. I will check/control my relational style, in order to demonstrate fit with a C relational style,
through the following strategy. “C” types – are cautious, competent, calculating, compliant,
careful and contemplative. As a “C” type myself, I will have to be careful not to be too
cautious when the counselee is contemplating what their goal(s) are, being careful once again not
to give any advice to help them along. I want to ensure the counselee is enabled by their own
God-given abilities to develop any goals the Holy Spirit places upon their mind (Ibid).
14. I will check/control my relational style, in order to demonstrate fit with an S relational style,
through the following strategy. “S” types – are steady, stable, shy, and security-oriented, are
servants, submissive and are specialist. As an “S” type myself, I will have to pay particular
attention to the counselee who is not willing to admit their instability in a given situation or with
a certain issue, and look for any overt or covert signs which will aid me in reflecting upon the
subjective data they share which will assist them in formulating specific goals and tasks (Ibid).
15. To grow more spiritually, I will utilize the following spiritual disciplines: to ask God to
encourage and empower me with His Holy Spirit so I may be able to better assist those He sends
to me for counseling. I must remember what Micah shares; God wants a right heart, so we are to
do justly, love mercy, and to walk humbly with our Lord (Micah 6:8).
16. To avoid and resolve conflicts more effectively, I will covenant with God to engage the
following protocol: Keep my eyes on Christ, my mind focused on the bosom of our Savior and
Heavenly Father, and be sensitive to the direction the Holy Spirit is giving me in any given
situation or concerning any issue.
17. My prayer in discovering my relational style and demonstrating fit through my life and
profession/ministry is: Heavenly Father God touch my mouth with your hands so that your
words will pour forth when I speak. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast
spirit with me. I praise you Father for all the work you have done in my soul and spirit and thank
you for what you are about to do in my life, and in the lives of those You send across my path; In
His blessed and strong Name - Amen
Appendix E
Credentials
I currently working on a Masters of Arts in Religion-Pastoral Counseling Concentration at
Liberty Theological Seminary, Lynchburg, Virginia, and Lord willing this degree will be
conferred in the fall of 2012. I have a BS in Multi-disciplinary studies (concentration in
Theology/Apologetics/Public Policy/Nursing), and an Associates of Science in Registered
Nursing, and have completed all the required coursework for Certification as an Addictions
Counselor in the State of Colorado. However, I am not a licensed counselor, but my name is
listed in the Colorado Registry of Unlicensed Therapists in the field of Addictions Therapy. I
have been ordained as a Pastor of the full gospel of Jesus Christ by Harmony Christian
Ministries, Wanette, Oklahoma and have served the Lord since 2008. You may request my
educational credentials anytime.
Statement of Beliefs
We receive the Scriptures as the Inspired Word of God and as the sole authority in matters of
faith and practice. Its understanding of Christian truth as therein contained is expressed by the
following declaration of faith:
31. 30
A. We believe that the Bible is God's Word, that it was written by men divinely inspired, and that
it is the supreme and infallible authority in all matters of faith and conduct. II Timothy 3:16-17;
II Peter 1:20-21; II Timothy 4:2; Psalm 33:4; 146:6
B. We believe in God the Father, perfect in holiness, infinite in wisdom, measureless in power.
We rejoice that He concerns Himself mercifully in the affairs of men, that He hears and answers
prayer, and that He saves from sin and death all who come to Him through Jesus Christ. Exodus
15:11; Isaiah 6:3; I Peter 1:15-16; Genesis 17:1; Psalm 115:3; Exodus 20:5-6; Deut. 7:9; Psalm
65:2; 102:17; Matthew 21:13, 22; Romans 6:23; 10:13; John 14:6
C. We believe in Jesus Christ, the eternal and only begotten Son of God, conceived of the Holy
Spirit, of Virgin birth, sinless in His life, making atonement for the sins of the world by His
death. We believe in His bodily resurrection, His ascension into Heaven where He makes
intercession for the Saints, and His visible return to the world according to His promise. John
1:1-3, 18; Hebrews 1:8; Matthew 1:20-23; II Corinthians 5:21; Isaiah 53:4-5; I Peter 3:18;
Romans 4:25; I Corinthians 15:3-4; I Peter 3:22; Hebrews 7:25; I Thessalonians 4:13-18
D. We believe in the Holy Spirit who came forth from God to convince the world of sin, of
righteousness, and of judgment, and to regenerate, sanctify, and comfort those who believe in
Jesus Christ. John 15:26; 16:8-11; Titus 3:5; I Thessalonians 5:23; Acts 9:31
E. We believe that all men by nature and by choice are sinners, but that "God so loved the world
that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have
everlasting life." We believe, therefore, that those who refuse to accept Christ as Lord and Savior
will be forever separated from God. Romans 5:12; 3:23; John 3:16; Acts 4:12; Revelation 20:14-
F. We believe in the Church, a living spiritual body of which Christ is the head and of which all
regenerated people are members. We believe that a local church is a company of believers in
Jesus Christ, immersed on a credible confession of faith, and associated for worship, work, and
fellowship. We believe that to these local churches were committed, for perpetual observance,
the ordinances of baptism and the Lord's supper, and that God has laid upon these churches the
task of proclaiming to a lost world the acceptance of Jesus Christ as Savior, and the enthroning
of Him as Lord and Master. We believe that all human betterment and social improvements are
the inevitable by-products of such a Gospel. I Corinthians 12:12-13, 27; Ephesians 1:22; I
Corinthians 1:2-9; Acts 2:41; Matthew 16:16-18; John 4:24; Ephesians 4:11-16; I Corinthians
11:23-30; Matthew 28:19-20; Romans 10:9-10; Exodus 20:2-3; Galatians 6:10; Romans 13:7-10
G. We believe that every human being is responsible to God alone in all matters of faith; that
each church is independent and autonomous and must be free from interference by any
ecclesiastical or political authority; that, therefore, Church and State must be kept separate as
having different functions, each fulfilling its duties free from the dictation or patronage of the
other. I Timothy 2:5; Hebrews 7:25; Acts 15:12-22; Matt. 22:15-20; Rom. 13:1-7; 1 Pet. 2:13-17
Ethical Guidelines
A. Salvation and Baptism. (John 1:11-12; Matt. 28:19-20)
B. Duties to the Church
1. To walk together in Christian Love. (John 13:34-35)
2. To strive for the advancement of the Church and promote its prosperity and spirituality. (Phil.
1:27; 2 Tim. 2:15; 2 Cor. 7:1; 2 Pet. 3:11)
3. To sustain its worship, ordinances, discipline and doctrine. (Heb. 10:25; Matt. 28:19)
4. To contribute cheerfully and regularly. (I Cor. 16:2)
5. To carry my membership when I move and to be active in church work wherever I live. (Acts
32. 31
11:19-21; Acts 18:24-28)
C. Duties to Fellow Members
1. To watch over one another in love. (I Peter 1:22)
2. To pray for one another. (James 5:16)
3. To aid in sickness and distress. (Gal. 6:2; James 2)
4. To cultivate sympathy and courtesy. (I Peter 3:8)
5. To be slow to take offense, always ready for reconciliation. (Mat. 18:15-17; Eph. 4:30-32)
D. Duties in Personal Christian Living
1. To give the kingdom of God pre-eminence. (Matt. 6:33)
2. To maintain family and personal devotions. (Deut. 6:4-7; I Thes. 5:17; Acts 17:11)
3. To religiously educate the children. (2 Tim. 3:15; Deut. 6:4-7; Eph. 6:4)
4. To seek the salvation of the lost. (Acts 1:8; Matt. 4:19; Psa. 126:2-6; Prov. 11:30)
5. To walk circumspectly in the world, and to be just in our dealings, faithful in our
commitments, and exemplary in our conduct. (Eph.5:15; Phil. 2:14-15; I Peter 2:11-12)
6. To abstain from the works of flesh and cultivate the fruit of the Spirit and righteous conduct.
(Gal. 5:17-24; 6:8; Rom. 8:3-8; Eph. 4:18-6:18; Col. 3:1-10; I Pet. 4:2-5)
7. To be zealous in our efforts for Christ. (Titus 2:14
Appendix F
Journal
Week 1:
#1: Monday, August 22, 2011
Reference: “At least five forms of soul care should be a part of the life of every Christian
church: Christian friendship, pastoral ministry, pastoral care, pastoral counseling, and spiritual
direction” (Benner, 2003, 16).
Reflection: This quote reminds me that each of the five forms is a continuum of specialization.
As a pastor I may be able to perform in all five forms of soul care, however, it may benefit me,
the parishioner, and the church if I do not try to perform all five forms of soul care.
Relocation: God, you have given me certain gifts to perform for your glory and honor. I pray
that you help me focus on those gifts and use them accordingly. Help me to keep my focus on
You, and where You are leading me. I am going to memorize Colossians 3 and know that you
will bring these verses to my mind when needed.
#2: Thursday, August 25, 2011
Reference: “Through their words and their being, they should move people toward a closer
contact with God who heals, sustains, guides, reconciles, and nurtures His people,” (Ibid, 40).
Reflection: When I became a Christian, I was lead to Christ by a Pastor who counseled with
these premises. He directed me to God in all that He shared, and he directed me to God in all
that I did. He shared with me the need to turn to God, not to man, for direction in life. My
Pastor always told me – “God is sufficient!” That has stuck with me to this day.
Relocation: God, lead me, mold me into the man that You can use for a vessel to reveal Your
truths to those who are lost and/or in need of being placed back on the path to Your truths. Use
me Father God as an earthly vessel for Your voice to be heard by those who need You.
Week 2:
33. 32
#1: Monday, August 29, 2011
Reference: Counseling is not primarily a set of techniques but an intimate encounter and
dialogue between two people, (Benner 2003, 57).
Reflection: A dear friend of mine recently told me that my messages are too full of my past
experiences in life. She also told me that I seem to want to be accepted. Her remarks hurt, yet
at the same time “rang-true,” as I have learned to listen to God’s children, knowing that He
speaks to me through them.
Relocation: God, I need you to empty me of any selfish and prideful behaviors and fill me
with your wisdom. I pray in Jesus’s name for your Holy Spirit to teach, lead, strengthen and
encourage me so that You will be glorified and honored in all that your servant does.
#2 Thursday, September 1, 2011
Reference: The goal of the strategic pastoral counselor is to listen empathically to the feelings
of the one seeking help, not to change his or her behavior (Ibid, 91)
Reflection: Most of the time, I see behaviors in my children, friends and those who I have
counseled that remind me of an old behavior I once had. Not wanting them to be hurt by this
behavior my immediate inclination is to tell them why this behavior is bad, what this behavior
will lead to and that they need to STOP this behavior now that they know where it will lead.
Relocation: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,
who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28 NIV). In His providence God
allows what we may think is bad to happen for our temporal and eternal benefit. He is the one
who will change the person’s behavior not me. God I pray that you will continue to show me
that I am just as unrighteous as the next person, just as ignorant as those who are being tested in
whatever trial and tribulation You have sent their way. Teach me Lord to allow those who
cross my path to mature spiritual as You teach them how to be Christlike.
Week 3
#1 Monday, September 4, 2011
Reference: We have new wine in Christ, and this new wine should never be put into old
wineskins (Benner, 37).
Reflection: Attempting to change an aberrant behavior by the counsel of ungodly men is not
only unwise, it is foolish. Isaiah tells us “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are
your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my
ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9). This being
the word of the Lord, reveals to us man’s folly.
Relocation: God has given us His Holy Spirit to comfort and teach us. But the Counselor, the
Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind
you of everything I have said to you (John 14:26). We are to rely upon the Holy Spirit to
sanctify us, removing the old skin and replace it with the new skin.
#2 Friday, September 09, 2011
Reference: Once we leave the old wineskin of problem-focused counseling, this approach of
describing and clarifying solutions offers a wonderful freedom for both counselor and
counselee (Benner, 45).
Reflection: Focusing on a problem which we perceive to be the root of our dysfunctional state
of mind only leaves us with a sense of unfathomable rationales as to how to fix the problem.
We become overwhelmed by the magnitude of possibilities that lay before us offering hope of
overcoming the “problem.”
34. 33
Relocation: Building solutions with those we counsel take our minds off the problem and we
begin to focus upon the positive reality of a solution overcoming the issue(s) which are
problematic in our lives. Realizing that our lives have passed through God’s hands before the
foundations of the earth were established and that He is in control of every event in our lives,
provides for me a sense of security that I have never had in 53 years of living.
Week 4
# 1 Monday, September 12, 2011
Reference: Any biblical view of how personality develops must be founded upon sin,
separation from God, redemption, and new life. That is, it must be founded upon God’s grace
and sovereign plan for each individual life (Kollar, 1997, 55).
Reflection: When we are enamored with men’s portrayal of human issues and what lies at the
heart of mankind’s mentality, we must remember that God’s wisdom and knowledge make man
foolish in comparison.
Relocation: As I study in the seminary about you my Father, I ask you to continually remind
me that you alone are responsible for my ability to understand the truth as you have revealed it.
#2 Thursday, September 15, 2011
Reference: It is essential to keep in mind that God has been, and continues to be, thoroughly
involved in the counselee’s life before we, as counselors, try to help (Ibid, 69).
Reflection: At the age of 19, I thought that my life was spiraling downhill and that God had
forgotten who I was, leaving me alone to my own devices.
Relocation: In His providence God is in total control of our lives, allowing what we perceive
to be bad things to happen, and sin, for our eternal and spiritual benefit. And we know that in
all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to
his purpose (Romans 8:28 NIV).
Week 5
#1 Friday September 23, 2011
Reference: He is uncommitted and often uninvolved in therapy (Kollar, 88).
Reflection: Over the first fifty years of my life, I was uncommitted and uninvolved in
therapy. I knew it all, and did not want anyone to hear my story, much less tell it. My life was
in a shambles, and I lived in a dark abyss. Everyone around me was sick of me, including
myself. I began to hate them for not showing me how they lived so happily and I began to hate
myself because I could not figure it out.
Relocation: God is patient and loving. He guides me when I am confused and lost; He loves
me when I feel unloved. He shows me that there is no reason to feel unloved when He loves
me. I pray when I sin, asking for His forgiveness, for His strength to overcome myself, for
Him to save me from me! He responds by directing and leading me. I respond by allowing
Him to do so, which is the smartest thing I have ever done and will continue to do.
#2 Sunday, September 25, 2011
Reference: Most counseling interviews begin with questions such as, “So, tell me, what brings
you to see me today? Better yet, the counselor could state an outcome-oriented question such
as, What is your goal in coming to see me today (Ibid, 116).
Reflection: Some people come to me so distraught they cannot find the words to
appropriately state why they are here to see me. Tears overwhelm their mental capacities to
think. At these times all I can do is comfort them and pray for God to give them strength.
Relocation: God prepare those You send me to counsel with the strength to overcome their
feelings which prevent them from adequately stating their needs. Help them to come to me
35. 34
with outcome-oriented goals so that through You we can work on developing tasks to reach
their goals.
Week 6
#1 Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Reference: As we have seen, ongoing encouraging feedback characterizes the attitude of the
counselor throughout the counseling interview. Yet supportive feedback represents that
particular aspect of the counseling interview that comes after the counselor and counselee
pause to collect their thoughts (Ibid, 159)
Reflection: There have been countless times during counseling session that I have either led
or been an observer, that I have witnessed the failure to allow someone to continue with their
thought-processes and their conversation is interrupted by the person(s) who are supposed to be
listening. What occurs most of the time is the one who was interrupted forgets what they were
saying or the impact of what they were trying to say was lost
Relocation: After making the commitment to the person who has a higher feeling number (e.g.
the counselee), the person with the lower feeling number (e.g. the counselor), is obligated to
listen a while because they are calm enough to hear what the talker has to say (Peterson, 2007,
77).
#2 Friday, September 30, 2011
Reference: If after asking about helpful changes the counselee reports positive change in
regard to his described goal, the counselor will then highlight, support, and consolidate this
change (Kollar, 180).
Reflection: I have been guilty of providing unsolicited, yet heartfelt, advice to those whom I
have counseled only to see them forget what I have said or brush it off without a second
thought.
Relocation: Decode messages by checking your translation with the talker; Ask: “Is what I
heard what you meant (Peterson, 144).
Week 7
#1 Monday, October 03, 2011
Reference: Knowing what to ignore has become one of my most important counseling skills.
If counselors do not work to promote change early in the process-if they convey to clients a
belief that nothing substantial will occur for a long time-they will more often than not be
proven correct (Kollar, 189).
Reflection: Placing my own agenda before the counselee’s needs prevents the development of
the team work which is necessary to promote the formation and subsequent resolutions of goals
– goals which are negotiated between counselee and the counselor which accurately meet the
counselee’s needs not those of the counselor.
Relocation: When it works well, everyday decision-making includes three steps-sharing,
negotiating, and closing (Peterson, 203).
#2 Thursday, October 6, 2011
Reference: The counseling relationship is positional. A willing position is more readily
gained through a focus on a personal goal (Kollar, 192)
Reflection: Placing goals that I have made upon those whom I have counseled fails to address
the goals of the counselee and reinforces the counselee’s self-doubts concerning their ability to
make goals/decisions for themselves.
Relocation: Remaining in a blaming position weakens the counselee, resulting in his inability
to view himself as part of the solution. Those who we counselee already have God working in
36. 35
their lives, so who are we to assume that they cannot seek His help and develop a rational goal
and outcome for their problems – counselors are led by the Holy Spirit as are those who are
counseled, and as a team, the counselee, counselor and the Holy Spirit will develop goals and
tasks to change the counselee’s life.
37. 36
SOLUTION-BASED, BRIEF PASTORAL COUNSELING (SBBPC)
PROJECT GRADING GUIDELINES
The following represents an additive grading rubric. Instead of beginning with 400 and losing
points for errors, you begin with a 0 and earn points for your work. In determining your grade,
three questions will be asked:
QUESTION VALUES TOTAL 400 POINTS
INTRODUCTION OF SBBPC? Question Value: 40 Points
Abstract: Did it introduce context (4), overarching goal (4), and
identify care seeker (2)? Points: 10
Table of Contents: Organized with appropriate headings &
subheadings (10), References (4), each Appendix
identified (12), and Grading Guideline (4)? Points: 30
PART 1 OF SBBPC: The Counseling Setting? Question Value: 120 Points
Introduction: Overview of SBBPC w/rationale (20) & assumptions (20) Points: 40
Pre-session Package: Essential elements explained (15), adequately
prepared (15) & located in Appendix (10): Overview of
SBBPC; Statement of Beliefs and/or Worldview; Ethical
Guidelines; Intake Form(s); Informed Consent; and Referral
Process? Points: 40
Annotated References of 5 subjects: 3 Required - grief, anger, forgiveness;
2 student’s choice; and 10 annotated entries/2 per subject? Points: 20
Journal: Minimum of 7 substantive entries (Wk 1-7 = 1 per week) Points: 20
PART 2 OF SBBPC: The Counselor’s Style? Question Value: 40 Points
Identified relational language, described relational style (integrated
assessments and course materials)? Points: 20
Explained plan for controlling Relational Style utilizing course resources
and placed Action Plan in Appendix? Points: 20
PART 3 OF SBBPC: The Counseling Strategy/Structure? Question Value: 80 Points
38. 37
P1: Use of assumptions, clear distinction of phase, aim, role and goal,
skill set used to demonstrate fit in aligning w/counselee’s style? Points: 20
P2: Use of assumptions, clear distinction of phase, aim, role and goal,
pastoral assessment, skill set used in collaborative goal description and
identification of strengths and resources? Points: 20
P3: Use of assumptions, clear distinction of phase, aim, role and goal,
skill set used in collaborative development of vision clarification? Points: 20
P4: Use of assumptions, clear distinction of phase, aim, role and goal,
skill set used in consolidating change, and partnerships activated to
support and secure change? Points: 20
PART 4 OF SBBPC: The Counseling Summation? Question Value: 120 Points
Discussed the versatility of the supportive feedback technique? Points: 20
Developed a procedure for reflexive praxis (15), identified/secured a
Mentor/Friend (10), and developed debriefing guidelines (15)? Points: 40
SBBPC project was written according to graduate-level expectations,
Formatted according to Turabian (7e) Reference Style Guidelines,
utilized required resources and at least two secondary sources, with
Appendix (single-spaced) and not more than 40 pages (in its entirety)? Points: 60
Grade: 400 Comments: Michael…what a blessing your presence
and project have been to me! If you don’t take anymore counseling courses…you’ve
already built a strong helping framework. Continue the process of maintaining wise-
mentors to influence your personal growth and development. Feed the project with truths,
insights, and techniques in tandem with our Wonderful Counselor under the authority of
the Word of God within a community of accountability and watch it grow with eternal
significance. Keep moving your relational style toward God’s best version of our self in
Christ. May your way continue to experience balance and often interrupt heaven!!!
