Joe and Susan had problems communicating effectively, as Susan would interrupt Joe and go off on tangents instead of listening. The document discusses how poor communication skills can damage relationships. It emphasizes the importance of truly listening without judgment, making allowances for different perspectives, focusing on understanding each other rather than being understood, and keeping communication respectful by stating facts objectively and avoiding blame. Effective communication requires openness, care for the other person, and remembering the overall health of the relationship.

1.


2. Avoiding Miscommunication
Build better relationships with two-way communication
Joe and Susan, an otherwise normal couple, had problems
communicating with one another. Whenever Joe voiced his
opinion, Susan would interrupt him mid-sentence because she
thought she knew exactly what he was going to say. Then, she
would go off on a wild tangent while Joe became frustrated.
This situation is all too familiar as many people live in worlds
needlessly alienated from loved ones due to poor
communication skills. For these people, miscommunication
causes problems ranging from boredom to break-ups to utter
frustration and despair. The good news is that it does not need
to be this way.
Have you ever spend time watching two people talking? I
mean, really watched them closely and tried to follow their
conversation? Did you feel that they were communicating well,
or was something missing?
True, effective communication is about so much more than
getting across your point of view. It is about opening yourself
up so that another can feel, from the bottom of their heart,
that you show enough care and respect to understand whom
they are. Effective communication is about being there for
someone.
Assume You Will Be Misunderstood
We tend to think that whatever we say is always clear and
obvious and easily understood. But the fact is that others don't
always see things as we do, and therefore we need to make
allowances for this inescapable reality of life.

3. According to the Toltec approach to life, every one of us has
our own view of the world that acts as a filter through which
we perceive everything that happens in our lives. This
tendency to experience life through our own inner, interpretive
filter naturally includes our perception of what other people
are saying to us.
Most importantly, when looking to improve our communication
skills, we need to embrace responsibility for our dynamic role
in the interpersonal relationships of our lives. It is vital to
realize that relationships are two-way streets and that we are
always, one way or another, contributing either positively or
negatively to the way we communicate with others.
Be Honest & Avoid Blame
The first step to improve communication is saying honestly
and clearly what is on your mind. If you make others hear
your truth, they will respect you and, in time, probably thank
you for it.
Therefore, speak the truth — even if it is not what others wish
to hear. Keeping quiet or merely agreeing with others,
especially when you know differently, will only make you “a
partner in crime” and will not serve anyone.
However, being totally honest does not give you license to be
cruel -- it is about being frank. This is not about winning a
battle but communicating to be understood and to experience
the realities of others.
So, state the facts as you perceive them, as objectively as you
can, and say how you are feeling as a result. Avoid using
language or a tone of voice that implies blame. And don't try

4. to score points or to make the other person look bad.
By being as objective as possible, and communicating about
the facts rather than the personalities involved in the
discussion, you open the door to actually being understood
while giving another the opportunity to state their case.
Make Allowances for Your Own Self-Image
Self-image forms our view of the world and is responsible for
the way we filter our perceptions.
So, if the self-image of the person we are speaking with is
filtering everything we say to them, we can be sure that our
own self-image will also be interfering with what they are
trying to say to us. Because of this filter, we need to be aware
of our self-image and recognize how it affects our perception
of everything, including the way we hear others.
Learn to Listen
If we accept that true communication is plagued by difficulties
in the way we express ourselves, as well as how we perceive
others, it is easy to see how important it is to learn to listen
properly — how to listen with every fiber of our being. This is
different to the type of listening we are probably used to.
Normally, there are all sorts of things going on in our minds
when others speak to us. Listening with all our mind and
awareness means that we become open to what others are
saying, without interrupting them, without justifying our own
position in our minds, and without mentally formulating a
response while the other person is talking.
Remember the Big Picture

5. Effective communication is always a means to an end, be it to
foster better work relationships or to maintain a healthy
marriage. Therefore, when you are challenged to communicate
your thoughts and feelings to another, always remember the
bigger picture and keep it at the front of your mind.
By focusing on the bigger picture, you will be more objective
and avoid getting caught up in pettiness. And by developing
the ability to be objective, it will be easier to view everything
that happens, both bad and good, as simply opportunities to
grow together, whatever the situation may be.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
For more information about Théun Mares
describing the Toltec Teachings, please visit
www.toltec-legacy.com