This talk on Collaborative Communication was presented at the Sydney Agile and Scrum User Group on 9 June 2016 by Shari Elle and Nicholas Ho.
http://www.meetup.com/Agile-Sydney/events/230981092/
3. CC Enables Human Connection
Collaborative Communication
is Most Useful When
• There’s conflict
• Opinions are Diverse
• Need for Calmness
• Understanding of
underlying drivers
• Feedback
5. Difficult Situations- Uncovering Needs
• “That team is clueless. They don’t know what
they’re doing.”
• “I didn’t learn anything. That training was
hopeless”
6. Difficult Situations- Uncovering Needs
• “That team is clueless. They don’t know what
they’re doing.”
• “I didn’t learn anything. That training was
hopeless”
• “How did they ever think that they could
release this?”…. NIC – can we make this more
specific example
8. How we use
Collaborative Communication
• Gain inner clarity ~ emotional
• Directly communicating with others
9. O – Observation
F – Feeling
N – Need / Value
R – Request
Four Part CC Process
10. “This report isn’t right. You guys
say you care about contributing
to the wellbeing of children but
really all you care about is the
bottom line.”
How the 4 pieces work together
11. Observation - When I see the vision of our organisation is
“to enhance the physical and emotional
wellbeing of the children we work with”, and
then I see no mention of how children’s lives will be
enhanced in this report
Feeling - I’m nervous
Need - I’m wanting alignment with our vision AND
trust that this vision is actually what we all want.
Request - Would you be willing to redo the report and
include how taking this action will contribute
to children’s welfare?
How 4 pieces work together
13. Observation
When I see the vision of our organisation is
“to enhance the physical and emotional
wellbeing of the children we work with”, and
then I see no mention of how children’s lives
will be enhanced in this report
How 4 pieces work together
17. Need
I’m wanting alignment with our
vision and trust that this vision
is actually what we all want.
How the 4 pieces work together
18. Request
• Offer or request ways to meet need
• Unlocks new possibilities
• Requests, not demands
• Most effective when specific
19. Request
Would you be willing to redo the
report and include how taking this
action will contribute to children’s
welfare?
How the 4 pieces work together
21. O – “When you see the report not reflecting your
actual performance”
F – “I’m sensing you’re feeling upset, and
frustrated“
N - “because you want to show to yourself how
well your team is performing”
R – “Can I change the report so it better reflects
your team’s velocity”
22.
23. O – “I noticed that you’ve been working quite hard
in our team”
F – “I am feeling concerned and worried“
N - “Because the team needs to know what we’re
all working on and the work needs to be visible”
R – “Can I offer to help make your work visible to
the team?”
24. Experience at Merck Pharmaceuticals
• 100% of participants report increases in their
and others’ efficiency.
• 100% of participants able to resolve issues
that would previously have been unresolvable.
• A reduction in the number of meetings by 50-
80%.
• Meeting times cut in half
• Helped with cross-cultural differences
25. Next Steps
• Read the book Nonviolent Communication
~ A Language of Life by Marshall Rosenberg
• YouTube Playlist
• Attend a workshop on Collaborative Communication
• Schedule a conversation to explore CC and how you
may want to apply these skills for you or in your
team.
QuestionL
Do we want to handout anything? I think not…??
Microphones?
Equiptment:
Flipchart
Markers
Book NVC A Language of Life
How will we be setting up computers – lecturns – table - ...to put computer on?
...
Our 3 Intentions:
Give them an understanding of what CC can do for them
At an elementary level to be able to apply the process so they can use it themselves
Get them to want to reach out and learn more.
Hook –Nick – 4.5 mins
I’d like to talk to you about my journey
I’d like to talk about how I became better at expressing, and listening to others, and most importantly, how I became true to myself
I want to share with you my story of how I think I became more Agile – how I was able to take Individuals and Interactions to the next level
When I started agile coaching, I realised that I was really good at giving advice….
..and people would come to me seeking advice…
but I not really great at listening
Part of my job as is change – convincing others that there are better ways to do things. I didn’t think I was as effective as I could be, when influencing others to work in agile ways
I realised I needed help. I needed something. A colleague mentioned Collaborative Communication, also known as Nonviolent communication as a way to listen and express myself better.
Shortly after, I read a book called “Nonviolent Communication” by Marshall Rosenberg and then I had an epiphany - I really was missing something
The human connections I made professionally didn’t take into account real human connection. They didn’t acknowledge the needs of other people to be heard or that..oh god..it’s ok to talk about your own feelings. It’s ok to be happy, or sad or confused. It’s ok to need to heard
I wanted to get better. I wanted someone to help me. I signed up to a weekend workshop facilitated by my co-presenter Shari
I was used to dealing with people problems, but not the kinds of people problems I experienced at the workshop
I listened and connected with so many other people from so many different walks of life.
There was a couple from the farm who wanted to i reconnect their relationships
There was the man I listened to and connected with whose partner had committed self-harm when he left the relationship
There was the woman who couldn’t’ get through to her partner about how much his road rage terrified her
The workshop made me so uncomfortable. But I think being uncomfortable helped me to become better
If there were three things things that I wish you could take away from this talk, i would hope it would be
That there really is a better way that you can connect with your work colleagues, your friends, your partner, and your children
You leave this room today knowing the theory behind CC, and understand how you can apply it yourself
Nick “Agile and Collaborative Communication” – 1.5 mins
So why is CC useful for day-to-day agile practice?
I used to think that emotions were something you put aside when you come to work.
I remember thinking it unprofessional in my workplace to let others about how I was feeling, when now I think it’s really a core part of who I am.
It’s not something that should be hidden. It’s part of who we are.
There re times when I find CC most useful such as when the:
Situation is tense
Opinions are diverse
Need Calmness
True understanding of underlying driver
5 mins – shari – (Nicholas Write Up?)
Im going to invite you to close your eyes for a moment... And imagine or picture the world you would like to live in
....the world you want to create”
….what is it that is happening at home? With your family? With your friends? Imagine eveything which you deeply value
....Now imagine waking up on Monday morning and feeling energised and enthused because you are going to work. so grateful to be going to work… imagine your ideal vision of the organization you work with” – what would be happening?
Imagine what you would be doing? How you would be spending your time alone… and with others.
As you close your eyes and imagine this, notice WHAT QUALITIES or VALUES are present in this world, in the organisations, in this life that you're picturing.”
"Open your eyes and call out the qualities and values that are present in what you envisioned.”
In CC, we recognise that at the heart of everything that really matters to us, there are these values, these qualities, these human needs. That these needs are behind EVERYTHING that we do or say.
2 mins – shari
So lets take a couple of examples:
What value or need might be here behind this statement… what need/value might this person have when they said it?
POSSIBLE NEEDS:
PREDICTABILITY; HONOURING AGREEMENTS; COMPETENCE; TRUST; SAFETY; TO MATTER; TEAM; COLLABORATION;
2 mins – shari
So lets take a couple of examples:
What value or need might be here behind this statement… what need/value might this person have when they said it?
POSSIBLE NEEDS:
LEARNING; TO MATTER; ACHIEVING GOALS; RELEVANCE; ENGAGEMENT; AUTONOMY;
Model * What does it look like without CC? – Shari – 5.5 min
So, essentially what we are doing is we are talking about this process and the question is WHY ARE WE NEEDING THIS PROCESS? .... THIS IS slide shows you WHY this process is important.
BEING AGILE IS ABOUT OUR MINDSET – about living from the values of the Agile Manifesto
Its very first value is to put Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools
So in Agile we are putting human connection in the centre of what we do.
PAUSE
In CC we recognise that everything that we do or say is because we are wanting to meet a human need.
And Human Connection is also created in the centre of these circles. At the level of understanding, being connected, with what is truely important to each of us. And its an understanding that is not from the head but from a deeper place within us. Real connection happens at the level of our humanness.
But you can’t get to the centre of these circles – to this place of connection - without talking about the things on the outside ... What are they seeing about the situation that matters to them and what are they concerned about?
Then, how they feel about that... Because this helps us to access the inner circle, What really matters to them? What are their needs? So we move from the outer circles, to the inner circles, to access what is important. And we need to be able to include feelings – otherwise we dont get to what matters.
To enable an Agile mindset,the process of CC its important to uncover your team members underlying needs, so you can create the best strategies and actions forward that will work for everyone.. So from the inner, we then create the strategies, back to the outer, that work for everyone.
.
This is where we get the very best results
And this is where we have full team engagement in what we are doing together.
BACKGROND COMMENTS RE THIS SLIDE!
This model shows you WHY this process is important... Because it shows you that we cant actually BUILD this human connection until we get to the centre of those circles... And you cant get to the centre unless you talk about the things on the outside and you then move inside... And that is when you talk about O, F, N... You need to talk about the other 2 before you get there.
BY recognising the emotion and HOW they are feeling, it helps to access to the Needs underneath.... Because often, they dont know what our needs are under the actions, and feelings help us to uncover their underlying needs. As an Agile Coach, you are trying to help people uncover their underlying needs. Then you can get the best reults.
When I think of CC I think about how I can actually get to the underlying needs of why people are behaving in certain ways
And the way we do that is to actually get through the different layers… past the external thoughts and actions to the underlying emotion to the underlying need.
Because then we can understand why peope are driven a certain way... (what the core drivers are).
And by using the process of CC gives us a way to actually get through those layers to the underlying human need... AND the actual human connection.
SHari
We use Collaborative Communication (also known as Nonviolent Communication or NVC) in 2 main ways.
One – it helps you get clarity within yourself at emotional times and access inner awareness.
Secondly – it’s a framework to communicate (talk and listen) in a nonjudgmental way to avoid conflict, to show vulnerability, and provide transparancy…
Model – Shari – 1 mins
CC is a 4 part process as a way of getting clear of what is going on within us when we are emotionally tangled up internally , … AND we can use it directly in our language as a way of communicating with others.
++++
Lets look at how we would use the 4 part process - When we use CC in a formal way, together they make up the 4 parts of a statement.
Briefly mention each point...
Model – Shari – 1 mins
CC is a 4 part process as a way of getting clear of what is going on within us when we are emotionally tangled up internally , … AND we can use it directly in our language as a way of communicating with others.
++++
IMAGINE FOR A MOMENT, SOMEONE MAKING THIS STATEMENT TO THEIR TEAM:
HEARING THIS WOULD PROBABLY BE HARD FOR THE OTHER MEMBERS OF THE TEAM. ITS LIKELY THEY WOULD HEAR CRITICISM AND BECOME DEFENSIVE – LIKELY REACTIVE. IT WOULD BE VERY DIFFICULT TO HEAR THE PRECIOUS NEED WHICH THE PERSON IS SAYING UNDERNEATH WHAT THEY ARE EXPRESSING. IT ALSO INCLUDES INTERPRETATIONS:
THE TEAM DOESNT CARE ABOUT THE VISION OR THE CHILDREN,
THE TEAM ONLY CARES ABOUT THE BOTTOM LINE
HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES ABOUT THE VISION
THEY ARE HIPOCRITICAL – SAYING ONE THING BUT DOING ANOTHER
THEY SHOULD CARE ABOUT THE CHILDREN... AND SO ON
Lets look at how we would use the 4 part process - When we use CC in a formal way, together they make up the 4 parts of a statement.
Briefly mention each point...
Model – Shari – 1 mins
Lets take for example an organisation that runs preschools in the Sydney Region. The IT department has created a report about how t
around the department’s alignment with the organisations strategy.
CC is a 4 part process as a way of getting clear of what is going on within us when we are emotionally tangled up internally , … AND we can use it directly in our language as a way of communicating with others.
++++
Lets look at how we would use the 4 part process - When we use CC in a formal way, together they make up the 4 parts of a statement.
Briefly mention each point...
Model – Shari – rename header to cC – 1 mins
Observation –What is it you are seeing or hearing which is concerning or you would like to celebrate.
A good observation is factual and nonjudgmental – it has no interpretations.
Model – Shari – 1 mins
CC is a 4 part process as a way of getting clear of what is going on within us when we are emotionally tangled up internally , … AND we can use it directly in our language as a way of communicating with others.
++++
Lets look at how we would use the 4 part process - When we use CC in a formal way, together they make up the 4 parts of a statement.
Briefly mention each point...
Model – Shari – rename header to cC – 1 mins
The next part is Feelings
Feelings are the physical sensations and emotions in your body
They are not thoughts.
So a in CC a feeling might be “I feel unsettled” not “I feel like you don’t care” or “I feel like you’re not engaged in this process”
Model – Shari – 1 mins
CC is a 4 part process as a way of getting clear of what is going on within us when we are emotionally tangled up internally , … AND we can use it directly in our language as a way of communicating with others.
++++
Lets look at how we would use the 4 part process - When we use CC in a formal way, together they make up the 4 parts of a statement.
Briefly mention each point...
Model – Shari – rename header to cC – 1 mins
The next part of the model is Needs
Needs are the core drivers of everything we do and say. They are what unites us as human beings. We all share the same needs.
They are not strategies ie how we want to meet the need
So, for example, We may have a need to be understood, to matter, for autonomy, to belong
Model – Shari – 1 mins
CC is a 4 part process as a way of getting clear of what is going on within us when we are emotionally tangled up internally , … AND we can use it directly in our language as a way of communicating with others.
++++
Lets look at how we would use the 4 part process - When we use CC in a formal way, together they make up the 4 parts of a statement.
Briefly mention each point...
Model – Shari – rename header to cC – 1 mins
The final step is the request. Once we have identified what our needs are we can then offer or request ways we can potentially meet those needs.
There are many possibilities to meet a need. By focusing on the need rather than “how” It unlocks ideas we would never have considered before
We look to find strategies that meets both of our needs.
We want to make requests not demands
Requests are most effective when they are specific, doable, and now.
So for example – If Dave has a need to be heard in how this decision affects his team, rather than say “I think my way is better” his request might be “Would you be willing to meet with our team this afternoon for 20 minutes and run your proposal past them and listen to their ideas”.
SO LETS LOOK AT HOW THIS APPLIES IN REAL LIFE…
Model – Shari – 1 mins
CC is a 4 part process as a way of getting clear of what is going on within us when we are emotionally tangled up internally , … AND we can use it directly in our language as a way of communicating with others.
++++
Lets look at how we would use the 4 part process - When we use CC in a formal way, together they make up the 4 parts of a statement.
Briefly mention each point...
QUESTION – NICK, DO YOU WANT ME TO DO AN INTRO?
1.5 Minutes – Nick
For one of our engineering departments, I created an automated release burn-up report that was periodically sent out to the whole department.
A few people from one team approached me about the contents of one of their reports being misinterpreted.
I immediately came to the conclusion that they were concerned about how their performance was appearing to management and they wanted me to fudge the numbers
When I used the CC process when interacting with the team, I realised my assumption was wrong.
I had to retry the CC process several times to really get to the root of the problem.
My real problem was understanding what their need was. I tried the need to report performance correctly to management but it didn’t’ fly.
After several repetitions of the CC process I was finally able to get to the real need.
Continued..
O – “When you see the report with those velocity numbers”
F – “I’m sensing you are upset, and frustrated“N - “You want to show to yourself how well your team is performing”R – “Can I change the report so it better reflects your team’s velocity”
Essentially they were upset only because the report wasn’t reflecting how good they were going.
This made me really happy as I was able to make a human connection. It also helped me to respond in the right way – to fix a report instead of having some tough transparency/safetly conversations with the department’s management
Nick – 1.5 mins
Here’s another example of an application of CC with a the team I’m currently working with
The team was noticing that a team member seemed to be doing a lot of work although he was still actively participating in the daily scrum & retrospectives
When it came down to understanding what that work was however, the team was puzzled. They didn’t really know what he was working on.
The scrum master applied collaborative communication to help understand the problem:
Continued..Nick
2 mins (incl last slide)
It went like this
Observation – “I noticed that you’ve been working in our team”
Feeling – “I am feeling concerned and worried“
Need - “Because I want to make sure we can all visualise our work”
Request – “Can I help you to make your work more visible so the team can see it?”
When we approach the problem with CC – we focus on the observation – and we’re non judgemental. Imagine a confrontation if we just said “Hey, I don’t think you are doing any work – we can’t see any outputs of what you’re doing.”
Nick – internal study
Not only does CC bring well being, ease and clear communication, but Merck Pharmaceuticals researched some of the other areas of benefit of bringing in this approach in the top levels of their own management…
They found 100% of participants increased theirs and people around them’s efficiency
A 67-90 % estimated reduction of time to resolve issues, with problem solving time estimated as cut by 10-33%
Overall efficiency increased up to 80%
A cut in the number of meetings needed to address an issue was 50-80% AND the time required in each meeting was cut in half.
Mostly these savings are because people are able to have the conversations that they need to AND they are able to say it efficienctly.
Next Steps Shari
2 mins
Closing – Nick… I think this should be Nick and link it back to the imperative of developing the skills to navigate feelings [to fulfill the first principle of Agile]...
I hope you took away that Collaborative Communication is a way to get to underlying needs of individuals in conversation.
If there were three things things that I wish you could take away from this talk, i would hope it would be
That there really is a better way that you can connect with your work colleagues, your friends, your partner, and your children
You leave this room today knowing the theory behind CC, and understand how you can apply it yourself