This document provides information on becoming a conflict capable leader. It discusses: - The objectives of the session which are to help participants better manage conflict, recognize different conflict styles, assess conflict situations, and learn collaborative conflict resolution methods. - Key themes around conflict including that it is inevitable, people can change their response style, and the goal is to reduce harmful effects and maximize useful ones. - Different conflict response categories including perspective taking, expressing emotions, avoiding, yielding, and more. It identifies constructive and destructive responses. - The Thomas-Kilmann conflict mode instrument which assesses a participant's preferred conflict handling style. - Getting to yes, a principled approach to conflict resolution which

1. Becoming a Conflict Capable Leader

2. Adapted from:
Thomas-Kilman Conflict Mode
Instrument
Conflict Dynamics Profile, Eckerd
College Leadership Development
Institute
Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher &
William Ury

3. Think about a recent conflict you’ve had
with someone else and then describe it in one
or two words

4. Where are you?
CONFLICT MANAGEMENT COMPETENCY SCALE
Novice ExpertExpert
I could manage the conflict in my life better if…..?

5. Session Objectives
 Help you become more aware of your own conflict style
and behaviors
 Help you recognize conflict styles and behaviors of
others
 Help you better assess conflict situations
 Teach you practical strategies for negotiating
differences and resolving conflicts
 Allow you to observe and practice collaborative conflict
resolution methods

6. Session Themes
 Conflict is inevitable and should not be avoided
 People can change the way they respond to conflict
 Ineffective and harmful responses can be avoided
 Effective and beneficial responses to conflict can be
learned
 The goal of successful conflict management is not its
elimination, but to reduce its harmful effects and
maximize its useful ones

7. Broadly speaking, conflict is …
Any situation
in which people have incompatible
interests, goals, principles, or feelings

8. Workplace Conflict
Organization
Manager Department
Employee

9. “Conflict lies not in objective reality, but in people’s
heads. Truth is simply one more argument-
perhaps a good one, perhaps not-for dealing with
the difference”
Fisher & Ury

10. Potential Consequences of Conflict
Potential Benefits Potential Costs
? ?

11. Conflict must addressed on two levels
Substance
-------------
Process

12. Path of Conflict
CONSTRUCTIVE
RESPONSES
Behaviors which keep
conflict to a minimum
DESTRUCTIVE
RESPONSES
Behaviors which escalate
or prolong conflict
PRECIPITATING EVENT
TASK-FOCUSED CONFLICT
(Cognitive)
•Focus on task and problem solving
•Positive affect
•Tension decreases
•Group functioning improves
PERSON-FOCUSED CONFLICT
(Affective)
•Focus on personalities
•Negative emotions (anger, frustration)
•Tension increases
•Group functioning decreases
CONFLICT DE-ESCALATES CONFLICT ESCALATES

13. Conflict Response Categories
Perspective Taking
Creating Solutions
Expressing Emotions
Reaching Out
Winning at All Costs
Displaying Anger
Demeaning Others
Retaliating
Reflective Thinking
Delay Responding
Adapting
Avoiding
Yielding
Hiding Emotions
Self Criticizing
Constructive Destructive
ActivePassive

14. Constructive vs. Destructive
Role-Playing
Ally and ally’s roommate are addressing conflict
over dirty dishes in common areas.

15. The Retaliatory Cycle
“how we make war”
Repetition
Perception of
threat
Anger (emotion)
Acting
(destructive
response)
Trigger

16. Typical Outcomes of Destructive Responses
Feelings of anger and frustration
Judgmental actions
Getting even and keeping score
Other party does not have needs met
Closed channels of communication
Refusing to deal with issues
Decreased self-confidence
Tasks not completed
Team performance decreases

17. The Conciliatory Cycle
“how we make peace”
Person A
Inhibitory Reflex
Trigger
Person B Person A
Conciliatory Conciliatory
Gesture Gesture
Person B
Inhibitory Reflex

18. Typical Outcomes of Constructive Responses
Win-win solutions
Open & honest communication of feelings
Both parties’ needs are met
Non-judgmental actions
Not sticking adamantly to one position
Actively resolving conflict (not allowing conflict
to continue)
Thoughtful responses (not impulsive)
Team performance improves

19. Conciliatory Gestures Examples
Apologizing “I’m sorry that my comments in the staff
meeting embarrassed you. It was
thoughtless of me.”
Owning responsibility “I see now that I have contributed to this
problem. I didn’t see that before.”
Conceding “I’m willing to meet with you, if you are
willing to do it at a time that is
convenient for me.”
Self-disclosing “I’ve been worried about what you might
do to get back at me, and so I’ve been
avoiding you.”
Expressing positive
feelings for the Other
“You are a competent and skilled
professional.”
Initiating both-gain “How do you suggest we solve this?”

20. HARD SOFT
Getting what you want
Adversaries
The goal is victory
Demand concessions
Hard on people and
problem
Distrust others
Dig in
Make threats
Insist on your position
Getting along with others
Friends
The goal is agreement
Make concessions
Soft on people and problem
Trust others
Change your position easily
Make offers
Insist on agreement
Which approach best describes you?

21. SOFT HARD PRINCIPLED
Friends Adversaries Problem-solvers
The goal is agreement The goal is victory A wise agreement reached
amicably and efficiently
Make concessions Demand concessions Separate the people from
the problem
Soft on the people and the
problem
Hard on the people and the
problem
Soft on the people, hard on
the problem
Trust others Distrust others Proceed independent of
trust
Change your position easily Dig in Focus on interests, not
positions
Make offers Make threats Explore interests
Search for a solution they
will accept
Insist on your solution Develop multiple options to
choose from
Insist on agreement Insist on your position Insist on using objective
criteria

22. Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument
Please take 20 minutes to complete the assessment
individually.

24. Assertiveness
Cooperativeness
(Gettingwhatyou
(Getting along with others)
Two basic aspects of
conflict handling modes
YourYour
Conflict = Preference/Skill + SituationConflict = Preference/Skill + Situation
ModeMode

25. Are any of these styles bad?
List strengths and limitations of each
conflict management style.

26. Assertive
Cooperativeness
Collaborating
“Two heads are better than one”
• Integrating Solutions
• Learning
• Merging Perspectives
• Gaining Commitment
• Improving Relationships

27. Collaborating Skills
• The Ability to Listen
• Non-threatening Confrontation
• Analyzing Input
• Identifying Concerns

28. Overuse of Collaborating
• Too much time on trivial matters
• Diffused Responsibility
• Others May Take Advantage
• Work Overload

29. Underuse of Collaborating
• Deprived of Mutual Gains
• Lack of Commitment
• Low Empowerment
• Loss of Innovation

30. Assertive
Cooperativeness
Compromising
“Let’s make a deal”
• Moderate Importance
• Equal Power – Strong Commitment
• Temporary Solutions
• Time Constraints
• Backup

31. Compromising Skills
• Negotiating
• Finding a “Middle Ground”
• Making Concessions
• Assessing Value

32. Overuse of Compromising
• Lose Big Picture/Long Term Goals
• Lack of Values/Trust
• Cynical Climate

33. Underuse of Compromising
• Unnecessary Confrontations
• Frequent Power Struggles
• Unable to Negotiate Effectively

34. Assertive
Cooperativeness
Competing
“My way or the highway”
• Quick Action
• Unpopular Decisions
• Vital Issues
• Protection

35. Competing Skills
• The Ability to Argue and Debate
• The Ability to Use Rank or Influence
• Asserting Your Opinions and Feelings
• Standing Your Ground
• Stating Your Position Clearly

36. Overuse of Competing
• Lack of Feedback
• Reduced Learning
• Low Empowerment
• Surrounded by “Yes” People

37. Underuse of Competing
• Restricted Influence
• Indecision
• Slow to Act
• Contributions Withheld

38. Assertive
Cooperativeness
Accommodating
“It would be my pleasure”
• Showing Reasonableness
• Developing Performance
• Creating Good Will
• Keeping “Peace”
• Retreating
• Low Importance

39. Accommodating Skills
• Forgoing Your Desires
• Selflessness
• Obeying Orders
• Ability to Yield

40. Overuse of Accommodating
• Ideas Get Little Attention
• Restricted Influence
• Loss of Contribution
• Anarchy

41. Underuse of Accommodating
• Lack of Rapport
• Low Morale
• Exceptions Not Recognized
• Unable to Yield

42. Assertive
Cooperativeness
Avoiding
“I’ll think about it tomorrow”
• Buying Time
• Low Power
• Allowing Others
• Symptomatic Problems

43. Avoiding Skills
• Ability to Withdraw
• Sidestepping
• Sense of Timing
• Able to Leave Things Unresolved

44. Overuse of Avoiding
• Lack of Input from You
• Decisions Made by Default
• Issues Fester
• Cautious Climate

45. Underuse of Avoiding
• Hostility/Hurt Feelings
• Too Many Causes
• Lack of Prioritization/Delegation

46. Skits

47. Getting to Yes – The Principled Approach
People
Interests
Options Criteria

48. 1. Separate the PeoplePeople from the Problem
Perceptions
Emotions
Communication
People
Issues
Substance

49. •Separate the substantive issues from the psychological issues
•Deal directly with the people problem
•Recognize and understand emotions, theirs and yours
•Acknowledge emotions as legitimate
•Discuss your perceptions with the other side
•Don’t assess blame
•Allow the other side to let off steam
•Don’t react to emotional outbursts
•Listen actively and acknowledge what is being said
•Speak to be understood
•Agree to put emotions aside
1. Separate the PeoplePeople from the Problem

50. • Interests define the problem, positions don’t
• Compromising between positions will not always lead to a wise
and efficient agreement
• Look beyond opposing positions for shared and compatible
interests
• There are usually multiple ways to satisfy an interest whereas
positions can only be satisfied by one solution
• Ask why
• Ask why not
2. Focus on InterestsInterests, Not Positions

51.  Shared interests often lie latent in every conflict
 Look beyond a single answer for shared interests
 Consider multiple solutions that satisfy interests of both
sides
 Separate the act of inventing options from the act of judging
them  invent first, decide later
 Look to advance your interests by finding ways to
accommodate theirs
3. Invent OptionsOptions for Mutual Gain

52.  A wise agreement should reflect a fair standard
independent of the will of each side.
 Fair standards for the substantive question and fair
procedures for resolving conflicting interests
 Ask a neutral third party to judge or mediate
4. Insist on Using Objective CriteriaCriteria

53. Successful Conflict Resolution uses all four
pieces to the puzzle
People
Interests
Options Criteria

54. START STOP
MORE LESS
Individual Activity