The conflict paradox

1. Presented by Bernie Mayer
The Werner Institute
To Resoution Insitute
‘kon gres
Brisbane, September 11, 2015

3. “How wonderful that we have met
with a paradox. Now we have some
hope of making progress.”
-Niels Bohr

4. - F. Scott Fitzgerald

6. • Pauline has worked for HZD industries for
three years.
• She had filed several grievances against Luis
(her supervisor). She “lost” both.
• After two unsatisfactory performance
appraisals which Pauline dismissed as
examples of Luis’s determination to “get her”,
she was fired.
• Again she grieved requesting reinstatement, a
pay raise, and an apology from the company.

7.  Cooperation and Competition
 Optimism and Realism
 Avoidance and Engagement
 Principle and Compromise
 Emotions and Logic
 Advocacy and Impartiality
 Autonomy and Community

13.  Niceness (start out cooperatively)
 Provocability (be prepared to compete)
 Forgiveness
 Be willing to resume cooperation in response to a
cooperative move
 Don’t try to win
 Simplicity (Your strategy should be
transparent)

21. “If America is willing to come to the table, the
world will be more willing to rally behind
American leadership to deal with challenges
like terrorism, and Iran an North Korea’s
Nuclear Program”

22. “I don’t fear to negotiate. Instead, I have the
knowledge and experience to understand the
dangerous consequences of a naive approach to
presidential summits based entirely on
emotion.”

23. “Now this is not the end. It not even the
beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end
of the beginning.”
(After the British victory at El Alamein)

26. Stephen B. Smith (in review of book
about Abraham Lincoln)

27. “One ought to hold on to one’s heart; for if one
lets it go, one soon loses control of the head
too.”
Friedrich Nietzsche

34. “One ought to hold on to one’s heart; for if one
lets it go, one soon loses control of the head
too.”
Friedrich Nietzsche

41.  A mediator shall decline a mediation if the
mediator cannot conduct it in an impartial
manner. Impartiality means freedom from
favoritism, bias or prejudice.
 A mediator shall conduct a mediation in an
impartial manner and avoid conduct that gives
the appearance of partiality.

48.  Staying With Conflict: Jossey-Bass/Wiley, 2009
 Beyond Neutrality. Jossey-Bass/Wiley, 2004
 The Dynamics of Conflict. (2nd ed.) Jossey-
Bass/Wiley 2012
 The Conflict Paradox. Jossey-Bass/Wiley and
the American Bar Association (2015)

49. Working with paradox in practice

51.  Rachel and Bruce were divorcing after an 11
year marriage
 They have an 8 year old girl and a 4 year old
boy
 Rachel has been the primary caretaker—
Bruce’s work has involved a great deal of
traveling.
 Bruce wants equal parenting time “as a matter
of principle”
 He says he would rather lose in court than
compromise his principles

52.  “Do you believe you can resolve any dispute”
(in a high-stakes environmental dialogue)
 “He will never agree to anything: can you
really help?” (in a divorce mediation)
 “I am afraid of getting my hopes up and then
getting hurt again.” (child protection
mediation)
 “I always want to give people a second chance,
but this guy is nothing but trouble”. ( An
employer in a mediation about a termination)

53.  Share a poignant moment case that is
memorable to you in terms of the challenges
you faced (whatever your role)
 What was the nature of the challenge
 How did you understand the choices you faced
 How else might you have looked at them