Project Happiness & Resilience

2016
Project Happiness
THE POWER OF RESILIENCE
J.C. van Leeuwen
Spring 2016

Table of Contents
INTRODUCTION .................................................................................................................................... 3
TRAVELING AND THE POWER OF PSYCHOLOGY .................................................................................... 4
RELATIONSHIPS IN THE NOW. .......................................................................................................................... 4
CHANGE IS SCARY, VULNERABILITY MAKES YOU STRONG ....................................................................................... 4
FEAR, RESISTANCE AND MEDITATION ................................................................................................................ 5
TRAVELING IN NEPAL AND EXPERIENCE THE THREE LEVELS OF INNER PERSONALITY .................................................... 6
THE STRUGGLE OF DEPRESSION ........................................................................................................................ 7
SELF-DETERMINATION, EMOTIONS AND TREKKING THE ANNAPURNA MOUNTAIN AREA (NEPAL) ................................. 9
RELATIONSHIPS, SIMPLICITY AND HAPPINESS GO HAND IN HAND. ......................................................................... 9
EQUALITY, MORAL BEHAVIOR, HAPPINESS AND MY FLIGHT FROM KATHMANDU TO KUALA LUMPUR ........................... 11
SAVING OUR PLANET BY REDUCING YOUR CARBON FOOTPRINT – SHOCKING INDIA .................................................. 11
LIFE IS JUST A GAME – THE POWER OF GAMIFICATION ........................................................................................ 13
DISAPPOINTED IN OUR HUMAN RACE .............................................................................................................. 14
BECOMING A HAPPIER PERSON, ONE CONVERSATION AT A TIME – THE IMPACT OF SAYING ‘HI’ IN PUBLIC TRANSPORT ... 15
THE REVERSE CULTURE SHOCK IS REAL – ADJUSTING TO WESTERN CULTURE. ....................................................... 16
RICO, AFTER ALL THIS TRAVELING, HAVE YOU DISCOVERED WHAT HAPPINESS REALLY IS? .......................................... 17
THE BIG TALENT QUESTION – DOES EVERYONE HAVE A ‘TALENT’? ........................................................................ 20
INCREDIBLE INDIA .............................................................................................................................. 23
THE CASTE SYSTEM ...................................................................................................................................... 24
SCAMS. ..................................................................................................................................................... 24
Promises & Money .............................................................................................................................. 25
“I AM THE BOSS” ........................................................................................................................................ 26
VULTURES, STATUS AND MONEY. ................................................................................................................... 26
RELATIONSHIPS & FAMILY LIFE. ..................................................................................................................... 27
Going with the flow ................................................................................ Error! Bookmark not defined.

Van Leeuwen, J.C., 2016 – Project Japan
pg. 3
Introduction & General Conclusion
During my Master I noticed that society is changing, and with it, the nature of work and how we do
things. During the last century organizational landscape has changed drastically due to the rise of
technology, globalized competition, and increasing demand for knowledge workers with state-of-the-art
skills. Some of these effects, such as mergers and acquisitions, have negative effects on employees in
terms of job losses, job ambiguity, uncertainty, and heightened anxiety (Lawler, 2005; Cartwright &
Holmes, 2006). These effects are further increased because the loyalty contract has become unrealistic
and even undesirable from the perspective of a large amount of organizations (Lawler, 2005). These
deals have been replaced for ‘new deals’ where employees are expected to work more hours, and
accept more ambiguity, greater responsibility and must be more flexible (Lawler, 2005; Cartwright &
Holmes, 2006; Naus et al, 2007).
The latter would suggest that self-leadership, the ability to shape ones own life accordingly and manage
ones ‘energy balance’ efficiently, has become of great importance. With the ability to lead oneself,
comes more responsibility and thus impacts such as setbacks are, I would suggest, more impactful. I also
noticed that whenever someone from a country such as India comes to The Netherlands, that person
might see this as a Walhalla and respond either by becoming passive or see it as a playground. The
latter, the pro-active behavior, is something that I noticed more often. I wondered why.
So I set out on a quest to India and Nepal, to see how the people lived there and how they responded to
setbacks, and where his ability for high resilience comes from. For this, I tried to observe the way the
people behaved within the country and interviewed several inhabitants of both countries. I realize that
this is based on qualitative research, with rather low validity and robustness, since it only comprised of a
few interviews which have not been recorded and personal observations. Meaning and sense making
plays a significant role in these observations and therefore I realize that these only give a limited
perspective and are thus optimistically/pessimistically colored.
The following documents are articles that I have written during my stay in both India and Nepal and
some deviate from the original research question that I came up with. FYI: there is no storyline.
General conclusion
In general, I noticed that there is a difference between the people from Nepal and from India. In India
people are more ‘proud’ of their country and their history, and therefore feel more shame in things that
do not go well such as poverty, rape, and equality. Also, people are more assertive and have a more
money focus than people in Nepal, which means that as a ‘rich westerner’ a simple ‘no’ won’t do in
India. They are persistent. Nepali’s on the other hand accept a simple no and mainly look at ‘how to
serve the other’, instead of ‘taking from the other’. I would suggest that this is because of how they deal
with natural disasters: “we just have to start over again. We’re in this together, so let’s do it together”.
Therefore, I am not surprised to see Indians succeed in a country such as The Netherlands. It is a
Walhalla of possibilities, especially if your personality is more ‘hunter’-focused.

pg. 4
Traveling and the Power of Psychology
Stories from India, Nepal, Malaysia (Borneo) and Japan.
Relationships in the past, now and future; the power of the present moment.
My manager was right. He once said: “with attention comes everything”. If you pay attention to what
you’re doing, like actually giving something or someone your full attention, you’ll be able to deliver
great results. And ever since I have been traveling in India, I noticed that one thing is definitely true;
Indians do almost everything with attention, with focus. Eckhart Tolle describes this as being in the Now.
When you are in the Now, you have you and what you are doing in the external world. He calls your
external world your life situation. Living in the Now means that there is no past and no future. You’re
just… present. You see the world as it is, without judgment and hardly any mental processes. There
might be a little bit of activity, supportive activity. This sense of being in the Now allows you to truly
connect with your work if you’re working, your surroundings if you’re walking, and with the other if
you’re with them.
In India the people actually see each other with the word “Namaste” (which means…). When they see a
friend or enter a shop, they take their time to say greet and say ‘Namaste’. Often times the Namaste
goes hand in hand by a conversation about, anything, because of the sake of building a relationship.
Have you ever watched the movie Avatar? Whenever the Na’vi meet, they use the sentence “I see you”,
which is not just a ‘hi’ or ‘hello’, but actually means that you see the other person, like, actually making
contact with the other. This is different to western societies I have noticed. There it is a rather quick ‘hi’
or ‘hello’ but there is no real effort (or attention) to actually meet (or see) the other because we are
often too busy with what happened in the past, or what we still have to do in the (near) future. We’re
not often in the Now.
In India it is rather different. If you do not live in the Now, if you do not focus on what matters now,
especially in traffic, you’ll die and you’ll take others with you. You have to ‘go with the flow’ and ‘be in
the moment’ to ‘just do it’ (like Nike said), and participate in it. That’s probably also why they have so
much attention for the other, once you get past the whole tourist act. Indians love to build relationships,
and when you do to, when you’re also present, the relationship flourishes. I would suggest that Indians,
and probably Nepalis as well, are among the happiest people in the world. It is because as research
suggests, the most important element for happiness are your relationships; it feeds our most important
need, our need to belong (Baumeister, 1995).
Change is scary, vulnerability makes you strong
Rishiskesh, the yoga capital and for me a rather spiritual place. Spiritual places have something,
something that makes you calm; the people are relaxed and focus on building relationships. You know
the feeling when you go on a holiday or trip and you meet people but you have to say good bye because
you have to leave? I had that today. I made some great friends in Rishikesh; a dude who runs his
adventure-tripbooking-store, a couple of girl-friends and a fellow motorbike dude. The dude has been

pg. 5
living in Rishikesh for quite a while now and we both had a motorbike accident, so we had something
intense in common. I also met a girl there, well two actually. One really fitted the image of ‘the perfect
girl’ (blond, nice but, good boobs, nice face, slim) and I could really laugh with her. However, there was
another girl who did not really fit that image, who told me that she had ADHD (I just thought she was a
‘bouncy ball who is incredibly active and has lots of energy’). I could be so much more myself around
her, and I thought she was a bit more fun as well.
However, when I left Rishikesh, there were a million things going on in my head. Voices saying: “you
shouldn’t leave, because you have friends here” or “because you like a girl and you should stay there”,
“you still need to buy more things, like the tea jar!”, “You loved yoga, and you can do that there!”, “it’s
such a small city, you like it!”, “you’ll never find someone like her again!”, “if you go now, you’ll never
have the good items, you’ll never have the girl, you’ll not meet the guy again, you won’t find your
journal notebook, or the books you wanted to read”. So yeah, my mind went crazy. However, In
Rishikesh I learned a few important things. One of them was the power of meditation. The second was
Eckhart Tolle his advice that you are not your life situation and that if you want to be in the Now, accept
the situation the way it is, or accept it and try to change your situation for the better. I noticed that the
voices kept coming up and meditation learned me to observe them, note them and accept them for
what they are… just thoughts. Everything comes and goes, and at least I know now what I liked. I also
learned abit more to (relativeren).
(being vulnerable à sharing my thoughts as they are often ‘made up’. Brene Brown.
Fear, resistance and meditation
When I read about meditation, I first thought that it was pure bullshit. That it something people do who
want to be lazy, who do not want to find a way to contribute to society. That it was something for
hippies. And I definitely did not want to be a hippie. I did not want to be lazy. I wanted to be cool,
awesome, and loved. I also wanted my fears to go away. You know, the fearless dude, who just does
everything, talks with anybody, climbs mountains, drives a motorbike, has an awesome job and lots of
friends. I wanted to be that guy. And meditation was something that wasn’t part of it. That’s what I
thought. However, my mind changed when I came to India.
In India I noticed that I felt so much more connection, however, on the contrary, I also experienced so
much more fear. My mind was racing. Why? Lots of traffic, people coming at you wanting things and,
well, because in childhood I felt like I never really fitted in, that nobody wanted to play with me (I
developed an inferiority/superiority mindset), I again, felt like I was different. Thus, I felt my fears again.
My mind went in all kinds of directions. After a month of traveling I discovered Rishikesh; the city of
Yoga. What a great city, especially the Laksman/ Ram Juhla area. I did my Yoga, meditated a bit and
connected the dots about the things that I had read about meditation in scientific articles; that it can
actually alter your brain for the good. And it did! The world seemed to move slower and slower, and I
noticed the patterns/ voices in my head. After three days I was able to pinpoint my thoughts and how
that made me feel. Of course, I am just starting out, but the whole meditation has been such a relief.

pg. 6
Talking about patterns, when I left Rishikesh, and even now, while writing this article on the plane to
Kathmandu, Nepal, I noticed that I experience a lot of resistance. I remember my thoughts going like
“no, go back to Rishikesh”, “stay in India, you haven’t seen the North or the South, and Hampi is said to
be so good!”. Then I had to push myself to go to the airport and actually get on the plane to Nepal
because that is what I wanted, and well, I want to get to Japan, experience Nepal because I am
interested in Happiness. The people in Nepal are said to be so resilient. Resiliency is an important aspect
of happiness. Maybe it because of meditation that I was able to spot the thoughts and convince myself
that I should continue and can always come back if Nepal is not good. So I continued. And here I am,
going to Nepal. Pushing through the resistance, as Eckhart Tolle talks about. He talks about seeing the
resistance, and accepting it as resistance. By accepting the resistance, that it’s there, it naturally
dissolves.
Traveling in Nepal and experience the three levels of inner personality
Imagine you are waiting for the bus to come. You wait 5 minutes, then 10 and before you know it you’ve
been waiting for 30 minutes. And then, in the distance you see a vehicle larger than any other vehicle
you’ve seen. It happens to stop right in front of you. It’s your bus! But… you feel shocked and you’re
doubting whether you should go in. The bus is full. Not just western full, like there are 3 people standing
and the rest of the people are sitting, but Nepal-full. With Nepal full I mean that the people inside the
bus are pressed against each other while there are other people sitting on the roof of the bus. You
accept the challenge and try to go in. While fighting your way in, you notice that the top of the vehicle is
not as high as it is in western societies; it’s build for Nepali, who are 5.2” - 5,6” and you’re 6.2”. So you
have to bend down, like your face is in someone else’s neck. Comfortable? No. Definitely not. You then
notice other Nepali looking at you and they’re laughing a bit. You can hear yourself saying “what the
fuck is this…”
When you get to your destination, you get out and feel as if the world is a bit clearer. The thoughts in
your head have gone quiet. It’s like you have more control over your environment. You remember that
before you entered the bus you experienced something that was weighting you down; thoughts that
would say things like “wow, the Nepali have it so bad after the earthquake, something should be done…
but I don’t know what to do or where to start; I can’t do it…” or it would say “Oh this building is amazing,
I will never see this again and in Holland they do not build like this, so I must take pictures of it, but I do
not want to be a tourist… neither do I care about it… but… but… back home they will see it and say ‘wow
your trip was awesome!’ so I need them”. Now you’re out of the bus, these thoughts are gone. You
notice that the sun is still shining in your face, however, you accepted it and you’re not complaining
about it anymore. You feel joy. Pure joy.
That is exactly what I experienced during my first three days in Kathmandu, Nepal. I felt a great need to
see everything, do everything, and tell myself that everything is awesome, because without it my trip
would not be good enough, my stories would not be cool enough. Then I would push myself down
because I had to make choices and I am spending the money in ‘expensive Kathmandu’, while I do not
have so much money. These thoughts were not helping me to actually enjoy my time. I remember the
moment when things changed. I was sitting in the bus and noticed how the bus driver customized his

pg. 7
bus with decorations and he was playing music that he liked (this is not allowed in Holland, strangely
enough). A song came on, one that I liked and never heard before; a Nepali song. I started to enjoy my
time in the bus and felt like I was a local; I dressed the same (western clothes) and they did not seem to
care about me. And I liked that. They just did their thing and talked to everyone as if they were their
friends. The guy sitting next to me even took my watch to check what time it was. In western societies
people would never ‘just grab your arm to check what time it is’. Nepali seem to do whatever they want,
without actually hurting the other. Because of this, the other often does not seem to care. They only
care when someone is in need (hurt by an accident for example). I love that. Nepali are also really
friendly; they want to do everything for you, without needing anything from you. That was so different
in India.
Anyways, about my thoughts. Whenever my thoughts said the ‘… not good enough’ sentence, I would
feel inferior to the Nepali because “they’re living in such an awesome place” or I would feel superior
because “I am so much better off than them, and I have so much money compared to them, while I find
it hard to spend it, and they need it”. And when I got out of the bus, and my thoughts seem to have
stopped, the world seemed to be clearer, normal and awesome. I had an ‘inner smile’ as Buddha would
say. Everything was ok. I accepted ‘what is’. Eckhart Tolle calls this ‘presence’ or ‘being’. True happiness;
there was no past nor future, just the present moment. That moment.
In Rishikesh, India, I experienced ‘the present moment’ more often than I do now in Kathmandu. I
believe this was because I was focusing more on my inner world by doing Yoga and reading about the
power of Now. I notice that now I am in a new country, I find it hard to focus on what I want because
‘there is so much (to do and buy)’. In Yogi terms I am not grounded. I am all over the place. Like a kite,
flying in all kinds of directions; going up and experience superiority because I am a westerner, or going
down and feeling inferiority, fear of missing out with the need to do a lot. The more I get accustomed
and actually make decisions, the more I feel the feeling of being in the present moment.
Traveling is awesome, especially when you can be in the present moment, see and learn about the
differences in cultures without feeling inferior/superior/ or judging it. The people, in this case the
Nepali, are definitely amazing. They are extremely friendly and resilient. Hopefully my resilience will also
increase after the trek in the Annapourna region, near Pokhara. It’s said to be mentally challenging. A
great challenge to see if I can train my ‘present moment muscle’, as I like to call it. We’ll see.
The struggle of depression
Imagine you’re at home, being all stressed out because you need to find a job (else you wil not get any
money, you’re not good enough in the eyes of your friends (that’s what you think), and other negative
thoughts). Now imagine that after a while of searching, you’ve found a job and again you’re under deep
stress and negativity because you don’t know people’s names and you’re ashamed to ask them again
because you have forgotten and you’ve been working there for quite a while. Also you do not work with
them, so it’s hard to get to talk to them and ‘disturb them’ in their work. You feel alone. Now imagine
that inside your body there is a cup; a cup that fills up with water. The more stress you have, the faster
the cup fills up. The moment the cup is full, you snap and decide something; you need to get out of
there, you need to travel because that is something you have never done, because other people have

pg. 8
done it, and you want to be part of the group. So you decide to create a fantasy, a story about your love
for japan as a kid and that you want to see it now and you want to know more about Buddhism. So you
go to India, and you try to create a long 2-year trip. Hoping that you’ll succeed.
That’s my story. In that story I notice that whenever I am alone, or at least, have the feeling that I am
alone, I feel stressed. I have thoughts that are extremely positive with an extremely negative
counterpart. For example, today is my second day in a small village and I had the thoughts that I needed
to do everything, that I needed to get up early for sunrise because it’s awesome, but it’ll wear me out.
Then I thought that I needed to got to a other place to see the view, because it’s awesome, while
thinking negative about myself, about my trip and about what I still wanted to do.
While writing this, I have thoughts that say: my passion is to learn how to talk and flirt with girls, but I
am not doing it, I cannot do it in Nepal, while it’s my passion. It is my passion to write behind my laptop
about psychology, but I am not doing it. I love coffee stores, you know, the Starbucks-type of stores
where you can relax and just work on your laptop, but I do not do that, I do not create it or run it. I
would love to use my media skills and talk about positive psychology, happiness, relationships, well-
being and the things Anthony Robbins does, but I am not doing it. I know I love romance, the clothing of
Romeo and Juliet, of the 18th
century, the traveler books, of yoga, of meditation, of the Ezio scarf. But I
do not do it. Instead, I am walking around traveling, completely living in my head, in fear of missing out
in what a country has to offer. I want to do everything in the few days, of fearing of missing out. It’s why
I have a lonely planet and do not figure things out by myself. It’s the fear and judgment that allow me
not to connect with the surroundings because they (the Nepali/ Indiers) have a hard time talking English
and I do not like that, it’s too much work and hassle to understand them, ánd I do not want to bother
them with their struggles. It is indeed hard to get into a certain society without speaking the language.
And I do not want to invest in learning a lot about the language because I will not live here, and I think
that everyone should be able to speak English and they don’t which makes me judge them as inferior,
lazy or annoying fuckers, while the country just does not have any money to invest in English lessons, let
alone education.
Someone once told me that I am addicted to the negativity which, I think is sort of true, because the
steps are just too big to talk to people. However, again, this Is not always true because when the area is
relaxed, there aren’t that many people, nor noises, I start talking to people. I guess I just get easily
overwhelmed. In general, I do think it’s sort of true, because life is like riding a motorbike. You can get
on, and ride it, in complete safety. Staying within the lines, following the rules; or you could learn to
actually ride the freaking bike and go fast, ride in between traffic, take corners well, and ride focused.
Owning the bike. It’s the hell yeah! feeling of just going for it. Or when you have an idea and be like
“hey, why not. I have time to focus and accomplish that. I can do that” (instead of saying to yourself “no,
I can’t do that because… I still need to do so much, I will go bankrupt, I will lose money (while you do
spend it on things you don’t need), she will not like me, what if I look like an asshole, they will think
weird of me, etc.)

pg. 9
Self-determination, emotions and trekking the Annapurna Mountain Area (Nepal)
Oh man, that was quite the trek; going from Nayapul to Ghorepani and Poon Hill (3000m+) to
Annapurna Basecamp (4180m). Scenery varied from rainforest to desert(ed areas) and from mountain
villages to snowy mountaintops. So impressive. During the trek I noticed that I felt so many emotions,
but they all come down to the four basic emotions of joy, anger/disgust, fear/surprise, and sadness.
Sure if you’ve seen the movie Inside Out, you’ll say “hey, what about disgust and surprise?” and you’re
right. But I’d like to use the latest research that shows that we have four basic emotions, because the
differences between surprise and fear and between anger and disgust develop later, more for social
reasons than survival ones (Jack, 2014). During the trek I experienced, for example, joy when I was free-
running through the forest; there was this amazing path that looked like a bobsled track, so if you would
run too fast, you’d be able to run sideways, which was amazing. Or, there was this moment when I was
at ±2700m and I thought I had some of the Acute Mountain Sickness (AMS) symptoms; I felt fear, a lot of
fear. My mind would say things like “oh man you’ll have to go down now, what if it’s so bad that you’ll
have to go by helicopter? And what if the helicopter is not able to get here, will I die?” Fear took over. In
order to reduce my fear, I spoke to one of the guides and he told me that AMS would only occur on
altitudes above 3000-3500m, so I felt relieved. When I managed to get to the top, I felt so much joy, and
even sadness because I reached it; this was it, I’d have to go back down from here. Recognizing my
emotions helped me to keep my motivation up.
By recognizing my emotions, I was able to get my motivation (self-determination) back when I felt fear
for example. Fear decreased my need for autonomy, and increased my need for relatedness. I noticed
that when I felt fear, I needed someone to talk to or I needed a group with a guide to work as a ‘safety
net’ so I could run around and feel safe because they’d be there in case of emergency. The self-
determination theory (a theory about motivation and personality; Deci & Ryan, 2000) says that once the
needs for autonomy, competence and relatedness are met, someone is intrinsically motivated to do
something. In my case, when I experienced fear, I needed people to increase my need for relatedness
which allowed me to feel competent enough to continue trekking. It’s funny how these three needs
change and how you can steer on them in order to feel motivated again.
Trekking the Annapurna taught me a lot about myself, for example how my needs work and how to
show up vulnerable if I needed support. It was an amazing experience which I highly recommend. Just
being there, up at Annapurna Basecamp (ABC) is breathtaking; the silence was something I had never
experienced before. I absolutely loved it. At the moment of writing I am recharging at Pokhara Lake
contemplating about my next experience or country. I have no idea yet, but I am sure that I will figure it
out.
Relationships, Simplicity and Happiness go Hand in Hand.
There is one thing most of the Nepali seem to understand; the main building blocks of happiness.
According to both Positive Psychology (Waldinger, 2015) and Buddhism (Rinpoche, 2002), living a life
focused on simplicity and relationships builds happiness. It’s like living a small life gives you big results,
like Max Verstappen. Let me explain, however, before I start, I would like to mention that it is not all

pg. 10
sunshine and rainbows; there is a lot of laziness, blaming, comparing and running for materialistic things
as well. But, lets get to the point.
I have been in Nepal for around and about 1 month now, and have visited places such as Kathmandu,
Baktipur, Bandipur, Tansen and of course the village life in the Annapurna Region. Most of these places
have life that is rather small; it’s focused on farming and trading and are thus very local. Some of the
villagers know where the next village is, but the village after that, they have no idea of. And they seem
to be happy. Really happy. Why? When asking, they’ll say things like ‘I have a great family’, ‘my sister/
brother is really supportive’ or ‘I have close friends’. Again, as research shows, we are social beings, and
one of our most important needs is the need to belong (Baumeister & Leary, 1995); this also explains
why latest research on happiness confirmed that the most important aspect to our happiness are our
high quality relations. And Nepali’s are pretty good at building these relationships. Every city or village I
have been to, I noticed that it is one big network of relationships. If you want something, or want to
know something, there is always someone who knows someone who can help you. He or she will
immediately call the person so you will get what you want.
You could say that the Nepali’s are quite ‘humanistic’ when it comes to a simplistic, relationship
oriented life. One of the things that I had to get used to was the fact that boys (men) hold hands, hug
and are really close in public – when they are just friends. We westerners tend to associate these
behaviors to gay men, however, in Nepal this is normal behavior among men. And it’s actually quite
logical, I mean, we are social beings after all and we need physical contact for our happiness. We’re
humans.
Ok, I realize that the picture I just sketched might be a bit too optimistic, as in, that everything in Nepal
is amazing and that the Nepalis are treating each other in a way that they are an example to the world.
And yes, to an extend they are, but when it comes to politics, it’s definitely not ok. I mean, take for
example Lumbini; a lot of money is invested in building the Lumbini Monastry Park, while the people
who live there, are really poor. Or lets take the April 2015 Earthquake; a lot of money has been collected
through giro 555, however, that money is currently still at the government. The nepali’s in for example
Baktapur have only gotten a package of rice. The money that is being used is used to rebuild touristic
places, instead of rebuilding society. Sure, I might be a bit too short sighted here, as in, that when
tourism gets back on it’s feet, it might help the Nepalis in the long term, I realize that, however, I am not
so sure about that thought to be honest with you. I am someone who prefers to spend money on things
that I need, instead of things that I want.
Anyways, not everything is perfect in Nepal; it’s far from, however, the people really make the
experience, and they are one of a kind. I believe western societies can learn a lot about their approach
to relationships and their (the Nepali’s) level of resilience. I believe they live a lot more in the ‘now’; they
tend to accept their current way of living, and act to change their life situation for the better (Tolle, E,,..),
instead of complaining (which I see people doing more often in the west).

pg. 11
Equality, moral behavior, happiness and my flight from Kathmandu to Kuala Lumpur
So, I just arrived in Borneo (amazing place by the way) and noticed something strange on my flight from
Nepal to Kuala Lumpur. In the plane there were hardly any women! At first I wondered why…, and then I
remembered; women have a lower status in Nepal, however, they are the ones who do the most work
(Rough Guide, 2015) –they get up earlier than men, do the household and are the ones who go to bed
late, later than men. This was also the case in several of the guesthouses I stayed. These guesthouses
were actual hotels, however, they were run by families. One of the families that had the greatest impact
on me was the family in Lumbini, Nepal. The hotel was amazing; hot shower, great beds, lots of luxury.
However, I happened to be the fifth guest this year and they were living like crap; crappy beds and
hardly any room to live while the tourists got most of the space. Anyways, I am going off-topic. Here the
man was commanding and walking around in this type of towel thing; getting up late, going to bed early.
Sure, this is just one example, and should of course not be generalized. However, I can see similar
patterns in other area’s aside of household as well, for example, most of the people I met were men,
and there were just a few women out on the street. I have heard stories about youth wanting to change
this. Which is a good thing.
I truly believe in equality. People love to define themselves by their job, football team, country, skin
color, sex or what so ever; it’s a group, It’s not who you are. What it all comes down to is that you are a
human with certain preferences. That’s it. Those preferences do not matter, as long as it’s not
destructive for you or anyone else. I mean, when we look at each other on the level as ‘human’, there is
no fear, no judgment, just moral or immoral behavior. And research happens to show that people who
act morally, are happier. Of course we need the groups from time to time, else we will not be able to
play soccer games for example, and it increases our need to belong (Baumeister & Leary, 1995),
however, again, as long as they are constructive and you can ‘move between groups’ without identifying
with it, there will be more equality I believe.
Anyways, I am headed to my diving school tomorrow!
Cheers!
Saving our planet by reducing your carbon footprint – Shocking India
While traveling you see so many fascinating things such as marine life, amazingly friendly people,
mountains and wildlife. Travelers are lucky people I believe. People who – at least some of them – try to
understand the world and how it works. I am one of those people who find it interesting to figure out
how the world works now, and how the world should actually be. Call me a dreamer, a thinker, a
contemplator, whatever. You see the beauty of the world, but also the dark side. For example, our
mother earth has amazing things; high mountains, breathtaking reefs, and us humans; we build 3D
printers to print organs for people who need it (i.e. kidneys). However, we humans also have a ‘dark
side’ and that is that everything is unequally divided, including education. For example, basic knowledge
(for me) about the effects of plastic or overfishing on the environment. Let’s take plastic for example.
When I was in Jaisalmer, India I spoke to a few Indians at a religious lake. The fish in the water were said
to be ‘holy fish’. Indians often come to the place to feed the fish, believing that it will bring them good

pg. 12
fortune. Would they want to feed the fish, the only thing they have to do is buy a rather cheap loaf of
bread, wrapped in a plastic bag, and feed it to the fish. Once they fed the fish, they will throw the plastic
into the water. I was really surprised. Why would they do that? So I asked the people who were
throwing their plastic into the water why they did that. And because I was asking them about plastic
anyways, I also decided to ask why they would burn plastic (I noticed that they pile up their plastic items
and burn them). They told me things like “well, mother earth will take care of it” or “the fish will eat it”. I
was rather shocked to hear things like this, because, well…, plastic is not something “mother earth can
take care of’, neither is it healthy for fish to eat plastic. They actually die from it. I told them, and they
responded like “oh, I did not know that…”. There seems to be a lack of education/ information, which is
a shame, because in countries like India and Nepal you can see so much plastic just… laying there. And
plastic is a serious environmental and health problem. For example:
• Plastic has been shown to leach toxins into the bottled water leading to cancer and
reproductive issues.
• Plastic bottle caps are not recyclable, and more and more often, they are ending up at the
bottom of the ocean and in the stomachs of a variety of animal species that mistake them for
food.
• it’s estimated that producing plastic bottles consumes the equivalent of more than 17 million
barrels of oil a year in the U.S. alone. That’s enough to fuel more than one million cars for an
entire year.
• As you know, burning fossil fuels releases carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. The 17 million
barrels of oil used to produce the PET for plastic water bottles emitted 2.5 million tons of carbon
dioxide into the environment — or approximately the same as 400,000 cars produce in a year.
And that’s just from the production of the water bottles.
• Though the average recycling rate of PET bottles has been growing steadily, roughly 70% of all
plastic bottles still get thrown into the trash — often making its way into our waterways. As for
the bottles that do get recycled, almost half are actually exported to other countries for
recycling. This means even greater amounts of transportation-related carbon emissions.
• Bottles that aren’t recycled and are improperly disposed of often end up in the ocean, taking a
massive toll on the marine environment: killing animals, poisoning the food chain and
smothering the ecosystem. Today, there is an estimated 5.25 trillion pieces of plastic debris in
the ocean. And by 2050, the World Economic Forum predicts there will be more plastic than fish
in the world’s oceans.
• The Great Pacific Garbage Patch: It’s a “floating plastic landscape” twice the size of Texas and is
floating in the Pacific Ocean between California and Hawaii. The Patch is 80% plastic and weighs
about 3.5 million tons — and it’s constantly leeching chemicals and toxins into the water, and it
is also decomposing into smaller bits of plastic that are then consumed by animals.
It is important that we take action to reduce our carbon footprint! We need to focus more on our
environment, but how? Well, you can:

pg. 13
1. Use a reusable drink container. By doing so the average person can eliminate the need for 100
disposable bottles per year.
2. Say no to plastic straws, and make every effort you can to swap out plastic bags for reusable
shopping and produce bags
3. Purchase items like laundry detergent in cardboard boxes rather than plastic jugs
4. Opt for cloth diapers over disposable ones
5. Choose matches over lighters
6. Don’t use plasticware when you can use silverware
7. Pack your lunch in reusable containers and bags
8. And, as if this needs to be said, recycle every item you possibly can.
Source: Tony Robbins Research Institute
Life is just a game – The power of gamification
You might have heard people saying that, the ‘life is just a game’ thing. But is life really a game? At first I
never thought it could be true, because, well…, life is life; you can actually die. But then again, what if
you look at it through the eyes of a gamer and try to understand his/ her perspective. I used to be one, a
gamer, possibly on the verge of addiction too though. Anyways, we are all humans, right? Well, if you
look at life from that perspective, there is no ‘black or white’ but just ‘skin color’ and ‘abilities’. For
example, one person who has a black skin has higher chances of being good at basketball, short sprints
or anything related to short energy bursts. People with white skin have abilities that are on the opposite
scale; they are more build for long term energy outbursts, such as long distance running, swimming, etc.
So yeah, we all have certain abilities (strengths/ skills) which we can build. Have you ever played a Role
Playing Game (RPG) such as Final Fantasy? In RPGs you usually play with a couple of characters, and
each character has his or her own abilities, i.e. a knight, thief, magician, etc. And often times you go on a
mission to fight evil. Well, what can we learn from this? Let’s take my diving experiences in Borneo as an
example.
One day I was with 5 divers on a boat, going to one of the diving sites (Mabul) and we had the goal of
diving. We basically had a mission: find awesome shit. In order to achieve the mission, we needed a
team consisting of a captain (for the boat), a scout (to look for fish) a photographer (pretty self-
explanatory…), a coordinator/trainer (to coordinate the entire activity and supervise me) and me, the
beginner who also acted as a scout. So yeah, we were a team and we were on a mission. Not to fight
evil, but to spot sea life. Well, actually, once you go diving, you will see how badly we (humans) pollute
our world and you might eventually want to clean the water (“fight evil”). I would like to. Uhm, I am
going off-topic… When you are playing an RPG, each character has his or her own abilities/skills, right?
Well, it is basically the same when you go diving. When diving you basically use three different types of
skills: breathing (which controls your oxygen levels and thus time under water), swimming and buoyancy
(your ability to float). You can practice these skills by doing meditation, practice swimming, ‘normal
diving’ (without oxygen tank) and scuba diving (with oxygen tank). Let’s call this your basic skill tree.
However, in some RPG’s the characters can often learn specific skills which makes the character unique
and in certain battles, essential. You could say the same about real life, and in this case, scuba diving.

pg. 14
When you look at the skills one can learn after you have done your Advanced Open Water, you see that
you can specialize to be a rescue diver/ medic, photo- &videographer, dive master or instructor. This
means that you can increase your skill level, and “level up”. So someone who has been diving for a long
time, is not better than you are, no, he or she has been diving for a longer time and his or her skill level
is thus higher.
I guess life is like a game. I would like to discuss one more thing though, and in particular I would like to
look at what Buddhism says about this. I know, this might be a strange link, but you’ll understand why I
mention Buddhism in just a few minutes. Just continue reading. I recently read The Tibetan Book of
Living and Dying and discovered that Buddhist believe in reincarnation. And if you seriously consider the
whole reincarnation thing (which I suggest you look into), you might indeed see life as a game. Taken
from a more modern perspective, life is a place to have adventures, do things that scare you, build
businesses, take risks, and help other people. Basically, just have some plain fun by adding positive value
to both your and other people’s life. This means that if you die, you will come back later on (even
though the chances are small) and you will build on your previously build up karma. This also means that
there is no reason for fear, and that living fully (present as they call it in spirituality, “actually riding a
motorbike vs. the motorbike being an object” – as I call it) is what you are destined to do. I know this
might sound a bit weird and abstract, but what if you fail and survive? Well, you’ve learned a lesson, a
lesson you can teach others, or a lesson that allows you to improve your life. And if you die? Too bad, at
least you tried, and you will get another chance in your next life. Again, no reason for fear. I would say
that the Buddhists are quite right about how to live life, I guess. And no, I do not mean the whole
‘meditate for a lifetime’ thing. That’s a different story.
So yeah, can we look at life through the eyes of a game? I would like to think so. It would make life more
easy and fun. We would also have less hierarchy based on power over people and we would use more of
a perspective of strengths/ abilities. I would like to suggest that this is a more humanistic approach to
doing things. Anyways, enough thinking, analyzing and writing. I need to pack my backpack, since I am
heading to Kota Kinabalu so I can book a flight to Kuala Lumpur. To be honest with you, I have no idea
what to do and where to go since I am running low on money. I hope I will not have to turn back home
to work there in order to earn money; hopefully I will find a way to earn some money while traveling or
live in Asia (somewhere) for about (half) a year. If not, I will have “failed”, but I would also have learned
a couple of lessons regarding resourcefulness: search for work in Asia earlier/ save up more money
beforehand/ plan my budget better per country and find things I want to do beforehand so I can save up
money for it/ network more. Anthony Robbins one taught the “how bad do you want it (‘it’ being
‘success in your goal’). Again, I am going off-topic. Got to go now, time to start packing!
Disappointed in our human race
I am disappointed in the world, well, in us, humans. We are destroying our beautiful world, including the
culture. Why? Money I believe. As a kid I have always been interested in Japan and I knew that most of
the culture is gone; it has been replaced by modern culture – our technology culture. But is that really
culture, I wonder? We have created a huge puppet show of our historical buildings and ways of living.
For example, the temples and villages in Japan. I have to be honest, I haven’t seen the entire country

pg. 15
yet, however, the temples are no longer being used; they are mere ‘tourist attractions’ to get money
(possibly to help to maintain the building, I assume). Lots of Japanese go to Kyoto or any other city with
lots of cultural heritage in order to see what their country used to be. I think this is a shame. We should
find a way to combine the old with the new; to maintain the old culture, and merge it with our new
culture; the culture of technology. This way we can replace the depressing grey buildings that we’ve
build in the cities with more color. We should find a way to live in harmony. No, we must. This way the
old culture will be alive, it will be authentic; it will not be ‘something from the past’, ‘something that is
no more’. I don’t seem to understand why we try to preserve something by making it an ‘object’,
something that is ‘special’ and ‘should not be used’. What’s the use of it? Just viewing? A puppet show?
Just like the Geisha’s now? Are they a puppet show? They used to have a function, back in the days. Ok,
ok, I admit, it’s not something that is pro-humanism.
What if we could use the old temples, and allow people to work in them, or let the animals live freely
and live with them; not capture them and put them in a place for ‘pictures’. I mean, until now I haven’t
seen a single animal that is expressing pure happiness, except the ones in the wild, the ones in their
natural habitat, undisturbed from humans.
Becoming a happier person, one conversation at a time – The impact of saying ‘Hi’ in
public transport
I recently came back from a four-month trip through Asia. India, Nepal, Malaysia and Japan to be
precise. And as I am passionate about human behavior, I couldn’t help but to observe what was
happening around me. And, to be honest with you, I was quite shocked, in both a positive and a
negative way.
One example is the impact of technology, both in a helpful and harmful way. I believe that in western
societies our technology is more harmful to us than it’s actually helpful, especially on a social level. For
example, when I get on a train here in The Netherlands, or well, in most of the western countries I have
visited during my Interrail trip in 2014, I notice that whenever people get on the train, the first thing
they do is to get their phone out and check Whatsapp, Facebook, Twitter, their email or even play a
game. As a social scientist I can’t help but to wonder; we are social beings, however playing a game on
your phone does not seem to be social behavior at all, now is it? Sure, someone might be tired, but
really, all of us?
In India the pattern is completely the opposite. People still have the older type of phones and when I get
on a train there, whether it is for a long or short trip- I notice that as soon as the people from India get
on a train, they start talking to each other about, well… anything. And they seem to be quite happy –
they’re smiling and seem to be enthusiastic. Research actually shows the same thing. The American
psychologist Nick Eply conducted research in public transportation in Chicago and showed that people
who have a conversation with the other are actually happier afterwards compared to people who stayed
quiet (Epley & Schroeder, 2014). I noticed the same pattern when I stay quiet vs. when I start a
conversation. The pattern became quite obvious in me from the moment my phone got stolen in
Semporna, Borneo. At first it was quite weird, not being ‘connected’ with everyone everywhere. But
after a day or two, I felt so much better; I spend a lot (!) more time being at the place I was and enjoying

pg. 16
it with the people I was with. I did not compare my life with other peoples lives (through Instragram or
Facebook); no, all I was focusing on where I was, and on the people I was with. For example, I was
amazed by how beautiful the actually quite ugly city of Semporna was.
And you know what… when I came back to The Netherlands, and decided to travel by train again, I
noticed that I had become so accustomed to talking to strangers on the street that I do it here as well,
however ,in the Netherlands I have to put in a bit more effort to speak to others. It is as if people seem
to think like “huh, hey, is this stranger talking to me?”, whereas in other countries people seem to be
more open to a conversation. This, again, can be explained through research. We seem to not start a
conversation because we tend to think that the other person does not want to have a conversation with
us. Thus we avoid contact and do not talk, because we think that the other person is not waiting for a
conversation (Epley & Schroeder, 2014). This might also suggest why the other person is in the ‘huh?’-
modus. We do not expect it anymore.
What can we learn from this? I mean, I guess I have to admit that one of the biggest advantages of
technology is to stay in touch with ‘home base’, I mean, in my case, my mother does not have to worry
whether I am dead or alive after one of my mountaineering adventures. A other lesson is to start that
conversation when you’re using public transportation. And the final lesson, I guess you could say is to
dose our use of technology. We’re online (well…, looking at a screen) so much that we’re forgetting our
true nature; we’re social beings.
Interested in what we humans really need? Check out the documentary called Planetary. You’ll love it.
The Reverse Culture Shock Is Real – Adjusting to Western Culture.
As I mentioned in my previous post, I recently came back from a four-month trip through Asia. Before I
left I heard people speaking about the “after travel depression” or the “after culture shock”. I never
thought it was real, because, well, I thought “everyone is still the same, nothing changed, so why would
you get that feeling?”. But the feeling is real. It definitely is.
When I returned from Asia, the first thing I noticed was that I could understand everyone (again). I had a
hard time zoning out and filter out ‘the noise’. This was something that was easy in Asia, because I didn’t
understand the language, or at least, I had a hard time understanding. Would I want to understand the
language, I really had to put in an effort. Japan was the easiest though, because I speak basic Japanese.
Anyways, it felt so good to be on your own when you wanted to, and be with friends when you needed
to. Here in The Netherlands it’s different again. I can understand everything, ranging from every
commercial to each individual speaking about their problems. In the Netherlands we tend to speak
about our problems first, and then become more positive during the process and eventually mention
the positive. In India this is completely different; there, they speak about what’s possible, and well.,
everything is possible there, because everyone knows… well, everyone.
One of the hardest things was the culture difference I experienced. What I noticed was that people
speak a lot about other people, we all have an opinion about someone or something. And it’s usually a
bad one. Is it to make one self good? I don’t know. Also, I noticed that the way we dress is to

pg. 17
communicate ‘how important one is’ or ‘how sexy one is’ (just look at how short some of the skirts are,
or how much boob we can see. Admitted, I am a guy, I don’t mind looking at pretty (subjective!) boobs,
butts and legs, but still, it’s harder to actually focus on my work when something sexy is passing by (first
world problem, I know.). The whole focusing thing was a lot easier in Asia, because people do not dress
that sexy (and with sexy I mean showing skin). It felt as if it was… empty. It felt as if everyone was so
busy communicating how cool, awesome, important they were, and how little the other person was. It’s
like everyone is a product. Probably a mix of unconscious behavior and consumerism, I guess. This is
probably what they mean with ‘everything is still the same, you have changed’. I guess when you travel
your focus shifts to what you ‘really need’, vs. to what you want. Partially.
So, how do I deal with it? I don’t know. I just do my thing, and I guess I will have to trust on the ‘I will
eventually adjust’ psychology. I mean, when you eat a bar of really good chocolate, you know, the really
tasty one, the first bite is always the best. “Oishi”, as they would say in Japan. The second one is ‘still
tasty’ and the third one is ‘oh well…’. We adjust. That’s what I am hoping for to happen. It takes time.
That’s obvious by now.
Rico, after all this traveling, have you discovered what happiness really is?
I would say, yes, though it is hard for me to put it in words. In my previous posts I touched some of the
elements that influence our happiness, such as self-determination theory, relationships and being in the
now’, and how you can become a happier person by talking to others. However, I would like to take a
step back and discuss what happiness actually is.
I recently read a book about the psychology of happiness and the author Ap Dijksterhuis gave the
following brilliant example: suppose there was an experience machine that would give you any
experience you desired. Super-duper neuropsychologists could stimulate your brain so that you would
think and feel you were reading an interesting book, or dining with a friend in Paris, or having the most
amazing sex with… [please imagine anyone you’d want to have sex with]. All the time you would be
floating in a tank, with electrodes attached to your brain. Should you plug into this machine for life,
preprogramming your life experiences? [...] Of course, while in the tank you won't know that you're
there; you'll think that it's all actually happening [...] Would you plug in? Would you trade your current
life for this life?
Most people would reject the offer, however most people are unable to explain why. It has something
to do with feelings, they say. The though experiment described earlier was developed by Robert Nozick
and gives a clear example of what pleasure is. Happiness is more than pleasure, apparently. So, in the
following paragraphs I will differentiate between pleasure and happiness. One of the biggest differences
between happiness and pleasure is that pleasure is only temporarily and it it depends on circumstances.
You might be wondering: “really?”. Yes, let me elaborate. Lets say I give you 2 bars of the best chocolate
in the world. The first bite will probably taste amazing, however once you’ve eaten the entire bar, the
first bite of the second bar will not taste the same. You might not even want the chocolate anymore;
you might want to save it for later. Or lets say I gave you one of those bars while you were watching an
amazing movie. Would you still taste the flavor of the cholate and recognize that it’s amazing? You
probably won’t because you’re so immersed in the movie.

pg. 18
We now know what happiness is not… but… then.., what is it? Remember that thought experiment, the
pleasure machine? Well, one of the reasons why people do not want a life like that is that it lacks in
purpose, in meaning. We want to have the feeling that our life has a point, that it’s worth living. It is why
we risk our lives for other peoples lives. However, this is not everything there is to know about
happiness. There is more. But in order to know more, we will have to talk about the history of
happiness.
Approximately 2500 years ago people believed in legends and sages that had been passed down by
previous generations. They executed those rituals without thinking about it, however, at a certain time
in history the level of consciousness increased and people were not satisfied with their old habits. Some
people started to question the rituals and they became aware of their own happiness. People such as
Confucius, Lao Tzu, Zoroaster, Jesaja, Ezechiël, Jeremia, Plato, Aristoteles and Epicurus started to think
about the fate of humans. However, two of the most influential thinkers were Socrates and Siddhartha
Guatama, also known as Buddha. In short, Buddha said that happiness is your level of consciousness. He
also said that happiness is partially influenced by your lifestyle. You can even train it. Which means that
happiness is not something that happens to you, it’s something that you can work towards.
Buddha defines enlightment as a state in which we have are fully balanced with ease and no longer have
the needs and wants that we are currently experiencing (bigger house, more of x,y,z.). Socrates said
something similar, he said that one can achieve the good life, when one lives life based on wisdom and
self-knowledge. The Greek wrote about ‘eudaimonia’, which describes a happy and meaningful life.
However, the Greeks did not always agree with each other, and thus disagreed regarding the amount of
influence we humans have on our happiness levels. The Greeks and Buddha did however, agree that in
order to be happy it is more important how you experience a certain life situation/ event, and whether
you accept it or reject it. Rejecting it will make you unhappier. Sure, there are other philosophers/
thinkers who have even said that you are unable to influence your happiness levels, such as Augustinus.
However, these thoughts have been ‘rejected’ by most other philosophers and researchers. To give you
a small hint of what I will be writing about: research suggest that one can influence ones’ levels of
happiness, and even increase ones base level of happiness. So basically we have a continuum, with on
the one hand: our happiness is determined by external events and we have no control over it, and on
the other end: your happiness fully depends on how you experience the world. Research and most of
philosophy (both eastern and western) believe that you do have some control over it. Not fully, but a
fair amount.
If we continue our search about happiness, we can also see that happiness is more or less a process, it’s
a journey. A never ending journey, however, you can get close to it. And sometimes even achieve it.
Remember one of your moments where you were extremely happy? Yeah, that is one, however, that
might be true happiness, however, that is a moment that never lasts, does it? But in order to get to that
level of happiness, you have to work for it right? Here we go. A process. It is something that you have to
maintain, in order to keep it.
So we know it is a journey, but to be honest with you, it is not a complete journey, well it is, but then
again it is not. How to explain. Well, happiness is also partially determined by your attitude, it is your life

pg. 19
vision. Happiness is determined by someone’s state of mind, someone who is satisfied (happy) about his
or her current life situation. Victor Frankl observed this during the time he was captured in one of the
concentration camps. He observed that it depends what a certain event means to you; is it the
beginning or the end? Is it something that ‘happened to you’ or something ‘you can overcome and make
you stronger, and possibly help others with’? The latter one will give you more strength, however, in the
first one you will be the victim. According to Frankl we have the ability and thus the power to determine
the meaning to the things that happen to us. Eckhart Tolle said something similar. He spoke about you
and your life situation. Your life situation can suck, however, that does not mean that you suck. You are
still you, the continuously changing individual who is part of the collective, and you can do something
about the situation, you can give it a meaning and, if necessary, change it if you do not like it.
But then what about those people you saw in Nepal? Or in India? You know, the poor ones. Are they
happy? Based on what you just said, you would say so! Well, yes, that is a good question. And I think
you’re right, because what I saw in Nepal for example, outside the tourist area, were really happy
people. They were living in villages, didn’t have much, but didn’t need much either. You could say that
they didn’t know what they were missing, which is another thing about happiness. Happiness is within
our own consciousness, as Buddha (and I) concluded (earlier). Even Marcus Aurelius said something
similar; he said that our happiness is determined by the quality of our thoughts. It’s basically through
which color we see the world. Do we see a lot of green, white and light blue, we are happy. However, if
we see a lot of grey and black, then we are unhappy. And if we look at philosophy and research about
consciousness, is that 84% of our day and behavior is unconscious meaning that you can be happy
without truly knowing it, at that moment. You might have been fully ‘engaged’ as they would call it. This
means that our consciousness is our happiness organ, as Dijksterhuis calls it. And I think he’s right. My
aikido teacher calls it ‘having an inner smile’. Whatever happens, when one is smiling from within,
nothing can happen. Apparently, as I recently discovered, the Buddha said something similar.
So I would like to conclude this article with the fact that we can increase our happiness by adjusting our
outer world, our ‘real life’ (i.e. building relationships) and by taking care of our inner self, our inner life.
Living according to ones’ values, as the Dalai Lama would say. Happiness thus is a process that we need
to work on, both internal and external, it is our highest purpose, it is more than just pleasure and we do
have a certain amount of influence over our happiness levels.

How we can influence our own happiness, and how much this is, is something I will write about in one of
my future blogs. Ok, I will give you two hints. It has something to do with your past, now and future, and
with you, your needs and who you are in relationship with another.
Thanks to Ap Dijksterhuis for providing such an amazing detailed description of happiness.

pg. 20
The big talent question – does everyone have a ‘talent’?
I have seen so many posts regarding talent, it’s crazy. It got me wondering, does everyone have a talent?
As a basketball-trainer and behavior scientist, I would guess that everyone does have a certain degree of
talent. There is a big difference though between people who are going to be star-players and who might
have insane talent but will not be the best players. I mean, as a coach it is my job to see both the
players’ strengths and weaknesses and stay objective. I should balance the teams strengths and decide
what kind of strategy we’re going to play with. So yes, within the team, everyone has their own way of
behaving that they prefer, that they feel comfortable with.
However, there is one important thing about strengths or talent I would like to discuss before going
more in-depth. It’s important to note that a strength someone has developed over the years, might
actually be a limiting pattern within the individual. So his or her ‘strength’ could actually be hurting the
person. It is the same in work, for example, if I see someone who is able to create awesome PowerPoint
presentations, and I believe it is a talent while it’s actually because he or she is ‘hiding’ and is rather
scared to socialize with others, it’s limiting. So I would like to make a separation between a limiting
energy taking strength (often seen by others, and is often used to protect onself) versus
underdeveloped strengths and present strengths. Because, sometimes, that which one is scared of,
could actually be an underdeveloped strength. However, this is not always the case. Anyways, lets look
at the benefits of using a strength based approach.
I strongly believe that when using a strength perspective, it benefits both the individual and the team,
organization and even society as a whole, on the long term. I mean, when looking at resent research
from Van Woerkom, Oerlemans and Bakker who have been exploring the impact of working to strengths
could have on employee engagement, you can see that there is a positive relationship between using
ones strengths and work engagement and proactive behavior. There is also a positive and significant
correlation between weekly strength use, self-efficacy, work engagement, and proactive behavior, on
individual level. This means that both workers and organizations can benefit from using workers’
strengths. I can only imagine a world where everyone is working from his or her strength. Man, what
would that world look like. The question is, is everyone aware of their own strengths? How can you find
your own strengths?
Lets start with some questions:
1. What did you absolutely love to do when you were a kid? Is there something you did when you
were a child, and are still doing to this date? Or is there something that you could play with for
ages, when you were a child of course? If possible, ask your parents. This could help as well.
2. What are activities that ‘get you in the zone’? What are activities that you really look forward
to? What do you currently love to do? Could be anything, from work to leisure time. Then think
about why that is. Why are you so good at it? And why do these activities make you so happy?
And why is that?
3. What are/ were things that you can/could learn within no-time?
4. What is the best compliment you’ve ever gotten?

pg. 21
5. What makes you really enthusiastic when you talk about it? What is it that you can talk about
for ages?
6. Visualize a future where you have accomplished all your life goals; all that you’ve ever wanted to
do, become and have, is yours. What does your life look like at that moment? What are your
strongest assets? What are your strongest character traits and how are you using them? This
will give you a good insight in your strengths and your possibly underdeveloped strengths.
Now you’ve got those answers written down. It’s time for the next step. Ask your family, friends,
colleagues what they think is so great about you, what your strengths are. Make sure to only ask for
your strengths! Again, write it down. You could also ask people via Facebook, Linked-In or email. Now
when you’ve gotten those answers, compare them and list them in order from:
1. Strengths: true strengths, these give you energy.
2. Underdeveloped strengths: skills you’ve learned you have, but never really knew that you might
like to develop.
3. Strengths learned over the course of history: strengths that you have, but don’t like to use.
4. Shortcomings: skills others are good at, and you’re not.
By looking at what you can do, what is going well, will give you a lot more energy. See if you can ‘craft
your job’ to your liking, to your strengths, and see if you can find someone who has the strengths that
are your weaknesses. Now that’s teamwork. I also highly suggest to search and develop your
underdeveloped strengths. These are often times the things you fear (most), and are thus really proud
of of doing. In my case, building social confidence.
And if you still have no idea, I would highly suggest doing the Gallup Strength Test, or the VIA character
trait test. Note that these are traits one has, not strengths! Traits can change over time.
Sources:
• Bohlmeijer, E. & Hulsbergen, M. (2013). Dit is jouw leven. Amsterdam: Uitgeverij Boom
• Boreham, I. (2016, June 8). Linking strengths to employee engagement. Retrieved from:
http://iandboreham.com/linking-strengths-to-employee-engagement
• Hennevelt, E. (2015, November 15). Waarom het ontwikkelen van je talent belangrijker
is, dan het ontwikkelen van je zwakke kanten. Retrieved from:
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/waarom-het-ontwikkelen-van-je-talent-belangrijker-
dan-hennevelt?trk=hp-feed-article-title-like
• Marianne van Woerkom, Wido Oerlemans & Arnold B. Bakker (2016), Strengths use and work
engagement: a weekly diary study, European Journal of Work and Organizational Psychology,
25:3, 384-397, DOI: 10.1080/1359432X.2015.1089862

pg. 22

pg. 23
Incredible India
A heaven and hell on earth
Trying to describe India is like trying to ride a bike for the first time. You have no idea where to start and
what you have to do (in my case, write about). But hey, if I had to describe India, I would describe this
magnificent country as both a heaven and hell on earth.
Heaven is when you enter the country; you see a well-designed airport, with a rather futuristic metro
and think: “hey, this looks rather western; there doesn’t seem to be any poverty here (yet)”. Once you
get to your destination (New Delhi) you, again, see a well-designed and rather modern metro station
where people are more than happy to help you. Then when you get out of the station, things change.
Drastically. You see dust, old cars and people asking you where you’re headed (they want to give you a
ride, for an insane price). You see people with clothes that look like they’ve been wearing them each
and every day, for the last five years; dusty and torn apart. The people barely have any teeth either.
However, when you get to your hostel (or hotel) you’ll see the other side of the coin again; great
facilities, well dressed men who have, often times, clean shaved faces (I was the unshaven one which
felt weird). The same two sided coin example also applies to Calcutta. Well, actually it’s even worse
there. The rich are like really rich, while the poor are…, well…, really poor. On one side of the block you
have shops that sell gold, while on the other side of the block you’ll find people living in houses made
out of cloths. Talking about extremes here.
Ok, sure, maybe I did sketch a rather colored picture. It’s not like this everywhere, I have to admit.
Though it is close to the truth. For example, the center of both Delhi and Calcutta have a booming
business and tourist center with both Indian and western brands such as Pepe Jeans, McDonalds, KFC
and Starbucks. But when you go just a little bit out of the city center, you’ll see actual poverty. And with
poverty I mean real poverty. A lot. People living in... well... anything they can get their hands on to build
a house. In Agra it’s different though. Just a little bit. People do live in houses made out of bricks,
however, they do not seem to be finished (nor do they seem to care about it). The biggest shock that I
had was the way the government seems to care about their heritage, the Taj Mahal. In front of the west
gate there is this incredibly expensive marble road, with hyper modern trucks running on electricity
transporting tourists that stay in hotels approx. 1km away from the Taj. This is the only place you can
find ‘proper luxury hotels’ in Agra (as far as I could find). The strange thing is that if you’re a tourist, stay
in one of those hotels and are only there to visit the Taj Mahal, you wouldn’t even notice the poverty
that is right around the corner. That is probably what the government is trying to accomplish because
poverty is a huge problem in India. And they know. Everybody knows. That is what I call hell.
Earlier I described heaven as ‘everything you see in western society’ and I subjectively described that as
good. However, I would like to mention that the actual heaven were the people. Indians are incredibly
helpful and really nice. Especially when you ignore the touts and get out of the touristic places. Sure, the
place you’ll see isn’t like your western country, but that doesn’t really matter; the people are so happy.
They seem to have figured it out; happiness comes from the relationships you have, not from your

pg. 24
surroundings. It’s like Victor Frankl described during his experience in a concentration camp; it depends
on the lens through which you see the world; is it a heaven or a hell? Are these your final hours and is
your life doomed, or are you going to have fun even in your last few seconds?
The caste system
In Bokaro Steel City I visited a friend of mine whom I met while attending my university in Holland. He
showed me around and told me more about the whole caste system. I had heard that the caste system
was something of the past, however, that only holds for the new generation. At least, to some extent.
There is still a huge separation between men and women, even in for example cues. Would you want to
buy a metro ticket; you have to stand in the line according to your gender. This is a perfect example of
how the older generation is trying to ‘keep a hold of the system’ because if they do not do this, there
will be a lot of uproar – so I’ve been told. Another thing my friend told me was that when you are rather
high in the caste system, you sort of have to do anything to show your position in the system. He has to
drive an expensive car, wear expensive clothes, and spend a lot of money on wedding invitations. If he
would not do this, the others who are from the same caste level will judge him and he will not be able to
do business with them anymore. It is basically a constant way of trying to survive; even when you’re
rich. And then, while being rich, you still have to be careful for people who try to mug you, or beat the
crap out of you just because you have money. My friend told me that everyone kind of only lives for
themselves and thus lives in a constant survival modus.
à And because of this caste system still ‘present’, people attach a lot of value to ones profession. It
usually is the second thing they ask you. The first question is where you are from, and the second
question is often about your profession. Based on your profession, you will see different responses.
Doctors have a high status.
à an advantage, one store owner told me, is that he does not want his caste to think bad of him,
meaning that he feels the need to act morally; treating customers well, be nice to people and give
freedom to his children; the amount the caste allows you to have. If he did not have his caste, he would
be sure he’d act different. It is like social pressure helps him to work hard, do his best, and act morally
right.
Scams.
A rather large problem for most of the Indian organizations are the touts – the people who guide
tourists to certain (often fake) shops. These people receive a commission of 40-50% of the regular price
and inform the tourists which shops are good, and which are no good. Imagine running a fabric shop
with fair prices and this guy tells tourists that your shop has fake material or has high prices. Is that fair?
No. And it does not matter whether the tourist is from Europe, or India, the one (often riggshaw drivers)
will get the commission. The tourist will often buy material that is not real (for example they say it’s
hand made, while it’s machine made, or when a customer buys a custom made piece of clothing in a
certain fabric, the store owner will switch the fabric at the last moment).

pg. 25
Promises & Money
What is it with India and promising you one thing the one day, and saying something different the other
day? Why is it that they only want contact with you when you have money? Let me give you two
examples. The first one is a hostel that I went to. When I arrived at Jaisalmer, India, I went into this
hostel called Jow Paradise. The name sounds incredible, I must admit, however, the service was poor.
The rooms were good, however, the host took me up to the rooftop restaurant said that the rooms
were 250 per day, for the period I wanted. He also wanted me (almost forced me) to take one of his
camel rides. I did take the room however, I didn’t take the camel ride; left the building afterwards to
explore the city. When I got back, and informed the owner that I’d take the room for three days, without
the camel ride, he became mad because according to him we did not agree on that price, the price
would increase because of a festival, and I did not book it for three nights. He basically promised me
package A, and wanted to give me B later, which was in his benefit. I had to get mad as well in order to
get what I wanted.
The second example is the desert safari I wanted to take. One evening I went to [add name] and spoke
to the – he said, owner – of the safari tours. He explained that since I’m traveling alone, I had to join a
group and that my price would be 1500 rupees (approx. 22 euro’s), which was a good price. He informed
me that the group would take a jeep to three villages and that they would go on a camel ride after that. I
informed him that I did not want to take the camel rides, because I believe that when one rides a camel,
the poor animal is being tortured because they have wooden / plastic nose rings that the ‘trainers’ use
to move the camel from left to right and get them to sit and stand up. The ‘trainers’ say it doesn’t hurt
the animal once its nose is pierced, however, I do not believe this to be true because there are lots of
Camels with wounds. Big and bad wounds. Anyways, he respected my wish and said that I could stay in
the jeep the moment when the others would go on a camel ride and that I would continue to the sand
dunes for dinner and sunset, and then go back to Jaisalmer. Sounded good to me. He also told me that I
had until the next day, noon, to think about it because the group would leave at 2pm. I left with a great
feeling. The place is recommended by LonelyPlanet, so I felt like I could trust these people.
The next day I, at 11.30 am, returned to the place and spoke to the actual owner, apparently. I told him
that I’d take the trip, pay for it right there and then and that I would be there before we left at two. The
owner was surprised. He told me that it was impossible. Such a trip does not exist, according to him. I
was confused, sad and mad at the same time. I wanted to hear why the other guy promised me package
number A, while this guy wanted to sell me package B. I did not get an answer. If he told me that it was
to get more money and explained where the money went (i.e. a sick daughter in the hospital, whom I
could visit), I would take the trip and just go with it; I wanted to see the dunes anyways. He did not
explain the true reason. He said “well, that’s not a promise, we do not make promises, do you have it on
paper?” and I was thinking like “wtf, really? Are you going to be like that?” and told him that when one
shakes the others’ hand, you have a verbal agreement. I wanted to speak to the other ‘boss’. He did not
allow me to and said he was on ‘a holiday’. We had a fierce discussion where I tried to listen to him at
first, emphasize with him which resulted in the both of us calming down, however, I left when he said
“do not waste my time”. I was shocked, because since when is it a waste of time when a customer who

pg. 26
is willing to pay is confused because of someone promising A on day one, and saying B on day two? I find
that rather strange to be honest. Glad I did not spend my money there.
The third and final example is the Alibabba trousers I had custom made. I discovered that Varanasi is the
city of silk, so I decided that I would like to have an Alibabba trousers in silk. I am fairly tall (for Indian
terms; 6’2), so all of the standard trousers I tried were too short. So I asked the hostel manager where I
could find a tailor to make a great pair of silk Alibabba trousers. He ‘had a guy’ who showed me a tailor. I
found the fabric I liked and then told him I’d inform him about my decision later on. From that point I
checked several tailors and their fabrics and learned about what was silk and what not. I discovered that
a lot of the salesmen tried to scam me with fake silk fabric and that you can see what is actual silk by
burning it. Finally, in the evening, I went back to my tailor and told him that I would take the trousers
with the silk fabric he had (it was a fabric that contained approx. 70% cotton and 30% silk; he did not tell
me this, this is what I learned along the way) for 1000 rupees. Other salesmen would sell it for about
2200 – 3200 (depending on the % of silk). I should have known that the deal was too good to be true. So
the next day, the day I had to leave Varanasi, I got my trousers and ran towards the train station. When I
arrived at Jaipur and unpacked my stuff at my hostel, I noticed that the fabric was different; it was
tougher and shinier than what I thought it was. I went to several tailors and discovered that it was a
rather cheap quality (cotton/rayon), however, the stitching was properly done. I loved the trousers so
you could say I felt a lot of joy wearing them; the fact that the fabric is fake, oh well, that’s too bad; it’s
India, right?
I have noticed a certain pattern in Indiers, especially in the tourist area’s. Because they are in a constant
survival modus, in a state where there is not enough, a state where everyone needs money, the only
thing that is on their mind is…, well, money and how to get more out of someone. You have a thousand
‘friends’ if you have money, but as soon as you mention that they’re not going to get any of it, that
you’re not going to do business with them, they’re gone. You’re out of the picture. I don’t really care
about it when you want money from me, just be transparent. If you say you’re going to scam me, tell me
how much and I’ll decide whether I think it’s reasonable for me to spend the money. I mean, even the
government in India charges foreigners more than their own people (15/250 at Red Fort, Old Delhi).
“I am the boss”
In almost every shop, restaurant or basically any business, you’ll see a clear pattern of who is the boss
and who are the employees. One of the most unique things I have seen so far is that the boss is often
behind a desk, counting his money, enjoying his time, doing administration and commanding
employees. You will also notice that whenever you buy something the employee helps you to get the
stuff, and then hands it over to the boss with whom you’ll have to pay.
Vultures, status and money.
In india the first three questions I got asked were:
1. What country?
2. What you do back home (job)?
3. How much [money] is that (how much I bought my jewelry, laptop, phone for)

pg. 27
I noticed that there are two types of people and responses when you get past the money, status and
things part and focus on the relationship. The first type do not want any contact with you once they
notice you’re not interested in their business and you have given a truthful/untrue answer to their
questions. The first ‘type’ of people do want build a relationship and then ask you to buy something
because they are poor and need the money, and when you do not buy something, they are not
interested in you. The second group really wanted to build the relationship and did not care about the
money. These are, according to what I have experienced, just a few of them.
Relationships & Family life.
Deep down we’re all the same; we’re human. Human beings are by nature social-beings. As Baumeister
correctly identified, the most important human need is the need to belong. We want to have a feeling
that we belong somewhere. If we do not feel that we belong to humanity, that we’re so different, that’s
when we destroy it or even kill ourselves. The need to belong, or the fact that we humans are by nature
social beings is also supported by a 75-year long research on relationships that concluded that high
quality relationships are the most important aspect of our happiness. And exactly that, a relationship
focus, is what you can find in India. One of the biggest differences between the western society and the
Indian society that I noticed was the fact that whenever Indians get on a train, they start to talk to each
other. Do they know the other person? No. Do they care? No. Indians love to talk. Talk about anything. I
remember taking a train in The Netherlands, Germany, France, or anywhere else in Europe and hardly
anyone said a thing to each other. Most of the ‘westerners’ were busy with their work, phone, or the
view outside. I am not saying that Indians do not do that, because you do see them looking at their
phone, however, most of them prefer to speak to other people, just for the sake of building a
relationship or just having plain fun. If they do not speak to someone, they are either in their own
bubble because they choose to do so, or because there is no one near them that they can talk to. In our
western society I believe that most of us are on our phones because we’re avoiding contact with other
people. We’re basically too scared. Sure, if you’ve had a long and tiring day at work, it’s obvious that
you’d want to spend some time reading a book or looking outside. However, yet still, based on research
on Extraversion, you would suggest that even extraverts would recharge from a conversation. Research
on positive psychology has even shown that we tend to be happier when we speak to a stranger. I
honestly believe that people in western societies are scared to talk to strangers; they’re experiencing
social anxiety, or because research shows that people do not talk to other people because they do not
expect that the other ‘wants them to talk to him/ her’. However, again, research has also shown that
when both people have a conversation, both of them end up happier after the train ride.
So, what do you think, who are happier? The one who has everything regarding material possessions
and is living in a society labeled as “the age of loneliness”, or the one who barely has anything, except
his village, a small amount of money and a strong focus on relationships? I would guess the latter one.
One of the high quality relationships Indians develop is the relationship with their family. Often times,
from the moment a boy is born, he will stay with his family for the rest of his life. It is usually the case
that they live in a house big enough to hold the entire family; either bought or build by a father (could
be a far ancestor). When a boy and a girl marry, it is normal for the girl to leave her house and family

pg. 28
behind and go live with the boys family. It does not mean that they do not go to the girls’ family, iti s
actually the opposite. The two families are now one large family, and visit each others’ houses rather
often.

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