Summary of the Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane

1. The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane (Summary)
The three elements of charisma are:
1. Presence
2. Power
3. Warmth
Presence
Presence is being aware of what’s going on.
When we are not present in the conversation or the environment, it shows and we are not
charismatic.
Here is how to acquire more presence:
 Learn presence with meditation.
 When your mind wanders, focus on your breath or toes to come back to the
present.
Power
Power is the ability to affect the world around us, whether it is on influence or power
over others.
You recognize power based on:
 Appearance
 Other people’s reaction to us
 Body language
Warmth
Warmth is the goodwill we have towards others. It says whether we want to use our
power to help others or to harm them.
Focus Charisma
(Someone who listens intently and makes people feel respected and heard, such as
Oprah.)

2. Charismatic First Impressions
People like those who are similar to us. In speech, demeanor, appearance, etc.
 Wear clothes similar to those that you want to attract.
 Develop a good handshake (and avoid overpowering alpha-male handshakes.)
Break the Ice
 Compliment something someone is wearing.
 Ask an open-ended question, i.e., “What’s the story behind that, where is it from,
etc.”
 Ask open-ended questions that don’t have a yes or no answer.
 Using lingo that relates to what they are interested in (same as Leil
Lowndes recommends in How to Talk to Anyone.)
Graceful Exits
 Don’t linger until it’s weird: leave on a high note.
 Offer them something when you leave.
 Don’t worry about what you said, or what to say: An MIT study shows that how
you make them feel matters more.
 If you need to save someone from a conversation, focus your warmth and
charisma on the person who’s going to lose and ask, “I’m sorry, but X is needed to
do Y, would you mind if I take them?”. This gives them the impression they had a
say in the matter and avoids hurting their feelings.
Speaking and Listening With Charisma
To Listen with Charisma
 Be present.
 Never interrupt.
 Process what others said for two seconds before speaking.
To Speak with Charisma
 Speak about positive topics.
 Make people feel good when you speak to them.
 Find positive connotations.
 Take a compliment in full: don’t negate and don’t say “it’s nothing” or you make
the person who complimented you feel they were wrong to compliment you.
 “You can get more friends in two months by becoming truly interested in other
people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”-
Dale Carnegie.
 Use metaphors and create images.
 But don’t use images when discussing negative things.

3. Deliver High Value
 Speaking to someone means you demand time and attention. So you must deliver
on it.
 Make what you’re saying entertaining.
 Give interesting or helpful information.
 Find a way to arouse good feelings.
Voice Power
 Speak lowly, and slowly.
 Pause frequently.
 Lower intonation at the end of sentences.
 Smile: it heavily affects how you sound and speak.
 Also read Vocal Power by Roger Love.
Charismatic Body Language
Mirror Body
 Mimic the motions of those you are speaking to: it creates a sense of trust.
 Be selective: if you copy all weird body language you will arouse suspicion (and
some motions may be gender-specific).
 Use variations in amplitude. If they go big with a motion, maybe go small.
 Only do what’s comfortable.
 Don’t mirror someone who is angry: break them from their angry pose by handing
them something, and then move into a non-angry one.
Be the Big Gorilla
 Envision a big gorilla and move like it.
 Don’t be concerned with mild collisions when you walk with confidence.
Regal Posture
 Imagine James Bond: doesn’t fidget, doesn’t look to earn approval.
 Don’t reassure or please people you speak to, assume that you are already bringing
enough and that they have to bring the rest.
Don’t Overdo It
 Now that you are conveying power be careful not to overdo it, as you might
intimidate some people.
 Keep soft eyes.
 Tilt your head down just a bit; this seems respectful and makes you seem more
knowledgeable.