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Emotional mastery with shadow work
- 1. EMOTIONAL MASTERY WITH SHADOW WORK SELF IMPROVEMENT TECHNIQUES
- 2. Training Aims and Objectives Aims & Objectives • To know about Self Concepts – Who I am • Importance of Self Awareness in our life • Know yourself with Johari Window • Know your darker side • Face your shadow • How is shadow formed • What is shadow work? • Self awareness with shadow work • Shadow work techniques • My Best Personality
- 12. What is Self Awareness? Self-awareness (sometimes also referred to as self-knowledge or introspection) is about understanding your own needs, desires, failings, habits, and everything else that makes you tick. The more you know about yourself, the better you are at adapting life changes that suit your needs. Self Awareness is having a clear perception of your personality, including strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs, motivation, and emotions.
- 15. Ideal Self
- 16. WHAT DOES SELF AWARENESS DO? Improves relationship More fulfilled More creative More confident Best communicators
- 23. Key Areas for Self-Awareness PERSONALITY
- 24. VALUES It's important that we each know and focus on our personal values. During the workday, so many problems and opportunities arise that our lists of "things to do" can easily exceed the time we have to do them. When we focus on our values, we are more likely to accomplish what we consider most important.
- 25. HABITS Our habits are the behaviors that we repeat routinely and often automatically. Although we would like to possess the habits that help us interact effectively with and manage others, we can probably all identify at least one of our habits that decreases our effectiveness.
- 26. NEEDS One of the advantages of knowing which needs exert the strongest influence on our own behaviors is the ability to understand how they affect our interpersonal relationships
- 27. EMOTIONS Emotional self-awareness has become a hot topic of discussion recently because it's one of the five facets of emotional intelligence. Understanding your own feelings, what causes them, and how they impact your thoughts and actions is emotional self-awareness.
- 28. SELF AWARENESS WITH JOHARI WINDOW
- 29. • The Johari Window model is a simple and useful tool for illustrating and improving self-awareness, and mutual understanding between individuals within a group. • The Johari Window model can also be used to assess and improve a group's relationship with other groups.
- 30. •Today the Johari window model is especially relevant due to modern emphasis on, and influence of • soft skills • behaviour • empathy • Cooperation • inter-group development • interpersonal development.
- 31. The Johari Window soon became a widely used model for; Understanding AndTraining Self-Awareness Personal Development Improving Communications Interpersonal Relationships Group Dynamics Team Development And Intergroup Relationships. USE OF JOHARI WINDOW
- 32. •The Johari Window model is also referred to as a 'disclosure/feedback model of self awareness', and by some people an 'information processing tool'. •The Johari Window actually represents information - feelings, experience, views, attitudes, skills, intentions, motivation, etc within or about a person - in relation to their group, from four perspectives. WHAT ACTUALLY MODEL REPRESENTS?
- 33. The four Johari Window perspectives are called 'regions' or 'areas' or 'quadrants'. Each of these regions contains and represents the information - feelings, motivation, etc – known about the person, in terms of whether the information is known or unknown by the person, and whether the information is known or unknown by others in the group. AREAS OF MODEL
- 34. OPEN /FREEAREA BLINDAREA HIDDENAREA UNKNOWNAREA
- 35. JOHARI WINDOW FOUR QUADRANTS what is known by the person about him/herself and is also known by others - OPEN AREA, OPEN SELF, FREE AREA, FREE SELF, OR 'THE ARENA‘. what is unknown by the person about him/herself but which others know - BLIND AREA, BLIND SELF, OR 'BLINDSPOT’.
- 36. what the person knows about him/herself that others do not know - HIDDEN AREA, HIDDEN SELF,AVOIDED AREA, AVOIDED SELF OR 'FAÇADE’. what is unknown by the person about him/herself and is also unknown by others - UNKNOWN AREA OR UNKNOWN SELF.
- 37. JOHARI QUADRANT 1 Johari region 1 is also known as the 'area of free activity'. This is the information about the person - behavior, attitude, feelings, emotion, knowledge, experience, skills, views, etc known by the person ('the self') and known by the group ('others'). OPEN /FREE AREA
- 38. JOHARI QUADRANT 2 •Johari region 2 is what is known about a person by others in the group, but is unknown by the person him/herself. BLIND SPOT
- 39. JOHARI QUADRANT 3 what is known to ourselves but kept hidden from, and therefore unknown to others. HIDDEN AREA
- 40. JOHARI QUADRANT 4 It contains information, feelings, talent abilities, aptitudes, experiences etc, that are unknown to the person him/herself and unknown to others in the group. UNKNOWN AREA
- 41. FOUR PERSONAS ASSOCIATED WITH JOHARI WINDOW
- 42. OPEN PERSONA
- 43. NAÏVE PERSONA
- 46. •By using Johari window can be improve open self area and get better opportunity. •https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbd83s0arbs •Make a Johari Window and list down your character traits after feedback from your family, friends and colleagues TASK
- 47. YOUR DARKER SIDE
- 48. WHAT IS A SHADOW The shadow is the dark side of our personality which reflects our negative emotions like anger, frustration, greed, desire, selfishness, envy and strive for power
- 49. HOW IS A SHADOW FORMED?
- 50. UNKNOWN AREA AND YOUR SHADOW POSITIVE ASPECT NEGATIVE ASPECT Potential & hidden Suppressed feelings, talents emotions and desire, fear etc. which you are unaware
- 51. FACE YOUR SHADOW
- 52. BE SELF AWARE WITH SHADOW WORK
- 53. WHAT IS SHADOW WORK? The shadow is a term coined by psychologist Carl Jung, and it refers to both our deepest wounds and the parts of ourselves that we repress or deny.
- 57. What Happens When You Reject Your Shadow?
- 60. BENEFITS OF SHADOW WORK Deeper love and acceptance of yourself Better relationships with others, including your partner and children Be more confident More mental, emotional, and spiritual clarity Increased compassion and understanding for others, particularly those you dislike
- 61. Enhanced creativity Discovery of hidden gifts and talents Deepened understanding of your passions and ultimate life purpose Improved physical and mental health More courage to face the unknown and truly live life Access to your Soul or Higher Self A feeling of Wholeness It’s important to remember that there are no quick fixes in Shadow Work, so these life-changing benefits don’t just happen overnight. But with persistence, they will eventually emerge and bless your life.
- 62. HOW TO DO SHADOW WORK OBSERVE YOUR OWN EMOTIONAL REACTIONS
- 64. Video on feel your emotions https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFZG56DEEO0
- 67. MEDITATE
- 72. MIRROR TECHNIQUE
- 73. Own Your Shadow and You Will Own Your Life
- 74. THANK YOU
Notes de l'éditeur
- Victor Frankl was a prisoner during Hitler times. He was tortured and kept hungry for days.
- One day he realized these people can torture him physically but cannot touch him emotionally or mentally until he lets them to. So from then on he used to dream that he was teaching college students and sitting by lakeside with his friends having a nice time. And One day he did get out of prison and became professor in college.
- Your ability to notice your feelings, sensations, habits, and thoughts. In a jungle if a lion is hungry what he will do. After killing an animal is he guilty ? No he is self programmed in this. But the ability to think and choose is given to humans. We can choose. We can modify our behaviours. But our ego comes in between. We don’t take responsibility for our own behaviours.
- Self awareness is the first step in creating what you want and mastering your life. Where you focus your attention, your emotions, reactions, personality and behavior determine where you go in life. Having self awareness allows you to see where your thoughts and emotions are taking you. It also allows you to take control of your emotions, behavior, and personality so you can make changes you want.
- Essentially, the more you pay attention to your emotions and how you work, the better you'll understand why you do the things you do. The more you know about your own habits, the easier it is to improve on those habits. People with a high degree of social intelligence know themselves, have the ability to build and maintain strong mutually beneficial relationships with others, and are able to resolve conflict in a positive manner.
- We don't normally change our personalities, values and needs based on what we learn about ourselves. But, an understanding of our personalities can help us find situations in which we will thrive, and help us avoid situations in which we will experience too much stress. For instance, if you are highly introverted, you should either learn skills to cope with the demands of a sales position that requires extravert-type behavior patterns, or you should find a position that is more compatible with your personality
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- ALSO CALLED PUBLIC SELF The Public Self The Public Self is the part of ourselves that we are happy to share with others and discuss openly. Thus you and I both see and can talk openly about this 'me' and gain a common view of who I am in this element.
- the Private Self There are often parts of our selves that are too private to share with others. We hide these away and refuse to discuss them with other people or even expose them in any way. Private elements may be embarrassing or shameful in some way. They may also be fearful or seek to avoid being discussed for reasons of vulnerability. Between the public and private selves, there are partly private, partly public aspects of our selves that we are prepared to share only with trusted others.
- The Blind Self We often assume that the public and private selves are all that we are. However, the views that others have of us may be different from those we have of ourselves. For example a person who considers themself as intelligent may be viewed as an arrogant and socially ignorant by others. Our blind selves may remain blind because others will not discuss this part of us for a range of reasons. Perhaps they realize that we would be unable to accept what they see. Perhaps they have tried to discuss this and we have been so blind that we assume their views are invalid. They may also withhold this information as it gives them power over us.
- The Undiscovered Self Finally, the fourth self is one which neither us or nor other people see. This undiscovered self may include both good and bad things that may remain forever undiscovered or may one day be discovered, entering the private, blind or maybe even public selves. Between the Blind and Undiscovered selves are partly hidden selves that only some people see. Psychologists and those who are more empathic, for example, may well see more than the average person.
- Someone with an open persona is both very self-aware (with a small blind self) and is quite happy to expose their self to others (a small private self). The Open person is usually the most 'together' and relaxed of the personas. They are so comfortable with themselves they are not ashamed or troubled with the notion of other people seeing themselves as they really are. With a small Blind Self, they make fewer social errors and cause less embarrassment. They are also in a more powerful position in negotiations, where they have fewer weaknesses to be exploited. Becoming an Open Persona usually takes people much time and effort, unless they were blessed with a wonderful childhood and grew up well-adjusted from the beginning. It can require courage to accept others’ honest views and also to share your deeper self and explore the depths of the undiscovered self. The weaker side of the Open Persona is where they understand and share themselves, but do not understand others. They may thus dump embarrassing information from their Private Selves onto others who are not ready to accept it.
- The Naive Persona has a large Blind Self that others can see. They thus may make significant social gaffes and not even realize what they have done or how others see them. They hide little about themselves and are typically considered as harmless by others, who either treat them in kind, and perhaps patronizing ways (that go unnoticed) or take unkind advantage of their naivety. The Naive Persona may also be somewhat of a bull in a china shop, for example using aggression without realizing the damage that it does, and can thus be disliked or feared. They may also wear their heart on their sleeves and lack the emotional intelligence to see how others see them.
- When a person has a large Private Self, they may appear distant and secretive to others. They talk little about themselves and may spend a significant amount of time ensconced in their own private world. In conversations they say little and, as a result, may not pay a great deal of attention to others. Having a smaller Blind Self (often because they give little away), the Secret Persona may well be aware of their introverted tendencies, but are seldom troubled about this. Where they are troubled, their introversion is often as a result of personal traumas that have led them to retreat from the world.
- Sometimes people are a mystery to themselves as well as to other people. They act in strange ways and do not notice it. They may be very solitary, yet not introverted. As the Mysterious Persona knows relatively little about themselves, they may be of lower intelligence, not being able to relate either to themselves or to others. They may also just prefer to live in the moment, taking each day as it comes and not seeking self-awareness. Some forms of esoteric self-developments seek to rid oneself of concerns about the self in order to achieve a higher state of being. They may deliberately enter states of non- thinking and revel in such intuitive paradoxes as knowing through not knowing.
- Everything we deny in ourselves—whatever we perceive as inferior, evil, or unacceptable—becomes part of the shadow. Everything incompatible with our chosen conscious attitude about ourselves resides in this dark side. The personal shadow is the disowned self. It represents the parts of us we no longer claim to be our own, including inherent positive qualities. These unexamined or disowned parts of our personality hide within us. Although we deny them in our attempt to cast them out, we can’t get rid of them. We repress these qualities; they are part of our unconscious.
- Every young child knows kindness, love, and generosity, but children also quickly learn anger, selfishness, and greed. These emotions are part of our shared experience. But as we grow up, something happens. Traits associated with "being good" are accepted, while others associated with "being bad" are rejected. We all have basic human needs, including physiological needs, safety and security needs, and needs for belonging. As children, when we expressed certain parts of ourselves, we received negative cues from our environment. Maybe we got angry and threw a tantrum. Our parents reprimanded our outburst and sent us to our room. Or perhaps we acted boldly, playfully, spontaneously, or silly in our first-grade classroom. Our teacher shamed us for our poor behavior in front of the class and told us to sit down. Whenever it happened—and it might have happened often—it threatened one of our basic needs. ● Would the disapproval of our parents threaten our safety? ● Would the disapproval of our teachers and classmates jeopardize our need to belong? We adjusted our behavior to gratify our needs and learned to adapt to the external world. And through this adaption, all the unaccepted or discouraged parts of us in the first 20 years of our lives are bundled together, swept out of view (outside our conscious awareness). This repression of unwanted parts creates what psychologist Carl Jung called the personal shadow.
- Shadow work is the process of exploring your inner darkness or “Shadow Self.” As mentioned previously, your Shadow Self is part of your unconscious mind and contains everything you feel ashamed of thinking and feeling, as well as every impulse, repressed idea, desire, fear and perversion that for one reason or another, you have “locked away” consciously or unconsciously. Often this is done as a way of keeping yourself tame, likable and “civilized” in the eyes of others. Shadow work is the attempt to uncover everything that we have hidden and every part of us that has been disowned and rejected within our Shadow Selves. The ‘shadow’ is the side of your personality that contains all the parts of yourself that you don’t want to admit to having. Beneath the social mask we wear every day, we have a hidden shadow side: an impulsive, wounded, sad, or isolated part that we generally try to ignore. The Shadow can be a source of emotional richness and vitality and be acknowledging it can be a pathway to healing and authentic life.
- Any part we disown within us turns against us. The personal shadow represents a collection of these disowned parts. Remaining unconscious of the shadow hurts our relationships with our spouses, family, and friends. And it impacts our professional relationships as well as our self-leadership abilities.
- The shadow is the “dark side” of our personality because it consists chiefly of primitive, negative human emotions and impulses like rage, envy, greed, selfishness, desire, and the striving for power. (However, we cut ourselves off from many of our best qualities too. I cover the “positive shadow” in a separate guide on psychological projection.) All we deny in ourselves—whatever we perceive as inferior, evil, or unacceptable—become part of the shadow. Anything incompatible with our chosen conscious attitude about ourselves relegates to this dark side. Beneath the social mask we wear every day, we have a hidden shadow side: an impulsive, wounded, sad, or isolated part that we generally try to ignore. The Shadow can be a source of emotional richness and vitality, and acknowledging it can be a pathway to healing and an authentic life.
- Every young child knows kindness, love, and generosity, but he also expresses anger, selfishness, and greed. These emotions are part of our shared humanity. But as we grow up, something happens. Traits associated with “being good” are accepted, while others associated with “being bad” are rejected. We all have basic human needs. These needs include physiological needs, safety and security needs, and needs for belonging. These needs are biological and instinctual. As children, when we expressed certain parts of ourselves, we received negative cues from our environment. Maybe we got angry and threw a tantrum. Our parents reprimanded the outburst and sent us to our room. Or perhaps we acted boldly, playfully, spontaneously, or silly in our first-grade classroom. Our teacher shamed us for our lack of decorum in front of the class and told us to sit down. Whenever it happened—and it might have happened often—it threatened one of our basic needs.
- Rather, they can grow in power and cause us more and more difficulties. Often our repressed shadow side will do this via what is know as psycholo gical projection. Rejecting, suppressing, denying, or disowning your Shadow, whether consciously or unconsciously, is a dangerous thing. The thing about the Shadow Self is that it seeks to be known. It yearns to be understood, explored, and integrated. It craves to be held in awareness. The longer the Shadow stays buried and locked in its jail cell deep within the unconscious, the more it will find opportunities to make you aware of its existence. Other issues that arise when we reject our Shadow side can include: Hypocrisy (believing and supporting one thing, but doing the other) Lies and self-deceit (both towards oneself and others) Uncontrollable bursts of rage/anger Emotional and mental manipulation of others Greed and addictions Phobias and obsessive compulsions Intense anxiety Chronic psychosomatic illness Depression (which can turn into suicidal tendencies) Sexual perversion Narcissistically inflated ego Chaotic relationships with others Self-loathing Self-absorption Self-sabotage Remaining unconscious of the shadow hurts our relationships with our spouses, family, and friends. And it impacts our professional relationships as well as our self-leadership abilities.
- The shadow isn't a popular topic. Who enjoys owning their flaws, weaknesses, selfishness, nastiness, envy, hate, and so on? Focusing on our strengths is more enjoyable and feels more life-affirming. But we can only run from our shadows for so long. Over time, all of the ego’s tricks—repression, denial, suppression, escape—become less effective. What we’ve been hiding from begins to bubble to the surface. As you integrate your shadow and come to terms with your darker half, you see yourself more clearly. You become more grounded, even more human. When you can accept your own darker parts, it is easier to accept the shadow in others. As a result, other people’s behavior and attitudes won’t trigger you as easily. You’ll also have an easier time communicating with others. You may notice an improvement in your relationships with your spouse, family members, friends, and business associates.
- Remember that the shadow is elusive; it hides behind us. Our defense mechanisms are designed to keep our shadows repressed and out of view. The more you pay attention to your behavior and emotions, the better chances you have of catching your shadow in the act. We tend to project our disowned parts onto other people. One of the best ways to identify your shadow is to pay attention to your emotional reactions toward other people. Sure, your colleagues might be aggressive, arrogant, inconsiderate, or impatient, but if you don’t have those same qualities within you, you won’t have a strong reaction to their behavior. If you’re paying close attention, you can train yourself to notice your shadow when you witness strong negative emotional responses to others. As Jung is often quoted saying: Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. But we rarely have time to work with those emotions on the spot. At the end of the day, it’s helpful to take five or ten minutes to reflect on your interactions with others and your related reactions. Whatever bothers you in another is likely a disowned part within yourself. Get to know that part, accept it, make it a part of you, and next time, it may not evoke a strong emotional charge when you observe it in another. Focus on what and who evokes an emotional charge in you. It doesn’t matter what the emotion is; it’s a clue you are denying something within you.
- A writing journal where you record your discoveries about yourself is a remedy. Just be sure to review your insights and findings later on to help encode them into your awareness.
- Childhood traumas, or the way we were parented, can result in deep wounds that in turn create behavioral and emotional patterns that even the most aware may be unaware of. That's because we don't know what we don't know. Our world is our normal, and it takes a lot of effort to uncover the unhealthy patterns that we picked up. To us, they may be reality, while in truth, they're false beliefs. You may have beliefs that are causing you pain that you can't even see because they're so deeply ingrained in you. And once you realize them, it can be difficult to understand how much pain you've caused yourself because of a simple, wrong belief. That's where copious amounts of self-love comes in. Just love and accept your journey. Forgive yourself and others, and then move on. This is the crux of shadow work: Shedding light on those things we'd rather hide. Accepting it, all of it, and then having the courage to grow into healthier patterns and beliefs. Many times, our childhood wounds are the most painful and persistent. These are the wounds that say we're not worthy of love, or that our feelings are wrong, or that we have to take care of everything because nobody was around to take care of us. AFFIRMATIONS TO LOVE YOUR INNER CHILD I respect my childlike innocence. I validate my inner child`s thoughts and feelings. I love my inner child unconditionally. I re-parent my inner child with love, understanding and compassion. I listen to my inner child`s needs. My inner child often has the right answer for me. I trust my inner child. I feel safe being innocent and vulnerable. Inner child work is the process of contacting, understanding, embracing and healing your inner child. Your inner child represents your first original self that entered into this world; it contains your capacity to experience wonder, joy, innocence, sensitivity, and playfulness.
- Many forms of inner work require you to engage in an active dialogue with your shadow side. At first, this might seem like a scary idea since we have a belief that only “crazy people” talk to themselves. But all of us have many subpersonalities—numerous unrecognized, autonomous parts in our mind. Many different psychologies offer ways of working with these disparate parts, including Jung’s Active Imagination, Schwartz’s Internal Family Systems, Stone and Winkleman’s Voice Dialogue, and Assagioli’s Psychosynthesis. When we don’t pay attention to these parts—one or many of which represent aspects of our shadow—they have a way of influencing our behavior. Have you ever done or said something and then wondered why you did or said it? A part in you was taking charge. Every so-called “accident” is a part hijacking your behavior. Our disowned parts aren’t trying to hurt us, but when we ignore or deny them, they often do. By dialoguing with them in our imagination or in a journal, we can integrate these parts into our conscious selves. Then, they become our allies instead of our enemies. A writing journal where you record your discoveries about yourself is a remedy. Just be sure to review your insights and findings later on to help encode them into your awareness.
- Many of us identify ourselves as being a “good person”. We were praised as children for being a “good boy” or “good girl,” and that identification stuck with us. This intensified the split between our conscious identity and our shadow. Make a list of all of your positive qualities. Then, highlight the opposite. Try to identify the opposite within yourself. For example, if you define yourself as a disciplined person, you’re repressing your lazy part. The lazy part is hiding in the shadow. The disowned is influencing your behavior and constantly challenging your disciplined part. So identify with this lazy part. See it. Accept it. Make friends with it. It’s okay to be lazy too.
- If you want a step-by-step method for working with your shadow, try the 3-2-1 Shadow Process developed by integral philosophy Ken Wilber in Integral Life Practice. Here are the basic steps: Step 1: Choose what you want to work with. It’s often easier to begin with a person with whom you have difficulty (e.g., partner, relative, boss). This person may irritate, disturb, annoy, or upset you. Or maybe you feel attracted to, obsessed with, infatuated with, or possessive about this person. Choose someone with whom you have a strong emotional charge, whether positive or negative. Step 2: Face it: Now, imagine this person. Describe those qualities that most upset you, or the characteristics you are most attracted to using 3rd-person language (he, she, it). Talk about them out loud or write it down in a journal. Express your feelings. Don’t calculate say the right thing. There is no need to be nice. The person you are describing will never see this. Step 3: Talk to it: Dialogue with this person in your imagination. Speak in the 2nd person to this person (using “you” language). Talk directly to this person as if he or she was there. Tell them what bothers you about them. Ask them questions such as: Why are you doing this to me? What do you want from me? What are you trying to show me? What do you have to teach me? Imagine their response to these questions. Speak that imaginary response out loud. Record the conversation in your journal if you like. Step 4: Be it: Become this person. Take on the qualities that either annoy or fascinate you. Embody the traits you described in step 2. Use 1st-person language ( I, me, mine). This may feel awkward, and it should. The traits you are taking on are the exact traits you have been denying in yourself. Use statements such as: I am angry. I am jealous. I am radiant. Fill in the blank with whatever qualities you are working with: “I am __________.” Step 5: Notice these disowned qualities in yourself. Experience the part of you that is this trait. Avoid making the process abstract or conceptual: just BE it. Now you can re-own and integrate this quality in yourself.
- The Mirror Technique is the process of uncovering our projections. To practice this technique, we must adopt a mindful and honest approach towards the world: we need to be prepared to own that which we have disowned! Being radically truthful with ourselves can be difficult, so it does require practice. But essentially, we must adopt the mindset that other people are our mirrors. We must understand that those around us serve as the perfect canvas onto which we project all of our unconscious desires and fears. Start this practice by examining your thoughts and feelings about those you come in contact with. Pay attention to moments when you’re emotionally triggered and ask yourself “am I projecting anything?” Remember: it is also possible to project our own qualities onto another person who really does possess the qualities. Psychologists sometimes refer to this as “projecting onto reality.” For example, we might project our rage onto another person who is, in fact, a rage-filled person. Or we might project our jealousy onto another who genuinely is jealous. Ask yourself, “What is mine, what is theirs, and what is both of ours?” Not every triggering situation reveals a projection, but they more than often do. Also look for things you love and adore about others, and uncover the hidden projections there. The Mirror Technique will help you to shed a lot of light onto Shadow qualities that you have rejected, suppressed, repressed, or disowned.
- If you are looking for some serious, authentic and long-lived healing in your life, Shadow Work is the perfect way to experience profound inner transformation. Remember that what you internalize is almost always externalized in one form or another. Own your shadow and you will own your life.