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Win Residents and Influence Families - Ethics
1. How To Win Residents And
Influence Families
Ethics
Hue Adams
Diamond Decisions
www.Diamonddecisions.info
Diamonddecisions@aol.com
903-360-5805
2. Getting Started
Social intelligence can seem like a
complicated term and can make
many of us feel nervous. But social
intelligence is something we deal
with every day and it can help us
navigate better experiences from our
social environment.
Without a
humble but
reasonable
confidence in
your own
powers, you
cannot be
successful or
happy.
Norman
Vincent Peale
4. Increase Your Self
Awareness
Many times we wonder why the
situations around us change simply
because we are relying on the people
around us to change. But being
aware of our own actions and
behaviors is one of the key tools to
change not only ourselves, but our
surroundings.
If you change
the way you
look at
things, the
things you look
at change.
Wayne Dyer
5. Remove or Limit Self-Deception
In your mind
Everyone does it
Recognize facts
9. Reflect On Your Actions
Learn from the past
Recognize opportunities
Recreate experiences
10. Self-Motivation
Work towards a cause
Don’t compare yourself
Conscious effort to not give up
Don’t live in the past
Positive thinking
11. Case Study
Penny wants to become more self-aware of
her actions
She is speaking for the first time at a small held at her
office building
She asks a coworker, Jimmy, to watch her speech for
her and give her some feedback
Jimmy was able to offer some helpful hints about the
items in the speech and how she used them
12. Review Questions
1. What is self-deception?
a) Convincing others of the wrong facts
b) Convincing ourselves of different facts
c) Lying about our hair color
d) Omitting facts during a presentation
2. How can we prevent self-deception?
a) Be honest
b) Hide it better
c) Tell no one about it
d) Learn to control it
13. Review Questions
3. When asking for feedback, it is better to do what, if possible?
a) Ask on spur of the notice
b) Request a written report
c) Consult with more than one person
d) Give notice
4. When receiving feedback, it is important to be what?
a) Persistent
b) Aggressive
c) Grateful
d) Annoying
14. Review Questions
5. It is important to recognize that change is not always
________________.
a) Constant
b) Right
c) Negative
d) Helpful
6. Change can have a great impact on what?
a) Other people’s behaviors
b) Our attitudes
c) Our jobs
d) Other worker’s motivation
15. Review Questions
7. Reflection allows us to do what?
a) Remember our mistakes
b) Cause embarrassment
c) Make jokes
d) Find learning opportunities
8. During reflection, think about ___________________.
a) How the experience made you feel
b) How the experience ended
c) The details of what happened
d) The people that were involved
16. Review Questions
9. Why was Penny nervous?
a) She had the lead role in a play
b) She had to give a speech at a convention
c) She had a meeting with the supervisor coming up
d) She hadn’t finished her report in time
10.How did Jimmy help Penny become more self-aware?
a) He told Penny what to say in her speech
b) He pointed out that her underwear was showing
c) He offered advice on her speech techniques
d) He told Penny to not make any more speeches
17. Review Answers
1. What is self-deception?
a) Convincing others of the wrong facts
b) Convincing ourselves of different facts
c) Lying about our hair color
d) Omitting facts during a presentation
Self-deception is a term used when we try to convince ourselves of facts or figures
that are not true or that we think are not true. Also known as delusions or lying to
ourselves.
2. How can we prevent self-deception?
a) Be honest
b) Hide it better
c) Tell no one about it
d) Learn to control it
We can prevent self-deception by always being honest with ourselves and others.
When we are honest about things, w=there is no room to cause deception.
18. Review Answers
3. When asking for feedback, it is better to do what, if possible?
a) Ask on spur of the notice
b) Request a written report
c) Consult with more than one person
d) Give notice
When we know we would like feedback on something, it is best to give someone a little notice
before asking them for it, when possible (such as before a meeting or presentation). This allows the
person to gather a collective thought and provide better results.
4. When receiving feedback, it is important to be what?
a) Persistent
b) Aggressive
c) Grateful
d) Annoying
Sometimes we do not get to hear what we want to hear when we receive feedback. Even if we do
not like the results, it is important to be grateful for the other person’s time and efforts.
19. Review Answers
5. It is important to recognize that change is not always ________________.
a) Constant
b) Right
c) Negative
d) Helpful
Being open to change means we have to recognize that not all change has to be
negative. Change can be a good thing and lead to positive outcomes.
6. Change can have a great impact on what?
a) Other people’s behaviors
b) Our attitudes
c) Our jobs
d) Other worker’s motivation
Change can have an impact on our attitudes because it affects how we act and
behave around others. By making changes, we are adapting our attitudes to suit
the situation.
20. Review Answers
7. Reflection allows us to do what?
a) Remember our mistakes
b) Cause embarrassment
c) Make jokes
d) Find learning opportunities
When we reflect back on past experiences, we are able to see what did and did not work for us,
allowing us to find learning opportunities we can use in the future.
8. During reflection, think about ___________________.
a) How the experience made you feel
b) How the experience ended
c) The details of what happened
d) The people that were involved
When we are reflecting on an experience, think about how the experience made you feel and how
you reacted from it. These types of recollections can help you define future actions and behaviors.
21. Review Answers
9. Why was Penny nervous?
a) She had the lead role in a play
b) She had to give a speech at a convention
c) She had a meeting with the supervisor coming up
d) She hadn’t finished her report in time
Penny was nervous because she was supposed to deliver a speech at her
company’s convention being held in the office building.
10. How did Jimmy help Penny become more self-aware?
a) He told Penny what to say in her speech
b) He pointed out that her underwear was showing
c) He offered advice on her speech techniques
d) He told Penny to not make any more speeches
After Jimmy watched Penny’s speech at the convention, he was able to offer her
tips and advice about what worked and didn’t work in her speech, which helped
Penny become more self-aware.
23. The Keys to Empathy
Empathy is one of our greatest
interpersonal skills because it allows us
to have better communication with
people around us and increases our
understanding of others. We know
empathy can simply mean to ‘put
ourselves in the other person’s shoes’,
but it can also mean to take an active
role in getting to know the people
around you.
The great gift of
human beings is
that we have
the power of
empathy.
Meryl Streep
24. Listening and Paying Attention
Remove any distractions
Make eye contact
Nod your head periodically
Ask for follow up details
Ask the person to repeat anything missed
27. Don’t Show Fake Emotions
Easily detected
May offend
Be honest
28. Case Study
Donald realized he was not connecting well
his other coworkers
Some of his coworkers were upset about the new
workload
He approached Brad and asked him how he felt about
the new changes
Donald genuinely told him how he could see his point
about the stress
29. Review Q/A
1. Paying more attention builds better what?
a) Focus abilities
b) Listening skills
c) Attention spans
d) Sitting endurances
By paying better attention to the person speaking, we are able to improve our own
listening skills and hear what the other person is saying better.
2. One way to improve listening skills is to do what?
a) Make eye contact
b) Turn away from the person
c) Take lots of notes
d) Record the conversation
By making eye contact, we are turning our focus and attention onto the other
person and ignoring any distractions around us, which allows you to listen better
while they are speaking.
30. Review Q/A
3. What do we typically judge people on?
a) Gender
b) Job responsibilities
c) Hair color
d) All of the above
It is human nature to judge people on what we see or know, which are typically things such
as hair color, skin color, gender, race, job title, work habits, and abilities.
4. Even though we make judgments about people, doesn’t mean we should _________.
a) Stop doing it
b) Tell someone else
c) Say them out loud
d) Judge that person for them
It is a natural response for our minds to make judgments about people we see, but it is
important that we not express our judgments out loud since we can wrong and make false
accusations.
31. Review Q/A
5. What does it mean to shift your point of view?
a) Change the way you feel about something
b) Shift how you feel about a problem
c) Recognizing what the other person sees
d) Realizing that the other person might be wrong
Shifting our view means that we are shifting from what we see and putting
ourselves in the other person’s shoes to see what they can see. It does not mean
we have to abandon what we believe or think altogether.
6. Shifting our view allows us to do what?
a) Change how we feel about things
b) Understand how the other person feels
c) Find other people that agree with us
d) Learn different ways to handle a situation
By shifting our view to what the other person sees, we are able to understand how
they feel because we are able to imagine how they perceive and process things.
32. Review Q/A
7. Faking an emotion can make people feel what?
a) Confident
b) Satisfied
c) Happy
d) Offended
When we fake emotions with people, such as happiness, understanding, or even
contempt, we can come across as uncaring or insensitive, and offend the other
person.
8. It is important to be _________ with people from the beginning.
a) Honest
b) Fake
c) Hidden
d) Mysterious
When speaking with someone, it is best to be honest from the beginning and not
allow ourselves to portray fake emotions or feelings.
33. Review Q/A
9. What was Brad upset about at work?
a) The recent pay decrease
b) The increased work load
c) The new uniforms
d) The new computer software
Brad was visibly upset about the increased work load for everyone and the
overtime work that came with it.
10.What is one thing Donald did to empathize with Brad?
a) Told Brad to get over it and go back to work
b) Said he was angry too about the work load
c) Acknowledged how he felt about the work load
d) Told Brad he would do his share of the work
Even though Donald did not fully agree with Brad, he showed empathy by
acknowledging how Brad felt and made his feelings seem valid.
34. Active Listening
It is not always enough to simply listen
to a person and have the sense of
‘waiting to speak’. This type of listening
will cause us to lose out on important
information and deny us the chance to
make any real connection. By using
active listening, we are more inept to
learn about other people and take an
active interest in what they have to say
and offer.
One of the most
sincere forms of
respect is
actually
listening to
what another
has to say.
Bryant H.
McGill
40. Case Study
Judy was talking with a coworker of hers
about the new software
Cindy complained a lot about having to learn the new
software
Judy told her that the software wasn’t so bad, which
didn’t make Cindy feel any better
Cindy says she doesn’t dislike the system to much to
leave, but it does make her very frustrated
41. Review Q/A
1. What is attunement?
a) Being able to speak in harmony
b) Being aware and responsive to other people
c) Being able to tune a musical instrument
d) Being able to answer in a timely manner
Attunement is defined as being aware of other people and responsive to them,
which includes having conversations with them and answering their questions and
thoughts.
2. What is one gesture of attunement?
a) Smiling
b) Clapping
c) Blinking
d) Fidgeting
Attunement is being able to show response to the other person, so smiling at
them when they speak to you can be a sign of attunement.
42. Review Q/A
3. Without knowing all of the facts, it is easy for us to do what?
a) Make a sound judgment
b) Create our own solutions
c) Clarify a problem
d) Jump to conclusions
We can often jump to conclusions when we do not have all of the facts from the situation. It is
important to get as many facts as we can before making our own conclusions.
4. Before jumping to a conclusion, we should first do what?
a) Ask someone else about it
b) Assume we heard everything
c) Ask for clarification
d) Let everyone else know what we think
Before jumping to a conclusion about something, don’t be afraid to ask the person to repeat the
information or ask for clarification. Sometimes we realize we may have misunderstood something
or were missing key facts, which can cause us to jump to a conclusion.
43. Review Q/A
5. One way to shift your focus to the other person is to do what?
a) Tell them we are listening
b) Talk about ourselves
c) Turn toward them
d) Turn away from them
We are better able to shift our attention to the other person when we are turned
toward them and facing their direction. This can help eliminate the distractions
around us and remain focused.
6. People are more likely to open up if we do what?
a) Ask them to
b) Give them out attention
c) Be more aggressive with them
d) Do nothing for them
When we are willing to give someone our attention and shift focus to them, they
are more likely to open up to us and build connections.
44. Review Q/A
7. Instead of trying to discount a feeling, we should do what?
a) Find the solution
b) Try to stay out of it
c) Refer them to someone
d) Offer support
Sometimes a person can feel like we are discounting their feelings by trying to downplay the
situation. Instead, offer them your support, which will make them feel as though you care about
them as well.
8. Many problems that a person brings up are looking for support, not _________.
a) A solution
b) A guideline
c) More problems
d) Peer resistance
Many times when a person brings up a problem or a conflict they are having, they are usually
seeking some form of support or help, not necessarily an immediate solution.
45. Review Q/A
9. Why was Cindy so upset at work?
a) She wanted to quit right away
b) She didn’t like the new software at work
c) She didn’t get the raise she wanted
d) She wanted to change shifts
Cindy was upset because of the new software installed at work. She spoke to Judy
about how frustrated she was feeling about it.
10. Why was Judy upset with Cindy?
a) She was tired of hearing her complain about work
b) She thought she was trying to take her job
c) She thought she wanted to quit
d) She was frustrated about doing her share of the work
Judy was upset with Cindy because she thought she was so frustrated over the
new software that she didn’t want to work in the office anymore. Once Judy asked
Cindy about it, she realized that wasn’t true.
46. Module Five: Insight on
Behavior
Every person is different and can
interpret behaviors differently. In social
groups, there is a wide range of
behaviors occurring, which can seem
overwhelming at times. But by having a
little insight on not only the behavior
others, but our own, we are able to
better understand what is going on
around us and how to navigate through
the situation.
Behavior is
what a man
does, not what
he
thinks, feels, or
believes.
Emily
Dickinson
51. Listen and Watch More
Listen for verbal cues
Watch for nonverbal cues
Focus on what is being said, not the person
Be aware of your own behaviors and
reactions
52. Case Study
Robert was meeting with his partner, Rick for
lunch to discuss a recent project
When Rick arrived, he seemed agitated
Robert asked him if something was wrong. It turns out that Rick
was having personal trouble at home that was affecting his work
It turns out that Rick was having personal trouble at home that
was affecting his work
53. Review Q/A
1. Our perception is based on what?
a) What other people say
b) Our own thoughts
c) How people around us act
d) What we want to know
Our perception is based the thoughts we form from what we see and feel every
day, which is why we are the only ones that can change our own perception.
2. Perception can directly affect what?
a) Our behavior
b) Our movements
c) Other people
d) Our schedule
Perception is based on what we can see, feel, or do, so if we change our
perception, it can directly affect the behavior we display as well.
54. Review Q/A
3. Facts are based on what?
a) Our feelings
b) Expert opinions
c) Casual thoughts
d) Definite results
Facts are considered facts when they have definite or concrete results that can
support them, such as a math result or scientific process.
4. Emotions are based on what?
a) Scientific theories
b) Definite results
c) Involuntary feelings
d) Expert studies
Emotions are the body’s involuntary responses and feelings in a situation. They are
not usually based on facts and are not something we can fully rely on.
55. Review Q/A
5. What is one form of online communication?
a) Telephone call
b) Face-to-face meeting
c) E-mail
d) Faxed memo
E-mails, or electronic mail, are a very common form of online communications that allows people
to send typed messages back and forth over an internet server, usually in the form of a casual
letter.
6. Online communication can often lack what?
a) Clarity
b) Emotions
c) Facts
d) Information
Online communication typically involved typed words or text, which can lack any kind of emotion
or tone. This can cause problems when trying to portray a certain message to someone and are not
able to add the emphasis (or lack of) that is needed.
56. Review Q/A
7. By listening more, we can do what?
a) Make faster conclusions
b) Kill more time
c) Create more facts
d) Hear more information
When we take time to listen more to someone, we are able to hear more of what is being said and
take in more of the information being offered.
8. By watching more, we can do what?
a) Monitor our own behavior
b) Determine what is right and wrong with someone
c) Hear more of what is being said
d) Change how we perceive things
When we take the time to watch and observe other people more, we are able to better observe
their body movements and gestures. In turn, we are able to monitor our think about our own
movements and monitor the behavior we display to others.
57. Review Q/A
9. How was Rick’s behavior making Robert feel?
a) Happy
b) Tense
c) Humorous.
d) Depressed
Since Rick seemed to be in a bad mood and wasn’t communicating well,
his behavior made Robert feel tense during their meeting.
10.What was causing Rick’s bad mood?
a) He was being transferred to a new department
b) He was being laid off
c) He was having personal problems outside of work
d) He was given a new assignment to work on
Rick let Robert know that he was having some problems at home, which
was causing him to be in a bad mood during their meeting.
58. Module Six:
Communication
Sadly, talking and listening has often
been seen as a tool for simply
communicating with other people,
but not for building connections and
networks. This assumption doesn’t
recognize the fact that interpersonal
communication is a great tool to
connect with people on a deeper
level and form a connection with
them.
A man’s
character may
be learned from
the adjectives in
which he
habitually uses
in
conversations.
Mark Twain
59. Give Respect and Trust
Builds rapport
Full attention
Trust given will come back
to us
61. Always Keep Your Cool
Try not to take words personally
Stop and reflect what was said, not
how it was said
Make a note to learn from this
experience
Reason for what was said?
63. Creating a Powerful First
Impression
Physical
Appearance
Body
Language
Spoken
Words
Physical
Appearance
Body
Language
Spoken
Words
64. Case Study
Danielle was giving a presentation in front of
her coworkers and was a little nervous
She was friendly with all of them, but was unsure how
they would react to her work
One coworker in particular told Danielle that she didn’t
like the presentation at all
She thanked the woman for her insight and told her
she would do her best
65. Review Q/A
1. One way to give respect to someone is to do what?
a) Put off spending time with them
b) Offer your full attention
c) Not to ask for their advice
d) Not to bother asking them any questions
There are many ways we can show respect to someone and one way to give them our full attention
when they are speaking with us. This shows we can put our own interests aside and focus on what
they have to say.
2. One way is to give trust is to do what?
a) Speak openly
b) Show fake emotions
c) Hide our true feelings
d) Make up really good stories
We can give our trust to others by always speaking openly with them and not trying to act ‘fake’ or
insensitive. By showing we can trust them with our thoughts and opinions; they are more likely to
return the favor.
66. Review Q/A
3. Why is it important to be consistent in your behavior?
a) It allows you to get away with more
b) It makes you appear confident
c) It makes you look smarter
d) It builds reliability
Being consistent in what you say and do will help build your reliability over time,
making people want to trust you and come to you when they have a problem.
4. People will come to trust you when you show you are what?
a) Smart
b) Confident
c) Consistent
d) Aggressive
When we are consistent, we are building reliable behaviors, which can lead people
to put their trust in you when they need to.
67. Review Q/A
5. When we feel insulted, our first response is to do what?
a) Cry
b) Hide
c) Retaliate
d) Run away
When we feel insulted or hear something we do not like, our first response is to retaliate in some
way and then become defensive. In contrast, we should learn ways to keep our cool and not let
someone get the best of us.
6. What is one way we can manage to keep our cool in a stressful situation?
a) Make hand gestures at the person
b) Walk away
c) Tell them you don’t like them
d) Ask them to provide facts for what they said
In stressful situations, out emotions can get the better of us and make us want to do things that
may be out of our control. So one way we can manage to keep our cool is to simply walk away from
the situation and do not contribute to it whatsoever.
68. Review Q/A
7. Understanding body language skills helps build what?
a) More confidence
b) Better observation skills
c) More esteem
d) Better communication
Body language can be a complicated language, but when we take the time to better understand
body language skills, we can better interpret different body language movements and build better
communication skills.
8. Body language can help clarify what?
a) A mixed message
b) An e-mail
c) A boring speech
d) A phone call
Sometimes the words we say can come out wrong or be emphasized in the wrong way, so knowing
different body language messages can help clarify a mixed message our mouths can say.
69. Review Q/A
9. What was Danielle looking for during her presentation?
a) An exit door
b) Negative body language
c) Her missing note cards
d) Her boss
During the presentation, Danielle kept an eye out for negative body language, such
as yawning, that could give her a clue as to how she was doing.
10. How did Danielle keep her cool when her coworker was negative with her?
a) She quickly walked away
b) She told her coworker to stop being rude
c) She stopped to think about what the coworker said
d) She told another coworker that she didn’t agree with her
When Danielle’s coworker gave her negative feedback about her presentation,
Danielle kept her cool by stopping and reflecting about what her coworker had
said. Then she realized that her coworker was entitled to her opinion, and didn’t
let it bother her.
70. Social Cues (I)
Social cues are verbal or non-verbal
hints that let us know what someone
maybe thinking or feeling. When in a
social situation, it is important to keep
an eye out for these social cues and
ensure our behavior isn’t contributing
to them. While some cues can be
obvious, other may be very subtle, so
we must train ourselves to be able to
recognize them when they do appear.
The most
important thing
in
communication
is hearing what
isn't said.
Peter Drucker
73. The Eyes Have It
Eye rolling
Blinking too much or too little
Wondering eyes
Long blinks
74. Non-Verbal Cues
Folding the arms
Looking around frequently
Tapping the feet or clasping hands
Fidgeting
Moving closer/farther away
75. Verbal Cues
Voice tone or pitch
Word emphasis
Volume
Uncomfortable pauses or word inserts
76. Case Study
Mary was at a small office party to discuss
new department assignments
She walked around and spoke to all of the employees
Others seemed to be at ease with the changes, since
they were openly asking questions
She asked them if there was something she could
do, but the employee just shook his head
77. Review Q/A
1. What is one way to gauge a social situation?
a) Find the leader of the group and ask them
b) Look at the people around you
c) Say nothing to anyone
d) Ask each person that comes in the door
When in an unknown social situation, the best thing to do is to observe the people around you and
take note of their behavior and how they are acting. They can be a good indicator of what kind of
situation you are in.
2. When in different social situations, we must learn to do what?
a) Adapt our behavior
b) Be chatty with everyone
c) Stay out of sight
d) Not change our behavior
When we find ourselves in different social situations, it is important that we are able to adapt
ourselves to the changing scenes of each one and be able to be flexible with the people in the
group.
78. Review Q/A
3. Eye behavior can reveal what?
a) Uncertainty
b) Happiness
c) Surprise
d) All of the above
Eye behavior is one of the first things to give our emotions or feelings away since it cannot always
be controlled. It can reveal things such as anger, happiness, nervousness, and shock.
4. One common social eye behavior is what?
a) Regular blinking
b) Tearing up
c) Eye rolling
d) Dry eyes
One behavior that can give away a social cue is eye rolling. When noticed, it can portray feelings of
boredom or annoyance.
79. Review Q/A
5. Nonverbal cues can account for ______ of our communications.
a) 10%
b) 70%
c) 90%
d) 25%
Nonverbal cues and communication can account for over 90% of our communication since it
encompasses all of our body movements and gestures. Our actual words and tones account for only
10% at most.
6. Which of the following is an example of a nonverbal cue?
a) Speaking louder
b) Folding the arms
c) Using different tones
d) Shaking hands
Folding the arms is a common nonverbal cue that can signal that the person is cut off, annoyed, or
bored.
80. Review Q/A
7. How can a verbal cue be misinterpreted?
a) If we speak in regular tone
b) If it is not said quickly enough
c) If we speak too slowly
d) If it had the wrong emphasis
Many times when we are speaking, we can put emphasis on the wrong word or
words, which can lead to a verbal cue being misinterpreted.
8. Which of the following is an example of a verbal cue?
a) Increased voice pitch
b) Using various synonyms
c) Making eye contact
d) Using hand gestures
Increased voice pitch is a common verbal cue that can signal emphasis or
importance on certain information that is being said.
81. Review Q/A
9. What was a verbal cue that Mary noticed from some of the coworkers?
a) Laughing loudly
b) Making positive comments
c) A lot of sighs
d) Making negative comments
When Mary was listening to the group, she noticed some coworkers making positive comments,
giving her more verbal cues to notice.
10. Why did Mary feel as though the last employee was not alright?
a) She knew they were a liar
b) They had told someone else something different
c) She saw something in the eyes
d) They told her they were not alright
Mary noted that even though her coworker said they were alright, she noticed something in his
eyes that told her differently, which made her feel unsure about it.
82. Social Cues (II)
Social cues need to be interpreted in
the right manner for it to better a
social situation – not make it worse.
People who are better equipped to
identify and understand these social
cues are more likely to act
appropriately to them, and will be
better prepared to respond to them
and adapt their behavior.
Behavior is the
mirror in which
everyone shows
their image.
Johann
Wolfgang von
Goethe
84. Spectrum of Cues
Lots of
variations
Very obvious
Subtle and
easily missed
Recognize
each side
85. Personal Space
Excuse yourself politely
Step to the side a step or two
Roam about the area
Opt for a handshake when greeting people
Be aware of cultural differences
86. Case Study
Andrew was working with a group of
coworkers that was developing a new project
Many of them worked on different shifts
Andrew noticed many of them displayed very different
social cues
Andrew made sure he kept his mind open and made
himself flexible
87. Review Q/A
1. One extreme example of a social cue is what?
a) Crossing the arms
b) Speaking angrily
c) Tapping the toes
d) Turning the head to the side
Speaking angrily is one form of an extreme social cue, which is a behavior that can be loud
and aggressive. Extreme social cues can usually cause some form of nervousness or
tenseness.
2. One subtle example of a social cue is what?
a) Rubbing the forehead
b) Rolling the eyes
c) Speaking loudly
d) Changing tone of voice
Rubbing the forehead is a more subtle for of a social cue because it does not use words and
may or may not be noticed by other people. Subtle social cues can often go unnoticed and
usually do not cause a scene.
88. Review Q/A
3. When we notice a social cue, it is important to do what?
a) Ask the person what that was about
b) Ignore it
c) Ask someone else if they saw it too
d) Stop and review it
When we notice a social cue, our first instinct may be to act on it, but it is important to stop and
think about what the cue may have meant.
4. Before acting on a cue, we should do what first?
a) Make an announcement about it
b) Confront the person who made it
c) Reflect on it
d) Make a note as to when and where it happened
Before acting on a social cue that was noticed, it is important to stop and reflect on the cue and
what it could have meant. Before jumping to any conclusions, we must think about what happened
and if we are interpreting it correctly.
89. Review Q/A
5. What is one way we can be adaptable in social situations?
a) Change the words we use
b) Have everyone follow our behavior
c) Change our tone of voice
d) Say nothing at all
It is important to be adaptable in social situations since we cannot always change
our surroundings. One way to do this is to change our tone of voice to match those
around us.
6. When we are able to be flexible, other people will ___________.
a) Ignore it
b) Catch on
c) Make fun of us
d) Do nothing
When we show people we can be flexible in a social situation, it can lead others to
follow suit and become more flexible themselves.
90. Review Q/A
7. Personal space is usually defined as what?
a) 10 feet from us
b) Two jumps away
c) Shoulder to shoulder
d) Arm’s length
Personal space is typically defined as the space that is within our arm’s length of us, all the way
around. This space is usually reserved for ‘invitation only’.
8. One way to subtly clear personal space is to do what?
a) Step to the side
b) Move back
c) Push forward
d) Yell loudly
If someone is in your personal space, the best move is to subtle move to the side, usually with a
step or two. Stepping to the side can seem less offensive since stepping to the back or front can
seem like you are trying to get away from the person and cause them offense.
91. Review Q/A
9. Why did Andrew think the new group would be hard to work with?
a) Everyone wanted to work on their own
b) Everyone worked on different shifts
c) Some workers didn’t want to do their share
d) Some of the workers had just quit
When Andrew first joined the group, he noticed that everyone worked on
different shifts, making it harder to work together.
10.What did Andrew do to work better with the group?
a) He tried to do more of the work
b) He bought them all coffee
c) He made himself more adaptable
d) He offered to become the leader of the group
Andrew realized that if he wanted to work well with everyone that he
would need to be more adaptable to suit the different needs of the group.
92. Module Ten: Body
Language
Body language is a form of language
that relies on body movements as
gestures. It accounts for over 90% of
the language we use in society – the
other 10% consisting of actual words
or phrases. It can provide cues and
hints about how the other person is
feeling and thinking.
Body language
is a very
powerful tool.
We had body
language before
we had speech.
Deborah Bull
93. Be Aware of Your Movements
Nonverbal communication
Practice with a mirror
Watch reactions from people
94. It’s Not What You Say – It’s How
You Say It
I’d like to help you work on your
presentations.
I’d like to help you work on your
presentations.
I’d like to help you work on your
presentations.
95. Open vs. Closed Body Language
Open
•Feet facing forward
•Smiling face
•Making eye contact
Closed
•Looking away or around
•Crossing the arms or legs
•Rolling the eyes
96. Communicate with Power
Think before you speak
Be an active listener
Watch for verbal and nonverbal cues
Be aware of your body language
98. Building Rapport
Rapport is used in the business world
to build professional relationships
and networks. It helps gain
confidence and trust in other people
and makes them feel more at ease.
When in social situations, this can
include simple techniques such as
mirroring and sharing common
interests.
The quality of
your life is the
quality of your
relationships.
Anthony
Robbins
99. Take the High Road
Be humble
Not a
competition
Offer input
Take an
interest
100. Forget About Yourself
Be an active listener
Show interest in their ideas
Ask for follow up information
Offer opinions as needed, but focus
on them
101. Remembering People
Say their name immediately
Don’t be afraid to ask them to repeat their
name
Associate a gesture with their greeting
Remember distinct features
102. Ask Good Questions
“What do you enjoy most about _____?”
“What kind of advice would you offer?”
“What are some of your accomplishments
with the company?”
103. Case Study
Ellen was a new employee to a group of
marketers
She was fairly shy to speak with them
She made an effort to remember their names
Over time, Ellen had built a great rapport with this
group of coworkers
104. Review Q/A
1. In contrast, the key to taking the high road includes what?
a) Being aggressive
b) Being humble
c) Being fast
d) Being the loudest
When taking the high road, we normally think of being competitive and forceful.
But in contrast, taking the high road is more about being humble and considerate
with others.
2. Taking the high road is not considered ________________.
a) A competition
b) Any fun
c) Easy
d) A joint effort
Taking the high road is not considered a competition since this kind of aggressive
attitude can actually hurt the chances of build rapport.
105. Review Q/A
3. Focusing your attention on the other person helps build what?
a) Esteem
b) Confidence
c) Boredom
d) Rapport
When we focus our attention on the other person, we are showing that we are
interested in what they have to say and what they have to offer, which can help
build rapport over time.
4. One way to forget about ourselves is to do what?
a) Show interest in nothing at all
b) Distract ourselves
c) Show interest in the other person
d) Do nothing different
When we show interest in the other person, we are forgetting about our own
needs and focusing on theirs.
106. Review Q/A
5. What is one way to help remember a person’s name?
a) Write it on your hand
b) Repeat it over again in your head
c) Use it right away
d) Spell it out
After meeting someone, one tip to help remember their name is to use it right away, which can
help the name stick in your head. Re-greet them using their name or address them directly by
name the next time you speak to them.
6. What is one way to help remember someone’s face?
a) Take a picture
b) Notice a characteristic
c) Relate them to a funny animal
d) Do nothing
After meeting someone, one tip to help remember their face is to make a note of any particular
characteristic, such as a facial scar or a thick eyebrow. Remembering something specific about
them will help you remember their face next time.
107. Review Q/A
7. A good question is typically ______________.
a) Open and close
b) Multiple choice
c) A few words long
d) Open-ended
Asking good questions can build rapport, so it is important that good questions are
open-ended so they can allow the other person to give a lengthy and
informational answer.
8. Good questions ask about what?
a) The other person
b) The one asking the questions
c) The company
d) Pay grades
Good questions typically ask about the other person and their skills and abilities,
which allows the other person to openly talk about themselves and build a
connection between the two.
108. Review Q/A
9. What did Ellen try to do when she met each coworker?
a) Ask in depth questions
b) Remember their name and face
c) Ask for their advice
d) Spell her name correctly to them
When Ellen was introduced to each coworker, she made an effort to try
and remember each name with each face for future reference.
10.Why was Ellen shy around the group of marketers?
a) She was the only woman in the group
b) They were paid more than she was
c) She was new to the group
d) They were much older than she was
Ellen was a new member to the group of marketers, so she was shy about
talking to anyone at first.
Social intelligence can seem like a complicated term and can make many of us feel nervous. But social intelligence is something we deal with every day and it can help us navigate better experiences from our social environment. Whether we’re at home or at work, knowing how to be more aware of ourselves and our surroundings can help us make the best out of any social situation!
• Be aware of our own behaviors• Learn to be empathetic with others• Know tools for active listening• Effectively communicate interpersonally• Recognize various social cues• Determine appropriate conversation topics• Know various forms of body language
Many times we wonder why the situations around us change simply because we are relying on the people around us to change. But being aware of our own actions and behaviors is one of the key tools to change not only ourselves, but our surroundings. We must be aware of what communication we are putting out there and how our behaviors can affect others.
Self-deception is a tool we commonly use to try and hide something from ourselves or prevent ourselves from accepting something. We can often try to make ourselves believe whatever we want and alter facts in our mind by self-deceiving ourselves. No one is exempt from this habit and we can find ourselves practicing it more often than we think. For instance, we can self-deceive ourselves that our presentation was the best in the group or self-deceive ourselves to believe that people are talking about us when we walk away. It can affect our relationships with others and give people the wrong impression of ourselves. One of the simplest ways we can help prevent this type of deception is to simply be direct with ourselves and others. Always say what you mean and mean what you say – don’t try to deceive with alternative phrases or meanings. When taking in information, review it over before making conclusions. Recognize facts and happenings that could form a final thought. For instance, your presentation may have been very good, but do not assume it was the best out of the group. While it is alright to build confidence and esteem by believing in yourself or believing you know what is best, it is not beneficial to deceive ourselves into thinking over the line since it can cause us to damage our future relationships with others.
We often forget one of the easiest tools to increase our own self-awareness is to simply ask for feedback from those around us. It doesn’t have to be a lengthy or complicated process and can be done very professionally or casually. The people around us can see our usual actions and behaviors and can give an honest opinion about them. The thought of asking someone to share their opinions and thoughts about us can seem unnerving and even downright scary, but the advice and thoughts can prove invaluable. If possible, let the person know in advance you will want feedback later so they have time to form an impression and gather any tips or hints. A random request for feedback (such as right after a meeting) can be acceptable too, but keep in mind the person may be caught off guard and will not be able to give a good answer right away. The most important part about asking for feedback it to prepare yourself for what you may hear. Not all feedback is positive. Take the advice and tips that the person offers as tools to help you improve yourself and style. Don’t turn defensive or angry just because the person delivering the feedback may have said something you don’t particularly want to hear.
Humans are designed to be creatures of habit. We often have the mindset of “we want what we want when we want it”, and if something throws a kink in our routine, we can go a little crazy sometimes. But being open to change allows us to adapt to new surroundings and situations and helps us grow as a person. Changing our attitude about ourselves and others can help determine how we build our connections. Sometimes after we receive feedback from our peers, we may need to change how we do things or behave in a group. Perhaps after a meeting we decide we need to change how we plan our presentations. Whatever the reason, it is important to not disregard the importance of your willingness to change and not turn a blind eye to its prospects. Changing how we see ourselves and the people that surround us can have a positive impact on our attitudes and can help build better relationships with our peers.Tips for accepting change:• Determine how the change can benefit you• Don’t assume a need for change is negative• Recognize that change is a chance for improvement
Escalator
While feedback from other people can be a great tool to use, feedback from ourselves can be just as valuable (without being self-deceptive). Being reflective gives us a chance to learn from our past experiences (even our mistakes) and recognize the chance for learning opportunities. By reflecting on our actions, we can see firsthand what actions we took, how they played out, and what kind of effect they had on people. Use all of your senses to recreate an experience in your mind and the actions that you took. What behaviors did you show? What did you feel at the time? What type of reactions did you receive from other people? Reflect back on any body language cues you may have used and make note of any cues you may have seen in others. What intuitions or gut feelings do you feel from the experience? Do you feel as though you have learned anything new from the experience? These steps and process can help you reflect back on your actions and increase not only your self-awareness, but your awareness of others.
Andrew Carnegie said it best with his quote “People who are unable to motivate themselves must be content with mediocrity, no matter how impressive their other talents.” Self-motivation is an essential part of excelling at life. You must learn to motivate yourself because you cannot depend on others to do it for you. You have to know how to encourage yourself regardless of how bad the situation. There are several keys to building self-motivation.• Work towards a cause.• Don’t compare yourself to others.• Make the conscious effort to not give up.• Don’t live in your past failures or successes.• Utilize positive thinking.There are times when you may need motivation to get motivated. Positive thinking may not be doing the trick. What should you do? Consider these suggestions:• Write down your plan for improvement.• Briefly think about your past successes.• Read books that promote self-motivation.
Penny wants to become more self-aware of her actions and how she comes across to people. She is speaking for the first time at a small held at her office building. She’s pretty nervous, but she asks a coworker, Jimmy, to watch her speech for her and give her some feedback on it when she’s through. When it was over, Penny met up with Jimmy and asked him what he thought. Jimmy was able to offer her several compliments on her delivery and attitude, but he also had some helpful hints about the items in the speech and how she used them. At first Penny was hurt, but when she reflected back on her actions and what Jimmy said, she realized he was right and just trying to help. So Penny decided to research some new topic ideas and better prepare herself for the next speech she would have to give sometime in the future.
“Jungle”
Empathy is one of our greatest interpersonal skills because it allows us to have better communication with people around us and increases our understanding of others. We know empathy can simply mean to ‘put ourselves in the other person’s shoes’, but it can also mean to take an active role in getting to know the people around you and treating them with the respect they deserve.
We all know that there is a difference between hearing and listening, but yet we still seem to confuse the two when we communicate with other people. Listening is considered a skill, so like any other skill it must be implemented and strengthened. Listening allows for you to understand what the person is talking about and register what they are trying to communicate. Building better listening skills starts with learning to pay attention when someone speaks and actively listening to what they are saying. Key tips to help accomplish this are to give your attention to the person by facing them and making eye contact. Turn off any cell phones or pagers or remove any item from the area that can distract you and make you lose focus. You’ll find that you will catch more of what the person is saying and be able to retain more. Paying attention and building better listening skills can show support for the other person and build rapport with them.Tips for better listening skills:• Remove any distractions• Make eye contact with the person speaking• Nod your head periodically• Ask for follow up details or information• Ask the person to repeat anything you may have missed
No matter how many times we hear the old phrase “Don’t judge people” or “It’s not our place to judge”, we more than likely find ourselves doing it anyway – we just don’t want to admit it. Whether subconsciously or not, we still find ourselves judging those around us, whether it is based on their clothes, job title, the way the talk or walk, gender, hair color, skin color, and etc. When someone is speaking or completes a task, what do you think in your head? Do you automatically make comments on how their assignment was too easy or that the way they speak is subpar to the group. Of course you would never say this out loud or tell them directly, but in your mind you have already made up your mind about them.Thoughts like this cause us to judge people more and more, which can create barriers between people and lose connections and chances to network over time. Every person has an “inside person” and an “outside person” – we see the outside person every day and try to form our own opinions without seeing everything first. Don’t forget that there is an “inside person” as well that has an entirely different side.
Empathy is simply defined as putting yourself in another person’s shoes and seeing things from their point of view. When communicating with another person, think about how it would feel to be in their shoes and do the things they have to do. How would you feel if you have to complete their assignment in the weekly meeting or if you have to conduct a speech in front of hundreds of people? Shifting your view does not mean that you have to entirely give up your opinions and what you think. It involves taking a few minutes to stop and reflect on the actions and words of the other person and picturing yourself in their situation. Think about what it would be like to stand in their shoes in the conference room or in front of the new manager. By doing this, we can better understand why they may act or speak a certain way and what can drive them to do what they do. By showing empathy, you are able to connect with this person and create an important relationship to have in the workplace.
In social situations it is never a good idea to fake our emotions or how we feel toward others. Of course, this does not mean we have full permission to start tearing into people and ripping them to shreds if we didn’t like their recent speech. But if you are not entirely happy about something in the group or feel anxious about something else, it is not a good idea to fake a smile or laugh just to appear happy. This ‘fakeness’ will more than likely be detected, which can offend others around you or even make them feel insecure. Instead, be honest about how you feel and show honest concern for your peers. Be tactful if delivering negative feedback and offers helpful tips for improvement or changes. Although they may not accept your true feelings at first, and may even seem angry about it, in the end they will appreciate the fact that you were honest with them and didn’t show a mask of fake emotions with them.
Donald realized he was not connecting well his other coworkers. He some of his coworkers were upset about the new workload, so he thought this would be a good time to show empathy and connect with some of them. He approached Brad and asked him how he felt about the new changes. Donald listened as Brad expressed anger about it and ranted about the overtime. Although Donald thought he may have been over-reacting, he didn’t mention these feelings out loud because he didn’t want to judge Brad. Then Donald genuinely told him how he could see his point about the stress of having so much extra work to do and offered his support if he needed help. Brad thanked him for the offer and then asked if Donald wanted to grab some lunch before heading back to work.
It is not always enough to simply listen to a person and have the sense of ‘waiting to speak’. This type of listening will cause us to lose out on important information and deny us the chance to make any real connection. By using active listening, we are more inept to learn about other people and take an active interest in what they have to say and offer. This concept can not only improve your overall listening skills, but your overall connections with other people as well.
Attunement is defined as being aware and responsive to another person. When developing active listening skills, this tool is used to better connect with the person and become more ‘in tune’ with what they are saying. Since attunement relies heavily on nonverbal communication (such as body language), it is important to pay attention to the signals that the other person gives off, as well as the ones we use. Key gestures such as smiling, hand gesturing, eye contact and body movement can signal a connection or a break in communication. When we use these gestures toward other people, it can make them feel more connected with us and continue to open up with us. These connections can form bonds that can benefit the both of you and build networks for the future.
It’s a common gesture to hear something or witness someone do something and try to jump to a conclusion about it right away. Maybe you didn’t like what they said or heard something you didn’t think was appropriate, so you reach conclusions that the person has poor speaking skills or doesn’t know how to communicate with others. But this quick acting judgment can only harm your business relationships and misses the chance to really listen to someone and make a connection. While you may believe you have all the facts and have reached a final decision, always remember there is another side of the coin and most likely more information to know.Even if you in fact do have everything you need, you may still not be able to process his thought in way that can be productive or even helpful to anyone since it is based on negativity. If someone says something that makes you jump to a conclusion, ask them to repeat it or clarify what they said. Then take a few minutes to reflect on what was said or done and take enough time to form a logical conclusion about it. Taking a little extra time may seem like a chore at times, but it can save you from jumping to unnecessary conclusions and ruining the chance to build a relationship with another coworker.
“Pushing car off cliff”
Naturally, we often think of ourselves as Number One. We’re the first person we try to take care of and try to guard ourselves when necessary. But when it comes to active listening, the role is often reversed in order to focus on the other person. In order to actively listen, we must shift the focus from ourselves to the person speaking at the time and become attune to what they are saying. Steps should include turning to face the person and making eye contact with them. During the conversation, nod your head periodically and give them time to pause or rest before talking yourself. When they have finished, stay focused on them by asking questions about what they have said. Don’t be afraid to ask them to clarify something you didn’t catch or something you may have missed. By shifting your focus to them instead of on your thoughts, you should be able to remember and comprehend most of what was said. From here you can be able to offer suggestions or opinions and engage in open conversation with the person. They’ll be more likely to openly share with you if they feel as though you can focus on them as well as yourself.
One of the biggest faults many of us have is the need to ‘fix’ things when we something that has gone wrong. When we get some bad news or information about a bad situation, we often try to follow it up with “It’s not so bad” or “It could be worse”. While this may seem like a helpful gesture, it can actually cause more damage than good because it makes the other person feel as though their feelings about the situation are invalid or void. It gives the impression that you are not necessarily listening to the problem, but imply trying to brush it over and discount their feelings altogether. When a person is speaking about something they feel strongly about, whether it is about work or personal situations, it is important to recognize that it is the way they feel and that they are entitled to feel that way. Instead of trying to smooth the problem over, listen to what the person is saying and how they are feeling and offer support. Let them know you are there to help and can always lend an ear. They will appreciate the gesture much more than any half-hearted solution or smooth-over phrase.
Judy was talking with a coworker of hers about the new software they had received at work. Cindy complained a lot about having to learn how to work the software and how to use it every day. Judy could see where she was coming from, since it frustrated her too. Judy told her that the software wasn’t so bad, which didn’t make Cindy feel any better. But the way Cindy complained, Judy got the impression that she didn’t want to work here anymore, which made Judy feel upset. But Judy decided to just ask Cindy if that is how she really felt. Cindy says she doesn’t dislike the system to much to leave, but it does make her very frustrated. Judy was relieved to hear that her friend didn’t want to leave and was glad she took the time to listen to Cindy’s opinions before making any conclusions.
Behavior can be a complicated concept to try and master, much less understand. Every person is different and can interpret behaviors differently. In social groups, there is a wide range of behaviors occurring, which can seem overwhelming at times. But by having a little insight on not only the behavior others, but our own, we are able to better understand what is going on around us and how to navigate through the situation.
Perception can be a hard aspect to learn from since most of the time our perception can only be drawn from our own experiences – and we’re pretty biased when it come to our own thoughts. Perception is an important tool in controlling behavior because it helps us determine how we can appear to others and how other people’s behaviors can influence us. Your belief in yourself can affect your perception and can in turn affect your outward behavior. We may not always know exactly how people perceive us since many will not say these things out loud, but we can make our own conclusions based on our perception of their behavior. Do they come close when they speak to you or do they try to move away? Do they smile and interact with you or do they seem withdrawn? Do you use these thoughts when you perceive people and their behaviors? It is likely you form some of the same conclusions and determine how to respond to the behaviors they are displaying.
Telephone call
The main difference between facts and emotions is that facts are based on definite results while emotions are often involuntary and one-sided. But both facts and emotions can affect our behaviors and change how we act towards others. Facts can drive a conversation and allow people to connect on a logical level. Emotions are involved in everything we do, but sometimes they can affect the impact of our behavior and the information we are talking about. Any social situation is most likely driven with emotions, and sometimes this can cause facts to become irrelevant and even misconstrue the information given. For example, a male speaker may not be taken seriously at a feminism rally, or a group full of teachers may not listen to a group of school board members. When you recognize that emotion may be driving the situation, it’s time to reflect back on the situation and rediscover the facts and figures of the information. You may have to be a leader in the group and remind everyone to focus on the facts and save the emotions for later.
Online communication can be a hard concept to conquer since it can cover a wide range of areas. In our ever-growing world of technology, online communication can include emails, instant chats, video calls, and even text messages. While this form of communication can be a quick and easy way to connect with someone and cut out the need to physically see them or pick up a telephone, it can cause misconceptions in the process. It is difficult to convey feeling, emotions, or even tone in online communications, so the use of particular words is important to remember. People may not be able to hear the light-heartedness in your words or the stern demeanor in our office warnings. Additionally, online communication can often seem impersonal, since you do not have to take the time to contact someone and speak to them personally, which can cause people to feel insulted or even slighted. When possibly, speak to the person face to face or by phone in order to get your message and feelings across. Save the electronic communications for quick and impersonal messages.Popular forms of online communication:• Blogs• Emails• Online memo• Instant messaging• Video or text chats
One of the best ways to monitor your behavior and the behavior of others is to learn to listen and watch more than you participate. When listening to others talk, focus on their words, not necessarily the person saying them. Don’t get caught up in one or two things they say and try to stay focused on the topic at hand. Even though you want to chime in, avoid making your own predictions and assumptions and continue to listen until the end. By watching and listening more, we are able to better to monitor the behaviors of other as well as our own since we are not focused mainly on ourselves. By focusing on the other person and their actions, we can develop better listening skills and catch more information than if we tried to assume it all ourselves.Tips for better listening:• Listen for verbal cues• Watch for nonverbal cues• Focus on what is being said, not the person• Be aware of your own behaviors and reactions
Robert was meeting with his partner, Rick for lunch to discuss a recent project. When Rick arrived, he seemed agitated and it made Robert feel tenser. Robert noticed that Rick’s behavior was making him feel uneasy and wasn’t sure how to perceive them. As they talked about the project, Robert noticed Rick’s behavior began to shift and he began to ease up. Finally, Robert asked him if something was wrong. It turns out that Rick was having personal trouble at home and it was affecting his work, so he hadn’t quite gotten out of his bad mood. Robert offered his support and told Rick he can help him with the work load. Robert was glad he asked Rick about his behavior instead of just focusing on his emotions and feelings about it.
Sadly, talking and listening has often been seen as a tool for simply communicating with other people, but not for building connections and networks. This assumption doesn’t recognize the fact that interpersonal communication is a great tool to connect with people on a deeper level and form a connection with them. Speaking interpersonally allows both parties to feel more at ease and open up to one another. Just remember to be an active listener and watch your own body language.
It is a common courtesy in any conversation to treat the other person respectfully and professionally. By treating their ideas and opinions respectfully and with due consideration, you are showing respect by hearing them out, listening to them, and considering what they have to say with an open mind. When communicating with coworkers, it is important to build rapport and trust by speaking with each other respectfully and giving each other your full attention. After all, they deserved to be treated with dignity and courtesy for their thoughts and opinions. In addition, give your trust to them and let them know that you feel confident enough to speak with them openly. The motions and feelings we put out into the world will come back to us, so don’t be afraid to speak openly with your coworkers. They will be impressed that you can give respect and trust so freely and appreciate the effort you are trying to make with them.
Consistency is a key factor that builds interpersonal relationships. Being consistent in what we say and do shows knowledge and reliability because it helps build a familiar base to start from. People will want to communicate with you because you will become a factor they know they can trust and depend on. In addition, ensure that your actions are consistent with what you say – in other words– do what you say you’ll do. If you say you will meet someone after lunch to review a report, ensure that you are there early to greet them. If you volunteered to give a speech at the next work convention, be prepared ahead of time and be ready when the day arrives. Showing you are consistent in turn shows how reliable you are and what an asset you can be for the group. Take a few minutes to reflect back on your actions and note if they have been consistent over time. Are there behaviors you can change? What can you do differently in the future?
Keeping our cool in tight or stressful situations can be tough and takes a lot of skill to make it through gracefully. It is perfectly normal to feel embarrassed or hurt when someone does something you don’t like, such as speaking rudely to you or pointing out a mistake you made. Our first instinct is to possibly lash out at them or try to retaliate by hurting them in return. But the key to strong and professional communication is to keep your cool at all times and not let the negative feelings take over. When something happens that may send you over the edge, take a minute to reflect on what was said and what happened. If needed, you should step away for a few moments to compose yourself. Don’t deny the other person their opinion, but let them know how you feel and how it affects you. Kinder coworkers will back track their statements and try to address the problem in less negative terms. If the coworker is unwilling to give respect, realize that their opinion may not be worth the fight.Tips for keeping your cool:• Try not to take words personally• Stop and reflect what was said, not how it was said• Make a note to learn from this experience• Ask yourself if the person had reason for what was said – if so, what can you do to change it?
Body language can speak volumes between people, even if it does not have words to accompany it. Many times people may say one message, but their body language can say another, meaning they may not be truthful in what they say. By observing and becoming more aware of body language and what it might mean, we can learn to read people more easily and understand some of their body movements. By better understanding their movements, you can be better prepared to communicate with them, while at the same time better understanding the body language you may be conveying to them. Even though there are times that we can send mixed messages, we can try to get our point across using certain behaviors. Our body language affects how we act with others and how we react to them, as well as how they can react to ours.
Although some don’t like to admit it, many are greatly concerned with the first impression that is made to a new acquaintance. The impact one leaves can be the difference between getting and not getting a job or obtaining and not obtaining a contract for your company. There are several factors to keep in mind when meeting someone for the first time, whether it is through electronic means or face-to-face.Physical Appearance: It is unfortunate but true that when you are in a face-to-face meeting, you are initially judged on your physical appearance. Always err on the side of caution and present yourself in a conservative light. Avoid flamboyant clothing, jewelry, and make-up. Even though you may be confident in your abilities, these things can send the message that you are unprofessional and not capable of performing the job.Body Language: Many times, body language speaks so much louder than words. From posture to facial expressions, the message being conveyed can be completely different from the intended message. So, it’s important to be aware of how your body is positioned as well as the messages it gives. In addition to posture and facial expressions, be mindful of your eye contact and the tone, pitch and speed of your voice.Although posture and eye contact may not be as important when you are communicating on the phone, your facial expressions can be very apparent. Smiling while talking is an easy thing to do that says you are professional.The first handshake should be firm enough to show you are confident, but not so firm that it cuts circulation to the other person’s fingers. Be sure to include good eye contact while you are shaking hands.Spoken Words: This is one of the more obvious but neglected aspects of the first impression. Focusing too much time on your physical appearance or body language can cause you to forget to choose your words carefully. Choosing your words carefully is not about you withholding your true self, but remembering there are some situations that require you to be more politically correct or proper. Stay away from the slang you would use with friends or in other less formal situations. Also avoid using too much jargon or words not typically used in everyday language, as this may cause the listener to tune out what you are saying for the mere fact that they cannot understand you.
Danielle was giving a presentation in front of her coworkers and was a little nervous about what they would think. She was friendly with all of them, but was unsure how they would react to her work. During the presentation, she spoke with each coworker and answered their questions respectfully. As she looked around the room, she didn’t see a lot of negative body language, such as yawning or wandering eyes, which she took as a good sign. When her presentation was complete, she spoke with each coworker and got their opinions and thoughts. One coworker in particular told Danielle that she didn’t like the presentation at all and thought Danielle needed to work harder on the next one. Danielle became furious at her negativity, but took a minute to think it over. She knew it was her coworker’s opinion, and didn’t want to let it ruin all her work. She thanked the woman for her insight and told her she would do her best.
Social cues are verbal or non-verbal hints that let us know what someone maybe thinking or feeling. When in a social situation, it is important to keep an eye out for these social cues and ensure our behavior isn’t contributing to them. While some cues can be obvious, other may be very subtle, so we must train ourselves to be able to recognize them when they do appear.
“lying tree” Eddie
Social situations are not a ‘one size fits all’ situation. Because the people in each situation are different, we must learn to adapt ourselves to this ever-changing group – and know how to handle them. This does not mean we have to change who we are or hide our own personality, but rather we can change how we present ourselves around other people. Some of the best hints we can use are the ones we get from other people around you. How are they behaving? How are they ‘working through’ the event? Do you know all of them? Are there faces you do not recognize? With this information in mind, determine what type of social situation you may be in. Is this a formal gathering? Is it a business meeting or function with coworkers? Maybe a few friends catching a bite to eat? The key is to recognize your surroundings and the people involved to help determine how to present yourself.Questions to ask in a social situation:• “What is the gathering for?”• “Who is present?”• “Do we share common interests?”
Not all cues from others can be seen right and may be well hidden, but the eyes will always give them away. Without blatantly staring at a person (of course), try to observe how they are looking at you and others. Do certain words or phrases make them blink more or dart their eyes in another direction? Are they staying focused on a subject for a long period of time? Unfortunately, the eyes cannot lie – often. Many feelings or behaviors we try to hide in ourselves will often be shown through the eyes. Common eye behaviors such as rolling the eyes or looking around frequently can be signs of boredom or discomfort. If a person looks at you while talking or moves their eyebrows while listening to you talk, this can be a sign of interest or curiosity. But since these feelings may not be said out loud, or even gestured, it is a key tool to remember when gauging the people around you.Common eye behaviors:• Eye rolling• Blinking too much or too little• Wandering eyes; not looking directly at a person• Long blinks
It has been said that non-verbal communication is the most powerful form of communication since it can expand beyond voice, tone, and even words. It accounts for over 90% of our communication methods. Although the differences in non-verbal communication can be different in certain situations (amount of personal space or use of hand gestures), most cues can send the same message across the board. Nonverbal cues can include facial expressions, body movements, eye movement, and various gestures and usually are not associated with supported words or phrases. Common non-verbal cues include folding the arms, gripping or moving hands while speaking, rolling the eyes and even misusing the tone of voice. Do you notice these gestures when speaking with people around you? When thinking of your behavior, do you find yourself making any of these gestures when you are in a social situation? If so, think of ways you can try to eliminate some of them and replace them with more welcoming or outgoing gestures instead.Common non-verbal cues:• Folding the arms• Looking around frequently• Tapping the feet or clasping hands• Fidgeting• Moving closer/farther away
Verbal cues are cues that we are more likely to pick up on and notice right away. They are usually done with some sort of emphasis or tone that causes an effect within us, and is mostly likely to stick with us in the future. Phrases such as “Did you see the new rules in the handbook?” or “I can’t wait to see the projections for this week” add emphasis to certain words to stress a point or effect. Other verbal cues can include appropriate pauses when speaking, pitch, or volume of the voice or even speaking too slowly or quickly. These are cues that we can control and use with our voices (hence the term verbal) to get a message across. When in a social situation, listen to those around you and determine what verbal cues you can pick up on. Do they sound positive or negative? Do they appropriately portray the message being sent? Do you find yourself using these verbal cues on others? Maybe you emphasized the wrong word or spoke in a higher pitch when trying to speak with a group of people. When we can recognize these cues in others and learn to adapt ourselves to them, we can learn to identify them in ourselves and ensure that we are not putting the wrong message out there.Common verbal cues:• Voice tone or pitch• Word emphasis• Volume• Uncomfortable pauses or word inserts
Mary was at a small office party the company was holding to discuss new department assignments. She walked around and spoke to all of the employees and chatted with them about work and non-work aspects of their life. She noticed many of them seemed uneasy, since they would avert their eyes or stay away from some of the other workers. Others seemed to be at ease with the changes, since they were openly asking questions and making positive comments. Mary decided to ask one of the workers how they were handling the changes, and although they said it was alright, Mary could tell in their eyes that they were uneasy. She asked them if there was something she could do, but the employee just shook his head. Mary was uncertain if he was really alright, but she supposed she would have to wait and see if he opened up to her or not.
Social cues can often enhance, or even downplay, what is being said or portrayed in a situation. But the social cue needs to be interpreted in the right manner for it to better a social situation – not make it worse. People who are better equipped to identify and understand these social cues are more likely to act appropriately to them, and will be better prepared to respond to them and adapt their behavior.
“Wednesday”
As in all situations, there is always a possibility for going to one extreme to the other without having any middle ground in between. For social cues, it can be a fairly wide spectrum with plenty of variations. On one side of the spectrum, a person can be very obvious with their cues, such as speaking very loudly or making very large and awkward hand gestures. These types of cues are easy to spot and can often make people feel uncomfortable right away. On the other hand, there are cues that are more subtle and can often be missed if not recognized right away, such as excessive eye blinking or adding a tone to their words. Unfortunately, these types of cues may go unnoticed and can portray the wrong message when they may not be intended to. They key point is being able to recognize each side of this spectrum and the different ways a social cue can go wrong and right at the same time. When you learn the extremes they can reach, you’re better equipped to catch the cues in between and adapt your behavior faster.
Edward Hall was one of the first people to define and characterize the space around us – our different level of spaces. The outer most space around us is our public space, such as in a large room. Coming in closer is our social space, such as talking with a group of friends. The next inward space is our personal space, which is usually within arms’ reach of us. This space is usually on reserve for ‘invitation-only’, meaning we do not like for people to be in our personal space unless we initiate it and welcome them over. In social situations, this can be a hard thing to maintain. The key is to refrain from being rude to someone who may have encroached on your space. If this person is too close, take a few steps to the side instead of backwards, which creates subtle distance and doesn’t appear as though you are backing away. If you must leave a group of people, or even just one, that are too close, always excuse yourself politely and move to an open area. If possible, take a few steps around the room every so often, which keeps you mobile and doesn’t allow for crowding. Remember, this is the time to be adaptable, so you may need to be flexible with your surroundings to feel more at ease.Tips for keeping your personal space personal:• Excuse yourself politely when leaving a group• Step to the side a step or two to create subtle distance• Walk often or roam about the area – if possible• Opt for a handshake when greeting people – it allows for the other person to stay at arm’s length• Be aware of cultural differences in personal space
Andrew was working with a group of coworkers that was developing a new project. Many of them worked on different shifts, so it was hard for them to keep their schedules together. Right away Andrew noticed many of them displayed very different social cues, such as being very aggressive and some were more nonverbal. As he reviewed the situation, he realized that if he was going to work well with the group, he would need to adapt some of his habits and attitudes. So Andrew made sure he kept his mind open and made himself flexible in order to get the project finished. He stayed out of everyone’s personal space, but was available when needed. At the end of the project, Andrew reflected back on his experience and noted that even though it helped him learn new social cues, it was not something he thought he could get used to.
Body language is a form of language that relies on body movements as gestures. It accounts for over 90% of the language we use in society – the other 10% consisting of actual words or phrases. It can provide cues and hints about how the other person is feeling and thinking. Learning to read body language is an important lesson to know since people may not always simply say what is on their mind, but will definitely show it in their movements.
Unless the room is covered in mirrors, we may not always be aware of the body language we are displaying to people around us. Since the majority of body language is nonverbal, we cannot always control what we show and what we are ‘saying’, so we must learn to be aware of our own movements and gestures to prevent any miscommunications. Some tips to try out on your own are to look at yourself in a reflective surface, such as a mirror or a piece of glass, and practice saying things from a conversation. Do you show any signs of body language – and what are they? When in the room, listen to what other people are saying when they talk to you. Don’t put up defense barriers and block them out. Look at the way they act or behave when they are around you or speak directly to you. Their body language can often let you know how you are coming across and let you know what you may be putting out into the room, even if you are not aware of it.
When we rely on our words alone and open our mouths to let them out, we can accidentally let fly all sorts of meanings and phrases that were never meant to come out. Linguistic tools such as tone, emphasis, and even pitch can make even the simplest or nicest phrase come out very wrong. When we speak, the emphasis on certain words comes naturally, which can seem off-putting to others and can lead to a confused message. It can often lead them to question if that is what you meant to say or if you just didn’t know what you were trying to say to begin with.Practice saying the following phrase with tone and emphasis on a different word each time:• “I’d like to help you work on your presentations.”• “I’d like to help you work on your presentations.”• “I’d like to help you work on your presentations.”Do you hear the different messages that the same phrase can have with different words stressed and tones implied? The words we say only make up half of our message – the rest is in how you say it.
Our body language can be like a traffic light to the people around us. Open body language can signal a green light for people to approach you and engage in conversations with you. However, closed body language can signal a red light and make people want to keep their distance from you while they can. Open body language includes gestures such as having open hands and palms, making eye contact, and reaching out to greet someone. This can also you seem more persuasive when speaking with other people and gain their trust. Closed body language such as crossing the arms, turning the head away and constantly fidgeting are much less inviting, and will not get other people to come around. This kind of body language can make you seem defensive and withholding from those around you. If you wish to communicate well with others, it is important to realize how to use (and not use) your body to speak out.Example of open body language: Examples of closed body language:• Feet facing forward Looking away or around the room• Smiling face Crossing the arms or legs• Open palms Turning your body away• Making eye contact Rolling the eyes or blinking excessively
Effective communication is key in any situation. When you communicate with others, you want it to be a powerful message that they will take away with them when you part ways. No one wants their message to come across as week and easily forgotten. Before you even begin to form words, think about what you want to say, and how you want your message to come across. Make notes of any wrongful tones or emphasis might be used and prevent it. When you are done speaking, listen to what the other person has to say and show signs of active listening, such as nodding your head or asking follow up questions. Turn your body to the other person and give them your full attention during the session. As always, remove any distractions that can incur the wrong body language, such as checking a ringing phone or being distracted while checking emails.Tips for communicating with power:• Think before you speak• Be an active listener• Watch for verbal and nonverbal cues• Be aware of your body language
“Crimson Tide”
Rapport is used in the business world to build professional relationships and networks. It helps gain confidence and trust in other people and makes them feel more at ease. When in social situations, this can include simple techniques such as mirroring and sharing common interests. Building rapport early on can help you be successful later in business and create less awkward moments in social situations.
Building rapport is about standing out and standing above others around you to make connections and networks with various people. While this can seem like an aggressive gesture, it is actually just the opposite. Taking the high road is being humble and putting others before yourself. Don’t treat the situation like a competition, but rather more of a showcase. Show others that you can be a great listener as well as a contributor to a team or group. While others are scrambling around you to show off their talents and skills to come out as the ‘top dog’, take the road less taken and have a lower profile to display. Offer your input and take interest in what the other person is saying. By showing you can stand out over the others without trying to crush them shows that you can display great skills without having to put others down in the process, which benefits the entire group. Remember, building rapport is about building connections- not destroying them.
When you want to build rapport with another person, or group, the key element is to actually take yourself out of the equation. Although you have things to say and contribute, spend more time listening to what they have to say and ask follow up questions to expand on their ideas. Yes, you know you have great opinions and ideas and want to share them with the world, but this is not the time. Building rapport requires you to develop an honest interest in another party besides yourself. Become interested in the people around you and what they do and stand for. When people feel that you care about their lives and what they do, they are more inclined to open up and share more, opening the gates to build stronger connections and longer relationships. Key points to remember:• Be an active listener• Show interest in their ideas and thoughts• Ask for follow up information• Offer opinions as needed, but focus on them
When we meet new people, sometimes the names or faces can become a blur. Most people are great at remembering one or the other, but rarely both. But rapport depends on being able to recall a person at a later time over many encounters. One of the main reasons we forget a person’s name or face is because we are not truly listening or paying attention when we are being introduced. Don’t be nervous and put your mind at ease so that you can easily register the person’s face and hearing their name with it. When you look at the person, look for any features that stand out, such as hair color, facial features, scars or even the use of makeup. Remembering a key characteristic while fully listening to their name will help keep them associated in your brain to retrieve at a later date when needed.Tips to remember name and faces:• Say their name immediately after hearing it• Don’t be afraid to ask them to repeat their name• Associate a gesture with their greeting, such as a handshake or smile• Remember distinct features
You cannot expect to get anywhere with people if you do not know more about them and form a connection with them. One of the best ways to start building this connection is to ask good questions that allow them to share their pearls of wisdom and what they have come to know over time. In turn, they will usually ask for your opinions or thoughts after they have shared, pulling you into to create a network of ideas. The key is asking questions about them and their company, which gives them plenty of area to talk about themselves. Ask open-ended questions that pertain to what they do or don’t like about their area and what kind of advice they would offer newcomers. Try to avoid simple yes or no questions, or questions that can make you seem as though you are encroaching on their territory. You’re trying to build a bridge between people, not burning it behind you.Sample questions to ask:• “What do you enjoy most about ______________?”• “What kind of advice would you offer someone like me?”• “What are some of your accomplishments with the company?”• “What is one thing you would want everyone to know about your business?”
Ellen was a new employee to a group of marketers. She was fairly shy to speak with them, but wanted to build rapport and gain associates while she was here. To begin with, as she met each one of her coworkers, she made an effort to remember their names and faces for future reference. She made sure she let them know she was available to help when needed and could help out with different tasks. While Ellen still remembered to do her share of the work, she tried to think more about her coworkers and focused less on herself so that she could get to know everyone better. When she did get a chance to speak with them, she always asked in depth questions and asked for their advice. Over time, Ellen had built a great rapport with this group of coworkers and felt like she had built a great network with them as well.
