Understanding Domestic Violence
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This document provides information about domestic violence, including definitions, statistics, dynamics of abusive relationships, and resources for victims. It defines domestic violence and terms used, outlines crimes of domestic violence under Maine law. It shares statistics on the prevalence of domestic violence in the US and discusses common characteristics of abusive behaviors and relationships. The document also summarizes models for understanding abuse, such as the Duluth and cycles of abuse models, and recommends actions people can take to address domestic violence.
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Understanding Domestic Violence
- 1. Presented by Theresa Arita, MS, LCPC-c
- 2. DV Terms Domestic violence or DV = abuse occurring in a co-habiting (intimate) relationship Abusers = Batterers = Offenders = Perpetrators Victims can become SURVIVORS & THRIVERS The terms “battering” and “abuse” refer to a pattern of actions used to intentionally control or dominate another person. • It may be done once or repeatedly. • It may be expressed by physical, sexual, emotional/ mental, verbal, or other types of harm. • Physical and sexual abuse are crimes.
- 3. Crimes of DV in Maine – Class D • domestic violence assault • domestic violence criminal threatening • domestic violence terrorizing • domestic violence stalking • domestic violence reckless conduct Domestic Abuse & The Law Protection from Abuse & Protection from Harassment Court Orders are available to DV victims. The local DV victim advocacy agency, Safe Voices, can provide assistance with obtaining these Orders.
- 4. 10,000,000 men & women of all Violent CrimeDomestic Violence = 15% Every minute 20 adults are abused in the U.S. which equals per year. Every 15 seconds an American woman is beaten by her partner/ husband (Remember, men are also abused-we just don’t have as many reports) Domestic Abuse Statistics
- 5. • 1 in 5 women and 1 in 71 men has been raped in their lifetime; nearly 50% of the women were raped by their partners. • 1 in 7 women and 1 in 18 men have been stalked by an intimate partner during their lifetime & believing that they or someone close to them would be harmed or killed. • 1 in 4 women and 1 in 14 men have been victims of some form of physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime. • 1 in 15 children are exposed to intimate partner violence each year, and 90% of these children are eyewitnesses to this violence.
- 6. Cycle of Abuse and/or Addiction
- 7. Ϟ Ϟ Ϟ Ϟ Abuser is Aggressive Victim is Tense & Uncertain promises, denial, & insincere apologies by abuser shame and guilt for victim Lenore E. Walker’s Phases of Abuse Model
- 8. • Past violent relationships or PFAs against them • Drug use, alcohol use, and/or criminal background • Uncontrolled anger • Lying about or denying facts • Blaming, minimizing, or justifying abusive behaviors • Not taking responsibility for harm caused • Using children against the victim • Expressing jealousy leading to controlling, intimidating, or isolating victim • Using charm and false promises then changing once victim is dependent Red Flags of Abusive Behavior
- 9. FIVE PERSONAS OF A PERPETRATOR ROMANTIC This is the sweet, heroic, sensitive guy or gal– until they show their true colors behind closed doors. GETTING COUNSELING This is the “self-aware “ person who is getting help but lies about the past and denies the harm done in the present. CLEAN & SOBER This is the man or woman who has cleaned up their act long enough to convince a victim to be an enabler. SUPER PARENT This is the person who is great with kids – until they get in the way, ask too much or see through the falseness of his or her love. REVIVAL-IZED This charismatic person knows all the right talk to get you under their control, using religion as an excuse to abuse.
- 11. Abuse victims enjoy these relationships, that’s why they don’t leave. NOT TRUE. Perhaps the most demeaning and pervasive myth perpetrated about abused people is that they like being treated this way. There are many reasons a victim may not leave a battering relationship – but it is NOT because they enjoy it. DV victims on average attempt to leave 7 times before being able to escape the abuser and start a new life. *A Look At Stockholm Syndrome* Myth-Busting All abusers are men; all victims are women and children. NOT TRUE. A small percentage of REPORTED domestic violence acts are against men. The numbers may be higher than what’s reported because of the stigma against men accepting they can be victimized too.
- 12. Stockholm Syndrome • Named for the 1973 Stockholm, Sweden incident where victims of a bank robbery bonded with the thieves. They even stood up for the robbers’ rights later on at prosecution. • Victim believes his or her abuser is also a caretaker or hero. • Victim can’t separate the abuser’s cruelty from his or her on-going professions of love and need towards the victim. • Simple acts of kindness – such as giving the victim a meal after starving her or taking him for a ride after keeping him isolated - may cause the victim to hope that the abuser has changed for the better. • Seeing the good in the abuser becomes a type of defense for the victim’s ego and a mental accommodation to the situation which can, in fact, help the victim survive – although it makes psychological separation and recovery for the victim more of a challenge.
- 13. The Duluth Model 1980s, Duluth, MN Information “wheels” as educational resources Remove blame from victims Place accountability for abuse on offenders Improve community agencies’ responses to abuse
- 14. Relationships Based on Abuse
- 15. Relationships Based on Respect
- 16. Speak sensitively with people you think are being abused or are abusive, & offer to help. Contact local DV advocacy agencies for more information, to volunteer, or to get training. Learn more about DV & have an opinion based on facts, not myths or prejudice. And get help if you are being abused, or are abusive. Useful phone numbers are provided on your handout. What YOU Can Do
- 17. https://www.youtube.com/embed/2WnZCLqL8TA If you are interested, please view this video about Maine DV victims: Inside Domestic Violence- Power and Control
- 18. This presentation was provided by: • Theresa L. Arita, M.S.. She can be reached at theresa.arita@maine.edu or 207-777-3070. Please feel free to pass the information from this presentation on to others, as long as you include the title page and this page. Contact Theresa Arita (Theresa.Arita@maine.edu) with any questions or concerns. Any informational errors included in this presentation are the sole responsibility of the workshop leader.
- 19. PHONE NUMBERS FOR MENTAL HEALTH IN MAINE For Maine Relay/Deaf Services, dial 711 To Connect with Maine’s Community Resources – Free call dial 211 - Out of state call (877)463-6207 * Providing information on local resources. Suicide Prevention Crisis Hotline 1-888-568-1112 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) Maine Statewide Crisis Line 1-888-568-1112 * Call the crisis hotline to connect to the nearest services if you are concerned about yourself or someone else. Maine DHHS Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-452-1999 * The State of Maine's child abuse hotline is staffed 24 hours a day. Maine DHHS Elder Abuse Hotline 1-800-624-8404 * The Office of Elder Services provides or arranges for services to protect incapacitated and dependent adults (age 18 and over) in danger of abuse, neglect or exploitation. Calls may be made anonymously. Maine Sexual Assault Support Crisis Line 1-800-871-7741 * A 24-hour statewide sexual assault crisis and support line providing confidential services free of charge. Maine Domestic Violence Hotline 1-866-834-4357 * Statewide Domestic Violence Helpline. Information, crisis counseling, emotional support and advocacy. Tri-County’s Safe Voices domestic violence hotline 1-800-559-2927 *Serving the counties of Androscoggin, Oxford and Franklin. Maine’s Sweetser’s Intentional Warm Line: 1-866-771-9276 24 hours a day *Free, confidential, peer-to-peer support line for mental health, for adults aged 18 and over. Maine Warm Line 1-866-771-9276 * Free, confidential, peer-to-peer support line for mental health.
- 20. Resources Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft (2003) The Domestic Violence Sourcebook by Dawn Berry (2000) The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to recognize it and how to respond by Patricia Evans (2010) Keeping the Faith: Guidance for Christian Women Facing Abuse by Marie M. Fortune (1995) Recovering from Rape by Linda E. Ledray (1994) Getting Free: You can End Abuse and Take Back Your Life by Ginny NiCarthy (2004) The Thriver Workbook: Journey from Victim to Survivor to Thriver! By Susan M. Omilian (2010) Maine Agencies’ Web Sites: http://www.sarsonline.org for the Maine Sexual Assault Response Team http://www.mcedv.org for the Maine Coalition to End Domestic Violence Duluth Training Web Site: http://www.theduluthmodel.org/training/wheels.html for the “wheel” model pages from Duluth’s Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs
Notes de l'éditeur
- I want to welcome each of you to this presentation about domestic violence and what you can do to help.
- The term “abuse” can be overused and taken out of context, but in our work, Domestic Violence itself refers to abuse that occurs within an intimate relationship between people who live together. That’s a wide range, and might involve a married or unmarried couple, an adult and child, a caregiver and their patient, elderly parents and their adult child – any race, ages, orientation or lifestyle. If they are co-habiting, and one has power over and abuses another, it can be called a DV relationship. Some terms for the abuser are batterer, offender, and perpetrator. I have also used the term predator when talking about the ways abusers seek out victims. The DV movement came up with the term “survivor” to help women move from a victim role in these relationships. Further DV work done with survivors is aimed at helping them grow beyond that identity into being a “thriver.” For our purposes, battering, abuse and DV refer to patterns of intentional control and domination by one person over another.
- Some forms of domestic violence are against the law. Here in Maine there are 5 types of illegal acts of domestic abuse, as you can see. These can become Class C crimes under certain situations. One of the first steps a victim of abuse can take to be safe is to get a PFA or Protection from Abuse order from the Court. This allows for immediate apprehension by police of an abuser who attempts to violate the Order’s terms. Not all abuse victims want to use a PFA, for a variety of reasons, but it can help them to just to talk about it with a court advocate so they know their options.
- The numbers vary per different studies, but here are a few basic statistics for 2015. In the U.S., every minute 20 adults are abused by their partners. That adds up to 10 million abused adults a year! It’s estimated that every 15 seconds a woman is beaten in the US by her husband or partner. Remember, men are also abused by their partners/spouses, we just don’t have as many reports of it. Domestic abuse accounted for 15% of all violent crime in the US in 2014.
- Let’s consider the numbers shown in this slide. Intimate partner violence happens to 1 in 4 women and 1 in 14 men in their lifetime. Rape happens to 1 in 5 women and 1 in 71 men. Stalking, such that people are afraid of being hurt or even killed, happens to 1 in 7 women and 1 in 18 men. Exposure to domestic violence happens to 1 in every 15 children. So, let’s say we have a gathering of 300 adults at a concert, for example – By these statistics, if my math is right, probably 100 of the women and 75 of the men will have experienced physical violence from their partner at some point. 60 of the women will probably have been raped, with 30 of those by their partners; 43 women will probably have been stalked by their partner to the point of fearing harm or death for themselves or someone close to them. If we have another 150 children at the concert – like at the Balloon Festival, for instance- possibly 10 of them will have witnessed abuse and violence in their homes. That’s 280 probable experiences of abuse or exposure to it, in a congregation of just 450 - some involving the same people repeatedly!
- One model for understanding the cycle of abuse as it relates to addiction is shown here. First, realize that abuse is a family disease – it affects everyone in the abuser’s life, and not just the family. Co-workers, neighbors, and others know about and are affected by the abuser. If they abuse one person, they are also abusing others, just in different ways. As with any addiction, there is usually a ritualized behavior that starts the cycle. For an alcoholic, it might be Friday at the bar to wind with friends starting them on a weekend binge. For a gambler, it might be the yearly trip to Las Vegas. For an abuser, it might be the expectations about coming home after work, only to find his wife is out shopping, or the kids are screaming, or he lost his job. He has a fantasy that things will be better than they are – his wife will be loving, the kids will be quiet, his job will be great. When life doesn’t meet his demands, an abuser acts out in violence – throwing things, shouting, hitting people: the act of abuse or addiction. A crisis occurs and there is some form of regret or remorse after. THIS is the point when intervention could make a life-changing difference. If no change is made, the abuser, and their family perhaps, will go into denial, blame and justification. Eventually the abuser believes they need and deserve their ritual, from fantasy to acting out in violence, and the cycle starts again.
- Lenore Walker developed this model through her research in the 1970’s with victims of battering. These were common phases that victims experienced in a cyclical manner. From the calm before the storm (or after in many cases) to the building of tension between abuser and victim, to the violent incident, to a reconciliation phase, domestic violence often includes this unending, destructive cycle. If you see or experience such a cycle, please realize it may indicate domestic violence is at work in the relationship.
- These are behaviors to look out for that may indicate someone is or was an abuser.
- The behaviors listed here can be legitimate and decent ways to act in relationships. But abusers are master manipulators, and know that people can be pulled in by these personas, so they use them to lure in victims. They may be men or women; these tactics are not restricted by gender or sexual orientation. Some common approaches abusers use are: The romantic, “hearts and flowers” approach. The person who is “getting help.” The person who got sober or stopped using drugs and has “really changed.” The superdad or supermom, who seems like he’d be a great father or mother – until things don’t go their way. The one who “got saved” and then uses religion to oppress and abuse. But it is important to realize that abuse perpetrators know how to play the game so they appear just like these good people, using these behaviors to prey upon vulnerable women and men. Next screen: BEFORE WE GO ON, LET’S TAKE A BRIEF BREAK, BACK IN 7-8 MINUTES.
- Now Let’s look at two myths surrounding domestic violence awareness and Stockholm Syndrome, a common result of domestic violence experiences. We must be careful about not perpetuating the first myth. Abuse is not always a gender-issue; men and boys are victims of abuse also. The second myth assumes that victims stay around abusers because they get a thrill from it. This is a particularly callous and destructive assumption, but many victims internalize this view and feel trapped by it. In fact, there are many obstacles to an abuse victim, male or female, leaving an abuser. Even with self-esteem, knowledge of outside support, and opportunities to escape, abuse victims try to leave an average of 7 times before they can get away from their abusers. Understandably, economic factors usually come into play. Victims may wonder if there is there enough money to leave, or a safe place to go to, and how they can support themselves afterwards. There are continuing safety concerns. Victims ask themselves, what if he follows me? What if she lies about what really happened and no one believes me? What if he gets a gun and retaliates? For many victims, there are physical or mental challenges, such as disabilities or mental health problems that prohibit escape. Victims might think, how can I handle the stress or afford the insurance on my own? Then there is the phenomenon called the Stockholm Syndrome.
- Stockholm Syndrome is the name of a mental state that some victims of abuse develop wherein they see the abuser as an ally.
- In the 1980’s a Duluth, Minnesota agency that helped abused women and children developed a model that has been used world-wide to help people understand domestic violence. We’ll look at two of these “wheels” today. DV agencies strive to educate society so the stigma that blames victims for their abuse is removed, so people will reject prejudices and become better informed, and so offenders are held accountable for their cruelty and crimes.
- This wheel is an excellent framework for understanding domestic violence and any relationship based no abuse – from those at home to those in our jobs, our friendships, or even at church. THERESA TO USE OTHER BRIEF NOTES for 1-8 of wheel discussion. (This usually opens up people’s eyes to the seriousness of domestic abuse).
- This model for non-violent relationships was created by the Duluth project, to facilitate discussions about healthy relationships, in contrast with their well-known Power & Control wheel model, which we will look at later. As you can see, most areas of an intimate relationship are covered here in some form. The “equality” factor is based on the principal of “respect,” which is a vital foundation stone for any healthy relationship. In an abusive relationship, however, elements in each slice of this pie start to dissolve. The abuser acts out of selfishness and cruelty, not respect, and any sense of equality is lost.
- I hope you haven’t been discouraged by this presentation, despite the grim insights, but instead feel motivated to reach out with courage and love to help people in domestic violence situations. There is a lot that you can do, as an individual and as part of social organizations, to end domestic abuse and help people who’ve been harmed by it. This list shows a few things, and the following slides, also in your hand-out, have more information. The mental health contact list for Maine agencies may be useful, as well as the resources and the Maine-made DV video clip from Youtube. My hope is that you will not only use this information to improve your own relationships but also reach out in personal service to help and inform others.
- This video, made by Mainers, is also very informative and encouraging.
- Finally, let me just thank you all again for allowing me to present this information. I will remain behind awhile to discuss this further with you, and feel free to contact me at any time about this topic.
- Books and web pages I’ve reviewed/used