1. Chapter One
The ‘L’ Word
96 Words For Love
Chapter Two
The Meeting
The Battle of the Fantasy’s
I’m Going Out With an Idiot!
Chapter Three
What Makes A Marriage Work?
Chapter Four
When It All Goes Wrong
How Dare She Do That To Me!
Jealousy
Possessiveness and Controlling Behavior
Violence
Trauma
When Love Isn’t Enough
We all Need Therapy
Dealing with Depression
Sexual Problems
Sexual Guilt
Infidelity or Affairs

2. Chapter Five
The Split
I Can’t Live Without You
He’s Not Really That into You
When He Won’t Leave You Alone (Obsessive/Compulsive Behavior)
How To Stop An Obsessive Lover or Stalkers
Chapter Six
For Men
The ‘Bag of Tricks’
Listen and Be Patient
What Do Men Do Now?
Chapter Seven
For Women
What Do Women Need To Do?
The Man in His Cave
Dress to Attract the Right Guy
Chapter Eight
How To Heal It
The Cushion Exercise
Anger Management

3. Be an Island and Solo Mums
Co-Dependency
Heal Your Inner Child
‘I’ Statements
Vulnerability Equals Strength
Criticism and Judgements
The Formative Years
Chapter Nine
Some Tips
How to ‘Order’ Your Partner
How to Contact Your Spirit Guide
Ways To Meet Your Soulmate
Dating Sites
The ‘Heavenly Plan’
Secrets about the Star Signs
Astrological ‘Traps’
Recommended Reading
Chapter Five
The Split
I Can’t Live Without You
When you’re young it’s common to think that you will never meet anyone as amazing
again as your first love. It’s not until later that you realize there are others out there
who have this same potential. It’s so easy to become attached to the one you love. I
believe this energy is available all the time as I have experienced the same energy
during meditation. Love is a universal energy that always exists in the ether if you
know how to tap into it. When we love someone we open up to them. The special
energy between people will create a doorway that channels this universal

4. love…that’s my belief. I read once that we become too attached to the doorway or
person. This is understandable of course. But there are other reasons why it hurts
when you split. You have opened up to that person and trusted them. They became
your confidante, who you could tell your deepest fear and worries to safely without
any fear of ridicule. If the physical communion between you was good you will have
developed a psychic bond. It’s like you are attached with an invisible cord between
you. Your auras have blended, especially if you sleep close and have good sex.
Then it will feel as if part of you has been cut off. This invisible cord can be so strong
that you can feel when your mate is in danger or in distress.
It’s hard to break a psychic cord attachment like this. It’s worse if your ex has cut off
all contact. One exercise is to imagine this cord in your mind and then picture it being
severed. You could try thinking of things you don’t like about that person. This can
help, but really at the end of the day it’s probably better to accept what has
happened. Thank them for the journey and learning you have shared together. Wish
them happiness and a good life and then focus on yourself. It will take time. Anger
won’t help. If you are angry at someone it is you who is suffering. Forgive them and
let the situation go so you can move on.
There are other fish in the sea. You were meant to learn something from what you
have gone through, so think deeply about this. It may take quite a while until you can
find out what it was you learnt. There will be someone out there for you, and they will
treat you with the love and respect you deserve. And if you want to meet this person,
you will also need to start treating yourself with love and respect. Being needy and
jumping straight into another relationship isn’t the best idea. It may feel like a good
solution. But I have seen one of my ex’s do this. She cut off from talking completely,
so I had to go cold turkey and force myself to forget about her. Six months later she
started to go through her own grief process from our split. She had just delayed it.
He’s Not Really That into You
Men are more drawn by physical attraction than women I think. And men may go out
with a woman simply because they have lust for her, not love. How can you tell?
Watch the things he does for you. Does he really care about you? I have a favorite
saying … “Love is action” This means that if someone loves you they will do things
for you. It may only be little things like making your lunch. But to me (a fire sign)
actions speak louder than words. It’s too easy to say you love someone, but all
words, no matter how genuine are just promises made in the moment. Five minutes
later they may feel different. That’s why a person’s actions will show you the truth n
the long run. Be especially wary if you are going out with someone who has an
alcohol problem or is or has been a hard drug addict. It’s my experience that drug
addicts especially have the ability to look you in the eye and lie to your face. Possible
a habit they developed to obtain their drugs, and these people will have charm to
spare. Be wary of this and learn to say no to them, they are used to getting what they
want. I’m very wary of alcoholics and I don’t think I’ve ever met a single one so far
who either wasn’t violent or deceitful in some way. I don’t like their energy. Alcoholics
and addicts can also attract bad spirits when they are drunk. All the lost souls who
died this way and haven’t moved on love to attach themselves to these people and
whisper mischievous things in their ear. I’m not kidding here – this is real. A friend of

5. mine who was a nurse in an alcoholics ward was also adamant about this.
Sometimes it will be like they have become a different person. These people are
very damaged and need healing. This will only happen if they straighten up, learn to
be more in touch with themselves and work through their tangled and suppressed
emotions. These people, more than any others need personal growth work. When
you are with a partner you are taking on a lot of their problems. Your aura will start to
blend with theirs and you will start to carry a part of them with you. So think seriously
about the type of person you connect with on a deep physical and emotional level.
When He Won’t Leave You Alone (Obsessive / Compulsive Behaviour)
I remember seeing a slogan on a city cafes blackboard - “The next time you’re
stalking your ex on Facebook, Like us” Ha ha. Who hasn’t kept an eye on what their
ex has been up to on Facebook? Oh the perils of modern media. There used to be a
day when your ex left and you just had to go cold turkey and deal with it. Now with e
mail and Facebook I think the cut-off point in relationships has become harder.
But I’ve noticed that some people have a harder time letting go than others. Actually
that’s not quite true – they don’t have a hard time because they don’t let go at all!
Both the men I’m thinking of are bi-polar. One had a relationship with his counsellor.
She had split with her ex-husband but they decided to get back together. My friend
affirmed to her that he accepted this. But I could see he hadn’t. He would follow two
steps behind her whenever she was around. I questioned him about this but he
assured me he had let her go. He hadn’t and a few weeks later he had an episode.
When I talked to him two months after this I could see he hadn’t admitted what had
happened or moved on. He eventually did and is now at a point where he can help
others.
The other man I know left half hour messages on his ex’s answer phone and would
come to her house at two am leaving a rose on her doorstep and once he tried to
open and climb through a window. When he flatted with me I became so concerned
that he hadn’t let her go and may have been about to have an episode that I actually
phoned his ex and asked her to come over and affirm to him (again) that she did
want to end the relationship and move on. That’s the only time in my life I’ve ever
made an action on someone else’s relationship, as my rule is not to interfere and let
them sort it out. But I thought the situation could be building to a climax which I didn’t
want in my house. She was very good about it and came round. They sat on the
front deck for an hour and I overheard a few snippets of their conversation. She
made it very plain to him that she didn’t want anything more to do with him and
communicated it in a very clear and well-spoken way. I was impressed.
But this turned to dismay when my friend walked back inside after she had left and
said “Guess what? She said she still loves me!” Oh dear. The situation did end but in
a surprising way. My friend had been getting a hard time from his ex, and one night a
beautiful woman turned up in the communal meeting house. She really did a good
job at lifting my friend’s mood and I felt she had been brought to him for this purpose.
Later that night she jumped into his bed. In the morning my friend expressed his guilt
and vowed how he was going to tell his ex about what happened because he had to
tell the truth. I tried to tell him that I believed what happened to him was a gift from

6. the universe so to speak and that if he told his ex he was being selfish because he
was only doing it to appease his own feelings of guilt, not to benefit her.
Well that was definitely the end of their interaction and this led to some long custody
battles. You will be happy to know that my friend did indeed find a woman who he
had a lot in common with and they are happy together.
Both these situations showed me how some people just can’t let go. My friend had a
habit of fixating on women. I thought the woman in the previous story gave my friend
a very clear message that it was over, but he chose not to hear it. Perhaps she made
other mistakes, maybe talked to him too often on the phone, thinking that he was
healthy enough to be able to have these talks. Maybe it was too soon. Maybe my
friend just felt an astrological energy that was pulling him too strongly, or their sex
was too powerful a drug to give up. It often seems to be the case that one partner is
ready to leave but the other isn’t. Ideally, people would end their coupling with
mutual agreement and respect. I have often had evolved partners who have thanked
me for the time we have spent together and the lessons they learned. I guess I was
smart enough to go out with some skilled women who were usually smarter than me
and I’ve picked up a few things along the way.
What Causes Obsessive / Compulsive Behaviour?
The goal of parents is to provide their children with love and give them the skills and
confidence to eventually leave home and seek out their own lives. This separation is
a major step in any person’s life and sometimes this transition can be made difficult
by events such as the death, illness or even divorce of a parent, especially the
mother. Violence or an unhealthy family situation can make a child feel rejected or
shut out. When an obsessive lover is pounding on your door, it is this same child
who is still seeking the holy grail of love from their parents. They believe that behind
the door lies their only possible antidote to their despair, loneliness and
abandonment – you!
The deep feelings conjured up by the thought that you may be the solution to
connecting with their long lost love from their parents will make the obsessive
compulsive person feel more alive and the world will become insignificant as they
focus their attention on their intended lover. As you can see this is a highly
emotionally fuelled situation if you are the recipient of an obsessive compulsive
lover.
How to stop an Obsessive / Compulsive Lover or Stalker
If your partner is not letting go you will need to cut off as many ties as you can. This
can be difficult if you have a child together. But it may only need to be temporary. I
was sometime dismayed when I saw this woman talking to my friend. She was being
mature about their split. But I wanted to warn her and say “Don’t do that! You don’t
realize what its doing to him” as I had to listen to him later and it was obvious he
hadn’t let her go at all.

7. This may be an extreme case. Where even when you emphatically tell the person its
over, they seem completely unable to hear it. As they are continually looking for the
smallest sign that you may still love them. Which of course you still do, but perhaps
not in the same way they are thinking. Showing denial and a lack of respect for
boundaries are two signs that your ex is experiencing very unhealthy behavior
Things you can do to prevent them stalking you:
Change your cellphone number
Make sure you get back your house key
Defriend and block them on Facebook
Ignore them completely. Remember – they are always looking for
signs that you still love them
If you feel threatened, talk to the police and your friends.
Start to keep a diary of any interactions you have with them
Tell your neighbors about it if you trust them
Tell your friends not to invite you both to social gatherings
Don’t hesitate in getting a restraining order in place
Hang up on phone calls and even change your number
Return their letters unopened
Return unsolicited gifts
Don’t open the door if they make an unexpected visit
Its also very important for you to remember that you are OKAY. You aren’t the one
that caused all this crazy behavior. You aren’t to blame. People who can’t let go
have real problems and this is just how they behave.