Anger just doesn’t work
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How to overcome attitudinal barriers to employment
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Anger just doesn’t work
- 1. When negative attitudes are a barrier to securing and maintaining employment Julie Christiansen, President, Levera ge U
- 3. How your client could not see that his/her anger or attitude is a barrier to securing and maintaining employment? What you can do to help your clients realize that anger just doesn’t work?
- 4. Empower career development practitioners with tools to deal with negative attitude and anger Counselling strategies for angry clients who “blame, shame, and complain” Practical, proven methods to help “angry” or reluctant clients take responsibility and become more self-directed Simple coaching skills to move clients towards being employment ready
- 6. Anger is a behavior (e.g. things people do) Anger is dangerous It is easy to spot an angry person Angry people are always violent Being aggressive is the only way to deal with anger People who are passive are never angry Anger is something that can and should be controlled Going through anger management is the best way to get rid of anger Assertive people are just afraid to show they are angry Anger, fear, and stress all show up in the body the same way
- 11. E+R=O Event + Response = Outcome “It is not your conditions but your decisions that determine your outcomes.” ~ Tony Robbins
- 12. Power Questions Pre-suppose a positive outcome E.g. “How can you make dealing with difficult customers a rewarding experience for both you AND the customer?”
- 16. THINK What is happening? What does it mean? SAY I feel… because… I want – need – think How do I feel about it? What outcome do I want? ASK Can you understand where I’m coming from? How can we work this out together?
Notes de l'éditeur
- This is really just talking about myths and realities of anger – anger is not always what you SEE – people internalize anger – others externalize it. Get the room to experiment with this.Establish that anger is not BEHAVIOUR – it is EMOTION. Some people use aggressive behaviours to manipulate or get their own way – it is not necessarily anger. Likewise, just because people are smiling or even-tempered doesn’t mean they never feel or express anger.
- Who owns my anger? External locus of control vs. Internal. Can also talk here about internal and external locus of control – with an external locus of control, people tend to do more blaming, shaming and complaining because they are constantly blaming their circumstances on other people or outside circumstances. With an internal locus of control, people tend to have more of a sense that they can determine better outcomes and so they respond differently to “negative” situations.The truth is – NOBODY owns your anger but you. It is an emotion and only belongs to the person experiencing it. Trying to blame your anger on others may feel good in the moment but it isn’t really an authentic way to approach your emotions. When you own it, you are responsible for it. If you’re responsible for it, that means that you can choose how to express and resolve it.
- Just comment on Lloyd Braun’s comment at the end – Serenity Now – Insanity later. He says prior to this clip that saying serenity now only causes you to bottle up the anger, and eventually it will manifest itself. Explain how true this is, and that controlling anger is not healthy. Neither is simply EXPRESSING anger. NEXT SLIDE.
- Two extreme cases:Pierre Lebrun – OC Transpo in 1994Pierre attempted to MANAGE his anger and frustration by bottling it up inside. When he finally decided that was not working, his next response was to swing all the other way across the pendulum and choose violence as a way to EXPRESS his anger. Neither of these options resulted in resolution. LeBrun lost his employment first, and subsequently lost his life along with four other co-workers.Former British Prime Minister Gordon Brown is really good at EXPRESSING his anger. Employees of his reported yelling, pushing, shoving, and angry tirades. This scandal is most likely what ultimately cost him his job. Clearly simply EXPRESSING ANGER did not work for him either.
- If you approach work with a negative or pessimistic attitude, it will reflect itself in the opinions you express and the way you communicate with others at work. That attitude and your opinions will reflect themselves in the choices you make and the responses you choose. Each response you choose will have some sort of outcome. If the outcome is in your mind, positive – that is, it reinforces your opinions, you will continue to think and behave in similar ways. If the outcome is negative, it will only serve to confirm your attitude that things are bad. The solution then is to make a shift in your attitude.
- Just talk about this as it relates to blaming, shaming, and complaining AND the idea of taking responsibility for one’s emotions. Use examples. This should be easy.
- One of the ways we facilitate attitude shifts with Anger Solutions is by asking POWER QUESTIONS. Power questions pre-suppose a positive outcome. In other words they assume that the positive outcome is a given – the questions then are framed in such a way that the person being asked the question has no option but to arrive at that positive outcome. E.g. How can you make dealing with difficult customers a rewarding experience for both you and the customer? Here’s a scenario of a negative situation that might occur in the workplace. Let’s see if we can come up with some POWER QUESTIONS to help us deal with this scenario more positively. Can also explore how the e+r=o equation plays out in this scenario.
- Changing perspective – looking at things from a different point of view often helps to bring about a shift in attitude. We can do this through a number of strategies – Visuals like this…
- … or this. We can also use stories, metaphors of our own experience or the experiences of others to make the point and help people see things differently.
- When people have been fired or quit because of their attitudes or tempers, it might be difficult to get good references. Another challenge is that sometimes they are still angry at their previous employers and may say things that reflect that in their interviews. Ask the audience for participation – what kinds of things do their clients say about past employers? E.g. my boss was a prick; she was a *&@; they didn’t know how to run a business; I told them they were doing it wrong so they fired me; they don’t care about their staff, all they care about is money; blah blahblah. First – the attitude needs to shift. Remember that belief is the basis of action – if the client still has those limiting beliefs about employers, their attitudes and behaviours will not change. Challenge those limiting beliefs. Perhaps you got laid off because the company was bleeding dollars and had no other choice but to shrink their human resources. Maybe trying to boss the boss is a bad idea, and there are other ways to share your opinions and suggest improvements without alienating the decision makers. Once the attitude has shifted, you can move on to other areas:Career exploration – Joanna in the first clip was clearly not a good fit for the job; she knew it, and the boss knew it, but rather than focus on finding a better fit, Joanna just stayed there, getting more and more frustrated until she popped. Help clients find a job they can at LEAST be comfortable in, and at the BEST be something they are truly passionate about.Volunteer – In order to obtain strong references, use volunteering as a proving ground. Demonstrate that “new attitude” and garner some good references to put on your resume. You can do short term volunteer stints with fundraising organizations, help out with events, work at the food bank etc. Practice appropriate responses to those “tricky” questions – What are those tricky questions?Why so many short-term employment items on your resume?Why did you leave your last job?What would your past employer say about you?Others?
- Books are at the printers – DUH! Will take orders if people want them.