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Introductions Cathy Lamar – Director of Counseling    Services Audubon Area Community Services, Inc. Terry Payne – CFO   Audubon Area Community Services, Inc.
FranklinCovey  7 Habits of Highly Effective People 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage
8 Habits of a Successful Marriage Be Proactive Begin With the End in Mind Put First Things First Think Win-Win Listen First, Talk Second Synergize Sharpen the Saw Lift Yourself by Lifting Others
What does a healthy marriage feel like? Safe Accepting Understanding Happiness Mutual Benefit Cooperation
The Benefits of Marriage Lower mortality  Better health  Greater financial well-being  Less suicide  Greater happiness  Less intimate  partner violence
Building a Marriage  Is Like Building a Home The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™ © 2005 FranklinCovey
The 3 C’s of  a Successful Marriage Foundation Framework Roof
The 8 Habits of  A Successful Marriage Unselfish Companionship Effective Communication High-Trust Character
Build a Foundation of  High-Trust Character Habit 1:  Be Proactive The first habit you need to build a foundation of high-trust character is:
Proactive Situation Response Pause  Think Choose Create a space between your response and what is happening to you. Consider the consequences of your actions.
Movie Carry Your Own Weather Stephen Covey
Movie Carry Your Own Weather
Activity Talk about one situation in which you tend to be reactive. How could you pause to take control? What do you think about during the pause? Choose what you will do and why.
Become a Person of  High-Trust Character It is a greater compliment to  be trusted than  to be loved. — GEORGE MACDONALD To build high-trust, practice Habit 1: Be Proactive.
Materials & Schedule Participant Guide Marriage Calendar Presentation Format
Build a Foundation of  High-Trust Character Habit 2:  Begin With the  End in Mind The second habit you need to build a foundation of high-trust character is:
Habit 2:  Begin With the End in Mind Shape your future… What do you want your marriage to stand for?
Marriage Mission Statements Our Marriage Mission: To love each other…to help each other…to believe in each other…to wisely use our time, talents, and resources to bless others… to worship together forever. Our marriage is great—  As equal partners, we want to love, have fun, teach, and learn. We are a great team. A Married Couple’s Motto… It is our belief that the other is never wrong. Rather than blame or accuse, we simply ask the other: “Will you help me understand?” With love and understanding, we will grow our lives together. We circle at the summit. “ No Empty Chairs”  John and Jane Covey
Activity Begin a Marriage Mission Statement How do you want to live, love, learn and leave a legacy together?
Build a Foundation of  High-Trust Character Habit 3:  Put First  Things First The third habit you need to build a foundation of high-trust character is:
Your BIG ROCKS are your values—the things that are most important to you. Your LITTLE ROCKS are  the things that get in the way of being true to your values—your big-rock “barriers”. Habit 3: Put First Things First
Activity Identify the “Big Rocks” Discussion with partner about the importance of “couple time” Planning a partner Power Hour
Build a Framework of  Effective Communication Habit 4:  Think Win-Win The first habit you need to build a framework of effective communication is:
The Four Ways of Thinking WIN-LOSE (Bully) I don’t care about your needs I only care about mine LOSE-WIN (Victim) I’m not important Don’t worry about me LOSE-LOSE (Opponents) If I’m going down, you’re going down  with me. WIN-WIN (Teammates) You and I can work together We are a team! What would be a win  for us?
Habit 4: Think Win-Win ® In relationships,  you both can win.
Activity Thinking about what is a win for you Recognizing what is a win for your partner
Build a Framework of  Effective Communication Habit 5:  Listen First,  Talk Second The second habit you need to build a framework of effective communication is:
How Can You Listen  for Understanding? Make eye contact. Look for and recognize body language. Avoid “door slammers.” Use Talking-Stick communication (Listen First, Talk Second.)
Activity Talking Stick
Build a Framework of  Effective Communication Habit 6:  Synergize The third habit you need to build a framework of effective communication is:
Habit 6: Synergize We can work together. When you and your spouse creatively work  together, you synergize.
The Rules of Synergy RULE 1: Value one another. RULE 2: Recognize strengths.
Activity Think about what you value most in your partner Tell your partner
Build the Protection of  Unselfish Companionship The first habit you need to build the protection of unselfish companionship: Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw
Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw Sharpen the Saw means to take care of you and your marriage.
The Whole Person The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
Activity Decide what we can do as a couple to keep our marriage sharp
Build the Protection of  Unselfish Companionship The first habit you need to build the protection of unselfish companionship: Habit 8:  Lifting Yourself  by Lifting Others
The Elements of Kindness 1. Choose kind words. 2. Speak in a soft tone. 3. Give rather than take.
Kind Words Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echo is truly endless.   —  MOTHER TERESA
Gives and Takes Why do marriages succeed or fail?  Amazingly, we have found that it all comes  down to a simple mathematical formula:  no matter what style your marriage  follows, you must have at least five  times as many positive moments,  ( GIVES) , as negative moments,  (T AKES)  , if your marriage is to be  stable.     —   JOHN GOTTMAN, PH.D.
Activity Identify each others gives and takes
Questions? THANK YOU! Terry Payne Cathy Lamar

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8 Habits Marriage(Overview)

  • 2. Introductions Cathy Lamar – Director of Counseling Services Audubon Area Community Services, Inc. Terry Payne – CFO Audubon Area Community Services, Inc.
  • 3. FranklinCovey 7 Habits of Highly Effective People 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage
  • 4. 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage Be Proactive Begin With the End in Mind Put First Things First Think Win-Win Listen First, Talk Second Synergize Sharpen the Saw Lift Yourself by Lifting Others
  • 5. What does a healthy marriage feel like? Safe Accepting Understanding Happiness Mutual Benefit Cooperation
  • 6. The Benefits of Marriage Lower mortality Better health Greater financial well-being Less suicide Greater happiness Less intimate partner violence
  • 7. Building a Marriage Is Like Building a Home The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™ © 2005 FranklinCovey
  • 8. The 3 C’s of a Successful Marriage Foundation Framework Roof
  • 9. The 8 Habits of A Successful Marriage Unselfish Companionship Effective Communication High-Trust Character
  • 10. Build a Foundation of High-Trust Character Habit 1: Be Proactive The first habit you need to build a foundation of high-trust character is:
  • 11. Proactive Situation Response Pause Think Choose Create a space between your response and what is happening to you. Consider the consequences of your actions.
  • 12. Movie Carry Your Own Weather Stephen Covey
  • 13. Movie Carry Your Own Weather
  • 14. Activity Talk about one situation in which you tend to be reactive. How could you pause to take control? What do you think about during the pause? Choose what you will do and why.
  • 15. Become a Person of High-Trust Character It is a greater compliment to be trusted than to be loved. — GEORGE MACDONALD To build high-trust, practice Habit 1: Be Proactive.
  • 16. Materials & Schedule Participant Guide Marriage Calendar Presentation Format
  • 17. Build a Foundation of High-Trust Character Habit 2: Begin With the End in Mind The second habit you need to build a foundation of high-trust character is:
  • 18. Habit 2: Begin With the End in Mind Shape your future… What do you want your marriage to stand for?
  • 19. Marriage Mission Statements Our Marriage Mission: To love each other…to help each other…to believe in each other…to wisely use our time, talents, and resources to bless others… to worship together forever. Our marriage is great— As equal partners, we want to love, have fun, teach, and learn. We are a great team. A Married Couple’s Motto… It is our belief that the other is never wrong. Rather than blame or accuse, we simply ask the other: “Will you help me understand?” With love and understanding, we will grow our lives together. We circle at the summit. “ No Empty Chairs” John and Jane Covey
  • 20. Activity Begin a Marriage Mission Statement How do you want to live, love, learn and leave a legacy together?
  • 21. Build a Foundation of High-Trust Character Habit 3: Put First Things First The third habit you need to build a foundation of high-trust character is:
  • 22. Your BIG ROCKS are your values—the things that are most important to you. Your LITTLE ROCKS are the things that get in the way of being true to your values—your big-rock “barriers”. Habit 3: Put First Things First
  • 23. Activity Identify the “Big Rocks” Discussion with partner about the importance of “couple time” Planning a partner Power Hour
  • 24. Build a Framework of Effective Communication Habit 4: Think Win-Win The first habit you need to build a framework of effective communication is:
  • 25. The Four Ways of Thinking WIN-LOSE (Bully) I don’t care about your needs I only care about mine LOSE-WIN (Victim) I’m not important Don’t worry about me LOSE-LOSE (Opponents) If I’m going down, you’re going down with me. WIN-WIN (Teammates) You and I can work together We are a team! What would be a win for us?
  • 26. Habit 4: Think Win-Win ® In relationships, you both can win.
  • 27. Activity Thinking about what is a win for you Recognizing what is a win for your partner
  • 28. Build a Framework of Effective Communication Habit 5: Listen First, Talk Second The second habit you need to build a framework of effective communication is:
  • 29. How Can You Listen for Understanding? Make eye contact. Look for and recognize body language. Avoid “door slammers.” Use Talking-Stick communication (Listen First, Talk Second.)
  • 31. Build a Framework of Effective Communication Habit 6: Synergize The third habit you need to build a framework of effective communication is:
  • 32. Habit 6: Synergize We can work together. When you and your spouse creatively work together, you synergize.
  • 33. The Rules of Synergy RULE 1: Value one another. RULE 2: Recognize strengths.
  • 34. Activity Think about what you value most in your partner Tell your partner
  • 35. Build the Protection of Unselfish Companionship The first habit you need to build the protection of unselfish companionship: Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw
  • 36. Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw Sharpen the Saw means to take care of you and your marriage.
  • 37. The Whole Person The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
  • 38. Activity Decide what we can do as a couple to keep our marriage sharp
  • 39. Build the Protection of Unselfish Companionship The first habit you need to build the protection of unselfish companionship: Habit 8: Lifting Yourself by Lifting Others
  • 40. The Elements of Kindness 1. Choose kind words. 2. Speak in a soft tone. 3. Give rather than take.
  • 41. Kind Words Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echo is truly endless. — MOTHER TERESA
  • 42. Gives and Takes Why do marriages succeed or fail? Amazingly, we have found that it all comes down to a simple mathematical formula: no matter what style your marriage follows, you must have at least five times as many positive moments, ( GIVES) , as negative moments, (T AKES) , if your marriage is to be stable. — JOHN GOTTMAN, PH.D.
  • 43. Activity Identify each others gives and takes
  • 44. Questions? THANK YOU! Terry Payne Cathy Lamar