Improving listening skills

1. Basic Listening SkillsBasic Listening Skills
S.A. TrainingS.A. Training
byby
University Counseling ServicesUniversity Counseling Services
Truman State UniversityTruman State University

2. Focus on ListeningFocus on Listening
 Listen to yourself!Listen to yourself!
 Before you can be an effective listener you have toBefore you can be an effective listener you have to
ensure you are ready to listen.ensure you are ready to listen.
 Assess your mental, physical and emotional states.Assess your mental, physical and emotional states.
 Remember you are there to listen!Remember you are there to listen!
 Many times people in crisis need to talk through theirMany times people in crisis need to talk through their
problems, not get advice on how to solve theirproblems, not get advice on how to solve their
problems.problems.
 If you aren’t sure if the person wants you to “just”If you aren’t sure if the person wants you to “just”
listen or give advice ASK them!listen or give advice ASK them!

3. Focus onFocus on
Their ConcernsTheir Concerns
 Focus on the person’s train of thought.Focus on the person’s train of thought.
 Avoid thinking about your response or other non-Avoid thinking about your response or other non-
related things until the person is finished speaking.related things until the person is finished speaking.
 Remove distractions.Remove distractions.
 If there is a distraction (TV, music, someone else inIf there is a distraction (TV, music, someone else in
the room) remove the distraction if possible so youthe room) remove the distraction if possible so you
can focus.can focus.
 If you can’t remove the distraction, schedule a timeIf you can’t remove the distraction, schedule a time
when you can focus on their concerns.when you can focus on their concerns.

4. Silence & Body LanguageSilence & Body Language
 Silence isn’t bad!Silence isn’t bad!
 Don’t always rush to fill in gaps in conversation.Don’t always rush to fill in gaps in conversation.
These gaps can be important for the individual toThese gaps can be important for the individual to
gather their thoughts or express themselvesgather their thoughts or express themselves
emotionally.emotionally.
 Listen with your eyes!Listen with your eyes!
 People communicate information through behaviors inPeople communicate information through behaviors in
addition to what they say.addition to what they say.
 Pay attention to body language to help understandPay attention to body language to help understand
their feelings.their feelings.

5. EmpathyEmpathy
 Refrain from being judgmental.Refrain from being judgmental.
 Empathy doesn’t mean you agree with the person,Empathy doesn’t mean you agree with the person,
just that you have identified and understand how theyjust that you have identified and understand how they
are feeling.are feeling.
 Uncomfortable conversations.Uncomfortable conversations.
 If you have difficulty keeping your beliefs fromIf you have difficulty keeping your beliefs from
interfering with your ability to listen, let the personinterfering with your ability to listen, let the person
know the topic is too sensitive for you.know the topic is too sensitive for you.
 Find someone else that can listen.Find someone else that can listen.

6. Convey You Are ListeningConvey You Are Listening
 Maintain eye contact when it seems appropriate.Maintain eye contact when it seems appropriate.
 Use minimal encouragers such as “Uh huh” andUse minimal encouragers such as “Uh huh” and
“I see” to communicate you are paying attention.“I see” to communicate you are paying attention.
 Paraphrase what the person has said to you andParaphrase what the person has said to you and
ask questions to fill in gaps.ask questions to fill in gaps.
 This will not only help you understand, but help theThis will not only help you understand, but help the
person think through their concerns and express theirperson think through their concerns and express their
emotions more effectively.emotions more effectively.
 Acknowledge that you understand their thoughts asAcknowledge that you understand their thoughts as
well as their feelings.well as their feelings.

7. Problems with CommunicationProblems with Communication
 Identify problems you have understanding theIdentify problems you have understanding the
person.person.
 If something is preventing you fromIf something is preventing you from
understanding their concerns, don’t be afraid tounderstanding their concerns, don’t be afraid to
bring it out in the open.bring it out in the open.
 Use phrases such as “Help me understand” or “TellUse phrases such as “Help me understand” or “Tell
me more”me more”
 If in a confrontational conversation, acknowledgeIf in a confrontational conversation, acknowledge
the difficulty to get past the impasse.the difficulty to get past the impasse.

8. Personal BoundariesPersonal Boundaries
 Setting Personal Boundaries as an SA.Setting Personal Boundaries as an SA.
 Be aware of your own need for boundaries.Be aware of your own need for boundaries.
 Pay attention to situations when you lose energy, feelPay attention to situations when you lose energy, feel
a knot in your stomach, want to cry or become angry.a knot in your stomach, want to cry or become angry.
 These signals are ways your mind and body tellThese signals are ways your mind and body tell
you your personal boundaries have beenyou your personal boundaries have been
crossed.crossed.

9. Boundary Bill of RightsBoundary Bill of Rights
You have the Right :You have the Right :
1.1. to be treated with respectto be treated with respect
2.2. to say NO without feeling guiltyto say NO without feeling guilty
3.3. to make a mistaketo make a mistake
4.4. to ask for what you want and needto ask for what you want and need
5.5. to express your feelings and opinionsto express your feelings and opinions
6.6. to change your mindto change your mind
7.7. to feel good about yourself no matter whatto feel good about yourself no matter what
others sayothers say
8.8. to act in your own best interest as long as youto act in your own best interest as long as you
do not violate others in the processdo not violate others in the process

10. Boundary Bill of RightsBoundary Bill of Rights
You have the Right :You have the Right :
1.1. to be treated with respectto be treated with respect
2.2. to say NO without feeling guiltyto say NO without feeling guilty
3.3. to make a mistaketo make a mistake
4.4. to ask for what you want and needto ask for what you want and need
5.5. to express your feelings and opinionsto express your feelings and opinions
6.6. to change your mindto change your mind
7.7. to feel good about yourself no matter whatto feel good about yourself no matter what
others sayothers say
8.8. to act in your own best interest as long as youto act in your own best interest as long as you
do not violate others in the processdo not violate others in the process