Presentation on Kindness with the Nebraska region of the United Church of Christ and the Disciples of Christ. This was presented remotely February 7-9, 2022, and based on my book, "In Defense of Kindness: Why It Matters, How It Changes Our Lives, and How It Can Save the World" (Chalice Press, 2021)

1. KINDNESS
Self, Stranger, Community, Culture
2022 Nebraska Pastors' Retreat
February 2022

2. ABOUT
BRUCE

3. ABOUT
BRUCE
● Generation X, “Whatever.”

4. ABOUT
BRUCE
● Generation X, “Whatever.”
● Lovingly Presbyterian...USA.

5. ABOUT
BRUCE
● Generation X, “Whatever.”
● Lovingly Presbyterian...USA.
● Yes, #tworship happened.

6. ABOUT
BRUCE
● Generation X, “Whatever.”
● Lovingly Presbyterian...USA.
● Yes, #tworship happened.
● See faith through a lens of
intersectionality and justice.

7. ABOUT
BRUCE
● Generation X, “Whatever.”
● Lovingly Presbyterian...USA.
● Yes, #tworship happened.
● See faith through a lens of
intersectionality and justice.
● Pastor.

8. ABOUT
BRUCE
● Generation X, “Whatever.”
● Lovingly Presbyterian...USA.
● Yes, #tworship happened.
● See faith through a lens of
intersectionality and justice.
● Pastor at @FPCPaloAlto.

9. ABOUT
BRUCE
● Generation X, “Whatever.”
● Lovingly Presbyterian...USA.
● Yes, #tworship happened.
● See faith through a lens of
intersectionality and justice.
● Pastor at @FPCPaloAlto.
● Parent.

10. ABOUT
BRUCE
● Generation X, “Whatever.”
● Lovingly Presbyterian...USA.
● Yes, #tworship happened.
● See faith through a lens of
intersectionality and justice.
● Pastor at @FPCPaloAlto.
● Parent. Empty Nester.

11. ABOUT
BRUCE
● Generation X, “Whatever.”
● Lovingly Presbyterian...USA.
● Yes, #tworship happened.
● See faith through a lens of
intersectionality and justice.
● Pastor at @FPCPaloAlto.
● Parent. Empty Nester.

12. COVID
● Pastoring a church through
the hills and valleys.

13. COVID
● Pastoring a church through
the hills and valleys.
● Lost my grandmother and
others to Covid.

14. COVID
● Pastoring a church through
the peaks and valleys.
● Lost my grandmother and
others to Covid.
● Hospitalized in September
with a breakthrough case.

15. COVID
● Pastoring a church through
the peaks and valleys.
● Lost my grandmother and
others to Covid.
● Hospitalized in September
with a breakthrough case.
● Living this time, like
everyone else, over and over
over again. *sigh*

16. WHO IS
HERE?
Chat or In Person
● Name.
● Ministry Context.
● What has fed your soul
lately?

17. AGENDA
I / Defining Kindness
What does kindness mean and NOT mean?
II / Kindness and our Souls
Kindness as acts of self-care and healing?
III / Kindness and Other Humans
Extending kindness to those around us?
IV / Kindness and the Common Good
Envisioning kindness as a discipline that
changes the world?

18. ALL THE LINKS
Today’s Slides:
www.slideshare.net/breyeschow
Blatant Shilling of My Stuff
https://linktr.ee/breyeschow
on the Socials:
@breyeschow on all the things:
Instagram, Twitter, Faceback, etc.
eMail:
bruce@reyes-chow.com

19. “RULES”
● Video optional.
● Please use the chat.
● Take care of your needs.
● Please intro yourself:
pronouns, ministry, etc.
● Extend and accept kindness
gentleness, and grace.

20. Colossians 3:12-15)
Common English Bible

21. Therefore, as God’s choice, holy and
loved, put on compassion, kindness,
humility, gentleness, and patience.

22. Be tolerant with each other and, if
someone has a complaint against
anyone, forgive each other. As the the
Holy One forgave you, so also forgive
each other.

23. And over all these things put on love,
which is the perfect bond of unity.
The peace of Christ must control
your hearts — a peace into which you
were called in one body. And be
thankful people.

24. Colossians 3:12-15
Common English Bible

25. KINDNESS
A Definition.
Nebraska Pastor's Retreat
February 2022

26. REV. DR.
MR. FRED
ROGERS

27. ESTEBAN
DE LOS
REYES

28. KINDNESS
DEFINED
To be kind is to accept that each
person is a created and complex
human being—and to treat them as
if you believe this to be true.
Kindness is choice to honor the
humanity (holiness) that lies
within each and every one of us.

29. KINDNESS
DEFINED
To be kind is to accept that each
person is a created and complex
human being—and to treat them as
if you believe this to be true.
TOWARDS OURSELVES.

30. KINDNESS
DEFINED
To be kind is to accept that each
person is a created and complex
human being—and to treat them as
if you believe this to be true.
TOWARD OTHERS.

31. KINDNESS
DEFINED
To be kind is to accept that each
person is a created and complex
human being—and to treat them as
if you believe this to be true.
TOWARD THE WORLD.

32. KINDNESS
DEFINED
To be kind is to accept that each
person is a created and complex
human being—and to treat them as
if you believe this to be true.
KINDNESS NOT AS/JUST NICE.

33. BREAK-OUTS
● How was kindness defined, perceived, or expressed in your
family of origin?
● What do you think about Bruce's definition of "kindness" as
being, “To be kind is to accept that each person is a created
and complex human being and to treat them as if you believe
this to be true.” Does it resonate? Why or why not?
● How does kindness get expressed in your life today?
● Close in prayer for one another.

34. QUESTION &
RESPONSE

35. [BREAK]

36. KINDNESS AND
OUR SOULS
Kindness as acts of self-care and healing?
Nebraska Pastor's Retreat
February 2022

37. Our ability lead communities that
are holding ever-changing levels
stress, tension, and trauma are
being tested like never before.
We will not manage
our way out of trauma.

38. NAVIGATING
PANDEMIC
LEADERSHIP
.
● Political Climate
● Racial Reckoning
● Personal Stressors
● Congregational Expectations
● Professional Discernment

39. Languishing. Despair. Weariness.
&
Lingering. Grace. Hope.

40. I GOT THIS!
Immediate action!
Deep care and concern for the
people we serve.
Trying any and all things
whether or not folks asked for
them or not.
Grace, patience, and
understanding abound.

41. DEAR GOD
We overfunction.
Get overextended.
Feel overwhelm.
Try not to panic.
We Crash.
We commit to self-care.
REPEAT

42. DREAMING
Deeply embrace this time as a
real new normal.
Reflection on how you have
modeled adaptive leadership
and practices.
Begin to reimagine and dream
about the future.

43. NAMING
TRAUMA
We are leading our people
through trauma and the impact
of that on our own well-being,
sense of worth, and sense of call
are coming known in subtle and
obvious ways.
Be kind to yourself.

44. GRACE
TESTED
We are now fighting over the
best ways to move forward.
Freedom generates conflict.
Managing well the polarities of
conflict now is vital — and one
more thing to do (exhausting.)
Are we who we say we are?
What is it to be productive?

45. KINDNESS
Walking Away: for Now
Nebraska Pastor's Retreat
February 2022

46. Walking Away
“…sometimes the kind thing to
do for everyone is to walk away,
at least for a time.”

47. Walking Away
“…sometimes the kind thing to
do for everyone is to walk away,
at least for a time.”

48. Walking Away
“…sometimes the kind thing to
do for everyone is to walk away,
at least for a time.”

49. Walking Away
“…sometimes the kind thing to
do for everyone is to walk away,
at least for a time.”

50. Walking Away
“…sometimes the kind thing to
do for everyone is to walk away,
at least for a time.”

51. QUESTION &
RESPONSE

52. BREAK-OUTS II
● Any initial reaction or thought from Bruce's presentation?
● Describe a time that you were kind to yourself.
● In what areas of your life do you need to be more kind to
yourself and what would that look like?
● Close in prayer for one another.

53. [BREAK]

54. KINDNESS AND
OTHER HUMANS
Extending kindness to those around us?
Nebraska Pastor's Retreat
February 2022

55. KINDNESS
DEFINED
To be kind is to accept that each
person is a created and complex
human being—and to treat them as
if you believe this to be true.
Kindness is choice to honor the
humanity (holiness) that lies
within each and every one of us.

56. NOT OUR
BEST SELVES
Especially during times of stress
and anxiety (Pandemic
anyone?), being humble and
reflective enough to know that
none of us are are best selves
right now is an act of kindness.

57. WE CARE
WHAT WE
CARE ABOUT
We are all in different spaces.

58. THE EVERY
DAY
Norice where you are least kind
as you move through the day.

59. MAKE IT
A HABIT
Choose to move the through the
world with a lens of kindness.

60. PRACTICE
FORGIVENESS
Remove transactional nature of
forgiveness and apologies.

61. ONLINE
Be consistent with online
interaction.

62. DISCOURSE AND
DISAGREEMENT
…dipping into the attack well of
body-shaming, racism,
misogyny, and ableism is just
lazy and we play to the
bot-fueled, troll-fed, worst of
who humans can be.

63. QUESTION &
RESPONSE

64. BREAK-OUTS III
● Any initial reaction or thought from Bruce's presentation?
● Describe the last time someone was kind to you.
● What are your barriers to expressing kindness to those
around you?
● Share one way or situation where you will try to show more
kindness.
● Close in prayer for one another.

65. [BREAK]

66. KINDNESS AND THE
COMMON GOOD
Envisioning kindness as a discipline that
changes the world?
Nebraska Pastor's Retreat
February 2022

67. CHOOSING
TO BE KIND
There are three ways to
ultimate success:
The first way is to be kind.
The second way is to be kind.
The third way is to be kind.
—Rev. Dr. Fred Rogers

68. PROTEST
May our call to civil discourse be
more about listening to the
genuine struggles of our human
sisters, brothers, siblings,
neighbors, and strangers than
about protecting our own
spaces of security.

69. REDEMPTION
& HUMANITY
…we force those who are acting
as agents for the system to see
us as human beings and question
what they are doing rather than
see us as ideological opposition
that can be treated with
detachment and disregard.

70. THE WHOLE
BODY
Humanity has known far too much COVID
sickness, death, and grief, so for those
choosing not to be vaccinated, I'm choosing
to let go of my judgmentalism and
welcoming any way folks may come to
choose differently. Suffering is not partisan
or political, so my ability to show empathy
should not be either.

71. CHOOSING
TO BE KIND
Kindness is not a journey for the
meek and mild. For those of us
who have been steeped in ways of
being that are not kind, it takes
tremendous energy to purge
ourselves of patterns and
behaviors that are not kind. Every
day we have to choose to commit
to live out kindness that day.

72. QUESTION &
RESPONSE

73. BREAK-OUTS
● Any initial reaction or thought from Bruce's presentation?
● Where do you think kindness is most needed today?
● How might the community you serve show kindness in the
world?
● What is one kindness commitment that you are willing to
make today?
● Close in prayer for one another.

74. LOOKING BACK
I / Defining Kindness
What does kindness mean and NOT mean?
II / Kindness and our Souls
Kindness as acts of self-care and healing?
III / Kindness and Other Humans
Extending kindness to those around us?
IV / Kindness and the Common Good
Envisioning kindness as a discipline that
changes the world?

75. ALL THE LINKS
Today’s Slides:
www.slideshare.net/breyeschow
Blatant Shilling of My Stuff
https://linktr.ee/breyeschow
on the Socials:
@breyeschow on all the things:
Instagram, Twitter, Faceback, etc.
eMail:
bruce@reyes-chow.com