How to deal with and manage difficult people and difficult situations

1. Dealing with Difficult
People
Evelyn Butrico
butrie@eastgreenbushlibrary.org
Director
East Greenbush Community Library

2. Objectives
 Identify difficult people, their motivation and
behaviors
 Communication
 Values
 Strategies

3. Dealing with difficult people
 It's easy to work with those who are easy to get along with. But how do you treat
the stranger, the difficult person, that person you don't really understand, can't
relate to and don't really care about?
 Come in all shapes and sizes, how many can you recognize:
 The antagonist
 The Tank
 The Sniper
 The complainer/the whiner, crybaby
 The No Guy
 The “Nothing” person
 The Indecisive
 Mr. Nice Guy or The Yes Guy
 The “Maybe” person
 The Volcano/The Grenade
 The know-it-all
 The Friendly Sniper

4. The Aggressive Type
 Get it done
 The Tank
 The Sniper
 The Antagonist
 Get Appreciated
 The Grenade
 The Friendly Sniper
 The Know-it-all

5. The Passive Type
 Get it right
 The whiner
 The “no” person
 The “nothing” person
 Get along
 The Indecisive
 The “yes” person
 The “maybe” person

6. Activity
 Characteristics of each type

7. Communication
 Knowing how to communicate is powerful
 Communication Process
 7% of what you communicate is what you say
 38% of what you communicate is what you
sound like
 55% of what you communicate is what “they”
see

8. Communication
 Be aware of your non-verbal communication
 Body Language
 Eye Contact
 Facial Expression
 Posture
 Gestures

9. Be Aware of who you are talking to
 Traditionalist – born pre-’46:
 loyal, hardworking, financially conservative and faithful to
institutions.
 Baby Boomers- born ’46-’64:
 Loyal, optimistic, connected to their achievements, respect
based on achievement, wait to be told what to do
 Gen Xer’s- born ’65-’77:
 Independent, tech savy, skeptical, resourceful and hardworking
 Generation Y- born ’78-’89:
 Idealistic, optimistic, empowered, tech savy, collaborators, reject
rigidity

10. Align your values
 7 Habits of highly effective people, Stephen
Covey
1. Be Proactive
2. Begin with the end in mind
3. Put first things first
4. Think win/win
5. Seek first to understand/then to be
understood
6. Synergize
7. Sharpen the saw

11. You can choose your language
Reactive:
I must
If only
They made me
If I had
Proactive:
I prefer
I will
I choose
I can be
#1

12. The key to the ability to change
is a changeless sense of who you are,
what you are about and what you value
#2

13. “Things which matter most should never be at
the mercy of things which matter least”
Goethe
#3

14. #4
It’s not your way or my way, it’s a better way

15. “We have such a tendency to fix things up with
good advice, but often we fail to take the time to
diagnose, to really deeply understand another
human being first”
#5

16. “When we are left to our own experiences,
we constantly suffer from a shortage of data”
#6

17. Read, write, relax, exercise, play, love, get involved, meditate …
#7

18. Dealing with Difficult People
 Principles for Getting Along With Difficult People
 Maintain your confidence
 Hold realistic expectations.
 Quit trying to change the difficult person. Accept the
fact that you can't change him, but you can change
your reactions to him/her.
 Refuse to play his/her games.
 Don't allow yourself to become the difficult person's
slave. Be honest with yourself and learn to say no.

19. MOST IMPORTANT
Create a strategy

20. Techniques for Difficult Situations
 Pacing- Communicates being in sync,
establishes common ground
 Backtracking- repeating what a person says
not what you think they said
 Intent- state early in the conversation to
establish the same goal
 Clarify- ask questions, get all the info

21. Effective Responses for Disarming
Difficult People
 When people: Try This:
Push your buttons Have a humorous
response
Make an outrageous Be silent, then
accusation redirect
Are complaining Reflect back
Blame Acknowledge
Won’t stop Arguing Agree to disagree
Keep asking questions Answer with a
question

22. Scenario #1
Patron Alice Smith explodes when told she has
fines. She rages uncontrollably about
injustices she has suffered. She is
inconsolable. She declares that no one
listens.
Type of DP?
Aggressive or Passive?
Strategy?

23. Scenario #2
Your boss is an expert on the subject of her
work. She knows what needs to be done and
how to do it. She is so sure of herself that
she never invites or even permits your input.
She dictates what to do and expects you to
do it her way with little to no tolerance for
innovative thinking.
Type of DP?
Aggressive or Passive?
Strategy?

24. Scenario #3
 Helen always listens attentively as you relate
the goals for the week. She agrees that she
needs to work harder, be more attentive.
This never happens and she never gets as
much work done as the others.
Type of DP?
Aggressive or Passive?
Strategy?

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