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Quick Dick News #4, Now More Visually Appealing, for fans of The Onion
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Quick Dick News #4, Now More Visually Appealing, for fans of The Onion
1.
It’s News It’s Quick It’s Dick Quick Dick
News#4 © Dick Sharp
2.
Q: Should I
eat a hard boiled egg that’s been sitting on the ground? A: The Easter Bunny would not hide something that is not good for you. Event Overview: Are you repeatedly frustrated by finding fewer eggs than others? Is your sense of direction out of whack? Your luck can change with a little interjection from The Big Guy himself. This one- hour session will train you how to “let go” and “let God” eggstinctively. Divine Intervention Easter Egg Hunt, 60 minutes © Dick Sharp
3.
Obama Secretly Meets
with Unemployed Psychic No Jobs in Sight But I sent you folks a ton of money. © Dick Sharp
4.
U.S. Forces Discover
Secret Al Qaida Mini-Golf Course in Kapisa province, Afghanistan “Links to bin Laden” Sir I am not making this up. Soldier you been hittin’ that hookah again? © Dick Sharp
5.
National Soft Bullet
Council nsbc.com Guns Don’t Kill People. Bullets Do. So Change the Bullets! Limpy Softie Lax Slack F L A C C I D L I N E © Dick Sharp
6.
Ray Lewis to
Sing with Elmo on Sesame Street “Only a G.E.D. Can Set Me Free” Segment Targets Prison Population Ray what G.E.D.? Got Enough Dope © Dick Sharp
7.
After Every Haircut,
Clay Mathews Donates his Hair to the Dumb Blonde Foundation We are like sooo totally fur sure gunna find a cure I mean … hey, wait a minute … that rhymes … oh my god that’s so totally awesome. I feel the momentum building already. DBF Spoke Ditz Beverly Hills © Dick Sharp
8.
Dr. G. Beringei Author
of the book “Contents and Mal-Contents: Why We Don’t Need to be Related” Great Ape Historian Claims Humans and Primates Not Related at All We apes are of the Contented strain. Humans are of the Mal or Discontented strain. © Dick Sharp
9.
Justin Bieber’s Pet
Monkey Tweets for Help Chim Chim Churee Dude’s gotta lawyer. No comment. © Dick Sharp U have no idea how bad it is in this house!!!
10.
Adopting retired UAV’s (Unmanned
Aerial Vehicles) to loving homes. Fubar Zeke Beulah Sharky Don’t you have a place over your back yard for a lonely drone? Drone rescue Drone_rescue.com © © © © Dick Sharp
11.
Climatologists Discover Two
Snowflakes Exactly Alike! From Himalayan expedition 1947 From Antarctic monitoring station 2014 Currently on display at the Snow Flake Museum, Missoula, Montana © Dick Sharp
12.
Polar Bears Seen
Bumming for Ice Near Artic Circle Buddy can you spare a cube? © Dick Sharp
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