How’s your relationship with your wife? What about your kids? How’s your relationship with yourself? Are you nurturing to those you love? Are you nurturing to yourself? What’s your relationship with sex? What’s your relationship with sleep? What’s your relationship with food? For many of us, these can be very uncomfortable questions if we are willing to go beneath the surface even a little… There’s always room for improvement, new learning, and new awareness, and, in fact, there’s often room for lots of improvement… While each of these various areas seems obviously distinct at a glance, how we specifically behave in regard to each certainly affects our relationships with all… How can the way I treat my wife not affect the relationship I have with our children? How can the relationship I have with my sexuality, sleep, and food not profoundly affect the relationship I have with others and myself? There are certainly an infinite number of ways we can manipulate our own brain chemistry each day, and no two moments can be the same… While the notion isn’t profound, the remarkable range of possibilities for how we can exist seems grand and mysterious…

1. On
Self-­‐Medicating
By
David
Lader
February
18,
2014
How’s
your
relationship
with
your
wife?
What
about
your
kids?
How’s
your
relationship
with
yourself?
Are
you
nurturing
to
those
you
love?
Are
you
nurturing
to
yourself?
What’s
your
relationship
with
sex?
What’s
your
relationship
with
sleep?
What’s
your
relationship
with
food?
For
many
of
us,
these
can
be
very
uncomfortable
questions
if
we
are
willing
to
go
beneath
the
surface
even
a
little…
There’s
always
room
for
improvement,
new
learning,
and
new
awareness,
and,
in
fact,
there’s
often
room
for
lots
of
improvement…
While
each
of
these
various
areas
seems
obviously
distinct
at
a
glance,
how
we
specifically
behave
in
regard
to
each
certainly
affects
our
relationships
with
all…
How
can
the
way
I
treat
my
wife
not
affect
the
relationship
I
have
with
our
children?
How
can
the
relationship
I
have
with
my
sexuality,
sleep,
and
food
not
profoundly
affect
the
relationship
I
have
with
others
and
myself?
There
are
certainly
an
infinite
number
of
ways
we
can
manipulate
our
own
brain
chemistry
each
day,
and
no
two
moments
can
be
the
same…
While
the
notion
isn’t
profound,
the
remarkable
range
of
possibilities
for
how
we
can
exist
seems
grand
and
mysterious…
Contemporary
mental
health
practitioners
have
various
models
to
describe
pathological
human
behavior.
One
such
model
is
“addiction.”
While
the
addiction
model
is
only
one
of
many,
the
addiction
model’s
parlance
seems
to
be
slowly
and
surely
becoming
ubiquitous.
Mental
health
workers
commonly
refer
to
two
categories
of
addiction
–
process
addictions
and
substance
addictions.
Some
typical
process
addictions
involve
problematic
sex,
spending,
gambling,
work,
and
eating
behaviors.
Most
people
are
already
familiar
with
the
concept
of
substance,
or
chemical,
addictions.
I’d
like
to
consider
the
remarkably
close
relationship
between
process
and
chemical
addictions.
How
can
we
think
that
the
food
we
consume
doesn’t
have
a
profound
and
systemic
effect
on
our
chemistry?
How
can
we
ignore
the
profound
effect
that
our
sexual

2. behavior
has
on
our
entire
being?
How
can
we
presume
that
the
“hit”
we
get
from
certain
gambling
and
spending
behaviors
doesn’t
strongly
impact
our
mood,
our
sleep,
and,
consequently,
the
relationships
we
have
with
ourselves
and
with
those
around
us?
It’s
nothing
new
to
consider
the
remarkable
impact
that
various
chemicals
can
have
on
our
lives
–
both
positive
and
deleterious…
Certain
modern
psychotropic
medications
seem
to
have
life
changing,
if
not
lifesaving
capabilities.
Chemicals,
illegal
or
otherwise,
can
make
us
feel
better…
When
abused,
however,
no
one
would
argue
that
the
same
chemicals
destroy
lives
in
short
order.
So
what
do
gambling,
spending,
sex,
methamphetamines,
caffeine,
alcohol,
and
sleeping
all
have
in
common?
They
all
affect
our
brain
chemistry…
One
might
easily
argue
that
any
of
these
could
be
used
in
a
constructive
fashion
to
our
betterment,
or
any
of
these
could
lead
to
our
demise.
We
all
know
how
gambling
can
destroy
lives,
but
what
of
those
who
choose
to
gamble
on
rare
occasion
as
a
form
of
responsible
entertainment?
We
all
know
how
irresponsible
spending
can
be
self-­‐destructive,
yet
we
must
spend
money
in
order
to
survive.
Safe
and
emotionally
intimate
sexual
behavior
can
do
wonders
for
our
physical
and
mental
health,
and
there
are
countless
ways
that
sexual
behaviors
can
ruin
our
existence…
Physicians
often
prescribe
methamphetamines
to
help
us
out.
Countless
folks
medicate
themselves
with
the
same
drugs
and
die
prematurely.
You
get
the
idea…
We
can
run
away
from
our
lives
and
hide
in
sleep…
We
can
run
away
from
our
lives
by
hiding
in
our
work…
We
can
run
away
from
our
lives
by
hiding
in
our
grandiosity…
We
can
run
away
from
our
lives
by
falsely
empowering
ourselves
when
we
rage…
When
we
act
out
our
anger
in
the
form
of
raging,
we
are
self-­‐medicating
–
we’re
changing
our
own
brain
chemistry,
and
this
can
easily
become
habit
–
and
addiction.
So
what
is
really
at
the
core
of
all
of
these
process
and
chemical
addictions?
Aside
from
the
fact
that
chemical
addictions
affect
our
behaviors,
and
behavioral
addictions
affect
our
chemistry,
why
is
it
that
running
away
from
reality,
so
to
speak,
is
an
epidemic
problem?
How
is
it
that
being
completely
awake,
“present,”
and
“in
the
moment”
has
become
so
intolerable
that
we
have
collectively
chosen
to
over-­‐medicate
ourselves?
When
did
living
in
this
reality
become
so
intolerable
to
so
many
people
that
“numb”
became
the
norm?

3. Perhaps
the
epidemic
of
our
self-­‐medicating
society
is
a
manifestation
of
our
spiritual
bankruptcy.
It’s
time
to
look
inside
of
ourselves
and
stop
judging
others…
Finding
fault
in
others
is
child’s
play.
Considering
our
own
character
defects,
and
finding
the
willingness
to
grow
and
change,
is
where
the
real
spiritual
work
is
done.
Finding
the
courage
to
ask
for
help
and
guidance,
being
a
part
of
the
solution
and
not
“playing
the
victim,”
serving
others
without
any
attachment
to
the
outcome,
recognizing
and
acknowledging
the
inherent
value
of
others
and
ourselves,
and
not
running
or
hiding
from
feelings
is
where
the
real
spiritual
work
is
done.
When
I
self-­‐medicate
and
become
numb,
I
don’t
have
to
feel
anger,
pain,
sadness,
shame,
loneliness,
or
guilt.
The
only
problem
with
this
is
that
I
don’t
get
to
feel
joy
or
love
either…
David
Lader
is
a
Tucson-­‐based
martial
arts,
fitness,
and
wellness
instructor
with
over
twenty
five
years
of
experience.
He
is
currently
a
5th
Dan
Master
of
Chung
Do
Kwan
Tae
Kwon
Do
and
has
additional
training
in
numerous
other
styles,
including
Gung
Fu,
Aikido,
Hapkido,
Karate,
Judo,
Jutitsu,
Muay
Thai,
Tai-­‐Chi,
Capoera,
Pa
Kua,
and
Hsing-­‐
I.
David
has
also
studied
yoga
and
Pilates,
and
he
received
formal
dance
training
at
the
Royal
Ballet
School
in
London.
He
founded
The
Dojang
in
Tucson,
Arizona
in
1991.
It
was
here
that
Mr.
Lader
combined
his
understanding
of
biomechanics
with
his
knowledge
of
classical
ballet,
traditional
Korean
martial
arts,
and
yoga
to
develop
his
signature
system,
Warrior’s
Dance.
David
Lader
has
shared
his
expertise
with
hundreds
of
students,
and
his
schools
have
produced
over
forty
Black
Belt
and
Black
Sash
experts
combined.