Ed Batista, The Art of Self-Coaching @ InnerSpace, June 2016
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This is my deck from a workshop I led on self-coaching at InnerSpace in San Francisco on June 23, 2016.
![The art of
Photo by Seth Anderson [link]
self-coaching
Ed Batista
June 23, 2016
InnerSpace](https://image.slidesharecdn.com/ed-batista-self-coaching-innerspace-2016-slideshare-160624205500/85/Ed-Batista-The-Art-of-Self-Coaching-InnerSpace-June-2016-1-320.jpg)
![Intro & warmup 35 mins
Change & mindset 35 mins
Emotion 25 mins
Break
Tools & emotional style 60 mins
Emotion management 40 mins
Closing 20 mins
Agenda
Photo by Theresa Thompson [link]](data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7)
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Ed Batista, The Art of Self-Coaching @ InnerSpace, June 2016
- 1. The art of Photo by Seth Anderson [link] self-coaching Ed Batista June 23, 2016 InnerSpace
- 2. Intro & warmup 35 mins Change & mindset 35 mins Emotion 25 mins Break Tools & emotional style 60 mins Emotion management 40 mins Closing 20 mins Agenda Photo by Theresa Thompson [link]
- 3. Short lectures Experiential exercises Coaching conversations How will we get Photo by Theresa Thompson [link] there?
- 4. Who am I? Executive coach Instructor @StanfordBiz Contributor @HarvardBiz More at www.edbatista.com
- 6. So what is Not diagnostic (“There’s your problem…”) Not mentoring (“Here’s some advice…”) Coachee owns the agenda Coachee has the answers coaching? Read More
- 7. & self-coaching? Guiding our own growth & development Enhance capabilities over time Better choices in-the-moment Self-directed ≠ Solitary Partners are essential Read More
- 8. Why coaching matters to me… Started as a client Changed my view of leadership Impact on hundreds of clients & MBA students
- 9. Why self-coaching does, too <1% 6 to 18 months Help people help themselves
- 10. Mental models Photo by Carmelo Speltino [link] Read More
- 11. Mental models Our perceptions shape reality How we define experiences How we see ourselves Critical during times of change
- 12. Kurt Lewin & Edgar Schein Why is change so hard? Why do we resist it? Change Photo by ezioman [link] Read More
- 13. Behavior is stable We’re frozen in patterns Change requires unfreezing Change Photo by ezioman [link]
- 14. Driving force = Survival anxiety I must change in order to to achieve my goals Change Photo by ezioman [link]
- 15. Restraining force = Learning anxiety Change means a new identity or loss of self-esteem Change Photo by ezioman [link]
- 16. Increase survival anxiety to change? Or decrease learning anxiety? Both are necessary Change Photo by ezioman [link]
- 17. Threat from survival anxiety must be balanced by sufficient safety to decrease learning anxiety Change Photo by ezioman [link]
- 18. Change = Survival anxiety > Learning anxiety Psychological safety All factors influenced by our mental models Change Photo by ezioman [link]
- 19. Photo by Mike Disharoon [link] Carol Dweck, Stanford A mental model about ourselves How do we perceive our abilities? How do we perceive our mistakes? Mindset Read More
- 20. Mindset Adapted from Carol Dweck [link] Fixed Growth Abilities Inherent Plastic Mistakes Flaws Opportunities Response Negative Neutral
- 21. Mindset Adapted from Carol Dweck [link] Fixed Growth Agency Diminished Heightened Seeking Approval Challenges Risk Averse Tolerant
- 22. Change, mindset & self-coaching Signs of a fixed or growth mindset Recognize it as a mental model One to challenge or affirm
- 23. Change, mindset A fixed mindset can be comforting Letting go can be threatening Change requires safety & self-coaching
- 24. Change, mindset Mistakes & setbacks = Learning opportunities New attitude or behavior ≠ New identity Self-definition = Work-in-progress & self-coaching
- 25. Reflect Photo by Elade Manu [link]
- 26. Reflect What factors are driving change in my life? What makes change feel daunting? In what ways do I hold a fixed mindset? In what ways do I hold a growth mindset? How does all this impact my ability to change?
- 27. Another exercise Photo by Christopher Michel [link]
- 28. Any feelings? (Literally) Physical sensations Head, heart, hands, gut & anywhere else
- 30. Why do that? Photo by Ken Stewart [link]
- 31. A premise Photo by Garry Knight [link] Emotions = The heart of self-coaching (& a key to leadership)
- 32. Emotion Photo by Jill M [link]
- 33. Emotion Antonio Damasio, USC What purpose do emotions serve? What role do they play in reasoning? Read More
- 34. Emotion Emotions evolved to support survival Uncontrolled emotion can lead us astray
- 35. Emotion
- 36. Emotion Emotion is integral to reasoning Essential for efficient decision-making
- 37. Emotion Victor Johnston, New Mexico St. “Discriminant hedonic amplifiers” Boost signals in our mental landscape This is why…
- 38. Emotions are attention magnets Photo by Garrett Mace [link]
- 39. Emotion Joseph LeDoux, NYU “A quick and dirty signal” Neural pathways transmit emotion 2x But speed has a price…
- 40. Emotion Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]
- 41. Emotion Rapid triggering Reflexive responses Sensing ≠ Comprehension
- 42. Emotion Display rules “Don’t be so emotional” Disclosing feelings Vulnerable
- 43. Coaching tools Photo by zzpza [link]
- 44. Coaching tools Ask, Listen, Empathize Read More
- 45. Coaching tools Ask Edgar Schein “Help” doesn’t always help What’s a better way to provide support?
- 46. Modes of inquiry Photo by Garry Knight [link]
- 47. Modes of inquiry 1. Pure inquiry Begin with receptivity Avoid presumptive questions Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]
- 48. Modes of inquiry 1. Pure inquiry 2. Diagnostic inquiry Focus & redirect Feelings, motives, actions Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]
- 49. Modes of inquiry 1. Pure inquiry 2. Diagnostic inquiry 3. Confrontational inquiry Introduce new ideas & hypotheses Challenge the coachee’s narrative Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]
- 50. Modes of inquiry 1. Pure inquiry 2. Diagnostic inquiry 3. Confrontational inquiry We tend to move too quickly Critical to check our assumptions Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]
- 51. Ask better Photo by Alexander Drachman [link] questions
- 52. Ask better Get beyond Yes or No What…? & How…? > Why…? More reflection, less defensiveness questions
- 53. Ask better Avoid leading questions That’s advocacy, not coaching questions
- 54. Ask better Also… Ask once & stop questions
- 56. Listening skills Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]
- 57. Listening skills Hearing ≠ Listening Make them feel heard How they feel > What you hear
- 58. Listening skills Focused attention > Time Cultivate presence Eye contact No multi-tasking Eliminate distractions
- 59. Coaching tools Ask, Listen, Empathize Brené Brown What roles do shame & empathy play? Read More
- 60. Shame & empathy Photo by Tuomas Puikkonen [link]
- 61. Shame & Shame = We are flawed & unworthy of love Empathy = The antidote to shame empathy
- 62. Shame & Shame = Unravels relationships & connections Empathy = Creates closeness & meaning empathy
- 63. Shame & Seeking help typically triggers shame (or embarrassment or vulnerability) empathy
- 64. Shame & But typical helping responses block empathy 1. “Look on the bright side…” 2. “My problem’s worse…” 3. “Here’s some advice…” empathy
- 65. Shame & Instead… 1. Avoid judgments 2. Sense & validate emotions 3. Convey understanding (≠ Agreement) empathy
- 66. Emotion Photo by Jill M [link]
- 67. Emotional style Richard Davidson, Univ. of Wisconsin What is the neurological basis for emotion?
- 68. Photo courtesy University of Wisconsin [link] Emotional style
- 69. Emotional style Prefrontal cortex involved in emotion Emotions tied to specific neural pathways
- 70. Emotional style 6 dimensions of emotional style Rooted in measurable neurological activity
- 71. 6 dimensions Attention Context-Sensitivity Outlook Recovery Time Self-Awareness Social Intuition
- 72. Photo by Philip Bird [link] Attention
- 73. Photo by Philip Bird [link] Attention Sharpness/clarity of focus Ability to avoid distractions Prefrontal cortex boosts & dampens signals
- 74. Photo by Philip Bird [link] Attention •---------------------------------------------------------• Unfocused, may be Intensely focused, easily distracted or may lose awareness overly impulsive or lack spontaneity
- 75. Photo by Vincent Lock [link] Context- sensitivity
- 76. Context- Discern differences in social environments Regulate responses accordingly Hippocampus activity PFC-hippocampus connections sensitivity Photo by Vincent Lock [link]
- 77. Photo by Vincent Lock [link] Context- •---------------------------------------------------------• Unable to discern Highly sensitive to social differences & minute differences in act accordingly social environment sensitivity
- 78. Photo by Ivan Walsh [link] Outlook
- 79. Photo by Ivan Walsh [link] Outlook Ability to sustain positive emotion Reward circuit = PFC & nucleus accumbens
- 80. Photo by Ivan Walsh [link] Outlook •---------------------------------------------------------• Highly pessimistic, Highly optimistic, difficulty sustaining may be resistant to positive feelings negative data
- 81. Photo by Eric Richardson [link] Recovery time
- 82. Photo by Eric Richardson [link] Recovery time Speed of recovery from adverse experiences Prefrontal cortex activity PFC-amygdala connections
- 83. Photo by Eric Richardson [link] Recovery time •---------------------------------------------------------• Fast to recover, may Slow to recover, fail to register or may feel defeated learn from setbacks by minor setbacks
- 84. Photo by Seattle Yoga News [link] Self-awareness
- 85. Photo by Seattle Yoga News [link] Self-awareness Ability to perceive physical aspects of emotion Insula activity
- 86. Photo by Seattle Yoga News [link] Self-awareness •---------------------------------------------------------• Out of touch with Hyper-aware, may be physical cues that distracted by physical accompany emotion cues & emotions
- 87. Social intuition
- 88. Social intuition Sense others’ emotional responses Fusiform gyrus activity Amygdala activity
- 89. Social intuition •---------------------------------------------------------• Puzzled by others’ Highly intuitive, may responses, socially be overly sensitive to obtuse or insensitive others’ responses
- 90. A caveat Photo by Sue Clark [link]
- 91. A caveat “A map is not the territory it represents.” ~Alford Korzybski
- 92. What’s optimal? Photo by Sutha Kamal [link]
- 93. Emotion Photo by Sharon Mollerus [link] management
- 95. Emotion 1. Sense physically 2. Comprehend accurately 3. Articulate & express effectively What helps? management
- 96. Some more tools Photo by zzpza [link]
- 97. Some more tools Reframing Self-soothing Talking about feelings
- 98. Reframing Photo by Rodrigo Baptista [link]
- 99. Reframing Cognitive reappraisal Kevin Ochsner, Columbia James Gross & Rebecca Ray, Stanford How do our thoughts influence our experience?
- 100. Reframing The meanings we assign Emotional response Re-interpret a situation Shift our emotions Our mental models shape our experiences
- 101. Self-soothing Photo by Amanda Patsopoulou [link]
- 102. Self-soothing Physiological modification Change our emotional state Response modification Choose how we express emotion
- 103. Self-soothing Deeper, slower breaths Speak more slowly & monitor tone Sense our non-verbals & body language Shift focus of our attention
- 104. Talking about Photo by Garry Knight [link] feelings
- 105. Talking about feelings Affect labeling Disrupts negative emotion Talking about emotion > Thinking about emotion Read More
- 106. Not rocket science Photo by Michael Seeley [link]
- 107. Not rocket science Simple to understand Hard to put into practice How can we make it easier?
- 108. Get MESSy Photo by Paul Colley [link]
- 109. Get MESSy Mindfulness Exercise Sleep hygiene Stress reduction
- 111. Mindfulness Photo by Strevo [link]
- 113. Mindfulness The most powerful self-coaching tool Critical to emotion management
- 114. Meditation?
- 115. Meditation
- 116. Meditation A workout, not a break Consistent practice is key Try 1 minute per day & work up Read More
- 117. Other paths to Journaling Time in nature (1 hour/week) Certain types of exercise (no music) Any regular practice that promotes reflection mindfulness Read More
- 118. Exercise Photo by Gregor Winter [link]
- 119. Exercise Emotions are physiological experiences Mind/body integration ≠ Hippie bullshit
- 120. Sleep hygiene Photo by Drriss & Marrionn [link]
- 121. Sleep hygiene Being prepared then = Having the answer Being prepared now = Being at your best
- 122. Stress reduction Photo by xeubix [link]
- 123. Stress reduction Boundaries, not balance Lead more, do less Focus Read More
- 124. Investments (Not indulgences) Photo by Steven Depolo [link]
- 125. To sum up Photo by Pranav Yaddanapudi [link]
- 126. To sum up Mental models matter Change requires safety Mindset influences performance
- 127. To sum up Emotions are attention magnets Emotion management ≠ Suppression Mindfulness = Essential for self-coaching
- 128. To sum up Consider your emotional style Build management capacity (Get MESSy) Find coaching partners (& help them help you)
- 129. Thank you! Photo by Seth Anderson [link] www.bitly.com/SelfCoachingCourse www.edbatista.com @edbatista