The document outlines a 4 phase model of independence in attachment relationships: 1) Falling in love - The attachment partner idealizes the target from a distance but fears rejection as closeness increases and schemas of loss are activated. 2) Building a relationship - Interactions continue but indifference grows as the target is seen as interfering with the partner's plans. Emotional pain ensues from feelings of suffocation. 3) Freezing time - The partner withdraws into internal memories and timelessness, perceiving interactions as routine. The target is frozen in memory and the relationship stagnates. 4) The final push - One last attempt is made for intimacy but eruption occurs if the target fails to

1. A.R.T. Independence Model
The model makes two assumptions:
1) Independence is a trait-like state; but it is neither a trait nor a state. Rather, it is a
processing of information contingent upon a time series and a spatialized inner experience
of memory and attention.
2) "Embodied pregnancy" can be experienced for either men or women; it is from the
perspective entirely of the attachment target alone, and therefore requires no necessary
gender of the target. For example, a woman can desire the embodied state of pregnancy in
her attachment target, although he is a man. This is because she herself retains an
embodied imprint of being carried in the womb, as her body's model for attachment as
much as a man's.
Phase 1 - Falling in Love
Attachment target is examined from a zoomed-out orientation. The target is analyzed according to
multidimensional assumptions of behavior and attitude. The independent is often insightful and
altruistic of his assessment of her & sees her as a hero in her own right from afar.
The attachment partner desires to be in an embodied state of pregnancy inside his heroin. He
believes she has the power to guide his destiny without interference and in complete
independence from an active attachment system - all will run smoothly and according to plan.
However, shortly after contact there is a belief in the independent that the target "knows" his
thoughts and plans because of his minimal viewing of her from a zoomed-in orientation. The
attachment partner responds by "puffing his chest feathers" and otherwise showing off skills, and
begins to distract himself positively or negatively out of the attachment system. Schemas of loss
are activated and a subconsious fear of rejection begins to create distance.
The embodied state of "safe haven" is at a state of risk, and the attachment partner begins to
prematurely mourn the loss of his partner at an extremely premature stage. A small anger against
the partner ensues, followed by a searching for clues as to the seeming loss of his own identity
and loss of ego, and he begins to question the "heroine" or "noble" archetype of the distant target.
A sharp critique begins in the subconscious and conscious mind. A strong urge to shut down the
attachment system begins. The attachment target is perceived as "in the way" of former,
untouchable goals and plans. An alternative plan to escape the attachment target is initiated. The
target is quickly converted to an outgroup schema in the mind of the independent.
Phase 2 - Building a Relationship
After a grappling between the critique and the idealization of the attachment target, a decision is
reached of a far-off prize available within a relationship. This prize can be of any number of future
accomplishments and distance to the goal state becomes underrated and perceived as closer than

2. in reality. The attachment partner idealizes himself as the provider of this goal state to his target,
and assumes that the initial independent assessment of the target to be perfectly correct.
As interactions continue, an indifference begins to surmount where the attachment target is seen
as "moaning against" and "killing" the laid plans of the partner. Everything is laid out long before it
comes to pass, and it is the target who is interfering with the success of the independent. The
"castle" of future plans begins to crumble, and it has already been intertwined with the self-
identification of the independent, and so emotional pains ensue.
In the mourning process, there is revelation of inner trauma that activates the original pains of the
detachment from the embodied pregnant state of the target. Small sadnesses grow longer, as
communication deteriorates and the embodiment of "suffocation" by the maternal umbilical cord
and limited womb-space is perceived. At this point, the feeling of being manipulated by the target
or a feeling of "knowing everything that is going to be said" by the target begins.
Finally, the independent perceives life as being hugely impacted by this previously distant and
ideal individual. Friendship is considered, divinity is contemplated, or an altogether unworthy effort
of establishing a relationship. The ego is reinforced and the burning curiousity to understand the
self is awakened.
Phase 3 - Freezing Time
The journey to the self begins entirely absent of the relationship. It is distinguishable and separate
from the attachment target in every sense - the independent goes into childhood memories and
former rejections and perhaps other lovers, successes or significant life events. Interactions with
the attachment partner are perceived by the independent as monotonous and routine compared to
the rich timelessness inside the mind. Interactions are briefer and more to the point in order to
lengthen internal time and shorten external time.
Attention toward the attachment target is externally hostile or internally hostile. The polyvagal
"freeze" system, beyond fight or flight, has frozen the target in memory and there is no movement
or development in the relationship at this time. More and more answers about the self seem to
appear in this inner timelessness, and the attachment target is given the responsibility to "wake up"
the independent from his restlessness, although at the same time the target is seen as
monotonous and not able to do so.
Slowly the target is objectified and becomes another step in the plan of the life of the independent.
The story is externalized to a label such as "ex" or "someone from the past" from a zoomed out
perspective, similar to phase 1 but with a finality and one-way exit for the independent to come out
the same or better than before the attachment experience. The target was something that was
needed, but unable to meet the future goal of the independent. The independent does not wish to
be cruel or unusual, and hopes there are neutral feelings from the target but in a distant, objectified
manner, with little motivation for grounded action on behalf of the target to rectify his or her
feelings.
Phase 4 - The Final Push
Realizing fully the death of the relationship, there is one last attempt to avoid the death of the new
ego formed within the relationship by a last "push" for intimacy in the form of presence. An

3. embodied vertigo of the birthing process is craved for. Any emotional experiences of the target
exhibited as negative affect produce biological mechanisms of self-protection that are dissociated
from the target his or herself, and give the independent a sense of empowerment and
fearlessness.
Old memories of the initial zoomed-out ideal are resurrected and certain complements toward the
partner are experienced anew. A promise of the lost future is reignited and the potential for new
love is considered.
In the embodiment of being reborn, the independent desires that the target "hold the light" of life
over his or her own, and hold him or her in the brilliant future to come. But this is desired only
inside the state of inner timeless from the intensive self searching that has been underwent, and so
a huge eruption is soon to occur.
Because independents will have mastered the freezing process, emotional outpouring of this
eruption may or may not be shown externally. The target is feared for and loathed by the feelings
within the independent against the let-down that has been caused. The target is challenged to
become the ideal that the independent has created in his or her own consciousness. A "make-up"
period is planned for where the target must rise to meet the renewed expectations of the
independent, who has a sense of the target "owing" the happiness that was revoked in the loss of
the final push's fail.
If the target succeeds to renew the idealized future dream in the form of action or speech, the cycle
begins anew from phase 1.