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Brads Adventure Egypt
- 3. Adam was so frustrated with sea days He pretended to put his fist through the wall.
- 4. I was so bored, I started having conversations with the other people on the ship.
- 5. We did have a lot of laundry to do, though. We were lucky the ship gave us a washer...
- 8. So we got off the boat and went through the terminal...
- 9. And Wow! Egypt actually looked kind of pretty.
- 10. I was actually expecting a hell hole due to the stories I’d heard.
- 13. Adam and I came in through the port of Alexandria.
- 14. Our plan was to take a train to Cairo, stay there a night, then get back to Alexandria in time to board the boat.
- 15. While trying to get to the train station, we got harassed by a cab driver named Emir.
- 16. He made us take pictures with him to prove he “wasn’t going to kill us.” Then he followed us for 30 minutes.
- 18. No Lanes No Crosswalks No Stop Signs No Traffic Lights Reckless Disregard for Pedestrians
- 20. Adam and I realized we had no Egyptian money, so before we went to the train station...
- 21. We stopped at the cleanest place in Alexandria: the Bank! We gave them 100 dollars and got back 500 pounds.
- 23. It was pretty frightening, since the guy drove like I do when I play Grand Theft Auto on my Xbox 360.
- 27. It took a while for Adam and I to find out where we could buy tickets, but we did it.
- 28. Compared to everything else in Egypt, the place was pretty organized. Maybe because it’s run by the government.
- 32. I stopped at the restroom. It cost me one Egyptian pound to get in. Everyone was washing their hands before prayer.
- 37. This is Mooti. He pushed Adam and myself into a mini-bus and promised to lead us to the pyramids in Giza.
- 38. Then Mooti dragged us into a kind-of motorized Rickshaw. He promised he’d treat us well because he was “a Bedouin.”
- 39. “ Cairo is the greatest city on Earth,” he said. “I am a Muslim, and I want to give you a good time.”
- 40. “ I will treat you to dinner. You can meet my wife and kids.”
- 41. What are the odds that we’d meet such a nice person within moments of stepping into this city of 6 million?
- 42. “ See?” Mooti cried. “There are the pyramids! You can trust me!”
- 46. We paid him the money and rode through the opening in the wall.
- 47. Mohammed sent a guide with us. He was not very enthusiastic about his job.
- 48. I can imagine how riding through a wasteland day after day is not the most inspiring career path.
- 49. I was unsure about whether or not we’d get to the Pyramids, but I did know one thing: we wouldn’t eat with Mooti later.
- 50. Just like Turkey and Greece, there are a lot of strays at Giza. I assume they were there to protect all of that nothing.
- 51. My thoughts: “Is our tour guide going to kill us and rob us, or just rob us? I prefer the latter.”
- 52. My paranoia wasn’t completely warranted, though, because we eventually found the pyramids.
- 53. Do you see only one pair of footprints in the sand? It’s because G_d was carrying me. Also, He’s a horse.
- 54. “ Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!” - Milli Vanilli, 1989
- 55. The first pyramid we saw was the Pyramid of Khafre, the second largest of the Giza Pyramids.
- 56. The Pyramid of Khufu came into sight soon after (It’s on the left).
- 57. Adam and I took this great opportunity to make Facebook profile pictures.
- 60. The Pyramid of Khufu is the most famous. It’s the largest, and it’s one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World.
- 61. For those just joining us, this is a product of Photoshop. In real life, I’m morbidly obese and have a cleft nose.
- 63. I saw many archaeological tents set up, but no one was working.
- 64. There’s a cemetery next to the pyramids, which is probably an awesome place to be buried.
- 65. Our tour guide told us the fence came up recently. Visitors kept ransacking the graves.
- 66. This is Adam and our tour guide snorting crank off of a mobile phone. (Jokes. No lawsuits)
- 67. “ Why the long face, horse?” “ I ride many miles every day across rocks in 90 degree weather.” “ Oh.”
- 68. Eventually our tour guide stopped, gave us a torn ticket to the Sphinx, and told us to go ahead. He did not come with us.
- 69. Although no one’s really sure, some experts say the Sphinx was built in 2,500 B.C. by the pharaoh Khafre.
- 70. There were more non-Egyptians on the path to the Sphinx than I saw in my entire stay in Egypt.
- 71. The platform next to the Sphinx was teeming with merchants. We saw a cop pull two pre-teen ones out by the ears.
- 73. It lost its nose after French soldiers fired cannonballs at it.
- 75. Frankly, I thought the Sphinx was overrated. Who cares about a cat dude? Only furries, and they suck.
- 76. I asked someone else what it cost them to get into the Sphinx, and they said 30 pounds. Still, we had an adventure.
- 81. When we got back to him, he was paying off police. I still don’t know why.
- 82. The road we took was super bumpy, and I felt bad for my horse.
- 85. The Khafre pyramid appears to be larger than the Khofu one but it’s simply on a higher base. Also, it’s got a pointier tip.
- 86. We saw what I would guess were the Egyptian boy scouts on the path to the Khafre pyramid. I was not prepared for that.
- 87. There was an equal amount of riders on horseback and on… camelback.
- 90. When I bite into a York Peppermint Patty, I get the sensation of standing on top a pile of old rocks!
- 91. When we got pack to our tour guide, he was paying off policemen again.
- 93. After tipping our tour guide (at his insistence), we said goodbye to the miracles of Giza...
- 96. “ If your truck has 20 men in it and you’re going 55 miles per hour, you might be Egyptian.”
- 97. There are no dumps or dumpsters in Cairo. Citizens use parking lots and open land to deposit their trash.
- 99. Once there, we got a meal. I don’t know what this was, but it tasted incredibly adequate.
- 100. We still weren’t near our hostel, so we walked around town trying to find another cab.
- 101. We finally got one. He didn’t know English. His only language was SPEED.
- 102. I got the sense Egyptians watch too many Vin Diesel movies.
- 106. We had to walk through a shady alleyway to find it, But it was pretty good.
- 109. There were more mosques there than any other place I’ve ever been in my life.
- 110. Though we had to take the train back to Alexandria, Adam and I went to the Khan el-Khalili Market before heading out.
- 113. This man is upset because he wanted to sell me “pure silver” ankhs for 200 Pounds, but I worked him down to 80.
- 114. Anything you pay is probably way more than an item is worth. It takes five and a half pounds to equal a dollar, though.
- 115. Adam bought a whole sack full of items, including an Egyptian cloak for his brother and jewelry for his sister.
- 117. We could have spent all day there, but we had only 5 hours to get back to the ship, and it was in a city 3 hours away.
- 118. Adam and I quickly walked out of the other end of the market and hailed a cab.
- 119. I bought batteries from a beggar as I entered the vehicle. The brand was “Golden Cock.” They did not work.
- 122. Unfortunately, by the time we got to the station, we found out that our only train into the city was “broken.”
- 127. Here is what I assume is the Egyptian equivalent of Truck Nuts.
- 131. After the mini-bus stopped, a man named Magdy Said offered to lead us back. “I am a Christian,” he said. “Trust me.”
- 132. And he led us back! He also offered to buy us tea, but we declined. Nice guy!
- 133. The port had a market, which gave us one last opportunity to play with our monopoly money.
- 134. Once I got onto my bed, I thanked the Lord that I got out of Egypt alive.