1. Advertising Surgeon Shows No Mercy
Advertising Surgeon Shows No Mercy;
Dissects Dealers' Ads Before Their Eyes
By Drew Eric Whitman, D.R.S.
Direct Response Surgeon
WARNING: THIS ARTICLE IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART
This article tells ... in graphic detail ... about a killer disease that_s spreading throughout
homeworking circles like a dark, fiendish plague. It_s the evil virus known as: Advertis Waytoo
Boringus. And once it infects YOU, it could mean the death of your business forever!
If the sight of broken headlines and severely fractured body copy makes your stomach
churn, STOP READING HERE. Otherwise, slip on your scrub-greens and join me in the Direct
Response Emergency Room(tm) for some simple (and painless) ad-writing techniques that can
do wonders for your career ... and your bank account!
Right now I am going to examine actual ads (some that are running in publications this very
minute) and dissect each one ... bit-by-bit ... before your very eyes. I am going to tell you
exactly what is right. And what is wrong. If the ad stinks, I'll tell you, and if it's terrific, I'll tell you
that too. I'll show you how to avoid making the mistakes these dealers made. And how you
can save hundreds ... even thousands of dollars by doing so. Since ad writing is so important
to your success, I want to be sure this lesson really sinks in. There's a lot of ground to cover,
therefore this article will be presented in two parts.
NOTE: If one of these ads happens to be yours ... lucky you! Why? Because you are getting
a free evaluation telling you how to make it better! So ... let's get started!
First: Do you remember what I said in my first article about headlines? Well, I'll remind
you! I said that "60% of all people who see your ad will read only the headline and no more."
That means if your headline does not stop your reader and force him or her to read the rest of
your ad... "you ain't gonna make no money!" We can't have that
now, can we? Nope. This article is dedicated to teaching you how to crank out powerful,
irresistible headlines that defy people to pass them by! I call them "Dragon-Slayer" Heads
because some of them could knock even old gasoline-breath Godzilla off his scaly green feet!
So let's go!
AD CRITIQUE #1:
DOLLARS IN YOUR MAILBOX
Easy & Exciting Mail Order Opportunity!
FREE details. Send LSASE to: XXXXX
Would YOU send for the information on this program? I wouldn't. Let's look at the
headline. It does nothing to attract you. It only states what most dealers today have already
heard thousands of times. It has no hook. It doesn_t grab. It's too general. Actually, it's rather
boring. This advertiser is trying to get people to respond
without giving away any inkling of what the "system" involves. This is no good, especially
today. Do you know why? Because mail order today is plagued with too many offers of
multi-level plans... stuffing envelopes... mailing commission circulars... and similar
work-at-home programs. Most people who read this ad will automatically say, "Yeah, here's
another one of these multi-level ... stuff envelope ...commission circular deals. I've seen 'em
all. Why bother sending the LSASE?"
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2. Advertising Surgeon Shows No Mercy
The following tip will save you piles of money ...
Do not expect any significant response to curiosity-type offers that have no unique
positioning. What the heck is positioning? Let me explain. Positioning is the theme you give to
your offer. It's what newspaper reporters call their "slant" or "angle." It means what key idea is
behind the offer. Do you want an example? Okay. Here it
is:
Which of these two ad headlines attracts your attention most?
"DOLLARS IN YOUR MAILBOX"
... OR ...
"78 YEAR OLD MAN DISCOVERS SNEAKY WAY
TO GET PEOPLE TO SEND YOU
MONEY IN THE MAIL"
Which did you pick? If you have the marketing and advertising savvy I think you do, then
you probably picked the one about the "78-year old man." You are not alone. Most readers,
too, would first respond to an ad with this headline, as opposed to the "Dollars in Your Mailbox"
line. Because it is what I call, "Specifically Unique." It
gets people conjuring up images in their mind. They wonder, "What about this 78-year old
man? How did he discover this plan?" People have not heard this before. It_s fresh and
different. If you want your ad to stand out from the crowd, say something different.
Do you understand what I mean about positioning your offer now? Let me give you another
example to make this even more clear.
AD CRITIQUE #2:
RAGS TO RICHES!
Discover little-known success secrets.
Easy! Profitable! Free details with SASE.
Ugh! Look at that poor ol' headline! The fine woman who wrote this ad is probably not very
happy with the results she is getting. And you know... this ad could have been 100% more
effective if she had changed only a few words! That's because this woman, unlike the previous
advertiser, does have relatively clear positioning. Do you see her positioning? Take a minute
and look at this ad again. And see if you can spot the angle she_s using.
Did you catch it? If you didn't, don't worry. Sometimes it takes a little practice to instantly
spot it. After I'm done with you, your eyes will pop out of your head when you see a
well-positioned offer. Now ... back to this "Rags to Riches" ad.
The position here is "Little-known success secrets." Now ...compare this to the previous
"Dollars in Your Mailbox" ad. All that ad said was that the method was "Easy & Exciting." I_m
not excited. Are you excited? It_s simply not enough. It's too vague. It's too general. It gives
us nothing. No information.
But the "Rags to Riches" ad (despite the headline), does give us some information. Instead
of saying to ourselves, "This is just a stuff envelopes or multi-level scheme." we are more likely
to say, "Hmm... Why are these secrets little known? Do I know them? Who does know them?
It's probably not a stuff envelope or multi-level program because everyone knows about them."
And so on.
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3. Advertising Surgeon Shows No Mercy
Now ... this ad, although it is doing something right, still suffers. A lot. And the problem is
with the headline. So let's stop complaining and start doing something about it! Hmm... let's
see. Instead of "Rags to Riches," how about if we put the main idea of this ad right up in the
headline. First, decide what_s so unique about this plan. Who developed it? Is this person, or
his or her situation, unique in any way?
For example:
"Japanese Millionaire Reveals The Secrets That Helped Make Him So Rich."
-OR-
"Dying Millionaire Agrees To Reveal His Secrets Of Wealth And Success."
-OR-
"Millionaire's Private Diary Found ...Reveals Little-Known Secrets Of Success"
Do you get it? The whole point here is to think up a headline that is different from what
thousands of other mail order dealers are saying. BE TRUTHFUL, but find an intriguing way
to say it! Stop all the, "Get Rich By Mail" nonsense.
People are tired of this vague, generic, nonsense! Ask yourself, "What is unique about my
offer? Am I the only one offering this plan, product or service? What is unique about ME that I
can play up?
Am I a farmer with a great money making plan? ("Idaho Farmer Says, `Growing $20.00 Bills
Are As Easy As Growing Potatoes When You Follow My Plan!'")
Am I losing my hair?" ("Bald Man Offers The Only 24-Hour Print & Mail Service.") Make sure
you put a picture of yourself on everything if this describes you!
You will become well known very quickly!
Are you a big or tall man or woman? ("6_5, 275-Pound Man Offers The BIGGEST Big Mail
In The Industry!") In this case, use a photo ...taken from floor level to emphasize your size ...
on everything!
Are you a great fisherman or woman? ("Fishing Expert Says, `Hooking PEOPLE are as easy
as hooking flounder when you follow my secret plan to build up your down-line!'")
Get the idea?
And this is extremely important: If you remember only one point from this entire month's
newsletter ... remember this one. BE SPECIFIC! In other words, don't say, "Make A Lot of
Money." Say, "Make $32,098.00 in 4 months." Don't say, "Mail Order Dealers Love the
Fishhead Advertiser." Say, "176 Of Today_s Most Successful Dealers
Advertise In The Fishhead Advertiser ... 92% Repeat Every Issue." Don't say, "Send For My
Big, Big Mail." Say, "... 25 Publication Big Mail." or "... 104 Piece Big Mail." or "... 3-1/2 Pound
Big Mail." Why be so specific? Because specifics are more believable than even figures. It
tells readers that you actually sat down and counted. That builds
your credibility. And the more credible you are, the more likely people will buy from you. So ...
BE SPECIFIC UNTIL IT HURTS!
Let's take a peek at another ad, shall we?
AD CRITIQUE #3:
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4. Advertising Surgeon Shows No Mercy
36.6%
I'm currently mailing a circular pulling 36.6% in sales! I'll send you a copy for a long, stamped
#10 return envelope.
Now we're cookin'! This guy has something here. Check it out. First ... his headline is very
S_______C. Were you able to fill in the blank? Good for you! The headline is SPECIFIC! He
doesn't say, "I'm Getting Many Orders." He is on target with an exact figure, "36.6%." Hey
look! He isn't saying just 36%. He is going all the way and saying
that extra .6% too! Good job!
Could this guy get even better response to his ad? Definitely. How about if he said
something that gave more of an idea of his offer in his headline rather than just a number...
"Circular Pulls 36.6% In Orders ...
Yours Free For The Asking!"
This way this chap tells everything right up front. Remember: 60% of the readers will read
just the headline and no more. In this case, they_ll read "36.6%". This number alone means
nothing. So you gotta hook your fish the right way before he swims to somebody else's bait!
Onward!
Are you learning? Great! Now, keep paying attention here ...class is not over yet.
AD CRITIQUE #4:
MAILERS
Join The Kristo Mailers Club.
A bonanza for the small mail order dealer.
Now take a look at this ad. Is there something wrong with it? Before I say anything ... you
tell me! Yes ... something is wrong. First of all, let's look at the headline. It says simply
"MAILERS." That's all. Okay. Now you can argue that it does target its audience. In other
words ... it will attract Mailers, and that's who this advertiser wants
to attract. If you said that, I'd surely agree. The problem here, in that case, is that even if we
read the rest of the ad (the "body copy"), we discover something amazing... NOTHING! This ad
contains no BENEFITS. No reason to get us interested in responding.
All it says is "A BONANZA FOR THE SMALL MAIL ORDER DEALER." Yes, okay, a bonanza,
but what the heck is a bonanza? A bonanza of what? Money? Membership benefits? Printing
discounts? Free ads? Commission Circulars? Tuna fish? WHAT???
Let's stop for a minute to catch our breath. I need to make a point here. I want to teach you
about what I just mentioned regarding the ad above. I said, "BENEFITS." Play close attention
now, because I'm going to give you the facts ... clear and straight. If you pass this over lightly
and do not incorporate it in your ads, you may as well pack up now and try a different
business. If you don't put BENEFITS in your advertising, whether it_s an ad, brochure, sales
letter, WHATEVER, then kiss your money bye bye!
Now before you start puckering up ... let me show you how easy it is to load your ad ... and
headlines especially ... with so many powerful benefits that it will make your readers' heads
spin.
First, let's examine what a benefit is in advertising terms. Benefits are those things that offer
the reader value. And as the word implies ... they are things that directly benefit him or her. Is
a benefit the same as a feature? NO! NO! NO! You must learn the distinction! A feature is
simply a component of a product or service.
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5. Advertising Surgeon Shows No Mercy
For example:
PRODUCT:
1993 Rolls Royce Silver Spur
FEATURE:
Leather Seats
BENEFIT:
LUXURIOUS COMFORT
***
FEATURE:
Wilton Carpeting
BENEFIT:
THE SOFT FEEL UNDERFOOT
***
FEATURE:
Rolls Royce Engine
BENEFIT:
POWER, CONTROL,
SUPREME RELIABILITY
***
FEATURE:
Dignified Styling
BENEFIT:
THE FEELING OF POWER AND SUCCESS
Get it? The features are the attributes. The benefits are what you get from the features.
And it_s the BENEFITS that entice people to buy. People want to know how your
money-making plan will benefit them ... they_re not much interested in the kind of paper it_s
printed on.
Now that we've straightened that up, let's return to our "Bonanza" ad. What we have to do
to improve this ad is: (1) Create our benefit headline and (2) Load the copy with benefits. Look
how much more exciting and persuasive the following copy is now ...
Thousands of Dollars in
Mail Order Discounts
... If You Can Qualify!
Join the Kristo Mail Order Club and enjoy: (1) 25% off Printing! (2) 15% off time-saving Rubber
Stamps! (3) FREE Money-Making Commission Circulars! (4) FREE Money-Saving Advertising
Consultation! (5) FREE Newsletter to Keep You Informed!
(6) AND MUCH MORE! FREE DETAILS! Send LSASE today to:
See, it's not so hard, is it? All I did was take (what I thought might be) the benefits of joining
that club and just list them! Adding the sneaky, "If you qualify" it gives the offer a flavor of
exclusivity... like not just anyone can join. Remember: People want what they cannot have. I
also capitalized and bold-faced the word "FREE" whenever it appeared (it_s a magic word!)
and added energy by using exclamation marks! My question to the person who placed this ad
is, "If your club offers such a great bonanza of tuna fish, er, benefits ...then why didn't you tell
me what they are?"
Look ... you don't need a full page to write a good ad. In the sample ad above, I condensed
the details. So Can You. In fact, little one inch ads can be tremendously successful, but you
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6. Advertising Surgeon Shows No Mercy
have to say the right things! You have to pump up the benefits!
Okay ... let's review what you've learned ...
1) You_ve learned that about 60% of all readers will read your headline and no more, so
YOUR HEADLINE MUST BE STRONG!
2) You now know that in order to stand out, YOU MUST GIVE YOUR OFFER UNIQUE
"POSITIONING" ... the "slant" or "angle" as newspaper reporters call it. Give your main benefit
a twist and say it in your headline!
3) You learned that you can USE SOMETHING UNIQUE ABOUT YOU, your background, your
appearance, your hobbies and more, as one way to develop your positioning!
4) You now know it_s extremely important to GIVE READERS SPECIFICS because it
increases believability and thus, response!
5) And you learned the differences between Features and Benefits. In order to persuade
people to buy, you must LOAD YOUR COPY WITH BENEFITS! (This is the #1 secret of
successful ad-writing ... and I'm NOT kidding!)
Okay, that's enough for now. But don't leave the Emergency Room yet ... this operation is
only half complete!
Be sure to join me next time and we'll continue this surgery with the next upload! Until then,
I wish you health, happiness and prosperity!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Drew Eric Whitman, D.R.S., [a.k.a. "Dr. Direct!(tm)"] is an outspoken, humorous and
philosophical advertising trainer, speaker and columnist with 15 solid years of hands-on
experience. His newspaper and magazine articles teach thousands of business people how to
use simple, but powerful techniques of Madison Avenue psychology to help
them boost their advertising results.
He was a Senior Direct Response Writer for the direct response division of the largest ad
agency in Philadelphia. He was also Senior Direct Response Copywriter of one of the largest
direct-to-the-consumer insurance companies in the world. He created powerfully effective
advertising for small retail shops, to giant, multi-million dollar organizations, including
Faber-Castell Corporation, Texaco, Veterans of Foreign Wars, American Automobile
Association, Amoco, American Legion and many others.
* Studied for 3 years under internationally known advertising legend Walter Weir.
* Certified by world-renowned NLP trainers & developers Robert Diltz, Todd Epstein and Judith
DeLozier for Advanced NLP Creativity and Innovation Strategies.
* Neuro-Linguistic Programming(tm) (NLP) Design Human Engineering (tm) and Training
Design Specialist. Personally trained by, certified and registered with Dr. Richard Bandler, NLP
co-developer.
* Certified Hypnotherapist. Member: National Guild of Hypnotists.
* Studied under international trainers David Gershon and Gail Straub for facilitating human
potential training.
* Certified Instructor for United Way/V.I.T.A.'s "Decisions" inmate rehabilitation program.
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7. Advertising Surgeon Shows No Mercy
* Member National Speakers Association.
* Featured in "Who's Who in Professional Speaking."
* Developer and producer of nationally known AdPOWER!(tm) Clinic, a dynamic, high-energy
seminar that gives audiences a virtual "truckload" of Madison Avenue tips, tricks and
techniques in 90 Roller-Coaster Minutes(tm). Especially suited for the entrepreneur,
homeworker and small business person.
* Author of "The Dr. Direct!(tm) AdPOWER!(tm) Clinic Action Guide." A 30,000+ word manual
that tells how to apply 40 of the most powerful, response-boosting techniques to your ads,
brochures, sales letters and more.
DREW ERIC WHITMAN, D.R.S.
Direct Response Surgeon(tm)
Post Office Box 6144 * Philadelphia, PA 19115-0144
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