Recommandé
Contenu connexe
Similaire à Presentation final
Similaire à Presentation final (20)
Dernier
Dernier (20)
Presentation final
- 3. Relapse “By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins – he will confess them and forsake them.” D & C 58:43 In The Miracle of Forgiveness, Pres. Kimball tells us that until we can face and turn away from previous sins, we haven’t fully repented.
- 4. All 12 step programs practice
- 6. SEEKING 4 GOD’S WILL TRUTH 11 CONFESS ION 5 CONTINUING INVENTORY 10 6 TEST ING AMENDS 9 8 7 WILLINGNESS HUMILITY
- 7. 4th Step the Key
- 9. • Pic of BB open to pages 64- 65
- 12. • MY EXPERIENCE
- 13. 2 meetings/week 1160 meetings BP 1160 RELAPSES 1740 meetings AP 12 RELAPSES
- 14. • Why not everyone?
- 17. I have now presented my evidence We’ll take a brief recess to review and answer questions
- 19. The Savior tells us, “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” Most addicts know they are addicts but that truth doesn’t stop them from acting on their addictions.
- 21. • Humans are complex! • Baa jillions of reasons. Right? •WRONG! • Only TWO reasons.
- 23. Good Behavior
- 24. Bad Behavior
- 25. .
- 26. –Self-esteem –Security (financial & physical) –Ambitions –Personal relationships –Sexual relationships – SELF-PRESERVATION
- 27. Why does Self-esteem. someone put in the effort to develop her personal talents, whatever they are?
- 28. Why do fathers work Security, both long hours to financial and provide for their physical. families?
- 29. Why do people strive Ambitions. to learn more and to do more in their lives.
- 30. Why do people Personal adjust their behavior relationships. to accommodate other people?
- 31. Why do people get Personal and sex married? relationships.
- 32. Why does someone Narcissism put in the effort to develop his personal talents, whatever they are?
- 33. Why do fathers work long hours to provide for their families?
- 34. Why do people Driven by pride strive to learn more and to do more in their lives?
- 35. Why do people Control – domination - adjust their dependence behavior to accommodate other people?
- 36. Why do Philandering – people get pornography – etc. married?
- 37. • Fear of – being flawed, not good enough • Fear of – not being financially or physically secure • Fear of – not being good enough, not being better than • Fear of – not getting what I want or losing what I do have • Fear of – not being lovable, not being trusted, rejection
- 38. FEAR IS THE BASIS OF ALL SIN.
- 39. You say the church encourages and inspires us all to have greater faith…
- 40. starts all sin Fear filters through our
- 41. What isn’t he seeing yet? He isn’t seeing how his behaviors are the result of fears filtering through the pathways of his instincts. Almost every thought, emotion, word, a nd deed has been distorted by his fears.
- 42. • He isn’t seeing how fear is causing him to desperately overreach to fulfill his instinctive needs.
- 43. He isn’t seeing that he has never trusted God enough to simply live the commandments and let God fulfill His promises.
- 44. • These are the insights that will break the pattern of lies keeping him trapped in addiction.
- 45. SELF-DECEPTION
- 46. • Chronic self- deception • Prevents unaided discovery • Help is needed from – God – Sponsor
- 47. Facilitating Format Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dihe shonest Self-seekng Afraid Principle Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Principle Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Principle Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid
- 48. Facilitating Format Resentments Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Principle Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Principle Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Principle Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid
- 49. Why Resentment? • “And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, between thy seed and her seed…” Moses 4:21
- 50. Enmity “A state or feeling of hostility.” •A Gift from God
- 51. REPENTANCE
- 52. Enmity - A Red Flag
- 53. Facilitating Format Resentments Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Principle Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Principle Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Principle Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid
- 54. Facilitating Format Incidents Dad Incident 1 Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Dad Incident 2 Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Dad Incident 3 Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Dad Incident 4 Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Dad Incident 5 Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Dad Incident 6 Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Dad Incident 7 Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Mom Incident 1 Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Mom Incident 2 Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Mom Incident 3 Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Kathy Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Philip Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Neil Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Ruth Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid God Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Myself Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Police Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid The church Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Political parties Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Teachers unions Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Speed limits Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Law of chastity Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Word of wisdom Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Honesty Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid
- 55. Facilitating Format Instincts Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Principle Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Principle Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Principle Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid
- 56. Facilitating Format Selfish Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Person Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Institution Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Principle Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Principle Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid Principle Incident Instincts Selfish Dishonest Self-seekng Afraid
- 58. SEX RELATIONS INVENTORY • Saved for last • Evokes the most fear • Previous work has prepared us • Nothing to fear – nothing graphic
- 59. Final Questions
- 60. •My Testimony
- 61. Thank You
Notes de l'éditeur
- Good evening everyone and thank you for making time to participate in this presentation.
- First I request that my name, in compliance with the 11 tradition of Alcoholics Anonymous, not be “published at the level of press, radio, or film.” With the exception of my name, as just mentioned, I do grant permission for all of these materials to be used in any non-commercial endeavor aimed at helping others recover from addictions in any form.Next, I want to encourage you to submit EVERY question or comment you may have, good or bad about the content I am about to present and also about the way I present it. Your feedback is critical to making this message more accessible to all who are still suffering from addictions. if you don’t like any part of this, please don’t “spare my feelings” . I will prayerfully consider every submission in hopes of improving this message. When you submit questions or comments be sure to include your email address as well. If I’m unable to address your submission within the presentation, I promise I’ll respond to every submission within the next day or two. I want to reinforce the importance of submitting EVERY question that comes to mind. I may use jargon unfamiliar to you or audio quality may distort something. So please submit everything that comes to mind. I still learn something new at almost every meeting as someone expresses their thoughts in a different way than I’ve ever heard before. I frequently learn something in a new way from my newest sponsees. So there are no “dumb” questions.Finally, if you want to submit something to me offline from this presentation I’m providing my email address here and again at the end. Okay, let’s begin.CREDENTIALS:I’m George McPhee from Boston, Ma. and am a convert to the church for the last 27 years. I’m also an active member of Alcoholics Anonymous for the last 27 and a half years. My first calling in the church’s A.R. Program came about 10 years ago, when my wife and I were called to be Regional Coordinators for the program in southern New England.EXPERIENCE:Over these 10 years I’ve set up meetings, trained Group Leaders, worked with addicts one-on-one, met with bishops, stake presidents, area authorities, and leaders at LDS Family Services in Salt Lake City. It was also my privilege to serve on the Concept and Writing Committee which wrote A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing. My purpose in telling you all this is to establish that I have received feedback from people at all levels of this program and that is what I will draw upon in this presentation. The most frequent problem I’ve heard about, at all levels, from sponsees to leaders is >>>
- Relapse >>> In D & C 58:43 the Lord tells us, “By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins – he will confess them and forsake them.”In The Miracle of Forgiveness, President Kimball clearly teaches that full and lasting repentance hasn’t occurred until a person demonstrates the ability to face and turn away from sins he previously committed.Someone who relapses has clearly not forsaken his sins. The primary question for the addict, and for leaders at every level, thus becomes, “Is there a way to launch an addict into a cycle of repentance that will be effective and lasting?”
- There are more than 250 Twelve Step Programs for overcoming various addictions.All of these programs are based upon three foundational gospel principles:The first three steps lead a person to faith in GodSteps 4-11 form a perfect circle of repentanceand the 12th step is service.This is clearly the basic gospel without the Priesthood ordinances.For today’s presentation we will only discuss the first of 8 elements, or steps, in the process of repentance.Let’s begin by stating my goals for today’s presentation.>>>
- First I will give a brief overview of the 8 elements of “The Perfect Circle of Repentance,” that is Steps 4 through 11.Next I will present evidence that there is one 4th Step method that is clearly more effective in producing lasting recovery than any other.Following that I will discuss common elements of addictive behavior and show connections to the recovery process.And finally, I will explain the overall method of this inventory, and why it has proven so effective in producing lasting recovery in, “the weak and the weakest of all saints,” we addicts.Let’s begin with a brief synopsis of the 8 recovery steps that comprise “The Perfect Circle of Repentance.” >>>
- Think about what constitutes perfect repentance.The BD states that repentance is the process of “turning the heart and will to God, and a renunciation of sin (selfishness) to which we are naturally inclined.”Starting at Step 4 a person must examine themself truthfully. This requires an inventory method that cuts through self-deception.Step 5 continues the discovery or UN-covery process by involving an objective 3rd person to hear our inventory and give us feedback. This person frequently will be able to point out more of the truth for the addict since the 3rd party has no reason to shade the truth. They will often be able to see patterns in the addicts behavior that are obscured to the addict.Step 6 is where a person meets the same challenges they faced while acting on and blinded to the true causes of his or her addictive behaviors. Having seen why he previously acted out on his addictions, he now, for the first time, faces an informed decision. For the first time, the addict truly gets to choose between behaviors proven to lead to harmful outcomes, or trying “an experiment upon [God’s] words.”Step 7 is where the “experiment upon the word” actually takes place. This is where the addict sees the temptation, but of his own volition, chooses to ask God for help in finding a better way.Step 8 is a step of preparation to actually face people we have harmed in some way and admit our faults to them. Step 9 is making direct amends to those we have harmed. This obviously takes a great deal of courage and humility. Every amends should be discussed with a sponsor in advance in an effort to prevent further harm being done. Step 10 is the moment to moment application of the same self-examination process learned in the 4th Step.Step 11 completes the cycle of repentance by working toward constant contact with God through the Spirit, to know and do His will. When this occurs we start to move from grace to grace.>>> It is obvious that discovering or UN-covering the truth in Step 4 is ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL to the quality of repentance a person can achieve. Therefore >>>Over these 10 years I have sponsored numerous LDS men in Boston, all of whom were or are students at Harvard or MIT. By any normal standard these men do not have learning disabilities. But when it comes to addictions, the standard church teaching methods have proved ineffective. The approach that has worked for them is the 12 step process, specifically using the inventory method on pages 64 – 71 from the text Alcoholics Anonymous.
- This makes the 4th Step the key to an effective and lasting process of repentance. If we don’t discover or uncover the truth, the remaining steps of the process will have very little affect.My ultimate goal tonight is to convince you that the most effective inventory method known to man is the one described on pages 64 – 71 of the text of Alcoholics Anonymous.I’ve attached a spreadsheet form of this method that I have adapted to correspond with the text of A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing.
- Inventory - ShminventoryWhat’s the diff?The Guide says “there is no single right way to do [an inventory]”, and I can’t argue with that. However >>>
- However, I do argue that there is evidence that the inventory on pages 64-71 in the text of Alcoholics Anonymous is by far the most effective in producing lasting repentance.
- Since AA doesn’t track any kind of statistics other than to guess at the number of people attending meetings worldwide, the only proof I can offer is the evidence of my own experience.So >>>
- I’m asking you to be members of the jury as I try to make my case.So members of the jury I ask you to consider the following evidence.
- I have been an active member of AA for almost 28 years. Those 28 years can be divided into two eras…the first 11 years (we can call it BP…Before Process) and the last 17 years (which we will call AP…After Process)
- BP-In my first 11 Before Process years , I attended an average of 2 meetings per week which calculates to approximately 1,160 meetings. In every single one of those meetings at least one person , and often more would reveal that they had relapsed. APIn my last 17 After Process years, I have attended an additional 1,740 meetingsIn those meetingsI have heard less than twelve individuals disclose a personal relapse after having completed a thorough 4th step inventory out of the text. Additionally, I personally know hundreds more people who will bear testimony to the validity of these observations. >>>
- Members of the jury, although this is not a scientifically defensible study, I submit that this is sufficient evidence to motivate anyone who wants to be free of his or her addiction to find a sponsor and diligently work this method.Now to be fair, I’ll give the prosecuting attorney a chance to voice his objections.Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have but one question, if this is such a great method, why isn’t everyone doing it this way and this way only?That’s a fair question. Here’s my answer>>>
- Most people don’t do this because it’s HARD! It’s hard because it requires a lot of work!Its’ hard because the vast majority of people will tell you it’s not necessary to do all that work.It’s hard because it takes a long time to do…It’s hard because it’s emotionally gut wrenching…It’s hard because it requires brutal self-honesty, no excuses allowed!There’s also another big reason why this is the road less travelled >>>
- … SUBSTITUTIONMost substance addicts enter recovery because they’re literally near death. Anything that isn’t going to actually kill me looks better than what I’ve been doing. Once I stop drinking or drugging myself to death I’m likely to think everything else is gravy. In AA there’s a sarcastic use of the phrase “Growing with the program” which can be expressed as 50 or 100/200 lbs. What this means is when a newcomer stops drinking they substitute over-eating and thereby gain 50 lbs of body weight.The 100/200 lbs refers to gaining the body weight of a girlfriend (100 lbs) or the 200 lbs of a boyfriend as the substitute for your drinking.These observations are so well known that they have become cliches.
- So members of the jury. I have now presented evidence to support my premise that there are many ways to perform a 4th step inventory, but I contend that there is one way which stands out above all the rest in it’s effectiveness in launching an addict into lasting repentance or recovery.Let’s take a brief recess here to answer a few questions.>>>
- (Q & A)
- Okay, we’re back in session.Reinforcing my premise that the step of greatest worth to an addict is the 4th Step, I’ll quote the Savior Himself when he tells us, >>> “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” Thus if your inventory doesn’t get you all the way to the truth, it cannot set you free.>>>My personal experience, and that of perhaps thousands of addicts I’ve heard speak over the last 28 years, is that we knew for a long time that we were addicts. The problem is that that truth didn’t set me or them free. We all kept acting out for years even knowing that we were addicts and that we were killing ourselves.So the most important question I can ask at this point is, >>>
- What is the truth that will set me free?Or more specifically>>>Why do I do the things I do?Right now you’re probably saying to yourselves, “you can’t be serious, asking that question.”>>>
- Human beings are complex.There must be a ba jillion reasons why people do the things they do, RIGHT????WRONG! There are only 2 reasons why people do what they do.>>>
- Fear Or FaithI either have faith that what I am doing will bring me good Or I have fear that I won’t get something good if I don’t take action in some form.>>>
- When I choose a good behavior I have faith that it will be good for me now or in the future.When I tell the cashier that she gave me too much change, I have more faith that God will reward me later.I have less fear that not taking advantage of the cashier’s mistake will prove a financial detriment to me. >>>
- However, when I fear that I might starve to death if I give my brother the last crust of bread, I’ll be ready to fight him for it.I don’t have enough faith to trust God’s promise that He who lays down his life for his brother will save his life.Therefore, I have more fear than faith in this instance.>>>
- We can all probably agree with that in general, but human beings are still complex, aren’t they?How does that answer why an addict does what he does?I agree that we are all complex, but not as complex as we think. Human beings aren’t like a premium cable TV package with 500 channels.We’re more like an old radio out in the country. We only get about 5-6 channels.And if we know what those channels are, we can examine how fear filters through each channel to produce our addictive behaviors.We call those channels >>>
- Human instincts.I’ve listed 6, but I think the first 5 can all be grouped under the final umbrella of Self-preservation.This is arguably the list of man’s basic instincts. There is some debate about how to slice and dice these, but these are the basics.>>>
- When we act in accordance with God’s will our instincts are a blessing and a source of joy. Here a young girl is developing her talents.>>>
- In this slide a father is providing security for his wife and children.>>>
- By studying we obey God’s commandment to learn by study and by faith.We both improve our talents and our inate desire to grow and become more.
- We all try to establish relationships with others that are joyful and fulfilling. We are created to be social beings.
- There is also the deep desire to bond with another special person of the opposite sex and to procreate a posterity.The preceding 5 examples show appropriate actions based on faith in God’s will.
- However, when we try to get more of these than God intends for us we turn these gifts into sources of sin and pain for us and those about us.When carried to the extreme, developing talents can lead to narcissism.
- When a person’s fear of financial well being exceeds realistic proportions, it can become work-aholism and deprive his family of his attention and love.
- Learning or achievement with the intention of being more useful to our fellowmen is appropriate. When fear dictates that I have to be better than others, rather than a contributor to the group, it becomes PRIDE.>>>
- When influence and persuasion, which is the Lord’s way, doesn’t yield the desired outcome, we inappropriately resort to domination or manipulation or become dependent on another person.
- When the physical component of marriage becomes disproportionate to God’s intended purposes, all kinds of sexual sins result.
- Each of these examples, And all sinful behaviorsFlows from fear>>>
- Fear is the basis of all sin.>>>
- You say that the church encourages and inspires us all to have greater faith.Why isn’t that enough to set an addict on the path to lasting recovery,…particularly one who knows the “truth” that he’s an addict? If they know that truth, why do they relapse?>>>
- Let’s review to see if we’ve left anything out.We’ve identified that the bottom line of ALL bad behavior, particularly addictions, is FEAR.We also have established that ALL behavior is filtered through our INSTINCTS.>>>
- So what is the missing component of truth?What isn’t he seeing yet?He isn’t seeing how his behaviors are the result of fears filtering through the pathways of his instincts. Almost every thought, emotion, word, and deed has been distorted by his fears.>>>
- He isn’t seeing how fear is causing him to desperately overreach to fulfill his instinctive need for food.Does this man really need that much food to sustain him? Obviously not.The church is now recognizing over-eating as a serious addiction.
- He isn’t seeing that he has never trusted God enough to simply live the commandments and let God fulfill His promises.
- There is also one HUGE stumbling block still preventing him from seeing the truth that will set him free. That stumbling block is called…
- …SELF-DECEPTIONAddiction is a progressive disease that may start out limited to the addictive behavior itself. Therefore an addict may be rigorously honest in all other aspects of his life at the start. But as the disease gets progressively worse, the lies necessary to support and protect his addictive behaviors start to spill into other areas of his life. By the time he is desperate enough to seek help, there is virtually no aspect of his life that isn’t clothed in lies.This has been true ever since both Adam and Eve tried to pass off blame, first Adam said, “the woman thou gavest me,” Then Eve said, “the serpent beguiled me.” This is the response “the natural man” always considers whenever he veers off from God’s will.>>>
- In an addict, lying has become so chronic,>>>that he or she is incapable of uncovering the truth>>> without both divine and human help.>>>
- It also requires a format and method that will facilitate peeling away the lies. This is the format.When we remember incidents from our past we remember the people involved and the emotions. So our memory is either happy or sad or some other shade of emotion.Emotions spring from the way we think about the situation. They cloud our ability to see clearly. In order to get to the truth, we have to rigorously dig below the emotions to examine our motives and the facts. But where do we begin?>>>
- We begin by listing RESENTMENTS we have against people, institutions and principles.>>>
- The obvious question at this point is WHY do we start with resentments? Aren’t we just stirring up bad memories from the past? What good can possibly come from that?Quite a lot, actually.Let’s take a look at Adam and Eve to see if we can gain some additional insight. Other than Adam and Eve, who else suffered consequences from The Fall? All mankind, of course. But there was someone else who suffered from The Fall. Who was it? I’ll give you a hint. He’s in the picture with Adam and Eve. That’s right - Satan. And what was the consequence that God assigned to Satan because of his part in The Fall?Enmity! I will put enmity between thee and the woman, between thy seed and her seed.>>>
- The dictionary defines enmity as…”a state or feeling of hostility.”I see this as one of God’s most magnificent gifts to mankind.It’s a gift because it feels bad and we all want to get rid of it.And just how do we get rid of it? >>>
- We get rid of it through the process of repentanceRepentance is the only way to be free of the bad feelings of enmity that accompany every sin. Therefore, anything that inclines us toward repentance, no matter how painful it may be, can be viewed for the good it encourages in us.Remember the Lamanites who slew the Anti-Nephi-Lehi’s. More of them were converted to the gospel than the number slain. For those who laid down there lives for their brothers, the reward was eternal life, the greatest of all the gifts of God.For those who slew them and turned to the gospel, the same reward could now be possible if they fully repented and endured to the end. What amazing gifts flowed out of such an act of extreme brutality.>>>
- Since God has assigned ENMITY to any occurrence of sin, it becomes a RED FLAG marker for us.If I want to know where to start examining my sins, all I have to do is look for all the red flags of resentment.So the way to start my 4th step inventory is to list all of my resentments.>>>
- Now let’s walk through a few stagesof the format in greater detail, so that you get the general idea. You don’t have to worry about getting all the details right at this point. The attached spreadsheet has detailed instructions on each page to guide the process.We start by listing every person, institution, and principle which has ever caused us resentment.It doesn’t matter if we have long ago forgiven them for their part. It only matters that we DID FEEL RESENTMENT at the time of our interaction with them.It is critical that the addict work only vertically. He should never write about an incident from start to finish horizontally. I’ll explain that further in a minute.This means that he or she writes names, and names only, until no more names of people, institutions, or principles that he ever resented come to mind.They do not write what caused the resentment until the first column is complete, or nearly so.I cannot emphasize enough how important it is for the work to proceed vertically, column by column.>>>
- The next list expands the first to include each interaction or incident with the other party that caused a specific resentment.This second list is the list we will actually work through to perform our inventory.Notice that there are multiple incidents remembered about the dad. The same is true for the mom.On my first listing I had 650 individual names of people, about 20 institutions, And only about 5 principles listed.That’s a total of 675 names of people, institutions, and principles.When I expanded that list to include incidents it totaled almost 1000 incidents.I had 40 incidents for each of my parents, and numerous for all my siblings and many others.You’ll also note that both God and myself are on the list of parties against whom I had resentments. Many people have prayed mightily to God to deliver them from some situation and obtained no relief on their terms. This frequently leads to resentments against God. This may feel uncomfortable to some people, but unless honestly acknowledged and examined, the addict will not be set free.So I’ll repeat that it’s ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL that addicts be allowed to express and examine all of their resentments including those toward themselves, their spouses, their kids, church leaders, and even God.>>>
- In this column we list each of the 5 basic instincts we felt were being hurt of threatened in each incident. Some incidents may only have one instinct listed, others may include all 5. Once again I need to emphasize that this work is done vertically, not horizontally.We don’t do any of the work in the Instincts column until all the work has been completed, or nearly so, in the first two columns. We don’t do any of the work in the Selfish column until all the work has been done in the Instincts column and so on through the entire format and process.
- In the Selfish column we answer just 2 questions. What did I want? And Why did I want it? After we complete this column we answer about 10 questions to reveal the dishonesty within each incident. We then move to the column where we list all actions or inactions we employed to get what we wanted in each incident. Finally, we list every fear we can associate with each incident and answer a series of questions as well.
- I don’t have a slide that will explain my next point very clearly so please listen closely as I try to explain.Working in columns vertically, lessens the full impact of the bad feelings I experience as I do this work. This does not diminish the depth of remorse needed for repentance. It’s like examining a thousand ugly photos of myself, one by one, all the way through 1000 ugly images.When I first see each photo I only look at it long enough to acknowledge that I look ugly.But as I look repeatedly at photo after photo, I begin to be able to bear the images longer and longer.Then at some point I begin to notice other aspects of the images in front of me.I begin to see more of the elements of the photo and it’s composition and lighting conditions and background and participants.I begin to discover facts I never acknowledged before, and not all of them are bad.But mostly I begin to see how I have had some degree of responsibility for all of the bad events in my life.Column by column I find more and more of the “causes and conditions” that have fueled my behaviors.I begin to see the TRUTH.My personal experience of this process was the realization of how totally gentle and loving it was. When I was finished with my writing it distilled upon my soul that this method was truly the gift of a God who loves me so much, that even the process by which I acknowledged the wounds I inflicted upon Him through my sins, was a process full of His mercy, His compassion, and His love. I had never felt so loved in my life.>>>
- Finally we come to the part of the inventory that produces the most shame and fear in everyone…Our SEX RELATIONSNo matter what the world says, sex has always been the most intimate, vulnerable, and sacred interaction of our creation. So when we violate any aspect of it’s intended purpose, we feel a great deal of guilt and pain.For those reasons, this part of the inventory process was saved for last. By this time the addict has become accustomed to examining many unflattering things about him or herself.They have also begun to experience some of the blessings that come from improved honesty and behaviors.They have a stronger faith that God will support them and comfort them in this segment of the inventory process as well.And then as they begin to answer the questions in this section, they discover that although this is not pleasant, THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR.I won’t go through any of those questions here but suggest you do so in the attachment to assure yourself that there is nothing graphic or unseemly being required.>>>This part of the inventory process evokes the most fear among participants even though there is nothing graphic to be revealed. I believe we all fear our transgressions in this realm because it is the most intimate, the most vulnerable, and the most sacred part of human existence. But a review of the 15 questions to be answered should reassure most people that they can face this examination, just as they have faced the previous sections, with God’s help and the help of a sponsor.
- We have now walked all the way through the inventory format which I contend is demonstrably more effective in fostering true repentance. We see that getting fully to the truth is essential to all of the remaining steps in “The Perfect Circle of Repentance.”And we have seen that from the very first sin, men and women, are prone to self-deception.But Heavenly Father has assigned consequences that are not simply punishments. They can also be viewed as gifts of great worth to each of us, and especially to addicts.In His divine work and glory, He has designed an earthly experience wherein “it is hard to kick against the pricks.” When we sin we always experience painful consequences which we will be naturally inclined to alleviate.He also has provided the path of Repentance where we can escape from those bad feelings.For those of us who accumulate enough painful experiences to become addicts, the negative incentive to repent is truly a gift from God.So I’ll pause now to answer any final questions you may have.>>>
- This program isn’t instant mashed potatoes. It’s not a 12-week, or a 12-month, or even a 12 year program. This program is a way of life. I believe it’s actually the gospel way of life, without the Priesthood ordinances.I was 39 when I began my recovery. I went to 10 meetings a week for the first 3 years and 2 of those were always so-called Step meetings. By the end of my 11-year Before Process period ,I was going to maybe one meeting a month and my life was very unhappy. That’s when the Lord intervened and introduced me to the actual process He inspired to be written in the text of Alcoholics Anonymous. It took me over 4 years to write my 4th Step Inventory and several months after that to read it all to my sponsor as my 5th Step. Thinking I was done, I then promptly stopped going to meetings for 3 years. I then, very reluctantly resumed attending meetings for another year. Finally, after this full period of testing, I was humble enough to really start practicing this program as my daily way of life. When you add that all up it took me 20 years to finally and fully embrace this way of life. It’s clear that recovery, or effective and lasting repentance, can take some people a very long time to achieve. I never picked up a drink in those 20 years, but learning to live in harmony with God and man requires a lot more than just not drinking. Let me also say that everyone of those years was truly better than the one preceding it. So I bear my testimony that this is a program of progress and that the Savior leads all of us addicts into it according to His time table, not ours. I know that Jesus lives, and that His atoning sacrifice gives purpose to all of the work I’ve done and continue to do to become a better disciple each and every day. I know that Joseph Smith Jr. was His instrument in bringing forth a restoration of His gospel and that President Monson is His living prophet on the earth today. I know that this church is the Savior’s living organism by which He continues His work in redeeming all of us. I know that this church truly does claim all truth wherever it may be found because I was a participant and witness that this A.R. Program is founded on the adapted principles of Alcoholics Anonymous acknowledged on the title page of A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing. I am grateful for all that I have been through in my life that has brought me to this glorious knowledge. I love the Savior and His church and the 12-step programs of Alcoholics Anonymous and the A.R. Program of the church. It is my prayer that this presentation will bring blessings to each of you personally and to the lives you will touch for good in this sacred work. And I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.