Helping first generation scholars navigate the college essay.

1. I don’t have a story to tell!
Helping first generation scholars navigate the college essay
Presented by:
Laurie Brown, KIPP Delta
Ebonee Mahone-Todman, KIPP Metro Atlanta

2. Do Now-Gallery Walk:
Please take a few post-it notes and identify the methods you use
in assisting scholars get to a great essay. Please post around the
room as you finish!
We will share out after about 5 minutes!

3. Psychological Warfare
Learning to doubt your doubts.
Student comments:
•“I have never done this before, and I am freaking out!”
•“There is a lot of information—sometimes conflicting information—and I don’t know who to
trust!”
•“The process is so complicated. Just managing all the pieces feels overwhelming.”
•“I am the first person in my family to go to college. The people around me have high
expectations, and I have high expectations of myself.”
•“I want schools to know that I am more than just my grades and test scores, but I don’t know
how to show what that is.”
•“I can’t stop comparing myself to other people—including my friends. It’s a horrible feeling.”
•“I’m just in high school. I have no idea what I want to do with the so-called rest of my life.”

4. Why is this important?
● Scholars should know they have a story! (regardless of what the story might be)
● The essay writing portion can become a bonding experience between scholar and
counselor
● Unique stories can be found inside of “normal” situations (the digging process)

5. Stages to a great essay
Stages
● Prompt Review and Outline
● Free write
● Rough Draft development and review
● Final draft/ ready for submission

6. Something to work with...

7. Student Background-Atlanta
● 2-parent household, #2 out of 4 children in the house, own their home, older
sibling in college, parental involvement within the school (PTA and other
committees)
● She wanted to talk about how her being involved in school helped her develop
into who she is now
● I asked:
○ What do you want the reader to know about you?
○ What thoughts did you want the reader to have if any?
○ How much information are you willing to tell the reader?
● Main pushback: “I am not going to sound poor/needy enough”; my response: “Who
said you needed to sound poor/needy?”

8. Finding their authentic voice (our examples)
KIPP Metro Atlanta [Andrea Davis]
My family and friends always believed that I would thrive in whatever environment I was
in, and did not believe me when I would come home and say the words: “I. Hate. School.”
No one would ever expect that I would be bullied. I made good grades and participated in
various activities, such as Girl Scouts and dance. However, the activities I longed to be
involved in seemed like an astronomical dream that was not meant for me, and the
constant teasing and mistreatment caused me not to pursue my desires. Television
always depicted school with smart, athletic, and well-rounded students having the most
friends and always having an "easy" time through school; nonetheless, I came to school
everyday believing that I would never amount to anything and that when people hear my
name, they would say, "Who is that?” or “why would you associate with her?’” with no
intent to understand me as a person or human being. I felt as if I would always be an
outcast.

9. Student Background-The Delta
● Single parent household, oldest of 3 students, first-generation, parent involved as
much as possible
● Wanted to talk about what drives her in the face of adversity
● I asked:
○ Why are you involved with the things you do?
○ When you aren’t successful, what makes you get up and try again?
○ How can you show the passion behind what you created versus just say you had it?
● Main pushback: “How can I describe in detail what I do and why in 650 words?
There aren’t enough words!”; my response: “Of all the pieces in your story, which
one could your story not be told without?”

10. Finding their authentic voice (our Examples
KIPP Delta [Jackie Done]
I couldn't accept the fact that habitual chaos was accepted and expected in our community. Since I was one of
three girls raised by a single mother, I was expected to fall into the trap. I refused. I needed to know more about how
to address some of the issues in my community. I attended Brown University’s Leadership Institute where I took a
Leadership and Conflict Resolution Course where I was taught how to listen intently, seek and understand diverse
perspectives, empathize with students, and engage in conversations void of judgment. I came out of the program
renewed to address an issue in my community.
Out of the tension of the habitual chaos and my emblazed optimism of future growth and self-sufficiency, was
born a peer mediation program to prevent and circumvent issues between freshman girls. Many of the young girls I
interacted with insisted on verbally and physically attacking each other; while they cited their mothers attitudes as
the root cause, I believe differently. You see, I knew the hardships and internal conflicts they faced every day; I was
them but was fortunate to have a firm mother that supported me. I felt a sense of responsibility to help these young
girls. They were my purpose.

11. Components of a great essay
● Engage readers through style and student voice
● Demonstrate an ability/desire to learn
● Reveal critical facts about the student
● Show instead of tell
● Focus on just one topic
● Are free of grammatical and spelling errors

12. 2-2-1 Dyad Sessions
Members of group: Student and College Advisor
2 minutes: “College Advisor” coaches the “Student” on ways to improve their essay
2 minutes: “Student” gives feedback to “College Advisor” on how the feedback was
received
1 minute: “College Advisor” re-coaches on an area of feedback/advice given by
“student”

13. Dyad #1-KIPP Metro Atlanta [Nicholas]
“Bang! That is the boisterousness noise I first heard when I walked into the locker room of my high school, and a few seconds
later, I made the exact same sound with my fist emphatically punching the metal lockers. With footsteps following the aggressive
noise, all I did was sit down against the metal benches and stare at the cracks on the floor. All I could think about was what I had
just done and what I am going to do next. I had just started off my junior basketball season with one of the worst games a
basketball player could possibly play against a team we should have beat and in front of a crowd that expected way much more
from me.
The next few days, all I could do was lay down in my bed feeling sorry for myself thinking, “Why do you even play? Why
did you look like you didn’t know what to do when the lights turned on? What are you going to do next?” I couldn’t go back to
school after the way I just performed, but I knew that eventually I would have to. So, I gave my body and mind time to rest, and
reflect. Without reflection, you can’t understand what you did wrong and what you can do better.”

14. “Being able to do something I had loved allowed me to realized that I should be thankful for
what I am able to do and should push forward in making sure I can do such. As I progressed I
had positive effects on the basketball teams I played for. With each and every year, I became
more social and respectful outside of the court, as well as on the court. I made connections with
some of my teachers, who guided me to doing better with my choices and actions. I had a
problem with how I react to authoritative people. I learned how respectful I was to people
mattered in life. This advice I took to heart and pushed myself to achieve being respectful to
adults and people.
A year later, I had been on the basketball team I had become a spark plug for my teammates and
I enjoyed pushing myself. I had accomplished becoming a man through the experience that I
had harshly been put through. I had migrated from the position of a boy to the position of a man
in five years mainly because I had so many positive people in my life to help me.”
Dyad #2-KIPP Delta [John]

15. What about the essays that still need work?
Essays still in work:
● What makes this strong?
● How could the student improve their essay?
● What questions/conversation would you have with student?
● In dyad partner work discuss how to guide them through the types of questions to ask the student to get them
through the essay development stages
Tips on presenting improvements:
● Remember this is the students’ work. Tips should be presented as questions/suggestions but not mandatory
changes (unless it is really illegal etc)
● Make sure student can see how far they have come in the improvement stage
● “Are you happy with this as a representation of your story?” “Do you think someone that reads this understands
who you are as a person (not just what you’ve done) better than before?”

16. Closing Key Points:
● Every student has a story to tell
● Be unattached to the outcome of the essay (let the student,
within reason, talk about what they want)
● Be patient with the struggling student
● Ask questions. Avoid making overt suggestions