From Anger to Intimacy - slides by LamB

3. Either one of us can already break the Anger CycleChapter 4 – Own: Taking Responsibility

4. Own: Taking Responsibly Three Expressions of Anger (3 R’s) Repay, Replay, Resolve Five Tactics To Resolve Anger (5 C’s) Call a Time-out Cry out to God Commit to Forgive your Mate Choose a Different Reaction Create Judgment-Free Zones Expectations Towards Resolution (3 E’s) Expect Problems and Misunderstanding Expect that you’ll need a Lot of Patience Expect a Lot of Trial and Error

5. What does it look like the most?

6. Answer: Your another hand …

7. You and your spouse are a PAIR PAIR  SAME A Lot of Similarities … A Lot of Differences … Have you ever complained your left-hand for not holding chopsticks? DO NOT complain your spouse … you can “train” your spouse, but not complain. What should the expectations be?

8. Another story about complaint W: Why can’t you turn off the light after using the kitchen? How many times do I need to tell you again? H: Whatever …

9. Behind the story … Fact 1: H turned on the kitchen light because he wanted to be nice and cut an apple for W. Fact II: H forgot to turn it off after that.

10. Why did they get angry? W was REPLAYING Fact II, and turning blinded on Fact I. H was REPAYING, because he was not recognized for Fact I, and turning blinded on Fact II.

11. REPLAY Are you a Replayer? (Page 102 – 103) What can be replayed? What can’t? Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is notable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things Philippians 4:8 Counting the fault from your own, not from others. Counting the grace from others, not from your own. LamB 2:8

12. REPAY Got hurt  Protect yourself  Repay Fact I: Repay can hurt your spouse. Fact II: Repay cannot protect you. Fact III: Repay can form a cycle.

13. REPAY is a Double Blade You only see the wound on your own. You can’t see your spouse also got hurt when he/she hurt you with a double blade. Healing: it takes time but God can do it.

14. RESOLVE Call a Time-out My dear brothers, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen [and] slow to speak. James 1:19 Slow down your Own Take time to understand your spouse first, rather than rushing yourself to reflex with a [bad] response. LamB 8:2

15. RESOLVE Cry Out to God But He gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” James 4:6 Humble your Own “God, thank You for my wife. She has just pushed my button. I appreciate that so much, God. She’s a great tool that You are using in my life to help me mature with You”. From Anger to Intimacy: page 109

16. RESOLVE Commit to Forgiving Your Mate Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another just as God, through Christ, has forgiven you. Eph. 4:31-32 Untie your Own When you choose to forgive, on the other hand, you untie the knots put into a relationship by letting go of the offense. And the moment you forgive someone, God unties your own tangle. From Anger to Intimacy: page 90

17. RESOLVE Slow down your own Humble your own Forgive your mate Untie YOUR tangle

18. RESOLVE Choose a Different Reaction After looking at himself … goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. James. 1:24 Find out your Own Many people approach the Bible as a man approaches a mirror. They just glances inside like a man glances in the mirror, and then they are gone. Yet if you spend time in the Scriptures, you not only discover who you are, but you also discover who you are created to be. From Anger to Intimacy: Page 93

19. RESOLVE Create Judgment-Free Zone First take the plank out of your own eye then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. Matt. 7:5 Recognize the big log in your Own In a judgment-free zone, your spouse can share all of her deepest insecurities. He can share his deepest fears and doubts. He or she can share without fear of being rejected, abandoned or mocked. Judgment-free zones are one of the hallmarks of a secure marriage. From Anger to Intimacy: Page 95

20. Summary LamB 2:8

21. Exercise

22. Exercise Henry Brian Nui Nui Cecy Joyce L Roy Sunny Joyce Y Mandy

23. Exercise (page 88 -89) Count 3 Graces from Your Spouse Count 3 Faults from Your Own Pray with John 15: 1-5 Thanksgiving and Forgive Each Other