7. COTTON WOOL KIDS
• A fear of failure;
perfectionism
• Anxious & fearful
• Self-absorbed
• External locus of
control
• Fixed mindset
FREE RANGE KIDS
• Excited by challenge;
can cope with failure
• Confident & resilient
• Responsible
• Internal locus of
control
• Growth mindset
8.
9.
10.
11.
12. Growth Mindset:
‘I didn’t pass the test but I know where I
need to improve and I’ll do better the next
time.’
Fixed Mindset :
‘I didn’t pass the test because I was busy
doing my other homework / because my
teacher didn’t cover the course / because
my memory is rubbish….’
13.
14.
15. If parents want to give their children a
gift, the best thing they can do is to
teach their children
• to love challenges
• be intrigued by mistakes
• enjoy effort
• keep on learning.
16. 0-1 year: trust vs mistrust
1-3 yrs old: discovery; independence
3-5 yrs old: assertiveness vs boundaries
5-12 yrs old: competence vs inferiority
12-18 yrs old: identity, friendships, self-
knowledge; moving beyond the family
influence
17. Living things are programmed to create a chain of
command - dogs, cats, humans etc
18. •In an insecure environment, where many
people feel threatened, this chain of
command becomes more intense & more
competitive
•In a secure environment, where most
people feel good about themselves, then
there is less need to worry about who is in
charge etc and the pecking order isn’t so
intense
19.
20. In many schools, children are continuously
tested and compared with each other
which makes everyone feel insecure and
competitive.
This creates a ‘dog-eat-dog’ world that is
very concerned about the Pecking Order
21.
22. The principal sets the tone
Within each classroom the teachers set the tone
…then the dominant personalities within 6th Class
…then the rest of 6th class
…then dominant personalities within 5th class
…then the rest of 5th class
Dominant personalities such as the ‘Queen Bees’
and ringleaders within each classroom help set
the tone
23. “I've learned that
people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you
made them feel.”
Maya Angelou
25. 1/3 in the cool group
1/10 in the ‘wannabe’ group
1/10 outsiders, loners
1/2 in separate independent friendships
26. The Ringleaders
The sidekicks
The messengers
The potential targets
The bystanders & potential upstanders
The floaters
The independent friendships
27. Competitive
Strong need to dominate
Popular
Often good-looking, skilful, wealthy, sporty, good
at schoolwork ... (has something that gives them
power)
Can feel superior & entitled (this may hide a
fragile ego)
28. Keep a healthy distance when you need to
Silently count how many times they cause
hurt
Accept that not everyone likes you – seek out
your tribe
Parents shouldn’t become over-involved
29. ‘Repeated, aggressive
behaviour by somebody with
more power’
Dr. James O’Higgins Norman, director of the
National Anti-Bullying Centre in DCU
30. •Competitive
•Strong need for power
•Enjoys a challenge
•Enjoys leading /
dominating
•Often socially skilled
•Lacks moral engagement
•Lacks moral reasoning
•Lacks empathy
•Lacks tolerance
•Lacks problem solving
skills
•Feels entitled / superior
•Bored and looking for a
challenge / entertainment
31. The Passive Target – gentle, quiet, stoical, different,
insecure, sweet, naive
The Accidental Target
The Provocative Target – lacks social skills, may
enjoy/dislike attention, provokes a reaction in others,
can be dehumanised by difference
Victim blaming & Victim shaming - an attempt to
convince ourselves that ‘it wouldn’t happen to me’
32. Increased emotional intelligence
Improved social skills
Increased inner confidence
Character development
A ‘growth mindset’
Knowledge of the comfort of the Arts
33. Find their ‘strong voice’
Look for their ‘tribe’
Identify potential upstanders
Create a Circle of Support
Find their passion
Develop their emotional intelligence
Find some support in the Arts – Billy Elliot, About
a Boy, Kes, Bully, Mean Girls, Bad Girls, Odd Girl
Out
34.
35. Identify emotionally intelligent people and learn
from them
Speculate about strangers – try to understand
motivations
Watch Reality Shows; explore the analyses
Explore famous people’s behaviour
Dig deeper – try to find the motivation behind any
action
Cultivate self-acceptance & other acceptance
Learn to self-regulate & problem solve
36. Build emotional intelligence
Develop social skills
Develop communication skills
Develop self- and other- acceptance
Don’t hand all the responsibility over to the
school
Analyse the environment – identify the
weaknesses & strengths –join the parents’
committee; push for initiatives
Identify potential upstanders
37. ‘What measures will you take to ensure that
my child doesn’t feel threatened when they
are in school?’
When will these measures be taken?
How will I know when these measures will be
taken?
38. Anti-bullying projects
Buddy Bench
Worry Box / Bully Box
Restorative Justice
Anti-bullying games
Essays, discussions & projects on ‘loyalty’,
‘bystanders’, ‘moral courage’, ‘acceptance’
‘Random Acts of Kindness
Make the bystanders complicit – ‘Not to
speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.’
39. 1. Ignore the bully
2. Tell the bully to stop
3. Tell a responsive adult
But a more complicated continuum could be:
1. Resist the bullies physical attacks
2. Use force equal to the level needed to
escape from the bullies’ attack
3. Tell a responsive adult as soon as possible
40.
41. A sense of who we are is not a mere luxury;
without it, we feel worthless
42. ‘I don’t know who I am but I can see who she is
and so I’ll be like her’
43. The easiest way to raise happy
and healthy children
... is to be happy and healthy
yourself!