10 Essential Tips for Child Safety Online

10 Essential Tips for
Child Safety Online
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Monday, 11 February 2013

Times have changed. Our children are being brought up in a world of
competitive peer-pressure as well as a relentless exposure to brands that
mesmerise with promises of popularity, beauty and shopping.
Overlaid onto this status quo is a hyper-inflated degree of social connectivity via
digital devices meaning a friendship is always ‘on’. No longer is the family phone
shared in the hall and the television watched together in the living room, instead
our children’s bedrooms - once a private haven of books, toys and dreams - is
now a noisy, public playground devoid of privacy, imagination and parental
boundaries. Although their bedrooms are in our homes, parents and carers
struggle to exert any influence let alone understand the new language of
‘LOL’ (Laughing Out Loud), ‘!!!!’ (Talk to the hand) and ‘CD9’ (Parents around).
Built into our DNA as parents and carers is a desire to protect our children from
external influences and arm them sufficiently in order to tackle the
opportunities, trials and realities that are harboured within the grown-up world
that is waiting for them. It is our responsibility to teach our children to be able to
recognise the important difference between the kindness of a well-meaning
stranger and the predatory behaviour of someone grooming them for future ills,
both in real-life as well as within the shadowy world of the web.
10 Essential
Tips for
Child Safety
Online
How can we keep our children safe from
cyber-stalkers and online bullying?
“
,,

What should we do in the face of Facebook?
“
,,
The Web, social networks and the plethora of connected devices that our children
interact with and have access to, sometimes as young as nursery age, are
challenging these established truisms, rules around their privacy and a previous
hierarchy of care. No longer is a private conversation, message or email to a friend
necessarily private - and because the rules have changed, it is our duty as carers to
do whatever we can to help them.
So what should we do in the face of Facebook? How can we keep our children safe
from cyber-stalkers and online bullying? How do we regain control and re-establish
a trusted influence in our children’s digital lives?
Clearly the modern equivalent of reading their diaries packed full of their private
hopes and dreams never intended for our eyes, is not an appropriate route forward.
Nor is the tapping of their mobiles to listen into the shared confidences of friends
going to build mutually trusting parent / child relationships. Similarly pretending
that this is not happening and taking a ‘hear / see / speak no evil’ approach would
represent a massive dereliction of duty on our part as carers.
Many of us feel out-of-control from the very start of the conversation about social
networking. Our children’s knowledge and online skills from a very young age far
out-pace ours. Parents haven’t the time or the inclination to go onto Facebook, and
forget Twitter, or was it Bebo, MySpace or Friends Reunited...? From this observer
point of view, it truly is a different and very frightening online world. And providing
advice to our children from this uninformed perspective is nigh-on-impossible.
10 Essential
Tips for
Child Safety
Online

With the protection of an individual’s data at SocialSafe’s very core, the following
simple and practical advice is designed for parents and carers to consider in their
ultimate aim to ensure that their child is kept safe online.
10 Essential Tips for
Child Safety Online

1Open
dialogue

1Open
dialogue
If your child has unsupervised access to devices, you cannot realistically stop
them from joining social networks such as Facebook, therefore we
recommend that you talk to them about their activities online. Having an open
dialogue that is based on trust rather than confrontation will be key to
understanding what they are doing online.
No longer will a password on the family PC stop your child from going online.
Now, access can be via internet-enabled gaming devices, mobile phones, radios
or televisions. Nor will the ‘rules’ and small-print of social networks around the
minimum age, stop your child from registering accounts even if technically they
are indeed under-age.
Like it or not, their friends, idols, brands, TV programmes, sometimes even
schools, are all on social networks and the media drives home the ‘Like us.
Follow us.’ message, 24/7. Therefore it is time for us as parents and carers to face
the fact that social networking will play a part in our children’s lives. And it is our
duty of care to ensure that their interactions are safe, informed and based on
open conversations with us.
Talking to your child about their online activities will be key to a conflict-free,
trusting and measured approach which will allow them, and you, to stay safe and
in control of their online presence.

2Online
friendships

Talk to them about what true friendship means - the conversations,
confidences, behaviours and importance of having an in-real-life friendship
prior to any online connections. And make it very clear that they should never
ever meet an online connection in real life for the first time without adult
supervision.
Anxiety about friendship - being popular, not popular enough, wearing the right
clothes, saying the right thing, hanging out with the right people - really comes to
the fore during your child’s teenage years. Social networks can heighten these
concerns, particularly when it comes to the number of online ‘friends’ they’ve got
(there is a perception that the most friends they have on a network, the more
popular and worthy they become).
It is vital that you have an open conversation with your child about what
friendship really means. Try to remind them that true friendship is not about
number chasing the number of friends they have on each network, instead it is
about having meaningful, trusting relationships where confidences are kept,
which are based on real life events that they experience in person.
It is vital that you emphasise that friendship starts at school, in after-school clubs,
during Summer camp, not from online connections and virtual conversations
with people they have never met before. Their ‘in real life’ friendships are those to
connect with on Facebook, not friends of friends online nor with people who
seem or look nice. It is extremely important that they understand that they should
never arrange to meet someone they have ‘met online’ in real life - and certainly
without your supervision. presence.
2Online
friendships

3Online
privacy

Talk to your child about privacy - what it means, how to behave online and
how much to reveal about themselves during their online conversations. In
addition, we would recommend that the privacy settings on any social media
account that they have should be set to ‘Private’, particularly in the early
stages of using the account. If appropriate, these settings can be relaxed over
time as your child gets more confident in how best to use the account.
The gossip culture of celebrity magazines and newspapers, fueled by online
rumours that can to go ‘viral’ in hours, is undermining our fundamental right to
privacy. In addition, there is an unwritten contract (sometimes backed up by
unreadable and extensive Ts&Cs) that we automatically subscribe to by using
online companies such as Facebook and Google: that we are using their service
for free and in return they can make money by using and mining our data.
So remind your child why it is important to protect both their own privacy as well
as respect the privacy of their friends. Arm them with useful advice such as
remembering to ask for their friend’s permission before uploading their photos to
Facebook and tagging them for others to see. Not everyone is comfortable with
this and once photos are online, it is very hard to delete or undo these actions.
3Online
privacy

4Setting up
accounts

Offer to help your child set-up their account. By being involved from the start -
from helping to select an appropriate profile photograph to selecting the right
privacy settings - you are establishing a relationship with your child that is
based on trust and open dialogue. Some networks such as Facebook enable
a level of privacy to be set, however, do be aware that this is often not the
default settings when you first set up a profile. Also, suggest that you are one
of their connections and that their posts are visible to you. And yes, that
means that you will have to have an account too.
Setting up a social media account can be done in a matter of minutes. The major
social networks have deliberately made it extremely easy to get online very
easily. However, time should be taken at this stage in order to make sure that the
account has been set-up responsibly, privately and with consideration. For
example, some social networks such as Facebook do allow the account user to
change the privacy settings to suit their own preferences.
In addition, it is important that your child doesn’t reveal too much about
themselves - for example, they must understand why it is important not to reveal
their address, phone-number, daily / weekly timetable, nor naively select an
inappropriate photograph for their profile picture.
By being involved in the set-up process from the start, you will be able to
together talk the whole process through, provide them with useful hints, as well
as ensure that their accounts have been set-up safely and securely.
If you are unsure of how best to go about changing the privacy settings of an
online account, ask a friend to help you. Guidance can usually be found in the
‘Help Sections’ of the social networks themselves, for example Facebook and
Twitter have comprehensive information resources.
4Setting up
accounts

5Limit
usage

If you can, encourage your child to limit their use of social networks - both in
terms of overall time as well as the times of day (e.g. not late evening times).
Some parents find it helpful to say that online devices should only be used in
family areas of the house, however this can be hard to enforce. One way or
another, regular dialogue about their use of social networks will help ensure
your child uses the Internet safely.
As with anything in life, little and often is usually a good rule of thumb, and the
same is true with it comes to hanging out on social networks. It is important that
social networking doesn’t exert a dominating influence in your child’s daily life,
and that they maintain a healthy balance of ‘in real life’ activities such as sport,
reading and meeting up with friends, as well as encouraging that their homework
is completed.
It might be useful to establish some ‘ground-rules’ at the start of the process, such
as allowing 30 minutes of online activity per day once homework is completed.
And try to discourage them going online to talk to friends late on in the evening -
not only can this be risky, it can stop them getting a good night’s sleep.
5Limit
usage

6Back up
regularly

Use a social-media back-up service, such as SocialSafe, that allows all social
network interactions to be recorded. This guarantees parents a level of
security should there ever be a need to look back on conversations and
identify issues.
Trusting all social networks to keep your and your child’s posts and photos and
hoping that they’ll be there for posterity is putting significant trust in the longevity
of these businesses.
Yes, Facebook’s growth seems to be showing no signs of slowing but hands-up
who remembers Friends Reunited, Bebo or MySpace? In a world where trends
and fads come and go faster than ever before, having a complete record of all
your online activity in a diary format via SocialSafe is a superb, invaluable
resource for the future - a digital library for your child so they can get the most
out of life.
6Back up
regularly
Download SocialSafe for FREE

7Cyber
bullying

7Cyber
bullying
Although online stranger-danger is extremely concerning, be aware that it
isn’t the only risk that your child might have to contend with online. As
increasing numbers of children use social networks, cyber-bullying is
becoming a growing problem and one which is especially tough to deal with.
Online bullying can be particularly upsetting and frightening because often it
can be anonymous and the bullies are able to contact your child anywhere
and at any time of day or night as most online devices are on 24/7. Keeping
records via apps such as SocialSafe is important in cyber-bullying situations
should the abuse need to be reported either to the school or to the police’s
online protection division (e.g. CEOP in the UK).
Online stranger-danger concerns are relatively well publicised in the media and
most of us are aware of this potential danger. However, there are many other
situations that we know less about such as cyber-bullying. If you suspect that
your child is being bullied online, talk to them and try to find out who the
perpetrators are. Remember that ‘Friends’ can be blocked on some social
networks.
It is also very important that you start to keep records of the abuse in case it
reaches the stage when formal action is required. SocialSafe provides the ability
to easily and automatically record each and every interaction on most social
networks.
In the UK, ChildLine and Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre (CEOP)
both offer excellent resources in order to help manage what can be a very
upsetting situation. In addition, CEOP will allow you to report online abuse should
the level of bullying escalate.

8Keep a
record

Keep a record of all log-in details and passwords that your child uses for each
and every social network.
Taking care to keep a central file of online accounts, log-in details and passwords
is useful whether or not there is an issue with your child’s use of social media. It is
helpful for all sorts of reasons, including ensuring you have this important
information at your finger-tips should you need to contact the social networks
themselves to report issues, any privacy breaches or even fraud.
It is vital that they don’t think that you want these details so you can read their
private conversations as this would clearly be a breach of your parent / child
trust relationship. By explaining why it is important to have this information in a
readily accessible place, your child will be able to understand why its needed.
8Keep a
record

9Personal
reputation

It is important for your child to realise that anything that they post online stays
online and this potentially can significantly impact their future lives. Again,
keeping a record of their online activity will provide a complete library of their
online activities, behaviours and interactions should you need to intervene at
any stage.
One of the most important online lessons that your child needs to grasp is that
whatever is posted online has a habit of staying online, and with potentially long-
term implications. Being grown-up, getting a job, taking on responsibilities such
as mortgages will seem like a lifetime away for your child who is experiencing
the excitement and freedoms precious to their teenage years. However, for an
employer researching a potential candidate - your child in five years time -
coming across inappropriate behaviours, language, opinions or photographs of
events from previous years that were posted in the heat of the moment can
result in some very negative conclusions being reached.
Your child needs to understand that their personal reputation, as illustrated by
their online activities, will represent them far into the future. It is vital that they feel
comfortable about whatever gets posted online in the cold light of day.
Using an app such as SocialSafe that records each and every online interaction is
a particularly effective way of changing behaviours. SocialSafe’s user-friendly
‘diary style’ interface clearly illustrates issues and behaviours retrospectively and
can stop such problems escalating into an impossible reputational management
issue that needs to be tackled in the future when it suddenly seriously matters.
9Personal
reputation

10Useful
advice

Remember that there is a huge amount of useful and official advice online
that is freely available including CEOP’s Thinkuknow campaign and ChildNet’s
KidSMART campaign. Read these resources together and don’t hide your
concerns from your child about the dangers that exist online.
We believe that social networking - done right - is fun, exciting and can
complement real-life friendships as well as their activities. By making sure that
your child is aware of the pitfalls and problems, as well as arming them with the
tools to manage these issues should they bump into them is a key responsibility
for us as parents and carers.
Invite your child to read this information from SocialSafe, ask them for their
thoughts, and refer to CEOP’s Thinkuknowcampaign and ChildNet’s KidSMART
resources. Both organisations have a wealth of information suitable for a range
of ages that is easily understandable as well as practical. Perhaps print off the
KidSMART ‘SMART’ guidance and pin it to your fridge - having this short advice
for all family members to see on a daily basis can be a helpful reminder.
10Useful
advice

Staying safe means not giving out your personal information or passwords
online.
Meeting someone you know online is risky. Always take Mum, Dad or
another adult relative.
Accepting emails or ﬁles from people you don't really know is very risky -
they may contain viruses or nasty messages.
Reliability: anyone can put anything on the Internet - check it before you
believe it.
Tell your Mum, Dad or another adult you trust, if someone or something
worries you any time .... Whatever has happened.
S
M
A
R
T
Being S.M.A.R.T on the Internet
Cut out and keep safe
your library of you www.socialsafe.net

Be calm, be safe
By talking to your child calmly, in an informed way and brokering an understanding
that is based on trust, is half the battle. Try to keep the lines of communication
open and be interested in what they have discovered online. And perhaps most
importantly demonstrate by your own behaviours that personal fulﬁlment can
come from a healthy mix of activities, whether it is a good book, a chat over a hot
chocolate, a bracing winter walk, or watching a YouTube funny with friends online.
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