15. Many couples don’t recognize
serious difficulties until
both parties simply want
out-and end up with a
broken marriage
16. Basic Stages in Troubled Marriages
1. CRITICISM
• Every husband & wife complains about each other
2. CONTEMPT
• Hostile humor, mockery, name calling & other contemptuous behavior
3. DEFENSIVENESS
• Takes every comment as an accusation & counter by lashing out
4. STONEWALLING
• Staying away from each other
• No longer have the energy or the inclination for confrontation
- Dr. Gregory Popcak
17. Genesis
Therefore a man leaves
his father and his mother
and clings to his wife,
and they become
one flesh.
2: 24
18.
19. Marriage is not for the FAINTHEARTED
• Sound marriages go through cycles of developmentcycles of development
– From RomanceRomance to disillusionmendisillusionment to mature lovemature love
22. Domestic
Violence
• Every 1 in 4 women
experiences domestic
violence during her lifetime
– Forms:
• Emotional
• Economic
• Sexual
• Physical abuse
• Men can be victims as well
23. Domestic Violence
P A T T E R N
• The Longer you stay in an abusive
relationship, the more harm done
to your mental health, especially
your self-esteem.
• Leaving an abuser without any
planning can be dangerous
• Seek professional help
24. • It can be hard to recognize
and admit that you’re in an
abusive relationship – but
help is available.
Remember:
NO ONE DESERVES TO BENO ONE DESERVES TO BE
ABUSEDABUSED
26. Hosea
I will take you for my wife in
righteousness and
in justice,
in steadfast love and
in mercy.
I will take you for my wife
in faithfulness
2 :19-20
27.
28. Successful Marriages don’t work on auto-pilot.
To become lifelong partnersTo become lifelong partners
• Negotiating the stages of marriage & the bumps requires:
Attention & Hard work
• Opinions & interests must be:
balanced
29. 1. Communicate
•• Poor CommunicationPoor Communication is the number 1 reason for failed marriages
•• Good CommunicationGood Communication
– means listening as well as talking
– Must be open, honest and frequent
– Should not only talk daily but also
•• laugh & crylaugh & cry
•• share family joysshare family joys
•• accomplishmentsaccomplishments
•• strugglesstruggles
•• tragediestragedies
30. 2. Fight Fair
•• Don’tDon’t try to “WIN” arguments
• Allow your spouse to maintain SelfSelf--respectrespect
•• Don’tDon’t complain, state the issues honestlyhonestly
• GRANT Equal TimeEqual Time
•• understandunderstand the other person’s point of view
31. 3. Forgive
•• stopstop holding grudges
• Forgiveness is a challengechallenge && can lead to:can lead to:
–– PeacePeace
–– HopeHope
–– GratitudeGratitude
–– joyjoy
• It can lower your
–– Blood pressureBlood pressure
–– Risk of alcoholRisk of alcohol
–– Risk of substance abuseRisk of substance abuse
32. 4. Rebuild Trust
•• Trust takes years to buildTrust takes years to build but can be damaged in an instant
• Be honesthonest
•• KeepKeep promises
•• RespectRespect while supporting one another’s goals
33. 5. Decide Together
• Make Joint DecisionsJoint Decisions about
•• FinancesFinances
•• Disciplining childrenDisciplining children
•• ChoresChores
•• VacationsVacations
•• Other important family mattersOther important family matters
34. 6. Work on Building
Intimacy
• schedule regular datesregular dates and romantic getawaysromantic getaways
•• RememberRemember Birthdays and Anniversaries
35. 7. Don’t Try to
Change your Mate
•• AppreciateAppreciate & respectrespect your spouse’s
•• PersonalityPersonality
•• LikesLikes && DislikesDislikes
•• Personal HistoryPersonal History
36. Ephesians
Put away from you
all bitterness and wrath and
anger and wrangling
and slander,
together with malice,
and be kind to one another,
tenderhearted,
forgiving one another,
as god in Christ
has forgiven you.
4: 31-32
