I was asked by my colleagues at Ayogo Health Inc. to prepare a presentation on How to Be a Successful Networker. I hope this presentation helps dispel the myth of networking - that somehow one can lay claim to people and have one-sided expectations of them. Networks are the by-product of being authentic, generous, curious, and in possession of “referent power”.
About me: I am Mavis Dixon, a mother of teens, a project manager, marketer and analyst - all roles that benefit from my genuine curiosity. As a friend, mentor, account manager and co-worker I have learned the value of being generous. As a budding behavioral psychologist, I have learned the importance of emotion in decision-making, memory and behaviour. In this presentation I draw on my experience in all of these roles.
2. Successful networking is a by-product of
authentic relationship
I was asked by my colleagues at Ayogo Health Inc. to prepare a presentation on
How to Be a Successful Networker. I hope this presentation helps dispel the myth
of networking - that somehow one can lay claim to people and have one-sided
expectations of them. Networks are the by-product of being authentic, generous,
curious, and in possession of “referent power”.
About me: I am Mavis Dixon, a mother of teens, a project manager, marketer and
analyst - all roles that benefit from my genuine curiousity. As a friend, mentor,
account manager and co-worker I have learned the value of being generous.
As a budding behavioural psychologist, I have learned the importance of
emotion in decision-making, memory and behaviour. In this presentation I draw
on my experience in all of these roles.
4. But I gave up gossip for Lent
Look to Eleanor Roosevelt, not to Alice Roosevelt:
Eleanor: “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds
discuss events; small minds discuss people.
Alice: “If you haven’t got anything nice to say, come sit
by me”.
5. Bad Gossip vs Taking the Pulse
● “Not my story tell”
● Good gossip intrigues, speeds up communication and gives social
status, but is not divisive, no “them”, is complimentary or pro-person
● Spread Good Rumours (“I heard Ayogo is hiring.”)
● Asking questions in small groups or individually is taking the pulse. If it’s
a candid conversation, still think of how you would feel if the news
landed elsewhere
● Inside knowledge is powerful, desirable and has currency
● If you are asking and intend to share the answer- be transparent
6. Be Curious
You can make more friends in two months by
becoming interested in other people than you can in
two years by trying to get other people interested in
you.
Dale Carnegie
● Ask Open Ended Questions
● “Tell me more.”
● Use reflective comments (paraphrase back what you’ve heard)
7. Their Name is Important!
1. When you are being introduced to anyone, concentrate on getting the
name right. Think of only one thing: the name.
2. If you do not hear the name clearly, say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name.
Will you please repeat it?”
3. Observe their face for distinguishing features.
4. Repeat their name right away! 3 times in 2 sentences is OK. It seems
over-the-top but you’ll remember it.
o So, <Name> What drew you to <this event>?
5. Compliments are OK and memorable for you both but avoid commenting
on physical characteristics
Dale Carnegie’s advice is going strong 80 years later.
8. Generosity
● Be thankful
● Give without expectation - your time, and expertise - within limits
● But be specific: Yes, I can email you that. Yes I have 30 minutes for
coffee. Yes I can introduce you to a couple of people.
● Reframe goals: Rising Tide Lifts All Boats
● Pay it forward
● Build Referent Power
9. Types of Power
Formal Power (comes with position or role)
● Coercive - fear & punishment
● Reward - bonus & incent, promote
● Legitimate - position to make demands
Personal (built by individual
● Expert - knowledge
● Referent - trust & charisma
What we’ve been talking about in this presentation is How to Build Referent
Power
10. Be authentic
Being a “Try Hard”, for fake
People Pleaser is a turn off.
What are you apologizing for?
Twelve Ways to Say I’m sorry
Let your quirks show
If you say “That’s so interesting!”
you better genuinely care.
Images: Paul Ekman
Paul Ekman: In a fake smile, only the zygomatic major muscle, which runs from the cheekbone to the corner of the lips, moves. In a real smile, the
eyebrows and the skin between the upper eyelid and the eyebrow come down very slightly. The muscle involved is the orbicularis oculi, pars
lateralis.
NY Times: Can regular people learn to get better at telling real expressions from fake ones?
Ekman. Much to my surprise, people can learn to do this in under an hour. I have developed a CD which teaches people to do this quickly. I thought
it would take a lot longer.
http://www.nytimes.com/2003/08/05/health/conversation-with-paul-ekman-43-facial-muscles-that-reveal-even-most-fleeting.html
