Improving clarity through constrained writing Descriptions of good technical writing often mention the virtue of ‘clarity’ while, ironically, themselves lacking clarity about what it means or where you get it. This talk introduces E-Prime as a simple constraint that results in clearer, more direct writing. E-Prime constrains the English language by forbidding all forms of the verb ‘to be’. D David Bourland Jr came up with the idea in 1949 and used E-Prime to improve the quality of his academic writing. Bourland published his first paper recommending E-Prime in 1965. It never caught on. The first time you try to use E-Prime, you get stuck. You discover the difficulty of constantly searching for an alternative verb, and even worry about what other people might think. Bourland himself wrote, ‘Between 1949 and 1964 I used E-Prime in several papers, but did not discuss this matter lest I become regarded as some kind of nut.’ Despite these setbacks, E-Prime has the capacity to intrigue. In this talk, Peter Hilton describes how his initial curiosity and getting hooked on the challenge led to rewriting a software user manual in E-Prime and a new perspective on all kinds of writing. He explains what writing E-Prime feels like, what it does, why it works, where it has value, when it just wastes time and when you will sneakily use it anyway.

1. @PeterHilton
http://hilton.org.uk/
E-Prime:
English for scientific writing

2. Scientific writing is shit.
2@PeterHilton •

3. http://writers-write-creative-blog.posthaven.com/

4. Passive-aggressive voice in scientific writing
Active voice:
‘A study by Smith showed that…’
Passive voice:
‘It has been shown that…’
Passive-aggressive voice:
‘It has been shown [2] that…’
4@PeterHilton •

5. M E T H O D S
Patient population
In our prospective multicenter study, data
were collected on 3364 consecutively
includedpatientsbetweenFebruary11,2002,
and August 31, 2004, in 4 Dutch university
hospitals (Figure). Patients were included if
they presented within 24 hours after blunt
head injury, were older than 16 years, and had
a GCS score of 13 to 14 or had a GCS score
of 15 with 1 of the following risk factors:
history of loss of consciousness, short-term
memory deficit, amnesia for the traumatic
event, posttraumatic seizure, vomiting, severe
headache, clinical evidence of intoxication
deficit. Patients were excluded if a CT scan
could not be performed due to concurrent
injury or if there were contraindications to
CT scanning.
After review of our study protocol,
patient informed consent was waived by
the institutional review board and medical
ethical committee, because patients meeting
our inclusion criteria routinely undergo
a head CT scan according to most local
hospital policies, as is recommended in the
current Dutch guidelines (10).
Clinical definitions
Patients were considered to have lost
consciousness when reported by a witness
or by the patient. Loss of consciousnessSmits et al, JAMA, 2005;294:1519-1525

7. ‘data were collected…
by zombies’
Ryan Polei / CC BY-ND 2.0

8. CT scan were found in 9.8% of the patients,
with the highest proportion of traumatic
findings in the category of patients with a
GCS score of 13 (24.5%). The most common
traumatic finding on the CT scan was a
skull fracture (59.6%) (Table 4). Clinically
important lesions were present in 243
patients (77.9%). Epidural hematoma was
present in 11.2% of patients with traumatic
findings; most of these hematomas were small
with no or only localized mass displacement
(25 of 35 cases) and were likely to be venous
in origin in 4 cases. Subdural hematoma was
present in 67 patients (21.5%) with traumatic
findings on CT, and also was small in most
cases with no (42 patients) or minimal (14
Table 4. Traumatic findings on CT (n = 312)*
CT finding
No. (%) of
patients
Skull fracture 186 (59.6)
Skull base 82 (26.3)
Depressed 19 (6.1)
Linear 114 (36.5)
Subdural effusion 2 (0.6)
Subdural hematoma 67 (21.5)
Epidural hematoma 35 (11.2)
Subarachnoid hemorrhage 86 (27.6)
Intraparenchymal lesions 142 (45.5)
Hemorrhagic contusion 118 (37.8)
Non-hemorrhagic contusion 15 (4.8)
Diffuse axonal injury 14 (4.5)
Intraventricular hemorrhage 5 (1.6)
Clinically important lesions† 243 (77.9)

9. Marion Smits is associate professor and
neuroradiologist at Erasmus MC, Rotterdam (NL),
and honorary consultant and reader at University
College London Hospital NHS Foundation Trust
in London (UK).
https://marionsmits.net/marion-smits

10. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4XT-l-_3y0

11. In the English language, the verb ‘to be’ has several
distinct functions:
• identity - The cat is my only pet; The cat is Garfield
• class membership - Garfield is a cat
• class inclusion - A cat is an animal
• predication - The cat is furry
• auxiliary - The cat is sleeping; … being bitten by the dog
• existence - There is a cat
• location - The cat is on the mat; The cat is here
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E-Prime

12. E-Prime

13. E’

14. Optimus Prime
oknidius / CC BY 2.0

15. E-Prime suggests a way
to improve scientific
writing.
15@PeterHilton •

16. E-Prime a.k.a. E’
E-Prime is a variant of English that excludes all forms of the
verb to be:
am are is was were be being been
Including contractions that use the same words:
I’m you’re we’re they’re aren’t wasn’t weren’t isn’t he’s
she’s it’s there’s here’s where’s how’s what’s who’s that’s
16@PeterHilton •

17. Example - auxiliary
The dog is chasing the cat
→ Joe saw the dog chasing the cat
Restore the observer
→ The dog continues to chase the cat
Restore temporal qualification
http://www.angelfire.com/nd/danscorpio/ep2.html 17@PeterHilton •

18. Example - identity
The electron is a particle
→ We perceive the electron as a particle
Restore the point of view with a more specific verb:
say, believe, assert, assume, perceive, insist, claim,
pronounce, hold, think, maintain, affirm, allege, suggest,
imagine, estimate, observe, declare, contend, argue
18@PeterHilton •

19. Example - predicate
19@PeterHilton •
The dog is stupid
→ The dog behaves stupidly
Use a more specific predicate verb:
accord, act, represent, resemble, simulate, approximate,
symbolise, typify, coincide, copy, correlate, duplicate,
emulate, epitomise, equal, imitate, impersonate, match,
echo, mirror, model, paraphrase, portray, reflect

20. Not using E-Prime
Colloquial short forms tend to have understood meanings;
E-Prime versions would look awkward.
20@PeterHilton •
How are you?
Who are you?
I’m ready
Is anyone there?
Is there any wine?
Where’s it gone?
What’s your point?
Where were you?

21. History
E-Prime originates from the field of general semantics.
D. David Bourland Jr. devised E-Prime in the 1940s,
as a tool to clarify thinking and writing.
Bourland published his first paper on E-Prime in 1965.
It never caught on
… but did get a Wikipedia page in 2001.
21@PeterHilton •

22. Consequences - eliminations
dogmatic statements such as Light is a wave
pseudo-questions such as What is art?
internal-instructions such as I am an imposter, therefore…
abbreviated statements such as It is clear that…
22@PeterHilton •

23. Consequences - restorations
Actors as in Zombies collected data
Precision and clarity
A richer vocabulary of verbs
23@PeterHilton •

24. Experience with E-Prime
I had fun taking up the challenge
… although using E-Prime for, say, email takes too long
I decided to try it for edited technical writing
… and eventually rewrote a 25K-word software manual
24@PeterHilton •

26. K2
Wikipedia Svy123 / CC BY 3.0
K’
because it’s there

27. Experience with E-Prime
After a year or so, using E-Prime has become more of a habit
… and I tend to more critically evaluate what I write
… as well as what other people write :)
27@PeterHilton •

28. Further research required
Reading speed and comprehension
Word count reduction
Translation speed and accuracy
Paper acceptance and citation rate
Partial E-Prime
Effectiveness in languages other than English
28@PeterHilton •

29. @PeterHilton
http://hilton.org.uk/http://hilton.org.uk/presentations/e-prime