How much are you controlled by your social and cultural programming? Too much. Override default settings and reclaim control of your social life! Talk given at blinkBL_NK in Singapore in November 2010

1. Social
Deprogramming
@benjaminjoffe
blinkBL_NK|
Singapore,
2010.11
With
commentary!

2. Traveling
&
Living
blinkBL_NK
Have
you
lived
or
traveled
out
of
your
home
country?

3. If
so,
you
might
have
enjoyed
discovering
local
culture
&
quirks

4. Durian Strudel!
(Singapore, 2010)!
This
one
is
from
Singapore
–
not
sure
if
it
is
such
a
great
idea…

5. The
other
thing
you
learn
when
traveling
is
how
others
view
your
own
culture

6. Which
is
oRen
quite
different
from
your
own
percepSon…

7. Behavioral
Programming
In
Japan,
people
bow
oRen
–
even
on
the
phone!
ARer
4
years
there,
my
body
language
became
a
weird
mix
at
Smes…

8. Kiasu?
Society
and
culture
shape
behavior.
Singaporeans
“love
to
queue”
maybe
because
they
are
worried
about
missing
out.

9. “The
Accident
of
Birth”
ARer
living
in
6
countries
and
visiSng
dozens,
my
current
view
is
that
our
character
is
dominated
by
our
cultural
and
societal
programming.
This
is
not
a
happy
thought
for
me.

10. Just
like
you
computer
is
approached
by
viruses,
we
are
invaded
by
ideas
all
day
long

11. Study_hard/become_doctor/buy_condo
This
is
an
idea
that
might
be
invading
many
in
Singapore
today…

12. Issues
• Default
se^ngs
• Get
in
the
way
of
social
interacSons
• Undermine
happiness
The
key
problem
is:
those
ideas
are
not
YOU
and
do
not
reflect
what
makes
YOU
happy
And
they
get
in
the
way
of
your
social
life.
This
will
be
the
focus
for
the
rest
of
the
talk

13. Reforma^ng
Your
Social
OS
If
things
go
well,
you
might
reformat
part
of
your
social
OS

14. Field
ObservaSon
I
looked
around
me
for
learning
about
social
interacSons.
I’ll
share
some
observaSons
here.

15. How
do
you
feel
about
this
guy
eaSng
alone?
If
so,
you
might
have
enjoyed
discovering
local
culture
&
quirks

16. A
photography
project
in
Singapore
interviewing
people
dining
alone.
The
social
sSgma
is
there
but
many
are
actually
quite
self-­‐confident
and
like
being
by
themselves.

17. A
social
place?
Cafes
look
like
social
places
but
quite
oRen
this
is
closer
to
what
you
see…

18. Is
this
seat
free?
This
is
a
situaSon
where
you
might
like
to
have
higher
social
skills
:-­‐)

19. Speed
daSng
• Context
• Time
constraint
• xxx
Speed
DaSng
This
is
another
example
of
people’s
interest
in
meeSng
people.
Note
the
shared
context,
the
formaled
engagement
and
the
Sme
constraint

20. Pillow-­‐Fight
Flash
Mob
(Toronto,
2008)
What
do
you
do
when
you’re
done
with
the
specified
acSon?
Maybe
not
as
social
as
it
looks…

21. Field
Research:
Santa
Con
(London)
My
own
experiment
with
idenSty
in
a
a
special
costumed
group.
Santa
Con
is
as
much
about
partying
as
it
is
about
Christmas
:-­‐)

22. Analysis

26. Did
she
noSce
him?
I
think
so.

27. Engaging
Talk
to
her
Wait
The
usual
choice
is…

28. (Approach
Anxiety)

29. Is
he/she
interested?
• Poin%ng
feet
in
your
direcSon
• Smiling
at
you
• Talking
to
you
• Touching
you

30. Looking

31. Ge^ng
Caught
Staring

32. The
SoluSon

33. The
Real
Trouble:
Disengagement
The
reason
people
are
guarded
when
engaging
or
being
engaged
is
because
there
is
no
clear
Sme
limit
to
the
interacSon.

34. The
Real
Trouble:
Disengagement

35. The
Real
Trouble:
Disengagement
Stranger
You

36. Physical
+
Psychological
Framing
(context)
Leveraging
or
creaSng
a
suitable
context
for
the
interacSon
is
key

37. Summary
3
Key
Elements
1. Approach
2. Disengagement
3. Context
(Frame)

38. Back
to
our
flying
friend…

39. Inner
Monologue
of
a
Guy
Si^ng
Next
to
a
Hot
Chick
on
a
Plane
• How
long
should
you
wait?
• Is
it
based
on
%me,
or
distance?
• Is
it
a
percentage
of
the
total
Sme/
distance?
• Is
it
the
same
whether
the
flight
is
one
hour
or
thirteen
hours?

40. Classics
• “Hi!
I’m
Ben”
(handshake)
• “Heading
home?”
Some
classic
lines.
Second
one
is
much
beler
as
it
starts
a
conversaSon,
not
just
a
polite
exchange.

41. Unique
Style?
Accessories?
Anything
that
stands
out
is
a
good
starSng
point.

42. What
to
say?
• “Nice
swan
dress!”
• “Nice
swan
dress!
What’s
the
story
behind
it?”
• An
original
item
is
an
invitaSon


43. Eventually…
Speak
your
mind!

44. Technical
soluSons

45. Chatroulele
shows
people
are
curious,
but
both
engagement
and
disengagement
are
too
brutal
to
enable
meaningful
interacSons.

46. You
can
sSll
play
Chatroulele
Bingo.

47. Vchaler
is
doing
a
much
beler
job:
unique
ID
(first
name),
moderaSon
and
reporSng,
and
topics
suggesSons
based
on
the
other’s
interests

48. In-­‐game
dates!
Even
online
games
can
be
seen
as
social
places.
This
service
offers
to
arrange
in-­‐game
dates.

49. How
do
you
say
“Hi”
to
people
before
ge^ng
to
know
them?
A
service
a
bit
strange
by
a
Japanese
startup

50. How
do
you
say
“Hi”
to
people
before
ge^ng
to
know
them?
A
drrop
is
a
text
posted
by
someone
in
the
world
in
the
last
24
hours.
By
wiping
a
drrop,
you
can
see
another
drrop.
It
is
basically
“eavesdropping”
on
Facebook
comments
to
start
conversaSons

51. Why?

52. MoSvaSons
• Boredom
• MeeSng
people
• Vague
promise
of
sex
• Human
Zoo
Other
ideas?
Please
let
me
know!
benjamin@plus8star.com

53.
Be
my
mail
friend!
When
mobile
email
was
launched
in
Japan
10
years
ago
people
were
sending
messages
to
random
numbers
to
make
friends.
This
disappeared
as
spammers
took
over

54. Lovegety
(Japan,
1998)
(Never
seen
anybody
use
one)
Never
seen
one
in
Japan
–
probably
a
summer
fad
reported
as
“big
in
Japan”,
but
sSll
interesSng
from
a
sociological
standpoint.

55. HumanNetworkLabs
• Short-­‐range
communicaSon
device
• Find
or
track
things
and
people
within
200m
Sounds
like
Lovegety
to
me
;-­‐)

56. Loopt
A
service
to
help
people
get
together

57. Foound
A
service
to
help
friends
get
together

58. Mobile
Social
Network
for
Pets
Pets
are
great
proxys
for
people!

59. Another
interesSng
concept

60. Start
conversaSons!
designed
based
on
sociological
&
anthropological
research*
Use
your
mobile
and
a
topic
you
create
to
generate
interacSons
and
conversaSons

61. Rethinking
Social
Places

62. Queuing
for
StarCraR
2
Queues
are
great
social
places!
Why?

63. Queuing
for
LV
Because
they
have:
(1)
Shared
context
(2)
Time
constraint
(3)
Physical
proximity
That’s
all
you
need!

64. Rain
as
an
Ad-­‐Hoc
Social
Place
People
waiSng
for
the
rain
to
top
–
shelter
as
social
place.
Same
reasons:
context,
proximity,
Sme
constraint.

65. The
“9”
experiment
9
A
social
experiment
in
Portland
–
wear
this
badge
if
you
are
in
the
service
industry
and
able
to
give
freebies.
You’ll
give
them
to
people
with
this
badge
and
receive
freebies
in
other
stores
too!

66. blinkBL_NK
Experiments

67. “Stepping
out
of
your
shoes”
Let’s
experiment
together!

68. Let’s
remove
our
shoes!

69. Now
find
someone
with
your
size
to
trade!

70. 1-­‐minute
Sme
constraint
Other
experiment:
have
a
1
minute
conversaSon
with
another
alendee

71. Lame
Opener
Experiment
Final
one:
talk
to
anyone
you
are
interested
in.
Your
opener
can
be
as
lame
as
you
want!

72. Thanks!
(you
have
the
rest
of
the
evening
to
find
back
your
shoes

)
That’s
it!
Thanks
for
reading.
You
can
reach
me
at
@benjaminjoffe
or
benjamin@plus8star.com