This document contains draft feedback and assessments for a group presentation assignment. It includes notes on earlier drafts such as suggestions for improvement, notes on genre and idea changes between drafts, and examples of thriller film conventions discussed in the presentation. Feedback addressed organizing content, using more images, explaining points clearly, and ensuring all group members contribute equally. The group revised their topic from mental illness to a psychological thriller about a girl with schizophrenia after receiving feedback.

1. A
Assignment 11
Group Presentation
Draft 4

2. Kaya Sumbland Sanel Homer A
Rahel Fasil Gia Alveranga

3. Slide not improved
A
A
DRAFT TWO FEEDBACK
DRAFT 2 FEEDBACK

4. Slide not improved
A
TEACHER ASSESSMENT (draft 3)

5. A
PEER ASSESSMENT (draft 3) BY
DEBBIE, MARIA & MILKA
Slide not improved

6. DRAFT 1 O.S TEACHER FEEDBACK

7. DRAFT 1 O.S PEER ASSESMENT DRAFT 1 O.S SELF ASSESMENT

8. Slide not improved
Kaya Sumbland - D Record of Grade for draft 1
What Went Well: (Individual)
• Clear presentation and organisation
•
•
Excellent structure
Good understanding B
Even Better If:
• More detail
• Use more images
• Take real pictures of characters
Targets to Improve:
• To explain my points in a PEE structure and use a verity of images.
Sanel Homer - U
What Went Well:
• Good organisation
• Nice diagrams
• Good understanding of chosen theme
Even Better If:
• Relate my pictures to the words
• Less text
• More detail
Targets to Improve:
• Make sure my diagrams are not to basic and shorted lengthy paragraphs into bullet points.

9. Record of Grade for draft 1 B
(Individual)
Gia Alveranga - U
What Went Well:
Even Better If:
• Used more brief points
• Showed more pictures
Targets to Improve:
• to show Slides have good organisation
Rahel Fasil - E
What Went Well:
• Short brief points
Even Better If:
• Use titles for slides
• More detail
• Make sure I present my knowledge more clearly
Targets to Improve:
• Use more images and less text
Slide not improved

10. Kaya & Sanel Slide not improved
Record of Grade for draft 1
Presentation Level – D- Group B
What went well?
• Showing progress and achievement
• Slides have good organisation
• Good effort and creativity
• Good start to conventions
Even better if?
• Colour code should be background
• Title all the slides
• More contribution from Sanel, Rahel and Gia
• Don’t read from the screen
Targets to improve…
• To make sure all group members contribute
• Write our presentation with more detail and understanding
• To word our idea’s better

11. Slide not improved
Kaya & Sanel
Decisions and Revisions C
Since our first draft, we’ve changed our idea a lot.
DRAFT 1 :
• Thriller genre
• Based on a girl who had schizophrenia and thought she
was possessed
• Too complicated and sent out the wrong message about
the mental illness.
DRAFT 2 :
• Completely same idea
• Mental illness taken out – wrong message
• Replaced with actually being possessed

12. Slide not improved
Kaya & Sanel
Decisions and Revisions C
CHANGE IN IDEA :
• We decided to change idea completely
• Drama genre
• We did research again on conventions
• We want to connect with the audience
• New idea was a girl’s life on drugs and her hallucinations
Draft one of
ALTERED IDEA : opening sequence
• Idea suits more to a thriller
• Change drugs to mental illness
• Hallucination - > Bizarre delusions
• Change to psychological thriller
• Alter flashbacks to match new concept
• Girl with schizophrenia who is being emotionally
connected to toys from her real parents

13. Decisions and Revisions
Draft one of
opening sequence
After receiving feedback from the first draft of our
opening sequence, as a group we decided to change
the genre and idea for our second draft. This was
because the hallucination characters and dolls were
too confusing. Also, our target audience didn’t
understand that the main character was
schizophrenic. Our opening sequence genre is now a
Thriller and our idea is about a girl who’s new home is
haunted.

14. Slide not improved
Kaya
Decisions and Revisions C
HOW THE CHANGES HAVE HELPED:
• Explored various genre’s creating a varied
understanding of the differences
• Wider understanding of different themes and
topics
• Exercise our creativity and to stimulate greater
idea’s each time
Our changes in pictures!!

15. Genre D
Sanel
THRILLER
• We want to do this genre because it will keep our audience
engaged and interested in the film.
• It has many diverse ways of creating enigma.
• We feel as a group we can challenge and meet the
conventions.
• Also we like thought of being scared.
• A large majority of our target audience find thriller’s more
exciting than other genre’s.

16. Why we stayed with Thriller from draft 1
Sanel
D
•This genre has stayed the same from Draft one as we
thought Thriller would be the best option for our group as
we know a lot about thriller movies and did a lot of
research about thriller and how to scare people.
•Also we thought that the audience would be interested in
a thriller as it allows them to have the feeling of being
scared and keeps them on the edge of their feet.

17. Kaya
Examples of thriller films
Devil – 2010
Devil is a thriller film because throughout the film you don’t
know who the devil is and it really thrills you to figure out
who the devil is throughout the film and at the end when
you find out who it is it really shocks you. Also at the end of
the film you think that everything is solved but its not.

18. Kaya
Examples of thriller films
Buried – 2010
Buried is a thriller because throughout the movie your
always anticipating to see what will happen next, to him in
the coffin/box. Also at then end when the sand is pouring in
and he’s about to be saved it builds up all this excitement
but, when you find out they got the wrong guy, it really
shocks you.

19. D.a
Supernatural Suspense
THRILLER
Relief at Conventions Shock
the end
False Villain/
Victim
ending

20. Convention Use / Develop / Purpose and Examples from
Thriller Challenge Description Films
False Ending Challenge – Something Purpose – To keep the Paranormal Activity
demonic and scary giving audience thinking; Cliff
false hope. Keeping hanger. Change the way
audience scared not just you view curtain
annoyed. situations.
Description – We through
there would be a new
equilibrium, but it ended
with a cliff hanger and the
Ending – Demon still in her.
demon is still inside her.
Innocent Use – Young girl. Purpose – To make the Disappearance of Alice
Challenge – Almost audience feel sympathy Creed
Victims being the villain, the for the character and to
victim ends up killing the shock from her killing the
villain. villain
Description – At the end
of the film the woman
taken hostage ends up
killing the men that took
her showing no remorse
over it. The Victim kills the villain.
Kaya Sanel Gia
Rahel

21. Convention Use / Develop / Purpose and Examples from
Thriller Challenge Description Films
Use (villain) – Can’t see You don’t see the Psycho
Villain and details, remains a
villain killing nor who
Victim mystery.
they are killing the
Use (victim) – An
attractive innocent woman in the shower,
woman. it makes the audience
wonder who it is.
Develop (villain) – You Scream
can hear that it’s a male The villain is a male
in their voice, not that
and you see the girl he
much of a mystery.
Develop (victim)– Both killed hurt but you
makes and females, you don’t see how he killed
can see them hurt but her or the gory details.
not them getting hurt.
House of wax
Challenge (villain) – Very The victim is a male who
shy and insecure. is killed by a shy and
Challenge (victim) – vulnerable villain, you see
Male, showing him in a the victims get killed and
gore like manner hurt. in detail what it looks like.
Kaya Sanel Gia
Rahel

22. Convention Use / Develop / Purpose and Examples from
Thriller Challenge Description Films
Escaped Use – Middle aged male. Purpose – To show the Law abiding Citizen
Develop – Female. mentality of the character
convicts – how smart and cunning
they are.
Description – The man
planned his escape from
prison before her went in
to out smart the police
and get justice. Planning an escape from
prison.
Challenge – Making it Purpose – To shock the The Human Centipede
Shock horrific and unexpected. audience, showing a real
Not predictable . life situation in a
Disturbing. disturbing and terrifying
manner.
Description – The villain
holds 3 people hostage
and shocks the audience
in doing some extremely
unexpected disgusting the Takes people hostage and
audience creates them into a human
centipede.
Kaya Sanel Gia
Rahel