My children are a bright bunch, but there are certain things that, no matter how many times I repeat myself, they just can't seem to grasp.

1. 10¢
Clark Kent’s Lunchbox

2. Throwing away empty boxes
I don’t know if this is
some new form of
recycling or what; all I
know is that when I make
out a grocery list I see a
box of Pop-Tarts and think
“we don’t need to pick any
up.” Nope. We’re out, but
will I ever know?

3. Putting dirty laundry in the basket
Come on, people. This is
easier than 2+2... Good
work math geniuses.

4. Taking their dinner cup to the sink
I mean I’m happy they go to
all that effort to take
their plates up to the sink,
but that second trip to
retrieve their glass is just
too much to ask.

5. Turning off lights
They can flick boogers
across the room, but using
the same finger movement
to switch off the lights
when they leave for school
seems to confound them.

6. Changing out the toilet paper roll
The best part is when I ask
them what they’ve been
cleaning their be-hinds
with if the roll’s empty.
It’s like a deer’s expression
after stepping in front of
a Peterbilt.

7. Flushing
…Because I love surprises.

8. Making their bed
In their minds, just
getting the bedding off the
floor apparently
constitutes a correctly
made bed. Yeah, you could
totally bounce quarters
off that mattress.

9. Putting snotty Kleenex in the trash
Next to the kids’ beds are
Kleenex which they proceed
to toss on the floor next
to their bed. Hey, don’t
worry; the maid will get it.
Nice job trying to spread
the plague.

10. Returning my comic books
Famous last words: “Sure,
Dad, I’ll put them back.
Promise.”
…Uh huh, sure you will.

11. Hanging up their wet bath towels
The hooks are right there,
people! It’s like they throw
them on the floor just to
spite me.

12. Turning Off The Game Console
Basically when it’s time to
stop playing video games
they simply mic-drop the
controller and walk off.

13. Picking Up Things They Drop
For some odd reason once
something hits the floor it’s
somehow tainted. Food & eating
utensils I understand, but when
it’s a pen or pencil they just let it
lay there as they proceed to pull
out a new one from their
backpack.

14. Getting trash all the way into the can
Yet another example of
why “close” only
counts in horse shoes
and hand grenades.

15. I love my children. They are
a bright bunch; so maybe
one day my words will sink
in. Maybe.
Get More Thrilling Adventures
At Clark Kent’s Lunchbox
or Get Your Copy of
“Sugar Milk: What One Dad Drinks When He Can’t Vodka”